So this needs a lot of context... I'm F (23) and my boyfriend who is M (23) who i'll refer to as 'Jack'. This is my first relationship for me, and we are only 3 months into dating. We do not live with each other. We both live about a 10/15 minutes drive away. He has told me his housemate's little sister, who is also my boyfriend's ex, is visiting from overseas and will be living with them for one month. She will be staying in the bedroom next to his. I'll refer to the ex as 'Rachel'.
A year ago (last Christmas) they were a 'thing' and from what I can gather they were definitely fucking each other but were not boyfriend and girlfriend according to Jack at least. The weirder part is that Rachel has a boyfriend back in her home country. And he was apparently okay with it? And Jack seemed to think whatever they did, he was not cheating.
My boyfriend and I have talked about it several times, and I told him I obviously feel weird about it. Even weirder yet, his housemate (Rachel's older sister that Jack lives with), said she wants Jack to take Rachel out for touristy things. For example: going for a hike at waterfalls, to the beach, to the botanical gardens. To me it seemed quite weird for her to suggest to him to do those things with his ex? Especially since we haven't been dating for very long so I have not did all those things with Jack.
How would you react or feel in my situation? Jack acknowledges that the situation is fucked haha. Another thing to note, is Jack has been cheated on in the past by another ex. I don't want to be 'the jealous girlfriend' but I am new to dating and relationships. So I'm at a loss on what to do when she arrives.
How do I set clear boundaries? And not feel insecure about the situation? Should I suggest that my boyfriend should come to my apartment more during that time she's over?
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Whoa, this is definitely a weird situation man. I can totally see why you're feeling uneasy about Jack's ex staying with him for a month. A few things I would think about:
- Set clear boundaries up front about what is/isn't okay when she's there. No closed doors 1 on 1 time, being respectful about PDA around her, checking in with you frequently. Reassure him you trust him but want to feel secure too.
- Spending more time at your place together is a good idea. Suggest fun activities you both can do to get your mind off it and bond.
- His housemate pushing them to do couple-y things is super sketch. I'd let Jack know that makes you uncomfortable and to set boundaries there too.
- Try to meet Rachel and get to know her a bit. Seeing how they interact now may ease your worries. But listen to your gut if anything seems off still.
- Keep communicating openly with Jack on how you're feeling. Check in each other often.
It's only a month - hang in there! Try to stay positive but also stand up for what makes you comfortable. His reassurance and following through on boundaries will help a lot. Trust but verify, you know? Hope it all works out!
Thank you, I really appreciate your comment! I will see how things go
My pleasure 😊
this is crazy. You can't allow it. I know most men would be screwing around in this situation. You should demand he stay with you or something. Unless you have the most loyal boyfriend of all time.
No way would I allow that to happen.