Would your parents approve of you bring a partner of different skin colour? What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I know times have change and all that, however I'm in a relationship with the most humble, lovely guy who is white. I'm black. Both from the UK. We are both nearly 18. He seems serious about our relationship and I am too. He is always asking if my parents will like him and obviously I say yes and he has said his parents will like me also. HOWEVER we have never had a discussion about our different races. What if his parents don't approve of him dating a person of colour? I know some parents still do that and I don't think it makes them racist. I'm scared incase his family gets disappointed in him for dating me and I plan on avoiding to meet them because I don't want to go through an awkward moment when they just look at me as though I'm imposing. Are your parents like this or know anything similar? Also how can I bring this issue up to my boyfriend?

Stop worrying about it

Worry

[kaylaS91]

I'm not sure if it's because of acutal skin colour or moreso because of cultural/religious conflicts, but yeah, my parents were not too keen on me dating an Asian guy. Were never direct about it, but the side comments about how it should bother me that we would not be able to get married in the church if it came to that, certain Asian traditions/behaviours in regards to Asian coworkers of there's, etc..

It bothers me a lot when they do that because I'm really happy with him and honestly, I love how I get to experience a different culture than my own. I know it bothers my boyfriedn and he has mentioned that he feels a bit outcast by them but I assure him that's just how they are. Old school, outlandish values and beliefs.

Don't avoid meeting them. Meet them and look at them as just friends versus your boyfriend's family. Charm them, let them see that their son is happy with you regardless of differences in skin colour, and show them that their beliefs are not fully true.

[Asker]

I just have a gut feeling they won't like me at all. His family is quite posh but so is mine however my instincts tell me they will not like it one bit. Even though I'm this guy's first girlfriend

[kaylaS91]

Get rid of any negative expectations before you've even met them. Those will only work against you in how things end up going.. I felt the same before I met his parents for dinner at his place. They're pretty rich, and felt they'd look down on him bringing a white girl home. They ended up being the nicest, still are. If your boyfriend's parents are able to see how happy you make him, they'll hopefully be able to overlook any racial differences and learn to appreciate you and their son being together. :)

[Asker]

I think it's askigjtlt different because black oarents are more accepting. Judging by the ones I know. But I'll see what happens

[kaylaS91]

yeah but his parents are white, right? Either way, the best way to approach this is to just put on your game face and view any views they may have that are not in your favour as a challenge. If you let that stop you from being with him, you're letting racist views win.

[Anonymous]

Some care some don't. He'll know if it's ok to introduce you yet or at all. I've known some that hated it but came round in yhe end, some that hated it and fell out forever and some that just don't care as long as she's a decent girl. Personally, I just ask white and Asian boys what their family is like and jokingly ask about if they'll be disappointed he's dating a black girl, then they feel like they can tell me more without me being too offended.

[Asker]

Yeah I think that's the reason why I'm scared to discuss this with him because he'll try and soften it up for me and try not to offend me even though whatever he says won't offend me, it'll be the truth

[Opinion Owner]

a lot of people would, not knowing most people want to hear these things up front. Saves hassle in the long run. If he tried to soften it, it's just him being a decent human being though, just having a little empathy and not wanting to hurt you.
Really, however he says it, softly or harshly, you'll still have your answer and know if you'll be welcome in his parents house.
If they're racist though, I think some racist people are just ignorant so it's good to spend time around them so they can see how it really is and then they begin realise they were probably wrong.

[Silamy]

In my family, it's religious, rather than racial, differences that lead to objections. I say "to heck with silly prejudices -my man, my choice".

If this is something that's really bothering you, you need to talk with your boyfriend about it. You might just want to meet his folks and see how it goes.

[Frost_Byt3]

I currently have a crush on an Asian girl. If she was my girlfriend, and i introduced her to my family, my mom wouldn't care, my dad would make some pervy joke about "Oh you dig them Asian chicks? You must have yellow fever" or something like that 😑. But my grandparents are the racist ones. They would all probably be against it, but i don't think they would say anything.

If i introdyced a black girl though... my whole family would object to it... Except for my dad (he happens to have a thing for black girls), so he would probably come up with some other pervy joke.

My family is weird...

[Afrochick]

LOL I would love to see how your dad acts in real life.

[Frost_Byt3]

@Afrochick
Yeah my dad is pretty funny, but kinda weird O_o
I specifically remember him trying to set me up everytime he saw a black girl back when i was a kid.

I even remember this time when my family went camping and there was this black family with a mom and two daughters. He asked my brother and i if we wanted to go share a tent with them O-O.

[Afrochick]

LMAOOOOOOO this should be a sitcom on tv

[Asker]

What colour are you? And why would they object to a black girl except your dad

[Frost_Byt3]

I'm white. My whole moms side is German, and my whole dads side is part native American.

My mom, might or might not object. She can be pretty racist. As for my gandparents, they are always making racist jokes. They think all black people are all ghetto and swag and sag their pants. Like they legitimately believe in all the racial stereotypes of black people.

