My girlfriend hardly gives me any affection, I always initiate the affection, what do I do?

Question

Just to give you an idea, I am 16 years old, I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 months, and she hardly ever initiates any affection, She has flat out told me that she is just not an affectionate person, I understand that but the affection is at a bare minimum, and I mean like sometimes 1-2 kisses in a whole day of hanging out, I love her so much and I love hanging out with her, I have been told to back off, but I need more advice than that, how do I get her to initiate the affection and show me more of it?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I completely understand your problem because I've been on the other side of it. I loved my boyfriend and kissing and hugging him and stuff, but sometimes there were simply times when I just didn't feel like being touched or kiss him. Sometimes he would demand kisses and hugs, almost making them feel like a chore. This NEVER meant I didn't love him, I just didn't feel like being affectionate at the moment. He would often get very frustrated with me for it.

Unfortunately, you probably won't be able to change her behavior. Maybe she's shyer and not completely comfortable with you or maybe she doesn't like PDA, but she's probably simply not affectionate.

PLEASE don't take it personally, it's not you. She's flat out told you it was her. Just explain to her how it makes you sad and that you love her and want to show her affection. Then, one of two things will happen. She will consider this and try to give you more of what you want. Or she won't and you will have to decide if this is a deal breaker or if you can accept it being this way in your relationship. It's hard to change people. Just be honest and respectful. Good luck and I hope it goes well for you!

udolipixie · Accepted Answer

My girlfriend hardly gives me any affection, I always initiate the affection, what do I do?
You can:
- dump her and find a gf who is affectionate the way you want
- cheat on her with a gal who is affectionate the way you want
- intimidate/threaten/coerce her into changing who she is for your benefit

how do I get her to initiate the affection and show me more of it?
Depending on how much she desires you and how low her self-esteem is you can possibly give her ultimatum to change or you're dumping her.

pandagirl7 · Accepted Answer

You guys are really young. She could be an unaffectionate person or she could just not be comfortable with herself sexually yet. Either way, there isn't anything you can really do to make her become someone she isn't. You can be patient with her and see if she'll open up when she becomes more comfortable. You can be open about your desires and how you feel. Or you can find someone else with whom you are more compatible with.

However... I will say that 1-2 kisses in a day seems normal for someone of your age.

The_Man_In_a_Suit · Accepted Answer

This guy has a problem with affection and you fellas' advice is to leave? How affectionate!

Son, you DO have a problem if she isn't being affectionate. Would she have problems being affectionate if you were Johnny Depp? And if she's not giving affection to you, then who is she giving it to? Your heart is telling you something is wrong - listen. Men's #1 problem is that they never listen (even to themselves, haha). Now, I was never fool enough to consider myself qualified to give anyone advice, so I'll just tell you what I would do: take her dancing. Remember: she's the ONLY woman there! But IF she leaves your side / or acts moody, dance with the 2nd best looking woman in the place (your sweetheart of course is #1, but with her attitude does she really need to know that? The idea is to stop your affection to match her [challenging her won't kill her], but never respect). When she asks who that woman was, tell her "quality backup" and smile.

slackercruster · Accepted Answer

Listen, you can't change her authentic nature. Your best bet is to find another girl to love that appreciates your love and affection. Sure, if she wanted to she could change for a day or a week. But as soon as she let the pressure off she would revert back to her authentic self.

It is the same for the gal that complains their bf touches them too much and is insecure. Another bad match. Some people don't mesh well... that is the bottom line. If you don't want to move on, then you must accept this is how it will be with her. Good luck!

