I love my boyfriend but he's so FREAKING conservative?

[Anonymous]

In the winter I usually wear jeans and hoodies, but it's get super warm lately we're in the 70s now with tons of sunlight and it's frying me! I started to wear shorts and sleeveless shirt. He gets mad at me and saying shorts are only for attentive whores. Whenever he sees me in sleeveless shirt he said "Where are your clothes? Wear it. Don't wear your innerwears in public." He's Korean by the way. But this is te US everybody wears whatever the hell they want but he keeps getting mad at me and said he's embarrassed of me and that I make him feel very uncomfortable. What should I do now? I don't wanna break up with him over silly things like this but seriously gosh!

[I_M_LEGEND]

everyone is tagging me on this question but i m very westernized... I've never even had a committed realtionship with a korean girl from the west like myself...

i let my girl do anything she wants given she's not an idiot.

i want her to have her own life and mind. id can tolerate little clinginess but not the level that kroeans in korea has twoards each other.

korean women are ususally submissive and thats the culture in korea. i dont think eastern koreans and western minds are very compatible.

i grew up in Canada, I've been to korea once and felt i was far from home.

i feel i m a good balance. i find Easter men often too controlling and bad tempered and wester women too promiscuous and easy who aren't very cultured leading to easy breakups and even emotional cheating. this is a very general opinion but i know what healthy boundaries are.

i always let my gf do whatever. if she's a slut, ill find out sooner than later and control type of relatioship often leads to disaster. i want my freedom since i have a social life and id give that to her to get it.

[Asker]

I'm nowhere near as dressing slutty. I wear no makeup + never show clevage. His demand that I cannot wear anything above my knee is just beyond me. I understand he's conservative but why dont he change forvme instead of me always having to change for him?

[I_M_LEGEND]

Sounds like this dude needs go find some trust and confidence. If he is jealous or insecure about u showing some legs, u both need to sit down to talk. Oh and that's not fair he isn't doing things u want him to so. Talk to him. Is he religious?

[Asker]

He isn't religious. In fact, I'm Catholic. He was born with no religion then convert to Catholic 3 years aho, but he doesn't go to church nor know anything about Catholic :/

[peachblossomluck]

I'm Catholic too. Wouldn't you prefer someone who is communion with our church, not a faker?

[I_M_LEGEND]

oh i see. yah faith isn't something you can force in anyone.

i m pretty well versed in the bible and grew up in the church myself but when I've evangelized in the past, its not easy nor in your control really. good luck

[Anonymous]

dump him basically... he's conservative to the bone... whore becayuse you wear a shorts? those people should be arrested in my opinion and i'm not joking... they're really offensive

[Asker]

He even ask me to "wear your clothes" as if I'm naked or something :(

[rescuesquader]

I think you need to be arrested.

[rescuesquader]

... actually I might take care of that

[Hidden_P]

@rescuesquader why should he be arrested?

[selfishstars]

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who wanted to control what I was allowed to wear.

It may be a cultural difference, but why should you be expected to conform to his cultural standards?

If you want to try to make the relationship work, I'd say: Sit down with him and explain that these are the types of clothing that you feel comfortable wearing. Let him know that his comments are insulting to you. Let him know that the comments he's making aren't okay with you and that you want him to stop. Explain to him that you understand that the two of you have different views about clothing, but that what you wear is your own decision, not his.

That said, if you do stay in this relationship, please keep a close eye out for other forms of controlling behaviour. Consider this a red flag.

[Asker]

Ikr he is in the US not Korea, how can I get him to understand that he's in America and Korean rules do not apply here? Nobody gives a fuck about Korean rules here it doesn't matter if he's a Korean nobody gives a shit. Aghhh.

I told him "This is not Korea, this is America. Nobody thinks shorts are slutty here!" but he said "But I'm a Korean and you make me feel uncomfortable". I said "But the way you say it is very rude" he said "What am I suppose to say I just wanna get straight to the point". Generally, he would say "OK, do whatever you want" but if I start to do whatever I want he would not talk to me for a day. SO whenever he can't debate anymore he just said "Do whatever you want". So I can't really do anything here...

[selfishstars]

It sounds like something that the two of you may never agree on, which means that something will eventually have to give. I mean, the possible outcomes are:

1. You keep wearing what you like, he keeps complaining about it. You put up with him complaining and the two of you fighting about it.
2. You keep wearing what you like, he doesn't like it, but accepts it and stops making comments about it.
3. You keep wearing what you like, he decides it's a dealbreaker and breaks up with you.
4. You keep wearing what you like, he keeps complaining about it, and you break up with him because you can't handle his criticism.
5. You give in and start dressing the way he wants you to.

I imagine that #2 is the only outcome you'd be somewhat happy about. The other ones all suck for you. The question is: If he's not willing to stop making comments and pressuring you to dress differently, what will you do?

All of them suck for him except #5. So, its possible that options #1 or #2 might lead to #3.

[Asker]

We had a lot of stupid argument before mainly due to his conservativeness and intolerance, such as no holding hands in public, no calling each other "baby" in public, no close male friends, etc. It always end up #5 mainly because I love him so much I don't wanna loose him and give him a huge headache arguing with me... But I started to get really frustrated now that I realize I have no right whatsoever and I'm in a relationship nobody knows about I had to put up with pretending to act like jut friends in public and all that shits...

[selfishstars]

Dating someone from a different culture can be tough.

