Boyfriend cheated on me drunk, how to cope?

[Childgoddess]

My boyfriend of almost one year ended getting drunk with this random girl from the bar one night away Town from me. He ended up f***ing her that night . He has told me more or less he didn't remember too much what happened that night , just that they were drinking, then next minute he knew it he was having sex with her from behind with his clothes off. And remembering after he couldn't get off, told the girl he was going to sleep and just left her there. He told me after what happened after lying to me 6 times about. I found out he cheated on me because he a nasty STI. I feel so freaking gross to have it and I feel so low inside he would cheat on me cheat. The first time he had cheated on me with was some another random girl at the bar alone by kissing her and letting her give him a hickey on his neck. I know since I've been with him, he never done anything sober like this from what I know. He has told me something like he doesn't check out other girls sexually and I satisfy him much in bed. He wants to make it up to me by dealing with his drinking problem by going to Rehad. And in the mean while he wants to get a addictions counselor and go to AA meetings with me. I still can't get over the f*** he would cheat on me drunk. He said was naive and thought he could control his drinking and that's why he ended up getting drunk at the bar after being sober for a almost a month of not drinking. I feel so angry, hurt at him and just feel like beating the sh*t outta of him. We are back together as a couple. I just kept help but feel so sad still and feel he just doesn't care what he has done to me. Any suggestions and tips on how can I recover from a boyfriend who cheated on me drunk?

Updates

+1 y

Yeah, he's been going to AA meetings. He went to get a alcoholic assessment and plans on going to Treatment soon. He has tried making up for the wrong he has done by keeping a stable job that pays really good money

[BrettH]

Its said that a sober mans thoughts are a drunk guys words. so in otherwords when sober he had the sense to no chat on you but he still had the temptation and the feelings of wanting to. now that you have taken him back it means he can do it again. but next time maby try and be a little sneaky about it.

so I say leave him. he disrespected you, he cheated on you, how can you trust him after he did that? I'm sorry what I'm saying may sound harsh but I feel that cheating is the #1 reason to break up with someone. I find it to be the most appalling thing someone can do to me. if my girlfriend ever cheated on me I would be gone as much as I love her I can't be with someone who would disrespect me like that. and well same for her if I cheated on her she would expect me gone.

its sad today's standards cheating is almost normal and accepted. why can't people control their urges just cause someones hot or your drunk. I don't think being drunk is an excuse for him to cheat. I mean even if he didn't know what he was doing then guess who got him to that point. he did he should have more self control then that! when I've drank I have the self control to drink to a buzz and leave it there I refuse to drink till I'm drunk and I never want to be in a situation to where I'm drunk.

so reallly its up to you. I don't know how you will be able to trust him or see him like you used to. he lost the respect for you the second he thought about another girl let alone cheating on you for her.

so good luck I hope you make the choice you feel that's best for you

[pwl0lwp]

ouch - a terrible situation, and the worse that you found out due to an STI.

it's often what we do when drunk that reveals our true, unmasked nature - "in vino, veritas" is the saying for that. if you are always willing to take him back, then that becomes a feature of your relationship: without judging it either way, be aware of what expectations you set by your own actions.

it sounds as if you want to be able to forgive him, and at the end of the day it's only you who can make that decision - you will have to decide under what circumstances you can trust him again & make that deal.

good luck

[Anonymous]

i drink a lot to the point when they justcarry me to bed...everything is spinnin so I close my eyes.but I am totally aware my mind is not drunk..if something not so important happened I would totally forget but if it is something important like having sex with someonelse aside from boyfriend that I could not forget and I would wish I am sober to resist it..he is right somehow,when you drunk you are vulnerable to evrything becuase that's when you feel confident the most you could do anything,u don't feel ashamed,no regret,no worries..and I always get the feeling that my hands is on both sides of my face like covering it,i feel invisible...and he is right too when he thinks drinking is the cause to acting like that..when you are drunk you are week,you have no resistance,if it was the girl who flirted first then tendency is he didn't able to resist it because either he was too weak or was too aroused and things goes fast..remeber the mind when drunk is slow,even talking its slow so yeh if I were you id fogive him and not let him get drunk too much..help him sober up a little that if he is really serious he would do but if not and keep the drinking as reason to cheat then you could not do anything but quit and leave...

[versusxiii]

If he cheats every time he drinks and it gets worse with each time, tell him he needs to stop drinking or you two are breaking up. And you both definitely need to go to counseling because I don't think, with this history, the relationship can truly be mended without some professional help.

But you have to first decide if it's worth mending. If he is just a boyfriend, I would seriously consider whether he was worth my time or not. I could understand if you two were married but it's a lot easier to walk away from a bad relationship than marraige.

You also have to tell him that even though you don't remember it, it DID happen and it hurts a lot. He has to show some remorse and try to make things work with you because this relationship will not stand the test of time as it is right now, to me.

Good luck girl!

[Childgoddess]

Yeah some counselling could possibly help with him

[versusxiii]

I hope you two can work it out, God Bless!

[Swann]

Well I think it would be wise if until he actually shows improvement and gets himself together, you guys should break up. That's very serious and the fact that he's done it twice shows that he didn't have your best interest at heart when he accepted the next drink and the next, and if he knows how he gets when he's drunk, he shouldn't do it in the first place. I think any person would know how they act or feel when under the influence. Its fine for you to be there for him in his time of need, but he needs to understand how he hurt you and that something so selfish has consequences. It may seem like a hard task, but if you really want to teach him a lesson and show him that its not okay to do what he does, that's probably the best way to go =]

[Littletad]

Well one of the things you have to realize is that your too forgiving. This is the second time he cheated, has he not? And yet you continue to believe his apologizing pleas. Actions speak louder than words and promises MS. childgoddess.

If he has done it once, it's a precursor and a sign of things to come if he does not seriously change his lifestyle. If he knew getting drunk made him vulnerable, WHY did he allow himself to do it again? Believe what you want, but please understand my concern for your choice of being so forgiving.

[germanotaku]

Well I didn't actually read your entry and I apoligize, I just gotta throw in some wise words my friend told me once:

When drunk, you always know what you're doing. Maybe afterwards you don't remember what exactly you did, but at the time being you are somewhat aware of it. And - in some cases worse - you ARE able to distinct between doing the right or wrong things!

So cheated and blaming it on being drunk is just not right... Above words, to me they fit like a glove on a hand.

[JustDance]

You are right germanotaku, but as alcohol clouds your judgement, it is easier to do what you don't want to, just like when you wake up in bed, you can either get up, or get that "extra" five minutes of sleep. You still choose to do one or the other. As for f***ing a random chick, guys can blame it on the alcohol if he thinks its worth it. Was it for him? I don't know, he doesn't sound like he's a stable guy. But everyone knows right from wrong, even when drunk. Unless you are incapacitated.