Kittykatt220214 · Answer

I would say move on, I've experienced this before. I'm not an affectionate person really. I mean, I want to be and every now and then I crave it, but for the most part I'm not. A slap on your butt and a little chicken peck here or there is affection to me. But I'm also a scarred heart. People don't change for others, if they change, it's for themselves.. and you should never try to change someone.. partly bc it'd be a waste of time and also, there's a million other people in the world who you can meet that you wouldn't have to change. Best of wishes!

queenofsass · Answer

Awww. For some reason, this question this made my heart flutter. Lolz, cuz you're 16 and you wanna get all lovey dovey.. that's just damn cute. Anyway, if she's an affectionate person, she might change. Sometimes people feel like that kind of contact is awkward..*cough* like me *cough cough* but im not as bad as that
My man is my man and im gonna show him some loooooveee and give him some sugar (not sex. Get you're mind out of the gutter). Dont be forceful though, that's even worse. If she doesn't warm up to it eventually, then I dont mnow what to tell you... but don't be like KISS ME BITCH or anything like that because that won't work either.

kathleenkelley13 · Answer

Maybe something happen in her past that she  hasn't  told you about. Maybe something to do with a male that gave her a lot of affection that she didn't want. This is if the problem is only about affection, otherwise if she isn't a good girlfriend, maybe she's not for you. Maybe you should approch her about this.

drb125 · Answer

Dated a girl who acted similarly. Maybe she's just not into PDA and if that's the case you have nothing to worry about. Otherwise (what happened with me) if you find yourself in a situation where you a putting in most of the effort and she is not reciprocating then it's probably best either to give her space and see if she reaches out to you or just call it quits and try again.

codeguy7777 · Answer

I dated a girl like this. She was on a lot of xanax and just didn't enjoy physical contact that much. Someone like me, that was really affectionate, and her just didn't mix well.

Might be better to start looking at your other options...

I know that sucks to hear dude, and I'm sorry.

Spgtmonster · Answer

Be patient, you guys are young. She'll get more comfortable eventually or show her affection in other, non-physical ways. Some girls are just awkward because they didn't grow up giving/getting hugs, etc. The last thing you should do is leave over this.

lePoivre · Answer

When I was 16 I hated being touched and kissing felt awkward to me because I was new to it, so maybe she's similar. However, none of my relationships have lasted longer than a month, so I'm not sure whether I would have remained that way or if it's normal to. You could try telling her that you wished she was more affectionate, or just ask her why she isn't. Maybe then you two can talk about it. After all, communication is key in a relationship.

Musicazuregirl · Answer

Women in general are not taught to initiate physical affection. It can be harder for girls because it's is taught that we should be persuaded, or they are being promiscuous. Just talk with her. She'll get more comfortable with time.

madisynj · Answer

I’m sixteen and my boyfriend won’t show me affection first AT ALL. He wants me to be the first person to show affection so he knows my line of what I think is too much, I believe. She might have also not seen much affection in her life or something of that sort.
She can change, we’re only sixteen after all. Best of luck.

MargaritaPeach · Answer

I have a close friend who married a girl exactly like your girlfriend, and unfortunately he is very lonely because of it. I would recommend finding someone more affectionate. The best thing she can do is find someone to be in a relationship with who feels exactly the same way she does. Anyone else is going to feel very deprived.

summiter · Answer

Some people are more affectionate than others. Are you both new to dating and the bf/gf thing? Give her some time. Let her know what you like and don't like and ask her the same. The key is to gently talk about it. I'm sure it may sexually frustrate you. When that happens do what 99% of other guys do and masturbate a lot. What do you think? Your thoughts?

275153 · Answer

You can't. That's why its called dating. If she's not affectionate and you are, things will not change. But in your case, that may be a good thing. At 16, affection will lead to petting, petting to heavy petting, to making out, to heavy making out to sex and a whole host of other problems like pregnancy, which can ruin both your lives.

Focus on school man so when it's time to find a real partner in life, you have something to offer her.

JinRavage · Answer

I would suggest baiting her into affection. Get close like you normally would to kiss her but don't seal the deal, let her lean in and finish it. If she doesn't or act like you are invading her personal space then she just isn't interested.

Anonymous · Answer

you're really young and this is an experience for you... but if she's not so lovey then maybe she's just not your match. There are many girls out there and one day when you meet the one... you will know.. sometimes you need these experiences with other girls so when you find 'the one" you will aprricate her more than ever

onepeaceoflove · Answer

I mean, you can't change her, but maybe you could tell her how you feel about it. It's hard to get to that vulnerable place but maybe she'll put in more effort if she knows it's someting you really want.