It sounds like you feel like you're the one who usually has to compromise. Relationships are about give, take, and meeting in the middle---maybe that's not happening in a fair way. Your culture or way of doing things matters just as much as his, so it should be relatively equal in terms of give and take. I understand that you care about him a lot, but if he cares about you too, he should be willing to compromise on some of these issues too.

If you're always giving in and changing to fit what he wants though, you may start to lose yourself.

[Asker]

He never once do it my way. I always do it his way. And yes, I realize I'm loosing myself right now. I don't even know who I am. I can't never imagine in a million year I would put up with not holding hands in public and pretend to be just friends in public, but I did...

[selfishstars]

I'm really sorry to hear that. Maybe it's time to do some hard thinking about your relationship?

[LittleSally]

Well... you should've seen this coming... You two are from different cultures. I'm sure he's worried his parents will see you like that and advise him to leave you since you're not decent (according to their culture).

If this bothers you so much there's nothing else to do but to either dress a little bit more appropriately - maybe capris or shorts just above the knee and a t-shirt? Or a flowy blouse/tunic?
Why would those be bad things?

IF you are willing to compromise your relationship to show off some leg, then I guess you're not meant to be.

IF this bothers you in the sense where you think that it may come to something much bigger than just wardrobe choices, then maybe you're just not suited for each other and should simply break up now.

[Asker]

You know I could never imagine myself putting up with too much of this. I agreed to not hold his hand in public, pretending like we're just friends in public, don't call him "baby" in public already just because he wants it that way... And then now it's the shorts problem... I put up with so many things I feel like I'm not myself anymore.
I feel like its seriously his turn to compromise now.

[LittleSally]

Well, you see - obviously your worlds aren't compatible.
Maybe, in time, he will learn to compromise too? But you will need to have a long, serious conversation about it.

[Asker]

I tried, and he got mad at me every time and won't talk to me for days, then I have to apologize to him... always...

[LittleSally]

You're obviously just not compatible...
If these things bother you - and they obviously do - then this whole situation as well as your feelings for him will only grow to hatred and resentment. Leave him and find someone who has the same values and views as you do.
He can find someone who's either willing to lose their whole identity to be with him or who is as conservative as he is.

He isn't willing to compromise - I doubt there are many women who would put up with that kind of a person.

[Angely]

You need to stand up for yourself. He is dominating you without your permission. If he doesn't want you to be yourself, what will you be? A product of what he thinks is a perfect woman. You need to think about this relationship and what are the benefits you are gaining. Is all about balance and I can clearly see there is none here. If he is that conservative and after two years has not adapt to the culture, he can not expect you to adapt to his moral when You are not even in Korea or wish To submit. For your future safety and health, you should try to talk things if nothing can be done I believe you should leave him.

[Asker]

Although he is here in the US all of the friends he has are all Koreans :/ yeah ikr wtf :/ I think this is why he soent 2 years here akready but nothing changes yet...

[BarbaraP]

Sounds like he's not willing to compromise which should be done by both parts in a relationship. I'd say you need to give this guy a huge talk and tell him you're not gonna put up with all his BS anymore. I'd understand if he was jealous of other guys checking you out, but he's assuming that you are looking for other men's attention. He's offending you by saying you're a whore if you wear shorts, basically.
Make him notice all the times you compromise and the 0 times he does. If he cares about you, he needs to respect you more. Relationships can't be one sided.

[Asker]

Yeah thats very offending when he thinks I'm seeking for other guys attention, like what? Just by wearing shorts in the summer makes me a whore? I tell him I can't put up with everything he wants all the time. He said "What does 'put up' means? I said he never comprmise. He said "What does'compromise' means?" Aghhhh!! The problem with him is 1. Terrible English 2. He's 27 now so I think it's too late for him to change his mind just won't absorb anymore... :( 3. He thinks I'm younger abd less experienced than him therefore I'm always wrong he's always right. 4. He's Korean so I need to respect his culture period. ...
I get very discouraging talking to him since he just won't get it!

[Hidden_P]

Ha! What total gobshite.

Wearing shorts does not make you a whore. Making crotchless panties and nothing else in public makes you a whore. Or being paid for sex, that definitely makes you one.

He is trying to be controlling with you. I don't give a crap about his ethnicity, his culture, his religion or his sodding grandmothers left nipple. If you are in a different country you respect their rules. He is in the US he needs to understand it's not Korea.

If he feels uncomfortable with you and don't have any free speech then you should break up. I was in a relationship with a controlling person and it starts small... it can start with shorts and next thing you know, he's controlling what you eat and making you have eating disorders.
You deserve someone who isn't going to flip every time your toe peeks out of the burka (making a point not being offensive... he will make you cover up more and more and be more aggressive each time you "cross the line).

Good luck.

[Asker]

Since you mentioned about it, yes lately he been telling me I'm fat according to Korean standard. He said all the Korean girls are very slim and petite. He said I should stop eating, only one meal a day only. Whenever I spend a day at his place he would only let me eat once that day and it's killing me. I'm 5'5 and 116 lbs by the way. He said anything over 50kg (110 lbs) is way too fat for a girl :(

[Hidden_P]

There you go. I do have a weight problem and always have. Problems with us started with my boyfriend saying he liked certain clothes and not others. And before I knew it, he was denying me food, not letting me eat even a single meal.
I was in that relationship too long -5 and a half years. He cheated on me.
I wish I had realised he was mentally abusing me before, because that is what this is. It's mental abuse, making you doubt everything until he is your source of truth.
If you are brave enough, please break up with him.
Please message me if you want to talk - I'll support you and talk you through different options. We can fix this (and I'm not being creepy, just I was in this same boat).
Good luck hun xx

[hardcoeur]

I assume that by shorts you mean short shorts. Otherwise, I couldn't understand him. It makes me uncomfortable too... not b/c of what other guys' stares, not b/c of "slut-shaming," but b/c I value modesty. I wouldn't like to have a sexual image of her all the time. While sexuality is important, I feel we should be discrete about it. I sort of distanced myself from someone, partly b/c of this. I know I won't change her (nor would I want to try). I think she's better off w/ someone who isn't bothered by it. If you care about keeping the relationship, I'd suggest to talk to him, and compromise each other, to find a middle ground.

