Girls, what would your perspective be?

Imagine this is you:

You break up with your boyfriend of 3 years because of a few external factors (friends interfering, distance in relationship, etc..).

Two months after breaking up, you realize that it wasn't the relationship that wasn't working, it was your own personal problems (job, living situation, etc..) and you come to find that you are even more miserable without him and just plain miss him.

You start talking to your ex daily again, but you are depressed that you are in the position you are in. You find it next to impossible to get back into your relationship and back to normal because of that depression. Your friends talk an enormous amount of crap about your ex and plead with you to stop talking to him again, and all that does is feels hurtful and upset, and you realize how important he is to you.

You finally find motivation to change your situation, you apply to jobs near him and begin talking about moving in together, like you were going to before breaking up. You even meet up a few times, and spend a weekend with him. He asks you not to treat him like an option, and you promise him that you are not. You tell him that you are stuck in a rut and just hoping a change makes everything better.

As all of this is happening, you meet a new guy that is nothing like your ex, and he shows an interest in you and you begin to feel guilty because you are now second guessing everything, especially because you care so much about your ex. You think so much about it that you figure the only way to fix anything is to get out.

You begin to find your ex annoying, don't want to talk to him, and eventually tell him this. He is confused and broken hearted. He made some mistakes, before and after the breakup. But he loves you and wants nothing more than for you to be happy.

Three months into trying to work things out with him and in your own mind, you tell him it's over, and that he needs to get over it. You don't tell him a word about this new guy.

Not even a week later, you are visiting new guy for a weekend, and get flowers from this new guy for your birthday and plaster everything all over Facebook. Meanwhile, your ex has dropped completely off the radar, and he's not giving you a reaction about anything. You don't see him on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, nothing. He doesn't even say Happy Birthday to you (he's hurt, upset, disappointed, and you told him to go away. he's afraid that chasing you will only push you even further away), and you make your status the day after your birthday a quote: "Remember that person you thought you couldn't live without? Well look at you, living."

You are this girl. What is in your mind and heart? What is your ex to do? Do you still think about him? Do you still care about him? Are you wondering why he has disappeared? Do you wonder why he's not reacting in any way? What is happening? Are you just testing the waters, seeing if the grass is greener?

I'm the ex. I am confused, hurt, broken. What do I do?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, my love, it is the-grass- is-greener syndrome. However, I have found the grass is always greener because it is fertilized with bull s**t. She is clearly playing games with you. She wants you to chase her but at a distance. That's why the remark on FB. I think she'll come around now that you've dropped off the radar. It's sad to say it, but it's true. Women are very difficult people. I hate to admit it, but we are. She's not even sure what's in her heart and mind. She also needs to stop letting her friends lead her life. If they're her true friiends, they'll want her to be happy. It's her who has issues and it really doesn't have anything to do with you. It's HER. I know this doesn't make much sense, but I hope it helps. Good luck, sweetie.

    • So am I doing the right thing? What would your prediction as to what ultimately happens in the end be?

      Also, does me being off the radar actually go along with chasing her at a distance? Is the lack in responsiveness working?

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    • Also, Try to comment nice things on her Facebook. Not all the time, but maybe once or twice a week. That lets her know you're there but not at her Beck and call. You might even go as far as telling her you're happy for her. I knew it's not true, but it'll make her think.

    • Well, I'm in the National Guard had to move a few months before we broke up (it was either go on a deployment or go to school under an ROTC contract). We were together everyday for three years, except when I had training and such. Now we are two and a half hours apart, so just making an occasional appearance isn't an option.

      Thing is, this new guy (who has a 7 year old daughter!) lives an hour and a half from her. What's the difference?

      Also, when's the best time to reappear on FB, etc..?

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What Girls Said 2

  • Basically this girl does not know what she wants. It seem pretty clear to me that she doesn't want to be with you but she doesn't want to let you go just in case it doesn't work out with this new guy, or any other guy in general. You deserve better then her and you should take her words seriously and move on because from the sounds of her, she wants nothing more then your attention. She obviously likes that you still love her or she wouldn't post immature comments on face book about your lack of attention. She broke up with you ,so now you don't own her anything, not even a happy birthday message. See, that is the point of breaking up with someone, you no longer should be expected to do anything in regards to her. Personally I don't think you should give her the light of day, if you give her the attention she wants, all it is going to prove to her is that she can treat you however she wants and you will always still be there for her. I'm not sure how old this girl is but she is playing immature games with your emotions for her own benefit. She doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to have you ether. Move on, there are better women out there.

    • How do you figure she doesn't want to let me go? It's been three weeks of me being off the radar, and she hasn't contacted/interacted with me in any shape or form. Except maybe with her posting of different quotes like after her birthday.

      I haven't given her any attention and because I haven't done a thing, no social media activity, texts, calls, nothing.

      We both just turned 27. I'm not sure what you mean playing games for her own benefit and how she wouldn't want anyone else to have me?

    • Also, if she didn't want to let me go, why would she repeatedly tell me to get over it? Every response I had for her, she would just say "get over it." Or are you referring to the quote she posted after not hearing from me on her birthday?

  • Oh OK. Actually, there is No difference. Perhaps with the distances between you and her and the new guy, she feels she can play you both. I hate to say it, but that could be a possibility. As far as the Facebook thing goes, I would wait about a week or so, depending on when you spoke to her last. Remember to KEEP IT SIMPLE! Don't go professing your undying love. For instance, if she posts a new pic, simply comment with "nice pic " and leave it at that. If she posts something about the new guy, tell her your happy for her and you hope she's doing well. That will get her wondering If you're over her. If she responds at all, be it negative or positive, it's a good sign.

    • We last spoke the end of March. It's now been three weeks of me being off the radar, her spending the weekend with him twice now, and the whole birthday thing. She hasn't attempted any interaction with me, except maybe with her posting of quotes. I'm sticking with being off the radar for now because I feel as if any contact/interaction with her at all will just push her away even more. Am I doing the right thing? Do I just need to ride the storm and let her miss me on her own?

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    • Well, we do know this:

      You believe that this is a case of "is the grass greener?" syndrome. We know that she is likely 100% confused, but also 100% clear that she doesn't want me in her life right now.

      You feel that her actions and words have told us that she might be trying to reach out in some way, and that she probably knows that she's hurting me.

      We saw the quote she posted after her birthday. Was that in reaction to my silence? What do I do? keep doing what I am doing?

    • Yes, just keep doing what you're doing. Let her come to you. Give her some time though. She nasty not do it right away. Like I said, it took my ex 6 weeks. If she does reach out, be there for her, but don't let her take advantage of your feelings.

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