LoveForLyric · Answer

Kiss her on the cheek one time. Then, when she tries to kiss you, act like you dont see her and dodge her. This will leave her wanting more and appreciate those little moments when you kiss

523206720 · Answer

I think she may be concerned that the affection will lead to sex or semi-sexual contact such as foreplay etc... she could be trying to avoid that. Have a talk to with her. If you don't see eye to eye, it might not be a good idea for you guys to date.

FelineWhisperer101 · Answer

Well, I agree that you should back off. But if it has been awhile, then you should tell her that you want more affection. I know it might drive her away, but just be honest with yourself and her. That's the best way to go.

purplepandas90 · Answer

I don't really know any advice on that cuz I couldn't do it. I just couldn't date someone who didn't show me affection. Otherwise I would feel unloved & unattractive to them. That isn't necessarily the case, but it just doesn't make sense to me.

Anonymous · Answer

When I got my first boyfriend at 14 I was all over him. My 2nd bf at 18 I was super affectionate with him too. I would say she's just not attracted to you at all. I hate being touched by people but I was always affectionate with my partners. Maybe she's just not that into you or she really just doesn't like affection from anyone.

jermainyrn · Answer

I would leave her man. Everyone knows when you aren't getting what you need, you end up heartbroken or unsatisfied

Your_boss · Answer

I never ever initiate anything either
It's mainly because
This guy told me I was annoying
And so I never Initiate anything anymore even if I want too
I just let the guy do it
That was I know he doesn't think I'm annoying

Fezziwig · Answer

Cut her off. Trust me, she'll notice when you stop and she'll start initiating more contact herself. Then you can play around and find some sort of balance.

Newtown · Answer

get a new gf, at your age you should not be worrying about this kind of thing, anyway she is not for you if you are not feeling loved or wanted enough by her

WhiteRaven · Answer

Talk to her. Tell her a relationship without mutual affection is bound to fail. So unless she wants it to fail, she should learn to be more affectionate.

xyzzy · Answer

Mmm yeah you can't force someone to be something they are not. Stop trying to make your "girlfriend" your "property"

AcreativeUserName14 · Answer

if she's not affectionate then that's who she is, I can relate to this because I'm not affectionate. whatever you do just don't push it because that can be really annoying and may drive her away.

ClauseViter · Answer

Read this and understand

unicornsandglitter · Answer

Tell her you just don't feel the same. People are affectionate even when they say they aren't, just when they have found the right person.

Anonymous · Answer

Try brushing up against her and getting close to her face-to-face, while staring at her lips after giving her a compliment, and she'll probably wanna kiss you..

asheley15 · Answer

She isn't going to change. Your gonna have to compromise or move on.

planb224 · Answer

I'd look for someone else, she's not showing you she cares. So its time to find someone that does

PhoenixItalian · Answer

She may enjoy the attention you give her and feel empowered by rejecting you. I'd be very direct with her about it. It might be time to start looking elsewhere if she's not up to par with expectations

Mr_Xavier · Answer

Watch Corey Wayne's videos on YouTube. You'll learn a lot.

Keenisha · Answer

it takes time for her to get comfortable. Are you her first bf? Maybe she doesn't know how to act

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like you are further along in the relationship than her. Better to give her time if you really like her.

MJas16 · Answer

It's hard for a nonaffrctionate person to show their love. Give it time, she'll eventually open up

victoriac17 · Answer

I think some people are naturally like that and there isn't too much you can do. As long as she's comfortable around you-that's all.

frederico · Answer

Make her crave your attention. Frame chase her. Aftr a few weeks, she'll be begging for your kisses.

Anonymous · Answer

All women are like that. less than 1% of women are affe ctionate

SpareMeYourBs · Answer

Move on. She will not change.

Nanda · Answer

Maybe u consider another gf.

kittykatbrat · Answer

LEAVE as you can NEVER change a person.

Victoria_xoxo · Answer

Find a new gf if you want affection

silver_mirror · Answer

Get another girl friend

Lorandy · Answer

That's just her personality

My girlfriend hardly gives me any affection, I always initiate the affection, what do I do?

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