[Asker]

Not short shorts, they are as long as workout shorts if not longer. My butts never stick out in public. But he won't let me wearing anything above my knees, and no shirts short than my shoulders or can see my armpits. We live in California trust me it's HOT.

[hardcoeur]

Ah, sorry if I sound too antagonizing but this is a sensitive topic (sort of personal actually) to me. I basically wouldn't want my gf to wear something that'd make me feel naked. The shorts I wear are usually about 6-inch above my knees. I understand that people have preferences and what may feel rational and comfy to some, may not be so to others. But it's funny, that in the context of working out, it makes sense to wear shorts that length. The same applies to a bathing suit. The context changes and it suddenly becomes acceptable. Again, if you think you can work it out, try. Tell him that you feel comfortable that way, and in no way are you trying to lure in looks. I don't know, maybe if you compare your wear to someone who wears butty shorts? Then he might realize that this is really out there, and that you aren't. Tell him you're hot, and wearing jeans makes you uncomfortable. Come to a mutual compromise. If not move on.

[sobg71124]

I like hardcoeur's comments here.

[heavensgift2girls]

Neither of you are right or wrong, he just has a different value system than you do. If the two of you can't find a compromise then you are simply incompatible in this area of your lives. No couple has 100% compatibility in every part of their life. This is why all couples need to learn to compromise. Either find a compromise or break up. He is entitled to have his values and standards, just like you are.

[Asker]

Our compromise always end up being I agree with him 100%. I had put up with a lot of his cultural BS. For example, I can't call him "Baby" in public. I can't hold his hand in public. I can't have a good friendship with a male. All ended up being me listening to his orders. He will not put up with any compromise. It's either do it his way or he's ignoring me for days. Compromise is no a word in his dictionary.

[heavensgift2girls]

If that is the case, then it sounds really unfair to you. There needs to be some middle ground. It may not always be 50/50. Sometimes you might get a little more or less than him when a compromise is reached, but there does need to be some give and take on both sides for each issue.

You said that these are "little things", so this may be a small issue to you, but might be more important to him. There may be some issues where the opposite is true and he ends up compromising more for something that is more important for you. You have to look at the relationship as a whole. If you don't feel there is enough give and take in the relationship as a whole, then it may be time to find a guy you are more compatible with.

[hypno-trip]

Every girl I've heard on here dating a Korean guy from Korea has said they have problems. They all are picky about how things should be one woman on here married a Korean and said she has a lot of problems with him. He thinks ways have to be done a certain way and an American woman like her would never be good enough at it. Just becareful this seems common with Korean men. I'm a Chinese guy we're probably similar -___-

You should lap dance him to get him to relax and accept American norms haha

[hypno-trip]

@I_M_Legend

[hypno-trip]

I mean at @I_M_LEGEND !

[Asker]

Today, he accidentally said that "Only Korean girls know what I want"...

[hypno-trip]

Pick me instead!

[hypno-trip]

maybe you should learn more about Korean culture..

[Asker]

I did. And as I try to learn Korean culture all the things that cross my mind is "wtf wtf wtf WTF WTF WTFFFFF!!!"

[hypno-trip]

lol please tell me, As a Chinese I'm curious. We're like neighbors

[hypno-trip]

your response is quite funny

[Asker]

He told me Koreans like to shit talk about others, so we always have to hide ourselves in public otherwise they will shit talk about us. Therefore, none of his friends know I'm his gf and I have to put up with pretending to be just friends in public.

If they do find out and shit talk about us, it's OUR fault. If they shit talk about us, we have to either 1) separate for awhile until the rumors cool down 2) break up. <----- WHAT THE FUCK if they shit talk about us it's THEIR problem! And seriously you would break up with your gf because of outsiders shit talking? That's BS WTF IS GONG ON HERE!

No holding hands in public or else they will take a picture of us and post it on Facebook :/

Can't eat until the older people eat.

[hypno-trip]

lol I've heard that first one before did you ask this question before? I swear i heard this before from some other girl. The concept of "face" is kind of important in Chinese society and I'm guessing in Korean society as well. If something causes you to lose face you should avoid it. For example, if you forgot to do your chores but don't want to lose face they sometimes lie and say "sorry sir so and so had a problem so I couldn't get the task done".
It's a stupid tradition ingrained in east Asian culture but the assumption is that they're trying to save their reputation so you give into the lie even though you know it's false.
as for eating after old people that's important in China as well. Always let elders eat first it's important respect etiquette I actually treat that important as well

[Asker]

This is the first question I ask about him since I JUST CAN'T BARE HIM ANYMORE lol but alright I see some other girl has the same problem as me :/ Is it also with a Korean guy?

Yeah, I think it's polite to let older people eat before you. But other than that, all the other things are just too much.

At least we can talk about it, but his English is... hmmmm... terrible! He won't understand if I want to have a serious talk with him...

