The problem is he is not very intelligent. I am someone who values knowledge and education - I’m in my 20s and I’ve just finished my masters at a prestigious university, he didn’t go to university- he’s in his 30s and currently works as a retail assistant. I didn’t think that this would matter but then I started noticing small things like he can't say what 3x8 is, he thinks WWII happened in the 60s, pretty sure he can’t place more than 5 countries on the map.. etc. and these kinda things really bother me. I’ve been trying to encourage him to learn more to work harder but no major changes have happened.
Worst, sometimes I feel attracted to other guys I meet whom I find intelligent.
I don’t know what should be my priority. Should I try to ignore these things as our differences, or should I take these as a sign and move away before it’s too late. I’m constantly having this dilemma. On the one hand I can see myself having a family with him and being happy, and on the other I see myself constantly being irritated by these things..
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For starters,I don't know him...OR you...but I will say,that there are different TYPES of intelligence.Intelligence in my opinion,does not start or stop at going to University. Some of the most intelligent and successful people decided to NOT go to University. And yet they still managed to make history,become self made millionaires...etc. I don't think its fair to say he is unintelligent,just because his intelligence is not the same TYPE as yours.That being said:
YOU are BOOK smart and according to you,he ISNT...that can potentially be a big problem. Why?Because there may not be a meeting of the minds on conversations,debates etc. I believe it is important for a relationship to have longevity,to be able to be on the same wavelength in thinking. I believe conversation should be endless.
Also,I don't see the relevance in mentioning that he works in RETAIL.At least he has a job...especially in this economy.BUT,I will say...I can understand thinking it is problematic if he is content with not doing much,or progressing to a higher paid job because that may incenuate that he lacks AMBITION...which IS a problem.
I dated someone who valued arguments on well known theories from philosophers,and scholars.Wanted to have arguments on how god doesn't exist etc.I respect peoples opinions,but I did not want to sit and discuss these things ALL of the time.Even though he was BOOK smart,that didn't mean his intelligence with memorization exeeded my intelligence in the area of life experience,basic knowledge etc. I would approach him with the simplest of things (common knowledge),and he wouldn't even think it was true,or he didn't even know anything about what the heck I was talking about.So,on top of his supposed "intelligence" he was quite ignorant on the most basic of things.With that said,we did not work out...because we could not seem to find a meeting in the middle of our..."intelligence". Both of us were bored to tears with the other. I wanted someone more lively,tons more life experience and he wanted a book worm. The moral of my story is:
If you find yourself looking outside of the relationship,and your gut tells you that you do not see a future with this man,save yourself and him the drama,and END it. You already have one toe outside of the relationship,so I recommend finding someone more fitting. You know the right decision. Good luck to you.
Thanks for BA,how are things now?