I found out my wife had sex with her best friend before we were married, and now I'm extremely jealous. Thoughts?

[Hershack87]

So my wife has this friend that she's known since elementary school. I met him once and honestly wasn't too fond of him, but I respected him as my wife's friend. She'd told me they were bf/gf in middle school and I didn't mind at all, but it seemed like there was a little more there. Some months went by and my curiously grew so I finally asked her. At first she denied it but after a little more asking she finally admitted that they indeed had had sex once, right before we got together, and had a history of fooling around in high school. I couldn't have been more devastated. After they had sex he professed his love for her and tried to start a relationship with her, but she wasn't interested and a cpl months later we met and started dating. She's since cut off all contact with him at my request. Is this wrong? I don't know what to do. I KNOW I can't live with him in our lives. He's now married to a girl he got with the same time me and my wife started dating. The thing is I know he still has feelings for my wife and doesn't respect me at all. He emailed me telling me how much he loves her (as a friend) and that he wishes we could all get past it and get along. Well I know for a fact he's a liar bc he called me an asshole and said he has no respect for me in an email to my wife that I happened to see. Sorry for the rant.
Thoughts?

[James0]

You guys are more similar then you think, you don't have respect for each other but respect your wife while he respects her. You guys have a tolerable respect when she's around.

I see where both of you guys are coming from, you hate him and very jealous of him; he's feels the exact same things. He's going to be in your life; and you asked your wife to do a big thing we're talking about someone she shared her life with. It would be like trying to cut off contact with your parents.

Even if they cut off contact; you'll send the rest of your life doubting her. I seen this so many times and can't believe you asked; it's like opening the box to pandora. There no way to find closure from this information every.

The best scenario is to shake hands and be tolerable for your wife's sake. This isn't so much different from what you asked her. She picked you over him for some reason trust her; damn, also feel sorry for the other guy, you represent the life he couldn't have.

Yet, I feel sorry for you your stuck in a big mess with no clean way out.

Yet, I feel most sorry for your wife; she has to choose again. GL

[Dominic13]

Bro your not acting like very much of a man right now. You should feel extremely confident knowing your the one she picked to spend her life with. Dont ask questions if you dont want to know the answer. jealousy shows your insecure. Be confident and what you have to offer to your wife and let the past go. And to be honest her friend emailing you to be friends is lame. If you two are not friends then he has nothing to say to you. Sounds like manning up needs to happen on both sides

[MC0072081]

From what you are saying, I think there is no way she only had sex with him once. I could be wrong, but the odds are that I’m not. My opinion is that if she is telling the truth, and it was a one time thing, maybe you can both have a friendship with him and his wife. My suspicions are that she is not being honest about the one time, so if she knows you are having a problem about this and is still lying to you, that is your answer. Has he told his wife? If you must know the answer bring it out into the open on a double date. See what your wife, him, and his wife’s reactions are. I’m sure you will get advice to contrary about talking and bringing it up, but why can’t you address this with all 4 of you? Maybe his wife has the same issues, I know I would. Remember past is in past, so if everyone is telling the truth it shouldn’t be a problem right. My solution ask for a double date and see how she reacts.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

What is wrong with you? So what they saw each other naked that happened years ago and she had no interest in pursuing a relationship afterwards. Besides she probably for got what his penis looks like. And you sound like a control freak and a tad possessive. That's her friend from way back when, shit happens when you're younger. you're both married and she hasn't left you so she loves you.

[Hershack87]

Well I appreciate your input but you're wrong in calling me possessive and a control freak. To be clear, she has the choice to leave me if that's what makes her happy. I've made that very clear to her. I've also made it clear that she has the choice to do whatever she wants in regards to her relationship with him. She still chooses to cut him off as she sees how unhappy it makes me. She's said to me that he is someone she can live without, I am not. She knows I'd do the same for her. She admits she'd be WAY more jealous if it were the other way around, and she knows where I'm coming from. We're very passionate people.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

You sound terrible to try to make friendships with. No bc that's usually what control freak possessive people do. They become insecure about someone, throw a fit about it, and try to guilt trip their partner into not speaking to their friends, or family, or both. That's sad to just have her be dismissive over her long time friend bc of a spouse. Whatever floats you two's boat I guess.

[koushikshine]

So she can still roam naked in front of the exes, as its not a bog dael and he already saw as well as used to it.

[Luv2BRealExotic13]

@koushikshine

A. Not what I said. It sounded too much like an ultimatum, choose me or him even though your history was years ago. Sounds ridiculous unless she was presently cheating on him with the same guy. B. That type of thing wouldn’t make me jealous. I’d just be like we had sex years ago but if it doesn’t get in the way of our friendship why does it matter?

[koushikshine]

Yes, and if its that easy... then one can invite their past sexual partners to their marriage bed as well, to show the husband how to bang her and what she used to do with them and why she still likes them after sleeping with them and after getting dumped. Or may be they are staying in her life as standby partners to blackmail the husband... that of he does'nt give her more than enough time, or decides to separate for few days, she has people in standby to immediately jump into bed with them... n later give the excuse that itwas during our separation... but again still they will be in picture as friends after sleeping... i. e reverved for the next time... n so on... thats the modern mindset

[koushikshine]

Yes and why to wear clothes in front of the husband's friends,... as she has nothing to hide from them... as they saw as well as used all her parts multiple times... that too without marriage... while the husband had to marry her in order to sleep with her... so that makes the second best.
N again, he will have to hung his head in front of his friends forever... as he knows what they did with his wife... but he did'nt do anything with theirs

[staciebee]

It's normal for you to be jealous. But the fact that your wife knew him for years and had sex with him and STILL didn't want to be with him actually says a lot about you. You're the one she picked. You're the one she wants to be with. The other guy had plenty of opportunities to land her and he failed.

[Hershack87]

Thank you for your input. You've made a great point. She did choose me ultimately. I take that for granted sometimes and I shouldn't.

[koushikshine]

Or may be he dumped her so she couldnt get him and so she tried to settle with a provider... but if that friend will retun in her life for free sex by emotionall blackmailing her, the it would a test , as she may not be avle to control herself

[jackyct]

I think her cutting of contact by your request shows that she respects your wishes alot. I also would not allow my man to hang out with women he had sex with. Its just a no no no! Just forget about it since she doesn't have contact with him no more anyway