[hypno-trip]

Bellegirl21 has the same problems even the English concern. She married the guy and is already deep into it but she said she seriously considered divorce so...

[I_M_LEGEND]

i m very westernized. sorry to burst everyones bubble lol

i let my gfs go clubbing, wear most things unless nipples show or pussy is about to show. i m the balance of great insightful eastern qualities with independent individualistic qualities of the western culture.

[Red_Arrow]

Wanting you to sweat to death to meet his standards is more than a silly thing. llIf you cannot get him to open up a bit, you may we need to find a different BF

[Asker]

I even sweat in shorts now cuz it's super hot and sunny. I don't know how I can make it if I'm wearing jenas...

[Asker]

However, accoding to him, 70s is not hot at all. It's cool, so I need to wear jeans :(

[Red_Arrow]

You need to be comfortable, or at least close to it. 70'2 is really not hot, but it is for you. When I am working it may get to the low 90's, but I cannot wear shorts at my job, so I know that most people can deal with very warm days and jeans. But if yo uare sweating it is not good for you.

[Asker]

I'm from north WA, moving to CA and having to bear with the heat is way to much for me...

[Anonymous]

Mine is the same. He's Lebanese so I kind of expected it from him when we first started dating. It's FRUSTRATING!
Don't break up with him over it, but stand your ground and ask him why he doesn't want you to wear those clothes. Then maybe you can come to an agreement or get him to understand.
BUT mine does it because he's jealous. If yours is saying it's because you embarrass him, dump him asap.

[Asker]

He said he's conservative, and it makes him uncomfortable that I wear things like that in public. Whenever I wear shorts, he starts to not talk to me for the whole date. If we're walking together, he will walk super fast so I always end up running after him... He gets super mad and if I tell him "It's too hot outside" he would say "It's not hot at all!"
I tell him this is the 21st century, and we live in the US, he said "but I'm from korea. This is who I am" Whenever I tried to explain things to him he always talk back at me... :(
And 2 of my exes are Lebanese by the way I was lucky they weren't that conservative... but my Korean boyfriend :/

[Opinion Owner]

Far too controlling. I could sort of understand it if he was just a little jealous, but if he's refusing to talk to you and it trying not to be seen with you, then that's not on. I think you should tell him how you feel and try to sort something out. But it seems you've already done that. I hate to say it and judge, but I think you could do much, much better than that.

[Jilson]

obviously he doesn't consider how you feel and what he feels is final. For goodness sake you tell him it's too hot outside and he tells you it's not, can he not acknowledge that your body feels that it's hot outside? just cause he can handle the heat doesn't mean everyone else can. It's like if you were saying this drink is too hot and him replying "no its not, drink it biatcch!"

One thing I know is certain this kind of behaviour does not help the longevity of a relationship eventually you'll feel smoothered and caged. The pain you feel now to let him go would be nothing compared to the pain of later, the longer you leave it.

[Jilson]

He can take his "korean way" and shove it up his...

[Asker]

@Jilson Agree and very well put. But how can I tell him all this though? Number 1 his English is horrible :/ Number 2 he spent 25 years of his life in Korea he just won't change his mind just won't absorb what I say. Number 3 he's 5 years older than me he always think he's more experienced and whatever he says is right so I need to listen as in "You'll get it when you grow older" kind of thing..

[hypno-trip]

@Asker if you talk with Bellegirl21 she met all the same things with her Korean husband and she says she doesn't like it almost considered divorce. Maybe avoid her fate

[Asker]

She married a Korean guy? Ahhhh I can't imagine how it gonna feel like having to put up with all that shits... But you know I love my boyfriend a lot I just can't leave him...

And what are they divorce? How long have they been married for?

[hypno-trip]

she has two kids now with him so a little under ten years. She considered divorce but i think she decided to stay. she said the man is a good father and person just hard to deal with romantically. she said she wouldn't do it again if she had the choice.

[Asker]

Awww. I know anything with kids involved is hard...

[DodgersGM]

Well, one of the two of you is going to have to make some pretty major concessions, or this is likely to create even bigger problems down the line.

He likens your wardrobe to that of an attention whore? Hmmm, yeah, my guess is that the relationship probably won't last. There's just too big of an ideological divide between you guys.

[TripleAce]

Thats odd that someone that loves you wouldn't want you to be comfortable when its hot out... Does he wear shorts and a t-shirt in the heat?

Being in a relationship with anyone doesn't take away your own personal rights as a human being... If my gf ever told me that, it would tuff luck for her because that ain't happening, don't care who you are

[Asker]

He wears jeans and sweater... He thinks 70s is cool. 90+ is hit for him but it's not 90+ yet so he always wear jeans :/ but ai can't bear it since I'm originally from Washington which is much colder than California (where I live now).

[TripleAce]

So how does that even make sense... is it ok with him that if you prefer high heels, does he also have to wear high heels? lol

I mean he's showing big time double standards here and a controlling attitude. Something you might want to be aware of going forward.

[sobg71124]

I don't believe an equal comparison can be made between what an attractive and developed girl wears, to that of man. Woman do not sexually lust after a guy who is lightly dressed, by any comparison to the visible attraction that a guy experiences.. That is not to say that they don't at all, however.

[Chinkabelle5]

He is verbally abusive, controlling, woman-hating, and you need to dump him before he starts telling you what movies you can see, what books you can read, and what movies you can listen to. Not exaggerating.

[hardcoeur]

Woman-hating? How is this woman-hating?

[Chinkabelle5]

"Short shorts are for whores". Usually men who talk like this are misogynists whether they know it or not.

