My boyfriend seems to be ditching me a lot for his friends? Why?

[Anonymous]

So, lately my boyfriend is ALWAYS with his friends. But its only been VERY recently that he has been doing it. Its like he changed all the sudden. before, he would never want to leave my side. now, He ditches me and the plans that we have (for instance we always watch our fav. TV show on Monday nights, so there is no excuse there) I understand we can't ALWAYS hangout on MY time. but when I go out with my friends and he isn't invited I get hell for it from him, but when he goes out I don't say anything and I try to encourage him to have fun. him and his friends drink. and I am never invited to go places. He stays out usually til 2 in the morning. and, we'll be doing something like eating dinner together at a restraunt and one of his friends will call and ask if he wants to hangout and he is like "yeah, give me 10 minutes" without even thinking... and I'm just like...oooook. So I guess my real question is, why does he do that? why did he change all of the sudden? How should I feel about him leaving in the middle of us hanging out? Why do I get punished for hanging out with my friends?

[Rachel_SK]

First, I would say that you are being patient and good to him by encouraging him to have fun when he goes out with his friends and stuff like that. I know it's hard.

Without knowing a lot more about both of you, I would say what I think is going on. You said that he wasn't this way before. This leads me to think that his comfort level with you has reached a place where he feels like he can get back into doing things he used to do before he met you now that he has you close. He might also be trying to show his friends that he can still go out with them even though he's with you.

I know it's easier said than done (I'm guilty of this myself), but I would recommend asking him casually when the mood is good. Talk to him how him leaving you to be with friends without inviting you in the middle of you hanging out makes you feel. Make sure to let him know that it's not that you don't want him to hang out with his friends. If he cares about how you feel, he would do something about it. If he doesn't, then he is rather selfish.

Good luck!

Rachel

[Asker]

I totally understand what you are saying :)

and I don't mind so much if he leaves in the middle of hanging out its just that I would like if he asked if that would be ok, not for like "permission" because I'll always say yes, but just to know that he cares about my feelings haha

i mean I also see him as my BEST friend and people don't do that to their best friends

i did tell him how I feel though but now when a friend calls to hangout he says yes and stuff...then asks.... hah

maybe I'm just crazy

[Rachel_SK]

Well, at least he does check with you now. :) It's a little improvement!

[Aznforever89]

from a guy point, we need are freedom too as much as you have yours. beside you do not own him yet so it shouldn't be a big deal. you're still young and haven't exp much. on the other if you were marry, then there is a problem. just be more patience, let him do his thing and just do your thing. there will be time for both of you guys . remember in a relationship you have to balance things out. if he could hang out with his guys , why can't you hang out with your girls for example.