Why do nice/good people always seem to snap? I'm so tired of being taken advantage of?

[Anonymous]

I've always been a very nice person (some might even call me a pushover). But it's getting to the point where I feel that people just take every selfless thing I do for granted & don't ever put my feelings into consideration when making decisions. I'm getting so sick and tired of people taking advantage of me just so they can get ahead in life. The worst part is that it takes me a really long time to open up & trust people & they eventually abuse my trust and stomp all over me. It really hurts that people don't like me for who I am, but rather for what I provide for them. It's almost like I'm an opportunity for them & they pretend to like me until they get what they want. I recently had a best friend completely stop talking to me out of nowhere & we've been best friends for eight years. We have so much history together & she knew me through and through, but yet she didn't think any of that was enough. I feel like I'm always abandoned and I don't see the point of being nice anymore if people are never appreciative of a single thing I do for them. Even my own family members are opportunists who continuously hurt me in their attempt to succeed. My sister has sabotaged some of my chances to reach happiness because of her extreme competitive nature. It really hurts that I can't even trust my own family members. At the end of the day I'm just really fed up with the people who take me for granted. Any advice on how to stop this vicious cycle? I'm really desperate for advice because I'm really not satisfied with where my life is headed. Where has being nice gotten me? I've been exploited so many times & I just feel like life isn't worth living anymore. Why can't people like me for me?

[Sara413]

Nice people snap because they bottle too much shit up. You give and give and give, and you don't complain and you don't assert your own feelings.. after a while you blow up and you blow up so much worse than "normal" people, who do regularly vocalize their annoyances, desires and frustrations.

If you let a little bit out at a time, the pressure inside maintains an equilibrium. If you never let anything out, pressure builds and builds and builds until it eventually explodes.

[Sara413]

It also doesn't help if you are the type of person who ALLOWS people to walk all over you like a doormat. People treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. So start sticking up for yourself. Be assertive about your feelings and your wants and needs. It's great to be a giving type of person, but you should also expect to receive back what you give, in one way or another. I don't mean keeping score in your relationships, but they should never be totally lopsided - one person shouldn't be giving or putting in more effort than the other. This goes for friendships, families and romantic partners.

[Asker]

I really appreciate your help :) I think you might be right about that. I hardly ever express how I truly feel because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't know if this will make sense to you, but I think deep down I don't think I deserve happiness. Maybe I self-sabotage because I just don't think I'm a very good person so I try to compensate by being overly nice to people. I'm going to try to voice my opinions so people realize that I have needs and wants in the relationship too :) Thanks for being understanding & trying to give advice. I really appreciate your advice :)

[Anonymous]

That's why people are taking advantage of you. The nicer you are, the more they will step on your face, because they know you will be there afterwards. Know your position, wether it's with a partner or a friend, never be TOO NICE. Once you learn how to say no, and not always be available, they're going to think wow this girl knows her stuff. Take my advice and read the book: Why men love bitches, and you it will change your life completely. Nice girl = doormat.

[Asker]

Interesting title for a book, lol :) :P I'll be sure to check it out to learn a few helpful tips

[Opinion Owner]

That's great, I highly recommend it. ;)

[MorningPersona]

Sounds to me like you are making yourself a doormat for people to wipe their feet on. It sounds to me as though you give more than you take. There needs to be a balance, and you aren't a fucking doormat. Don't act like a doormat and people won't wipe their feet on you. You need to stand up for yourself.

[MorningPersona]

If you can be nice to people even when you see others getting ahead by being mean, you definitely have inner strength. use that and build confidence. Once people see you are a queen that will punish them if they do something wrong, they will not be wiping their feet on you. And if they do, they face your wrath

[MorningPersona]

Bottom line, If you respect yourself people will respect you

[Asker]

It just hurts that people don't put my feelings into consideration when all I try to do is help & support them. You have sound advice & I appreciate your help :)

[MorningPersona]

No problem, Hope it did help

[FatherJack]

There are more takers than givers in todays world... sounds like you need some new surrondings & dump all the toxic people out of your life , do it whilst you are young enough... I've done just that many years ago.

[Asker]

Thanks :) I'm trying to find a way to do that gradually so it comes across as a natural progression :) Thanks for the advice & I'm glad you removed the toxic people out of your life. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders

[Anonymous]

People have issues. It's not your fault. We need to discipline our minds through meditation and prayer.

[Asker]

Thank you :) it makes me feel better that I'm not the one with the problem. If they can't see how hard I try to make them happy then I guess they don't appreciate what I offer :) Thanks a bunch! :)

[AlwaysBelieving]

I know what that's like.

[Asker]

Do you mind telling me about it? It would make me feel better to know that I'm not the only one experiencing this stuff

[AlwaysBelieving]

Friends in college attributed in me wrecking my mom's car.

[Asker]

Well I'm glad you were able to recognize that their influence wasn't helping :) Thanks for answering my question by the way :)