[Chinkabelle5]

Actually he didn't even say short shorts, he just said shorts, which is even worse.

[Asker]

And my shorts are not even that short. He said "nothing above your knees. Period. Or else you want attention and that's nit ok with me".

[Chinkabelle5]

I feel bad because I know you like him, but sounds like he got to go...

[Theguyoverthere]

Ask him why he dates "whores" if it is so much of a problem. I do think girls need to wear more clothes these days but hot weather is hot weather. As long as your shorts aren't like a lot of the practically naked photos of girls I've seen online he shouldn't be making such a big deal out of it. Tell him to get over it.

[peachblossomluck]

He comes from another country and tries to tell you what to do in your own country, even though it's the cultural norm here? That's very disgusting of him and inappropriate. He's being disrespectful towards you. Get out of this relationship now because it's only going to get worse. He thinks it's his place to become offended by such things, he ought to return to his own country where his behavior is normal. In California, USA, he is being completely unreasonable.

[Asker]

But he said that's how he is, and that if I REALLY love him like I said I have to respect that...

But yes I agree. This is not Korea!

[peachblossomluck]

He's putting a condition on you. Respecting someone's feelings is one thing but accepting control is a negative dynamic, which will turn into something you sure don't want.

[sobg71124]

I am quite conservative as well.. And fully understand his position. I appreciate a girl who carries herself with modesty at all times. When I look around I can't believe how women are dressed. Even young girls. If they really knew what all the guys around them were thinking when little is left to the imagination, most would dress more appropriately. It sounds like he would just like you to be a lady, and that is not a bad thing.

[Asker]

So you mean wearing shorts on a hot day is a no no. Then what should a girl wear on a smoking hot day?

[sobg71124]

I wouldn't mind if my girlfriend wore shorts in pubic - so long as they aren't Daisy Dukes/too short/tight. The area around how to dress modestly I think is a really tricky one. I know a very attractive girl who is Russian Orthodox, who dresses with loose fitting skirts and tops, and is very modest and natural. Yet it seems I can still find reasons to lust for her physically - maybe even *because* of how natural and pure she is. Even the mouth of a desirable woman can have this effect. Presenting oneself that manner goes a long way toward helping. - however, I agree to it's impracticability in warm weather conditions. You being his girlfriend, and not his wife, need not concede yourself wholly to him yet, in any case. I would love to have a woman like you, who would be so willing to please me, but were I in his shoes, I would make certain not to take advantage of it, or, of you. I know my perspective on these things differs from the other. Nevertheless, I hope you find it worthwhile.

[Asker]

You know I could never imagine myself putting up with too much of this. I agreed to not hold his hand in public, pretending like we're just friends in public, don't call him "baby" in public already just because he wants it that way... And then now it's the shorts problem... I put up with so many things I feel like I'm not myself anymore.

[sobg71124]

I have been in a similar situations, only with slightly different circumstances. Being in a long-term relationship with someone who does not share my faith and/or is much too liberal for me in their beliefs, and the way they view the world, etc. It was always heartbreaking, because I was in a relationship for the purpose courting for marriage. But, there always came a point, at which I really knew for certain that I could never marry this person - that we simply are not compatible. However, as you know, it's hardly that simple. I loved them with all my heart, was very attached and accustomed to their company, and also very attracted otherwise. People may ask why you I or don't just leave the person. And don't understand what a loss that would mean. Eventually we would break up, and it was catastrophic for me. And often would take years to recover. One girl, I still cannot and will not likely ever get over. If you would ever like someone to listen/chat, please feel free to e-mail me.

[Asker]

I have same problem here. I love him so much, although I'm positive we won't be together anymore someday because we're just so different, definitely not compatible. I know that, but I'm too attracted to him I couldn't initiate the break up. I don't even know what am I in this relationship for and I'm certainly wasting my time with the wrong person but... you probably know how I feel...

[sobg71124]

Yes, I do precisely... It is a little alarming the number sharp and callous responses you have received here that seem to be wrought not from wisdom or experience, but, rather, by a spur of the moment whim of emotion. It is most revealing to me that majority of them either have not the benefit of experience to render their reactionary opinions useful, or, consequently, their hearts have become cold and numb as result of accumulated negative relational experiences with women.

[AleDeEurope]

Silly things? You think telling you what to do, stopping you from being free is a "silly thing"? No, you tell him that's how you dress because that's who you are, that's the person he's in a relationship with, if he doesn't want it he can take the next exit.

[Phoenix98]

I'll agree he went a tad to far but even I have to agree that women's shorts can get a little to short. I mean I've seen some so short that your cheeks hang out and those are not appropriate. I'm not agreeing with what he said or how he said it thoufh, wear what's comfortable but also be mindful of how look and how it portrays you. And how your partner feels.

Remember relationships are about compromise so talk to him not us about it and come to a solution that you can both agree on.

[Asker]

I never let my butt sticks out in public trust me no butts are showing. I tried to explain to him how it's ok to wear shorts if it's hot out but he keeps saying "Only if you want attentions from other guys. Period." I tried but he won't even let me finish my sentence he keeps jumping right in to defend his opinion...

[Phoenix98]

I never said you did and I would give it a few days then bring it up again. Also 70s really isn't that hot just saying.

[Asker]

I know, to Californians it might not be that hot (we currently live in California), but I'm originally from Northern Washington we start to wear shorts when it hits 60s. 70s + sunlight = ice bath. I just move to California 3 months ago so I'm not use to this hot weather yet. It's always freezing where I'm from so 70s and the sun is burining for me

[Phoenix98]

I live in Kansas and the last high for us was almost 120 degrees lol, I understand what you are trying to say though.

