Could you tolerate cuddling naked with your girl in the bed, shower, etc. without having sex (until marriage)?

[Anonymous]

I want me and my future boyfriend to be physically comfortable without him craving sex. Like is this too much of a tease, or can you understand its my way of wanting to chill/spoon?

#SaveWater #ShowerTogether

Updates

+1 y

Anyone else?

Updates

+1 y

Any other takers?

[SomeOtherGuy]

Actually, that's really how I'd prefer it. The intimacy and connection is extremely nice.
I had an ex that I'd sleep next to every night without sex. It was nice. We'd grope and make out from time to time, so it wasn't like we didn't have a sex drive.
But then again, I'm largely demisexual.

[Asker]

Omg I would love this!! I wonder am I demisexual?

[SomeOtherGuy]

Maybe, maybe not. I'd have to ask questions and you'd have to do some soul-searching.
It's all about what it takes to make you sexually aroused. For me, I get turned on through intimacy and learning about who someone is.
This two part myTake from someone encapsulates the concept pretty well:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a22015-demisexuality-part-i-my-story

[zShikiz]

It can be considered a huge tease to the wrong guy, but that's situational. As for me personally, I can do that once I've gotten that urge out, but fresh at the beginning might be the biggest challenge of my life to have a beautiful woman laying next to me naked and we're cuddling but no sex.-.

[Asker]

Lol what do you mean once you've gotten the urge out? Like once y'all have had sex at least once?

[zShikiz]

Basically. Once we're out of that "honeymoon stage" where we're obsessed with each other (physically anyway), it would be much easier to just cuddle naked than say we just met and the second night we're sleeping tigethe naked. Pretty hard to not do something lol

This is only cuddling in bed by the way. In the shower, it's much easier to control and not doing anything.

[Asker]

How is it much easier in the shower? Lol if anything, seeing you dripping wet would make a girl want to pounce on ya haha

[zShikiz]

Hmm, I guess my opinion is hard to explain since I've been with the same girl for 2 years and to me, it's nothing anymore lol If it were brand new, it would definitely be hard at the beginning either way. Like now, I can take showers with my girlfriend easily without having the sudden urge to have sex. Same with sleeping with her naked and just cuddling. Being with her for so long it just becomes easier over time I guess

[Asker]

But you're still attracted to her, right? Like I fear the attraction will fade overtime

[zShikiz]

Yup definitely. Nothing has really faded for me

[Anonymous]

No penis in vagina is pretty easy.

No getting each other off? ... Cuddling naked he's going to be hard and throbbing... do you expect him to just relax and fall asleep like that, or after cuddling you go jerk off alone, or jerk off in front of you, or what?

To actually do this, he'd literally need to jerk off like crazy BEFORE cuddling you to try to knock out his sex drive.

[Asker]

I never said I wouldn't jerk him off. I'd jerk him off as he fingers me. We'd make out, kiss all over each others body. He'd even suck these tits

[Opinion Owner]

Then yes, that would be easy to tolerate. Easier for me than for my partner, traditionally.

[Asker]

Lol okayy

[Opinion Owner]

by the way, if you like the idea of fingering/jerking off a guy you're attracted to, you're not demisexual.

[Asker]

I wouldn't finger him lol. He'd finger me haha. But what exactly makes you demisexual? Give me a brief definition

[Opinion Owner]

that was "fingering" / "jerking him off" not "fingering/jerking" him off :P

Demisexuals feel basically asexual (no sexual interest) until they are in certain romantic situations where they have a deep bond. It's not that they wouldn't have sex with anyone outside of being deeply in love, or would feel odd about it, it's that they literally have no spark of sexual interest outside of that context.

[Asker]

But I'm not interested in sex either until I marry the person. Its not like I'd jerk him off from the get-go

[Opinion Owner]

Do you find the idea of someone you're close to and attracted to and in a relationship with and feel safe with, being in bed with them, kissing each other all over, hands everywhere, getting him off and having him finger you, does that sound good? If it sounds -theoretically- good to you, you don't sound demi to me.

Demi people are like 'whatever' about sex until they are -actually- in that scenario where they're in love.

If none of it sounds appealing and you just imagine you'd be okay with it to satisfy them, probably, well then you might be.

[Asker]

I dont count fingering as sex. So yea that sounds appealing to me. But actual sex is not something i desire at all. I only really want sex to have kids anyway. I scored 65 on this test.

https://lonerwolf.com/demisexual-test/

[SomeOtherGuy]

I scored a pretty high 85 when I took it a while back. But demisexuality is misunderstood, and getting an answer can be difficult.

Demisexuality isn't asexuality. And aseuxality isn't what you think it is. Demisexuality is traditionally a point between asexuality and allosexuality.

