I haven't been able to feel for anyone since my first love, I feel zero emotion when it comes to other girls, what is wrong with me?

Question

I dated a girl from the time I was 17 till 19. Im 21 now. I've talked to other girls and gone out with girls on dates but I just haven't been able to get back feelings that I had with my first girlfriend. no matter how hard I try I just haven't been able to find myself interested in any other girls or been able to emotionally invest myself in anyone. I want to feel the "butterflies" and the nervousness again when you first start talking to someone and are excited about them but I just can't. Im over my ex but I haven't been able to get feelings for anyone else, its like I'm stuck.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

When we get hooked on someone and just can't seem to let go, it is because we are emotionally addicted to hat person. She helped fill a void in you that you do not give yourself emotionally.

You may be emotionally and psychologically addicted to your ex because they were your only source of a certain emotion, thought, or feeling that you only got from them.
Some examples of this would be…
- You have low self-esteem and she made you see yourself through her much more positive perspective
- You are reluctant to give yourself any praise for a job well done and she would lavish you with praise and congratulations
- You feel directionless in life and your relationship with her gave you a project to work on
- You aren’t good at keeping yourself accountable or on track with your goals and she helped you tremendously in this area of your life

Whatever it was, in order to move on properly, you have to start giving yourself this. This will take time and it is not a process that just goes from point A to point B. you will have your ups and downs in this situation, and even after you have done this, she may still cross your mind from time to time. Yo jus have to be persistent with it and continue to give yourself what she gave you.
Good luck!

Hidden_P · Accepted Answer

There's nothing wrong with you.

How did you break up if you don't mind me asking?

I'll let you in on a secret. You're not alone. After my ex, I really struggled to feel for anyone the way I did for him. To be honest, the person I'm with now, I love him to bits but not the way I did for my ex. It's a different and more mature love.
My partner - he's the same. He's had a lot of girlfriends before me but until me he never loved the way he had for his first. And that was 10 years ago.

It's not that you won't ever find that spark again, it's just it's different with different people and also, there's different types of love.

Don't beat yourself up. You're not broken or screwed up. Just nobody's hit that sweet spot get :)

(Ps, to cheer you up, I give you bewbs)

( . Y . )

BushBabyBoo · Accepted Answer

I totally understand this. If you know people who are dating, it's probably because they haven't felt as strongly as you have and don't realize it's missing. You don't want to settle, and those feelings don't come as easily as you're telling yourself. There's nothing wrong with you, I can relate to this so much. You're searching for the best without even realizing. Just try not to think about it, and not everyone you go out with has to be as amazing as your other girlfriend. Don't feel like you "want" to fall in love, just don't think about it, and feel what you feel.

Berealforreal · Accepted Answer

It took me a long time to get over my first relationship. I dated, talked to other guys, but it was never the same. It took years for me to reflect on the relationship, understand why it didn't work, figure out what I want, and work on being happy with myself. That was the key - being happy with myself again and coming to terms with the fact that the person was not right for me. I had to accept it to move on. Maybe you still need more time. Its okay to be alone - find other things that make you happy. The right person will come along when you least expect it.

GalaxyFlame90 · Accepted Answer

Honestly i shouldn't be even implying anything about girls. But i have some experience. See i liked this one girl who i saw at a wedding. in my eyes she was the most beautiful. I loved everything about her. But the thing is I couldn't even bring myself to talk to her. I intentionally bumped myself into her and said sorry while looking down (*I was too shy to look her in the eyes*) I heard her angelic voice after that I was mesmerized even if she walked past by me during the entire night. Keep in mind the wedding i went to lasted for 3 days (cause there are 3 steps to the process of marriage) anyhow i saw her three times. First time she was wearing a yellow dress, second time she was wearing a purple dress the third and final time she was wearing a torquoise green dress. After the gutless time i had for 3 months I couldn't look at those 3 colors or find anything beautiful after I saw her. I wouldn't find any interest in any girl I saw. so i felt the same as you did. But after i met some new friends they helped me get over it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It's normal. Your first love created a cocktail of feelings that will never happen again. Attraction, curiosity, passion, possibly intimacy and commitment. Every step was new and fun. But now it's over and it's like getting on the same roller coaster in a slightly different seat. The novelty is gone. That's why some people seek odd dating situations like people far out of thier dating range becauseit replaces that curiousity and excitement. But there's another way. Every single person on this planet is insanely similar and different at the same time. If you go into relationships any relationship not just the romantic kind with the thought of getting to know people as fully as possible eventually you will run accross someone that brings that feeling back. In fact you'll meet several people that bring that feeling back and what you do with those feelings is up to you. (And them).