[hypno-trip]

I'm from North WA as well

[Asker]

120? Damn it I would be dead by then... :/

[Phoenix98]

Yup last summer or the summer before that it was like 112-115 degrees.

[Anonymous]

"but I'm from korea. This is who I am"

Pisses me off. Such close mindedness. He needs to understand that YOU ARE YOU, HE IS HE. It doesn't matter what he thinks is inappropriate, you are your own person, you get to choose what you wear, not him.

I hope you realize sometime that this is a warning sign for a possible abusive/controlling relationship. The moment you start caving in to his demands, you'll lose track of who you are and what you can do. Before you know it, you can't do this, you can't do that, etc. That's how abusive relationships develop...

[Miralrio]

i know a lot of koreans in México and they are always talking about sex and the need to get laid and looking at girl with mini skirts, shorts and tight jeans... i've never meet a conservative one before :/... i think that if he feels uncomfortable about the way you dress you should break up, he already knew the way you were and the thinks you used to do like wearing those kind of clothes, so he should respect your style.

[Anonymous]

Eh I'd have a talk with him. I'm fairly similar to him and he values modesty and discipline. I would inform him of the importance of pragmatism/practicality.

If it's hot then you wearing more clothes is potentially dangerous to you with respect to things like heatstroke. All things in balance. There's nothing wearing with you wearing less clothes persay he just doesn't want other guys staring at your body. Guys... Are very visual creatures.

[sobg71124]

Your comments reflect mine as well. Very well said.

[muspelhem_5]

If he gets to decide what you wear, it's only fair that you get to decide what he wears.

I suppose you could try to get to the bottom of why on earth he feels like he has any sort of right to dominate you like that.

If that fails, leave him immediately. He is too immature to love you.

[Anonymous]

You are from different cultures and you BOTH need to compromise if you want this to work. Ask yourself, is this relationship worth that kind of effort? If you're the only one doing the compromising and adjusting, sooner or later you'll get tired of it. If you let him make all the decisions, he'll only get more controlling.

[Asker]

I'm loosing myself. I can't never imagine in a million year I would agree not to hold hands in public and act like we're just friends in public. I feel like I'm not myself anymore putting up with all his bs.

[Prof_Don]

This relationship is going to end badly. He is the worse combination for a boyfriend (conservative, controlling, uncompromising )

[Asker]

He treats me to the point that my best friend told me "maybe he just want you for a green card since he's so intolerant and selfish to you"... Yeah and then there's me still loving him so much to let go.

[Northeast106]

@asker Prof_don is right, this is a train wreck waiting to happen.

[peachblossomluck]

You deserve someone who loves you and doesn't accuse you of being improper when you aren't.

[Asker]

@peachblossomluck I know but love is blind I really do love him it's hard picturing myself not seeing him everyday...

[peachblossomluck]

Personally to me, it wouldn't be worth it.

[TadCurious]

I think you should dress the way YOU want, and that makes you feel comfortable. Dressing appropriately for the weather is just good sense. Your boyfriend needs to get over himself.

[Asker]

But he makes the date really uncomfortable because he won't talk to me when I wear shorts and he walks super fast I have to run after him :/

[TadCurious]

Well don't put up with his crap.

[Findingmyway]

I dont view this as silly but a red flag of control and marker for other issues. If it were me I'd seek counseling so he learns his behavior is wrong or leave him.

[Asker]

He said he doesn't need counselor. If I love him like I said I do then I should respect him the way he is. That's what he said... :( I really do love him but this is just too much...

[Findingmyway]

But he isn't respecting you, thats not love.

[Folklore]

he sounds more like an idiot tat a conservative to me. someone getting this upset over such trivialities and nit picking like this could mean there's something else going on

[Asker]

"Something else going on" as in? And yeah I agree I never understand why he's THIS uoset overcsuch things.

[Folklore]

as in it seems like there's something more serious upsetting him that he's trying to hide which is causing smaller unimportant things to upset him

[meatballs21]

This isn't a silly thing - this is him being intolerant and disrespectful and trying to control you. Do you really want to be with a guy who gets mad and is embarrassed of you because of who you are?

I seriously doubt he'll change.

[Asker]

I gave him a year to change already and nothing changes yet :/ He've been to the US for 2 years already...

[Asker]

I know but love is blind I really do love him it's hard picturing myself not seeing him everyday...

[meatballs21]

Don't waste your life waiting for someone to not change (they won't). Everyone should be with someone who loves them for who they are they way they are.

[singlebee]

Well he is JEALOUS !! He is too conservative... And he does not understand... He thinks you are attracting other guys by wearing those clothes

[Asker]

Everybody here wear it on hot days why can't he look at them? :(

[singlebee]

Because he is conservative and jealous... And trust me he can change but maybe you should find a new guy for yourself... Someone who is more open minded...

[Asker]

I seriously think he won't ever change... unfortunately... He lived 25 years in Korea so his mind won't absorb new things anymore :/ And he's older than me so his mindset is that he's more experienced he's always right I'm always wrong so just listen to him period.

[hypno-trip]

if he's 25 years old he's pretty set in his ways, I'm almost 25 so i can speak from experience

[singlebee]

In that case you should dump this guy... Cause this jealously and controlling behavior is only gonna get worse... And you will Fell locked down...

[singlebee]

*feel

[Asker]

Yeah, so I think I can't change his mind now he will stick with it forever...

