'things have changed!'

[sanelunatic]

What does this mean? 'things have changed'.

I am currently at uni with my girlfriend and having been going out for a year, each holiday break, Christmas/Easter/Summer she takes a funny turn and acts weirdly towards me, she is cold to me on the phone etc... as we both live quite far from each other I can't see her in the holidays and only in the term time. Anyway, we both get on really well when we are together, always have fun, chat about everything and anything and generally enjoy each others company. However, as a result of past relationships (violent ones) my girlfriend says she will refuse to compromise on anything as this led to her getting beaten in the past. I understand where she is coming from, but I feel sometimes she uses it as an excuse to get her own way.

In conjunction with this she is very insecure, despite being beautiful and very popular and constantly needs reassurances that she isn't fat etc...

Anyway during the summer holidays her ex boyfriend moved into her student house with her and her friends (male/female) as his student house was getting decorated. As secure as I am, I didn't like this and asked why she had invited him to stay, she replied that he had asked her and she didn't care if he stayed. What annoyed me was that her ex had a girlfriend that lived just down the road... So anyway I shouted out her telling her she was out of order etc etc... She didn't like this and shouted back obviously.

A week later she came out with, 'things have changed'. To this I go what do you mean? She says she doesn't know just she feels different. To cut a long story short, I asked her outright, do you want to break up with me and she said she didn't know and all she knew was things had changed! (Also she hates talking about anything, she clams up with everyone and anyone about anything personal)

So I'm really wondering whether anyone has got any ideas where she is coming from as I'm rather confused... I think it is her being mega insecure and trying to get her own way, but at the same time I think things might have changed? But how can they change when I haven't seen her over the summer at all...

[onemoreplease]

Ouch. She's being pretty brash about it. When someone says "things have changed" or "I feel differently," it means just that: he or she doesn't feel the love anymore, and probably wants out of the relationship. I think your girlfriend can't bring herself to end it because you've been together for awhile and you sound like a nice guy. So instead she's acting bratty and walking all over you (and yes, yelling at you because you questioned her when her ex stayed over IS walking all over you.) She might be trying to get you to do the dirty work of breaking up, or she might just feel really frustrated toward you because she can't do it herself and she feels stuck. I'm sorry if this is too blunt, and I know it's super sucky when these things happen, but honestly when someone is acting the way she is, it is because their mind is made up and there's not much chance of going back. If she wanted to be with you and had some other reason to be acting this way, she would tell you and she wouldn't do hurtful things like saying she feels differently but refusing to explain further. The thing you have to know is that YOU didn't do anything wrong, in fact you did everything you could to make it work. She's still good to you sometimes because she knows this and she probably feels bad about treating you poorly (though that doesn't make it ok, obviously.) Sometimes there's no more explanation other than, well, people change. And sometimes that means growing apart and going separate ways.

[sanelunatic]

You were right..... Thanks for the advice it has helped! We broke :(

Plenty more fish in the sea I guess

[lost-angel]

It`s a polite way of saying "I don`t love you anymore...but I don`t want to lose you... I am confused."

I know I`m assuming but I think she re-connected with her ex. Even if she says she doesn`t have feelings for him, etc, she shared something with him in the past. And when you talk or spend time with someone you had something with, it brings you back to that place. To that emotional state you once had with that person. And that could affect feelings for the current bf/gf.

She is confused right now.

If you really want to see where you stand, you should visit her. The only way to get answers and to help her make up her mind is by seeing her, and spending some time with her in person.

[sanelunatic]

Thank you for that.... She broke up with me last night :(

One thing I have learnt from this is that people shouldn't keep going back asking questions to their partner all the time, accept something if they tell you it and don't badger them over it, again and again. It only pushes them further away form you.