Is my girlfriend losing respect for me?

[Anonymous]

3 years into this relationship and this girl loves me unconditionally and I was guaranteed her full and undivided attention until about 1 months ago. I decided to share my insecurities and weaknesses with her because hey, she gave me her all. Since then, things have kind of changed... Like she would stop right in the middle of sex just to answer a f'ing text. Not as affectionate, always on Snapchat, plays mind games with me, leaves me hanging (in and out of the bedroom) etc. I lost a lot of weight in muscles due to personal reasons non-drug related and she keeps telling me how sexy these muscular dudes are in person and on TV. I don't know about you, but I find all that to be highly disrespectful in a relationship.

I've bought this up with her a few times by taking her on a nice date, enjoying the day then talking to her by the end of the night, but she just doesn't take it seriously which ticks me off then she just laughs about it and that makes me even more mad... It eventually leads to a point where we seem to understand each other, but I can't help but to feel so vulnerable and used like sharing my insecurities with her was a huge mistake. The trust I gifted upon her has been abused. I feel like a punk-ass-bitch for dropping my guard and allowing myself to be seen like that. It was a perfect relationship up until now. Is there any way for me to recover? Is this ever gonna change now that she knows my insecurities? I felt like I thrown myself into a trap.

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

Lesson Number One: Do not ever bare your soul to a woman. Yes, she respects you less now. One of the first things you need to learn as a guy is that you can never truly be open with your girl--she can be open with you, but you have to hold back, and at the very least, always appear in control of yourself (you share because you can, not because you need to). You can't ever Actually open up to her and show need--you can APPEAR to open up and show need. This isn't some fake macho attitude--it's just reality. Call it a gender issue, if you want. Are there woman you can open to? Yes there are, there are a lot of awesome women--but the odds aren't in your favor of opening up and having it go well, so just don't. Alternatively, open up relatively early in a relationship so you can weed girls out faster before getting too attached to them.

Lesson Number Two: When a woman starts disrespecting you, it's time to move on. It's very rare you can fix things, and even if you do, it will only be on the surface--deep down, the next time you show vulnerability, these issues will happen again. Time to find a new girl.

If you INSIST upon trying to mend things (and you shouldn't, you should break up with her, it's faster and healthier for you, and will prevent you from having to play stupid games), you need to stop complaining to her entirely, don't have those little talks with her, and you need to back down on the interest you display in her. Stop taking her on nice dates. If she laughs at you or behaves disrespectfully, you go increasingly cold on her--don't show displeasure by engaging with her more, arguing, or trying to do nice things. If she behaves poorly, you gradually take away the nice things (yes, including sex), including your presence. Don't be dramatic, don't tell her you are going to start ignoring her or not having sex--just do it, whenever she behaves poorly.

But seriously, break up. Why waste time with someone who doesn't respect you?

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

TLDR:

Do not accept poor behavior from other people. Have standards about how you expect to be treated, and do not allow those boundaries to be violated. If you are the type who HAS to open up to someone, do it early enough in the relationship that you can learn if she's the type who you can do that with, before you get too attached to her. If she isn't, break it off.

[Asker]

Thank you for your wisdom. I've been trying to mend it, but she knows how to toy with me now. I think it is best to just end it all now and never show vulnerability again. It just sucks that I can't share that with anybody... I mean I don't go around telling everyone how my inner soul works. It was just so perfect for 3 years I thought I could trust her. I guess I can kind of understand those stories now where people say they were in a perfect 8+ year relationship then have their spouse randomly cheat on them. She cheated my trust and my soul. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I'm not going to be with someone who stops in the middle of passion to answer a fucking text.

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

Hmm, don't misunderstand me--perhaps I was unclear. I'm not saying never be vulnerable--if you are never vulnerable, you will alienate people (and it's unhealthy).

What I am saying is that the way you express your inner world should be guarded, never fully shared (leave some mystery--women love that), and that you develop the inner strength to never need to fully open--emotional and mental self-reliance.

Women want strong men--holding back your emotions from her because you are afraid of a girl leaving is an act of fear. It isn't strength. Not opening up all the way because you are strong and don't need to open up (even if you would like to) is an entirely different matter, coming from a very different mindset, coming from a position of inner strength. You just know you don't need to open up fully, you know it isn't attractive to open up fully (and you can maintain an alluring air of mystery about that women love), so you just don't.