[Asker]

by the way he's 27 now, been to the US 2 years ago, lived in Korea 25 years before that...

[singlebee]

How many years into your relationship?

[Asker]

Almost a year..

[singlebee]

I read all your other comments where you said you any call him baby or hold hands or even wear anything above your knees... he is too damn conservative...
I mean i am Indian and not conservative at all... But he is Just too much... and he is super immature.. Too

[Asker]

Yeah he's just too much. If my friend is in my situation I would tell her to fucking break up with him already... But I love him... it's not easy that's why I have to put up everything for so long. And yes I agreed not to call him baby or hold his hand in public... :( I can't imagine how I would make it without him but at the same time I can't imagine what I will have to go through if I end up marrying him...

[JackKerouac77]

Asian cultures tend to be pretty conservative from what I've heard, but @Ihav2fart would know more than me.

What up with the Koreans?

[Ihav2fart]

They used to he conservative and a lot born in western countries aren't conservative.

[Asker]

I don't know whats up with Koreans I just know he's so FUCKING conservative and won't understand me!

[JackKerouac77]

Douse him in soy sauce. That always shocks their system. BRING HIM BACK TO THE MOTHERLAND!
@Ihav2fart

[hypno-trip]

he's not Korean you need I_M_LEGEND. @I_M_LEGEND

[JackKerouac77]

@Ihav2fart
Oh shit I have so many Asian friends on GaG!!!

[hypno-trip]

Koreans, from what I hear, have rigid views on how women should behave and relationships making romantic relationships difficult with them. I have heard this from four different women now on GAG.

[Asker]

@hypno-trip Believe it or not they still believe in the "men are head of the household and women need to just listen to their husbands" kind of bullshit... WOW! South Korea is a developed country I can't believe this shit still exists.

[hypno-trip]

hrrrm yeah, japan is worse fuck those guys. seriously hate them guts.

[I_M_LEGEND]

sorry again but i m very westernized... i haven't even dated a korean girl in a commited realtionship. jsut a few dates with a few girls... i let my girls do whatever they want...

[peachblossomluck]

Quit picking on I M LEGEND! He's cool. I haven't seen him act like a controlling person.

[datgirl]

Yea. He sounds controlling. Try talking to him and seeing if he can understand and let it go if not then you have no choice but to break up, but not on bad terms. Sometimes things don't work out in relationships and you really just got to let go.

[sammy_31]

Screw him, how is that bad he needs to get a grip. SMH

[Anonymous]

Everybody wears short here in the warm weather. Ask him would he rather you die of a heat stroke or wear clothing that's socially acceptable?

[Asker]

He said I will not die period... :( He even said if I don't trust him then just wear jeans for a few days to see if I'm still alive or not, then I would have an answer for myself...

[Consultant]

Don't waste time with backwards people that won't change.

[peachblossomluck]

Agree!

[Asker]

I know but love is blind I really do love him it's hard picturing myself not seeing him everyday...

[KäseChäe]

Did anybody else think of Jin from Lost? Like first season?

[soccerchick4eva]

Its practically because of his culture, thats why he is that conservative

[Asker]

But he is in the US not Korea, how can I get him to understand that he's in America and Korean rules do not apply here. Nobody gives a fuck about Korean rules here it doesn't matter if he's a Korean nobody gives a shit. Aghhh.

[hypno-trip]

If he's like other Koreans I hear he probably won't bend

[soccerchick4eva]

sometimes the background of people stays with them wherever they go and the act the exact same all the time, he was brought up that way so its just something that he is used to i guess...

[MarkyyG123]

Exactly, its your heritage and what you know to be the right way of life... and then too, what he's been exposed to and what you have seem to be different and is so with most people and most couples

[Asker]

But this is what I'm used to. He expects me to get used to what he's used to but why don't he get used to what I'm used to?

[soccerchick4eva]

yeah i get what you mean :/ its a tough situation, its something that you two need to sit down and discuss together and agree to... but he does need to know that he can't control you over the clothes you wear... i get what you're going at :)

[idkwtftoputhere]

He sounds condescending and I doubt he can change is mindset or adapt to a more progressive one. It might be best to break up.

[beautifulgirl123]

why are you with him? his parents have some money? don't you need some bigger penis? I mean in reality, you need money, sex and life. so dump him and get a better boy friend perhaps white guy with money and black guys with dick. I have seen many women like that in my life so what's the drama you are doing it. you are hypocrite

[Asker]

I don't need his money ironically. And surprisingly the Korean small penis stereotype does not apply to him :/

[beautifulgirl123]

women want social status. white men only bring her. all that fucking celebrities marry to white guys. none of them even see other race as a choice. example jenniffer lopez loved p daddy but she dumped him. that;s what you are complaining about. he can't get what you want. you want to climb up your social status. but you have to know all the black girls are in line giving 10 times of abortion to white guys and white girls are all naked for them. they are from some eastern European countries and all flocking to white guys. you are not match. but be real, if you want go get it no complains. why not? all the girls are trying.

[beautifulgirl123]

also black men have HUGE DICK. you won't believe it and it really feel good by the way. You will love it. all women are size queen anyway. the bigger the better for your lose vagina.

[Asker]

All of my exes are whites... We never have any stupid argument like this but we broke up because they cheat... Yes, at the moment I'm with this Korean guy, I love him and everything.

[beautifulgirl123]

bull shit. loving him? anyway, white guys lie. that's what they are. if you can't tolerate, then you can't be with them. by the way, white women scream like a pig until they get everything that they want so you can copy them. please put all the white women in jail or something. I am not talking bout girls though. they can wait til they get married. you think you know everything? huh. I know more.

