Dating abused girl?

[Anonymous]

Guys - would you date a girl who you know has been abused? why/why not?

[Anonymous]

I have been in a situation where I was abused my self. I have opened up to my partner about it because I wanted to be honest but I don't expect him to do anything different and I have got professional help for it because it is something that I realised that I have to deal with my self and I realise it is not fair to put it all on to my boyfriend.

Can I ask, do you know how long ago this happend? Do you know if she is over it? And has she seeked professional help? It will always be in the back of her mind, it is still in mine but I have moved on and I'm not letting it affect my life.

If she has seeked help, is over it, is happy with moving on and feels comftable around you then just give it a go. You should not judge a person on their past and go with what happens now.

If she has not seeked help and you want to be there with her and care about her, you need to talk to her and let her know that you feel that it is best that she gets help so she can open up about the situation, learn how to move on and get on with her life again.

I hope this helps!

[pearl1979]

I think not so ,much if the girl has been abused. I know a lot of women who some molested or raped or was a victim in domestic battery all come out of it to be stronger women today. Its really the support of friends and family to get you through it. For thoses few women who just can't get by it pushes you that much more to help them in any way you can. So honestly if you love a woman I mean really love a woman who didn't exactly have the greastest life that the man would stay by her side to love her and protect instead of judging her.

[TornApart]

just because she has an abused past doesn't mean that you should think of her in a different way...

I have some experience there, and I have come a long way. and I am so incredibly happy. for future references... Most girls have been abused in some way believe it or not. The war on sexual violence against women is terrible.

Next time give the girl a chance. She may just be the girl you have been looking for :)

[jacquesvol]

A difficult question.

If she 'd been abused by her father it would be very difficult:

-in case of sexual abuse she'd need to be co-operating 100% with a psychiatrist (many are ashamed and don't speak , even to their psychiatrist)

-in case of violence she would have a distorted image of how a "real man" should be and I certainly wouldn't correspond to that "ideal".

In case of grown up abuse by a partner, "chances" are high she'd return to that partner at his second call.

I've encountered all three.

[Room429]

Somewhere near 25% of women and 15% of men have been seriously abused. I suspect we've all dated abused people, even if we didn't know it at the time.

For me, what's important is if someone's making progress in their life. Are they looking at their past mistakes to avoid them in the future? Are they working on their goals? Abused or not, I don't want to date anyone who's stuck in a rut.

[Devin50]

I’ve been dating a girl half my age for 4 months. We’re so alike but we’re also both very sensitive but really help each other out when we’re feeling low.
She told me from the start all 3 of her partners were rough with her in bed but particularly her last one that finished 18 months ago. All 3 have cheated on her and probably Alpha male. I am not Alpha male and a very caring person which she loves as I make her feel safe even when we’re not together.
Her ex was dominating in bed and she asked him she wanted to see what it’s like to be spanked. She said she enjoyed it but he liked to hurt her during sex and every time he spanked her he did it harder for his own pleasure and in the end it made her scream in agony. She said she got use to it and his abuse but that’s all he did to her and she’s over it but i don’t think she is. I’ve never been rough in bed and the 3rd time we met she told me he spanked her until she screamed and she’s said she loves the sex we have but she’s used to it rougher and said I can be a bit rougher too. I don’t know how much rougher she means and where.
She loves how I go down on her for ages and I always make her come a lot but I think she is used to being pounded by her ex but I’m not as fit as I use to be.
she says she loves me and I do love her and she’s been through a lot but sees it as being normal and it’s in the past.
She won’t talk about her past and gets aggressive when I do and she can have instant mood swings that last a long time.
I want to share my life with her and I’m so lucky to meet her but I’ve said to her she isn’t over what’s happened no one would be.
I’ve read that she could be saying I can be a bit firmer with her as a way of dealing with the trauma and having harder sex with someone she trust and will stop if she asks him too.
It makes us harder being 600 miles from each other.
Any advice would be really appreciated.

[Jacques11]

i would if I liked her. but I would maybe a bit cautious on certian subjects. I would do everything I could to help her through it (if she hasn't recovered) but if she is good then I'm good. the way I see it is we all have problems and the only way to get around them is to help each other through them.

in saying that I've never dated anybody, let alone somebody who had gone through an ordeal like that. maybe somethign to consider for the future

[Anonymous]

No. Too much baggage.

[pearl1979]

Thats the stupidest most selfish thing to say.

[Opinion Owner]

Selfish...maybe. Stupid...not at all. I have enough problems to deal with on my own. Why would I date someone I know may have serious problems when there are more girls to date that don't?

Your answer is stupid. Who really loves someone that they are dating. Not married, engaged, or even girlfriend/boyfriend. Key word: Dating. Learn to read.

[katiegal]

Yes,but it was still a horrible thing to say..

[Opinion Owner]

Should I have given a fake opinion instead? I thought people wanted honesty but I guess some people can't handle it.

[liquidlithium]

Guess that's why you made your answer anonymous huh?

[Opinion Owner]

Pretty much. Don't like being spammed by pompous idiots.

[liquidlithium]

I think you just hit a nerve in some people. People like you who assume people like me are unworthy because we had to endure something horrific that wasnt our fault, something that couldn't be helped and the penalize them for that...your definitely putting a unfair stereotype on people. I have grown from it, meeting me now no one would ever know, everyone has baggage whether its abuse or something entirely different, its part of being in a relationship, you take the good with the bad.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't think you are unworthy. I think its less of an effort to deal with someone without that problem. If you are over it, then I would assume you are a stronger person and I don't mind dating them. The way the question is worded has no mention of rehabilitated abused girls, just abused girls. Abused girls are generally emotionally damaged and that is a lot to unnecessarily deal with when you are just starting to date someone.

[Devin50]

But she just needs someone decent in her life to forget about it and realise there are still good people that respect women

[Devin50]

The thing most women want in a man is they’re there for her emotionally which is sadly a skill only real men have.
I’m so saddened abuse has got so bad and as human beings we’ve gone backwards and become primal and think it’s ok to abuse for your own benefit but how you scar the woman doesn’t matter a bit.
I thought were clever?
You despise these males who abuse and have made women think it’s normal and they think all men are bad.
They all seem to get away with it too what is going on?