My girlfriend was abused by her ex?

[Anonymous]

Last night, my girlfriend decided to tell me about her last relationship and her ex boyfriend. She was subjected to a lot of abuse which included verbal insults, hair pulling and occasional punches in the ribs. This went on for the final few months of their relationship and it took a while for her to open up in ours (which is understandable). There's a lot of pressure on me to treat her well and i have no intention of doing otherwise, she's an amazing woman. But I need some advice on how to treat a partner who has been a victim of abuse. Is there anyone who can help me?

[BabeBarlow91]

What a horrible story. I think you need to carry on as you are as clearly she feels comfortable telling you horrible things in her past. You probably just got the surface of what really went on her in the past relationship but I would encourage her to continue to be open with you so that the boundaries for both of you are clear.

I wouldn't now start wrapping her up in cottonwool but I think this is a time and respect thing whereby as time goes on, you grow emotionally closer and the respect you both show to each other helps to strengthen and deepen your bond.

[crystalt70]

She should have taken some time to get her mind right. My ex was abusive towards the end, but it's just not something that I carry with me. He was an a**hole. Not all guys are. I know everyone handles things differently, but that's not something you should carry with you. Other men/women shouldn't pay for the mistakes/consequences of our past relationships.

Did you feel the pressure to treat her right before or after she informed you of the abuse? How long have you been together?

[Asker]

Not all the pressure is self-inflicted, it comes from other people as well such as her parents and her friends. The pressure's been on me since the start and well before i knew about the abuse. I've added pressure onto myself since i found out. We've been together for 5 months and i've recently moved in with her. Her relationship with this guy ended about 2 years ago and i'm her first boyfriend since.

[crystalt70]

Oh, gotcha. That's great that she took the time. I can uunderstand everyone's point. I will say this, if she trusts you enough to move in with you and to admit this to you, then I think you are fine. Women who were abused in the past don't trust easily. When they do feel that they can trust a guy, they open up more to him. She opened up to you in more than one way. She feels comfortable with you and trusts you not tomistreat her. Obviously, you have been doing something right. Five months is quick to move in with someone, especially for a girl who was abused in the past. This says that she has pretty much let it go and has healed enough to not let it stop her from living and loving. It's natural for those who love her to be protective. They don't want to see her hurt again. As far as how you treat her, just keep doing what you do and BE YOURSELF. As long as you continue to love her and don't mistreat her, you have nothing to worry about. Do NOT walk on eggshells around her. Eventually,

[crystalt70]

rhat pressure to be "perfect" will weigh on you and affect your relationship in the negative. You may possibly start to resent her and it could result in your unintentional emotional/verbal abuse towards her, even if you don't think that will happen. I seriously want you to let it go. All you have to do is let her know that you are sorry that happened to her and ensure her that you will never do that to her. Actions speak louder than words, so she will 100% KNOW that you won't abuse her by your actions. You NOT abusing her is all she needs from you. Eventually, it won't even be a second thought in her mind. She will trust you 100% with her mind, heart, body and soul. Let her know that you are there for her if she needs more from you, but don't carry that around with you. Guys who get girls that were abused in the past will be loved more than many others because it takes a lot for the girl to let herself put faith in someone. When he shows her love/devotion, she can fall hard for him.

[soccerchick4eva]

she just needs trust and reassurance that you aren't like that too, just be yourself and just do whatever you've been doing cause if she had the guts to tell you about her ex boyfriend, then you're on the right track :)

[GotTheseMitts]

Treat her like someone who loves another... nothing special needs to be done but be vocal as to your affection for her. Just know she trusts you and told you about it because most women feel it's their fault it happened but really it's not, or they are embarrassed of the fact it happened at all

[GotTheseMitts]

Show her by doing and saying that you love her, and give her compliments that always makes a woman feel good about herself.

[crystalt70]

I agree with you. Unfortunately it is true that some women do believe that it's their fault. I will tell you why. It's because the man did his best to make her believe that. My ex always blamed me. I knew better, though.

[GotTheseMitts]

Yes I know thus that's why I said they think it's there fault when it's really not... that is part of the mental abuse the person executes.. I say person because the abuser is not gender specific.

[Popeye123]

Act how you always would, that's a hell of a lot of pressure on you and on occasion I've seen mates be treated badly by girls like this because they knew no better and the guys didn't react out of fear of hurting them more, don't get like that, be yourself.

Best of luck to you both!

[subzero007]

i will say bro these are bad days when you have to take care of her you are the only mental strength and support she needs just stay positive and am sorry to hear that mate :( god bless you both :)

[singlebee]

Just kiss her a lot, love her tell her how amazing she is and how lucky you are too have her... And never abuse her... like her ex... Simple 😊

[AngryHorny]

You don't have to do anything except be the decent person you are, nd be there to listen when she wants to talk.

[KFettario]

just be supportive and get her professional help

[subzero007]

Professional help is the worst advice ever!!

[KFettario]

why would you say that