[beautifulgirl123]

you sounds like a black women anyway. all the black girls got abortion since they are 11. watch out they only do it to screw around white men. they are thieves and they often sleep with white women. what a thievery union. hahhahh only thing that missing piece is hispanic men who deliver them a drugs. text them, they come right away with that greessy smile on their face.

[Asker]

No I'm not black. You don't know everything girl. You sound bitter honestly.

And no I don't worship white guys like you do. You seem to think they're the best. Haha you're wrong. So wrong. White guys are plain as shit I need some mixed here. You think you know everything? I know more than you. White guys chase me and I don't even give a shit no more since I have a boyfriend. I'm mixed white and Asian they find me so exotic. Too bad for them I demand higher than you girl. You can chase them all you want.

[beautifulgirl123]

no matter what they say, white boys, Asian girls, and black men are the best in the world.

[beautifulgirl123]

white men chase anything. that's what they do. i only chase them because I do not want to be chased. I am smart!

[beautifulgirl123]

marry to white guy and fool around with white guys and then use yellow guys to wash your feet and then black men will service you a towel. hahahah I mean.. what a fucked up dream. think of that if you can keep up your faith not. I can't even do that. I am half up for money and half up for relationship there is nothing that I can do to change. that's what I am good at and that's what I am going to get it no matter what people say and that's my destiny and there is nothing that can lie in order to satisfy my needs. destiny. and please beat that euro trash girls and bring them back to where ever they are from in NYC. they are super annoyiing and good for NOTHING!!!

[beautifulgirl123]

if I can get some white boy i would forget about EVERYTHING but then he is too young and naive plus.. cuddly guys seem to die out too young.

[beautifulgirl123]

also chasing down someone you like is not a shame. why not girls can do that too. who care the shit about what others would think? I would rather be humiliated than lose my opportunity fuck that! I chase white men that I want so what the fuck? they feel good about themselves sometimes so i pretend chasing them also. girls chasing boys is more common among white world. I have seen it so many girls doing it and it looks like opposite of Asian world. in Asian, men always chase women. don't feel ashamed of you or you can wait until you get old and ugly waiting til he chase you.

[beautifulgirl123]

women chase their BABY!!! that's the nature!!!

[cxpidunic0rns]

omg he's Korean? well that explains it luh. the whether in Korea and people in Korea are conservative. couples are not allowed to kiss in public the older generations will scold them.

[Asker]

EXACTLY WTFFFF!!! He doesn't hold my frickin hand in public we walk around like fucking stranger!!!

[blondfrog]

Its not completely his fault that's just the culture he was raised in give him more time to change if he doesn't then leave.

[Asker]

I gave him one year already. Nothing changes. He've been here for 2 years by the way.

[blondfrog]

Dumping time

[PT1911]

It's the culture, I assume that he wasn't raised in the US.

I'm conservative, but have no problem with clothes like that.

[HoneyButterCup525]

Breakup with him if there I anything I can't stand its conservative guys.. Urghhhh...

[breastman69]

U have to deal with his calature being way different than ours. Girls are covered up over there & don't flaunt there bodys at all.

[Asker]

It's not like I'm wearing a bikini. The point is it's SUPER HOT I will die from the heat!

[breastman69]

Ya I know what U mean , I'd love to see U in A Bikini thow !!!

[Anonymous]

"This is the US"
Newsflash lady the US is one of the most Christian nations in the world.

[Asker]

lololololol we're talking about conservative level here.

[Creeper1o1]

nothing is wrong with being conservative with your girlfriend.

[Asker]

I'll tell you what's wrong. This is a freedom country everyone has the rught to wear whatever the hell they want and he's wrong when he tries to take away my freedom.

[legalboxers]

toss him like a bad habit.

[legalboxers]

You dont need the drama, this isn't Asia and you aren't to bow to his every whim

[Asker]

But he said that's hpwho he is that's his culture and I need to respect that (silly how he lives in the US and he doesn't respect my culture :/) but anyway I love him lots I dont wanna break up over small things like this but serious in the long run I can't imagine what else will happen.

[legalboxers]

see thats what pisses me off. You are in our land and you dont spit on the land your in, screw respecting your culture, he dont respect YOU. forget the what ifs, and run!

[jmmmfi]

Aren't Asians usually pretty conservative?

[Asker]

I'm half Asian and nowhere near as conservative at all. Depends on the individual, not the race.

[Anonymous]

Is he from Korea or just Korean?

[Asker]

He is a Korean from Korea. Been to the US for 2 years so far.

[Opinion Owner]

then its just his culture and he is used to it so he thinks that what u are wearing is wrong. Either u have to just not wear anything revealing what so ever or get him to understand our culture

[Asker]

I never see wearing shorts as revealing :/ I told him "Just take a look. everyone is wearing shorts" and he said "They al want attentions" :/

[Opinion Owner]

thats because in his culture its different and woman may cover up a lot more. We grew up as shorts are normal, where he might of grown up as woman are always covered or something

[Asker]

I mean there should be summer in Korea too. Don't tell me women dress like North Pole during the summer... He said he doesn't care what everyone else dress like, but I'm his gf I can't do things like that...

[Opinion Owner]

if you are just like wearing normal stuff, not like short shorts and like really small tops then I don't see his problem

[vekin]

take it or leave it I would say

[Kiwifun]

Get rid of him

[MyPineappleTree]

dump him...