MargaritaPeach · Answer

It's important that you don't try to replace your first love with someone new. They are irreplaceable. What you can do is find a new love. There may be several 'loves' in between your first love and your true love, and that's okay. But they all have their own place in your heart. Just know that a new girl will grow on you, but will not fill the void that your first love left behind. Adjust your expectations and try not to compare the new girl to your first love. And don't put a time limit on the grieving that you are doing over the first relationship. But DO know that you deserve to be happy again with someone new! Good luck!

beanibooboo · Answer

Sounds like you haven't allowed your heart to let her go and you're (maybe subconsciously) comparing other girls to her.
Just remember that love and relationships we have with anyone (friend relationships/family relationships/coworker relationships) are all different. you act one way with one friend and different with another (the beauty of people and how we are all different)
Give the new girl a chance and get to really know her and dont rush things, i think once u completely let go and quit thinking about ur ex or wanting to feel love again...(consciously or subconsciously) you will find u can love again.

destroshyness · Answer

It took me a very long time to fall in love again. My last relationship ended 2011 it was a serious relationship. I started dating again late 2014. It was really tough for me I didn't want to commit and take chances. She recently told me she loves me. It was really heart-warming, but if I said it back it would mean to me that I'm willing to commit and take the chance that comes with love. So I said it back because I really do love her.

COSMICRIIVER · Answer

You're 21, at this time in life anyone around our age is really selfish. Don't feel bad that you can't make yourself care, just be honest about it. If you force yourself to do something you don't want to do, you'll be miserable.
Now you might still have feelings for your ex but things come and go, life goes on. You'll find someone to care about and vice versa when the time comes. Right now just enjoy life and love/care about yourself before you allow yourself to love/care about anyone else. Good Luck!

ilikefood · Answer

Being in love is confusing, I know. Especially the first time. You may think that you were in love with is this person, which is probably why you arnt giving other girls a chance, or feeling those butterflies you used too. My advice? Take a break and focus on yourself, study the girl you dated in the past and try and find the qualities that made you attracted to her. And about the other girl, just be friends and see where it takes you. From what you tell me, you still haven't met that perfect girl because you don't really know what to look for. Time away should heal that.

Secret22 · Answer

The best thing to do is to NOT think about it. It may seem hard when your wanting to experience the feeling again, but I'm sure that when you had the feelings for your first love it wasn't planned. Try reading a book, playing xbox, or try something new :) Anything to keep your mind distracted from what you don't have. Create something to do, but don't create a relationship. The best experiences and moments in life are the ones not planned or expected :3

crunchy98 · Answer

you first love is always important, because basically it was your first. but honestly , you have to go out with more girls and have experience in dating, if you dont have experience in dating, u won't know what you like or not, it will be harder to find the right one.

Wemix · Answer

Wasn't there something very special about that other girl? Maybe something you did together, something that made you feel those butterflies. If so try to recreate those moments with this new girl, maybe the answer of your question will be clear at that moment

oldanddecrepid · Answer

Your just trying to hard... you may need to take a break! Your emotions and feeling may just be all mixed up and it is tough to find a proper bearing.

If you are truly interested in this new girl and don't want to lose her then tell her you believe in the friends before relationship thing, that way you just have to focus on being her friend first... that will allow you see if your feelings catch up for her!

If anything you still end up with a good friend!

Anonymous · Answer

I dated a girl for about a year and a half and she was my first and I compared girls to her all the time. Their kisses, personality etc... but eventually I found a girl that like you said I wanted badly to like. Just give her some time and you will learn to love the way that she does things differently because she is different and that isn't a bad thing at all :)

Anonymous · Answer

you know boy. you're too young for that. why not establish a goal and improve your career first. be a man not a baby boy swagger. you will not run out of girls, there are plenty of them. you need to improve yourself first. in every season there's a right time at the right place. enjoy your singleness. :)

serp777 · Answer

Sounds like some bullshit to me. No emotional fortitude whatsoever. Obviously you're not over your ex. You say you can't feel emotion but you do, its actually just negative emotions associated with a failed romance.

Or maybe you're gay. Try men.

blueberrybaby · Answer

Yes. It may seem that way but it's not. You may be over your ex. But she's what you were used too. And it could be that no one has "Sparked" your interest just yet.

l2GaugeFaceLift · Answer

Kinda sound like my friend. maybe you're scarred like your first girlfriend really set the tone for you and maybe you're searching for her personality within other girls but to your avail no luck?

KleinTeef · Answer

You just need time to yourself pal. I think you're too focused on trying to get over your first love.

If you spend maybe 4-5 months working on yourself and making yourself feel better, you'll have a better chance at falling for another woman.

dazedandconfused22 · Answer

I haven't been able to like a guy since my first boyfriend when I was 17/18 too. He's still on my mind and I compare everyone to him... i dono man.

bananatossing · Answer

Yeah you're at that point of life it's normal man. Have you ever heard this song?

Libs52 · Answer

I feel ya bro, my first love was complete shit. I still have feelings, but the pain won't leave. It just takes time

Anonymous · Answer

Well go die in a ditch? You're useless as far as love goes? Maybe do some selfless charity work to regain your meaning in this world? Honestly, this is only a problem for you, Son. ... No one else gives a fuk.

chicagonative · Answer

I would honestly rather that then the butterflies and the excitement to be honest with you, but to each his own I guess.

I haven't been able to feel for anyone since my first love, I feel zero emotion when it comes to other girls, what is wrong with me?

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