[Frost_Byt3]

@Afrochick
The funniest thing is... My dad is sitting next to me right now. He doesn't know what I'm doing though 😂😂😂

[Asker]

Haha so I'm guessing you're American? I'm from Scotland and racism is pretty laid back but you still get the older grandparents and some parents being extremely racist

[Afrochick]

LOL I'm dieing :'D

[Frost_Byt3]

Yes, i live in the U. S. Racism is at an all time low here (especially since its a really diverse country), but my family just seems kinda racist for some reason (although its mostly my grandparents not my parents).

[Riggers]

Thats one thing i did think about a lot.

My family is very, Whats the word... 'Patriotic Brits'? I. e very racist. And, I think Black chicks are more attractive then White chicks. So, That would be a problem xD.

I think if i ever did have a Girlfriend who was of Darker skin, I Probably wouldn't tell me family. I wouldn't want her to feel upset like that.

[Asker]

What are patriotic Brits like? Yeah I don't want my boyfriend to tell his family and I just want to avoid the whole family discussion altogether. Also what's the worst that could've happened to you if you brought home a dark chick

[Riggers]

What are they like? Ya know... Same as 'Patriotic Americans' I guess, Very Intolerant of other Cultures, Very ''British is the best'' kind of attitude, They were raised in a Different Generation tho. Like, We live in whats probably the most Multicultural Generation ever (With the Internet and shit).

And, Worst possible thing? Whilst i don't think they would insult her to her face, I know for a Guranteed fact they would make fun of her behind her back, And make fun of me being with her, And, Like i said, I would never want to put a Chick through that, Because that would be nasty as fuck. So. I think it would be best just to leave my Family out of, What they won't know won't hurt em rite? :).

[Asker]

I think I'll just keep our relationship quite for as long as possible. I know my mum after a while will love him but his family scares me so I'm gonna avoid them

[Riggers]

Well, You just do whatever you think will work out best matey, I wish ya the best of luck with it tho dude! :)

[Afrochick]

I find it very interesting English men are more open to dating black women than American men.

[Riggers]

@Afrochick

I wouldn't really say that. I don't think i know a single guy who would like to date black chicks (Maybe they just keep it secret like me), I do on the other hand, Know a lot of Racists cunts.

I think here is just as bad as the US, Same Culture right? Both Western nations. I don't know, There will be people like me in both countries, The.. 'Exception' To the rule ;D

[Anonymous]

My family would care, well at least my dad. Ever since I was little he told me if I ever came home with a black or Asian guy or a guy with tattoos, piercings or dyed hair I would get spanked and kicked out of the house. So pretty much they would disown me. I don't care what they think though, if I love the guy then I will stay with him no mater what they say or do.

[Asker]

My parents aren't like that and I don't know about my boyfriend's but I don't want them ever arguing or fighting about me

[Opinion Owner]

I think you guys will be fine. It's just skin colour and we are all people. I can't stand people like my dad and hopefully no one is like him in your boyfriend's family.

[CHARismatic110]

I don't think that my family would care, but if they did then that would be on them. I feel like you should just casually explain to him that you're a little worried about meeting his family because of the color thing. You never know, he may be feeling the same way.

[Asker]

I feel awkward bringing it up because never in all our 6 years of knowing each other have we ever discussed race

[CHARismatic110]

That's understandable. But if it's bothering you then I think you should address it.

[jacquesvol]

My parents didn't even approve of my same skin color wife. I thought 'fuck up'. I didn't ever regret. They lost me then.

[Asker]

Haha aweee any reason why they didn't approve

[jacquesvol]

She had a uni degree but neither of her parents did have one.

[Asker]

Omg lol 😂😂

[jacquesvol]

Her 'background' wasn't 'good enough'. I'll shut up here about my opinions concerning my own 'background' thus.

[Anonymous]

My parents said they dont discriminate. I know they've both dated outside their race. However, this past year, I liked this Arabic guy. My mom was like "No leave that alone. there's no telling what kind of things you'd be getting into." I knew what she meant, and I found it offensive. I was shocked and felt that was pretty discriminatory.

[Asker]

Yeah, it's little comments like that, that worry me. I really like this guy and I don't want to break his heart but I just feel his parents won't like me. They are quite high up and I just don't see them approving

[Opinion Owner]

I feel like when you're old enough to move out on your own, then tell them. That way, if they dont agree with you, you can run off with him

[Asker]

Okay

[justbanANNAz]

good lawd... i will continue to pray that maybe one day we will drive away from a tainted past that judged people based on their skin colour.

[SomeoneImportant]

My family wouldn't care. But out of courtesy I'd give them a warning so they're not caught off guard when they meet the chick

[Anonymous]

no crackas allowed
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Just kidding my mom actually prefers if I date outside my race

[Klaatu51]

fortunately not... otherwise i'd disown em

[Asker]

So you're saying you wouldn't accept interracial dating in your family?

[Klaatu51]

gosh do i look like dat kind of person?

i'd disown my parents if they didn't approve interacial dating!!

[Asker]

Oh right lol I thought you meant the other thing. Yeh so I don't know what to do? Should I just dump him because I'd hate to start up something over a family

[Klaatu51]

better give it a try... his parents might b open-minded

[Phoenix98]

Nah my parents wouldn't care.