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

Obviously you are quite hurt right now--don't let this cause you to retreat into a shell. That isn't what I'm suggesting. I just want to make that clear. Operating off of pain and fear is no way to live.

I also suggest reading a book I'm about to link; it's really amazing for helping overcome difficult situations like you are in right now (plus it's basically a manual on how to think like a mature-minded adult). Check it out: https://amzn.to/11Flxmj

[LastoftheFamous]

Hi,

Your girlfriend seems like a callous and nasty person from the little you have posted about her. This is one of the reasons that many men are very reluctant to open up to a woman about our concerns, our insecurities and our pasts because such revelations can alter the way a person looks at you and can change the dynamic of relationships with people.

Now it's unfair to brand all women the same as this girl, but if a girl is wondering why her boyfriend or the guy she's dating doesn't open up then she should be given a link to your question.

If I was in your shoes and faced with the same situation; I would walk away because it's not going to get any better, the longer you stay in this relationship the more toxic it will become and even more damage will be inflicted upon you. I am not fortune teller but it wouldn't surprise me if this girl ends up being unfaithful to you.

LastoftheFamous.

[Asker]

Man... I totally regret telling her now. It was going sooo good for 3 years. I don't want to throw it away, but maybe you're right. It was my fault though.

[LastoftheFamous]

Hi,

Don't hard on yourself mate. A lot of women desperately want their Men to open up about their pasts so they can understand why they behave the way they do and when their Man opens up to them it makes them appreciate him more and it makes them understand him more.

Your girlfriend sounds like a nasty person and you deserve a lot better than her. If a woman cannot appreciate you being vulnerable to her and opening up to her about your past then she doesn't deserve you.

LastoftheFamous.

[fulani]

I don’t think she all of a sudden turned into a completely different person. Her actions are calculated, trust that. She knows what she is doing and she is wanting a reaction out of you. Judging by her actions, it seems she has mentally checked out of the relationship and does want out. You know your girlfriend more than any of us do, can you think of where her fear and change in demeanor is coming from as it relates to your secret?

Don’t play tit-for-tat and stoop down to her level. You will just feel worse about it later. But maybe it is time to end the relationship, be as transparent with her about the “whys” and let her know that you truly did care about her. Every human being has a heart and if she stayed with you for so long, she does care about you and will feel bad about it.

Hope it all works out.

[Hajar_Whitestone]

Dude if I was in your place I will give her a big lesson by dumping her in the worse way in the books --" let some of your self respect and dump that ass sorry but from what your description she is a big jackass I ever seen.. in her place I would respect you more for sharing your insecure with me not disrespect and start laughing around -_- @Asker

[Asker]

Plus no BJ's for a month! I fucked up!

[Hajar_Whitestone]

@Asker dude it's sings come on go and dump that fucking jackass don't stay with a girl like her don't waist your time or your efforts on her dump her in the must worse way you can find in dumping books you will just end up with broken heart if you didn't dump her right now..

[bambi3]

Honestly she sounds like a cunt, why be with someone who disrespects you?

[Asker]

It's weird because it was going so well for so long and it just happened right after I shared that with her. Like I want to make it work, but I'm just at that point where I'm like ef it.

[Anonymous]

Most women will never admit it, but my experiences have been that if you show weakness to a girl, then 100% of the time they will lose respect for you. You can only show pain and weakness on something huge, like the death of your parents. Why do you think so many men are afraid to go to the doctor when something is terribly wrong with them? It is because to show weakness, is to fail as a man in the eyes of women. A weak man, is more likely to have weak DNA which the woman instinctively does not want passed to her child. So she is designed by nature to lose attraction to him.

I would advise that you don't ever mention any of your insecurities, or weaknesses to any woman ever again. Women are designed to respect strength. If they lose respect for a guy, they soon lose attraction for him. If you want to open up to a girl, make sure it is a girl you never want to have sex with.

[Asker]

Omg I've made a huge mistake... Is this any way I can recover?

[Opinion Owner]

I am almost positive you can. Men can't show strength 100% of the time. Eventually we all show weakness at some point. Just try to limit that as much as possible, and balance it by showing strength. She needs to be reminded of your strengths, and to believe you have overcome your insecurities. Just don't make it look like you are trying to show off. Don't let her know she is getting to you.