You can have a sex drive (aka libido) and be asexual/demisexual. Allow me to explain.

Just because you are demi doesn't negate the fact that you have nerve endings in your genitals. It also doesn't negate your amygdala. The limbic system that operates your sexual desire simply functions differently, but that doesn't mean it isn't functioning at all or even that it is damaged. It is simply wired differently. Perhaps due to genetics; perhaps due to some alteration during the critical points where your brain was developing.

There is a deep neuroscience when it comes to the brain and sex:
neurosciencefundamentals.unsw.wikispaces.net/Sex+and+the+Brain.+What+parts+are+involved%3F

[SomeOtherGuy]

When considering asexuality and demisexuality, it's important to differentiate sexual arousal, and sexual desire (for). A demisexual can be aroused by a fantasy where he/she is open and vulnerable with someone they love, and that can turn them on. They may also get turned on easily by bonding and getting to know someone, or they may have a low threshold to feel bonded with someone.
There are a lot of facets at play.
Romance and bonding can be fantasized, and can stimulate your sexual arousal.

However, in order to feel sexual desire for another person, you have to bond with them.
That doesn't mean you can't fantasize about bonding with someone, or that you can feel aroused by that.
Make sense?

The same goes for asexuals. Their libido isn't dead. They all feel sexual arousal in varying degrees. However, they do not develop sexual desire for another person. This may cause them to be repulsed by sexual activities with others.

[SomeOtherGuy]

Basically what I'm saying is, it's important to separate "Getting turned on" and "Getting turned on by someone."
What determines asexuality and demisexuality is not "Whether or not I can become sexually aroused" but rather "The criteria, if any, that I am sexually aroused by another human being."

Does this at least make sense?

[Asker]

Yo thanks for the explanation dude lol

[Humping_Tornadoes]

Damn. Yeah it's too much of a tease. Hot, but I don't think I can endure it. Would probably be all over her trying to seduce her, kissing and stroking her until she's all wet and gives in. Serious dare here XD

[Asker]

I'd want to be seduced ;-) but i can still hold out lol. You'll have to suffer from horniness alone haha

[Xelebrum]

Oh fuck no, I could never make it through that.

Honestly, while I can understand your reasoning, there's a chance it could also backfire on you. What if when you and your boyfriend eventually get married, he's not as attracted to you or doesn't desire sex as much because he had gotten used to seeing and touching you while naked often but never getting any?

[Xelebrum]

The wait could make your first time all the more amazing, but it could also make it underwhelming too if you kept teasing him to that level all that time.

[Asker]

Oh well yea. Well if he's not attracted to me anymore, he could at least give me a child to bear

[SomeOtherGuy]

Bruh. Doesn't quite work that way.

[Roadcruiser1]

I would understand, but if I were dating you you still have to agree to jack me off every night as long as we are together. If it leads to marriage then great.

[Asker]

Lol I definitely believe in that. You'd have to kiss me and finger me as I jack you off ;-)

[Roadcruiser1]

That can be arranged, I will be able to remain committed to that.

[Roadcruiser1]

:D.*.

[Roadcruiser1]

:).*.

[Asker]

Phew!! Good ;-)

[Roadcruiser1]

Agreed. 😏.

[Anonymous]

Having a high drive myself I don't know if I could do that or not. It would depend on how long the engagement was to last.

[Asker]

Well I want to date for maybe 2 years and be engaged for another 6 months to a year. Lol so do you think you could wait 3 years?

[Opinion Owner]

When you say wait exactly what do you mean? I get the no sex part. But does that mean no touching or enjoying each other in any way?

[Opinion Owner]

Being teased for three years 99% of men would either cheat or just give up and leave. In all honesty I would fair better to sleep in different rooms than to sleep nude with a woman that I couldn't touch in a sexual manner

[Asker]

You can still touch me. You can still finger me, suck on my boobs... I'll still give you lapdances, stripteases, and jerk you off

[Opinion Owner]

What about oral? Is this allowed?

[Asker]

Oral sex is "sex"... So no

[Opinion Owner]

If it is then yes I could hold do as you have asked and remain faithful. But be forwarned on the wedding night I would ruin a good set of sheets

[Asker]

I said Oral sex is a no

[Opinion Owner]

Ahh I missed that. Sorry

[Asker]

So because of no oral, you wouldn't give it a try?

[Opinion Owner]

I couldn't guarantee that I would succeed. But if I loved this girl then yes , with what you said is acceptable I would give my honest effort to be celibate for her

[Asker]

Would you rush the marriage if you felt you eventually couldnt hold out? Or would you just break up? Or would you just cheat?

[Opinion Owner]

I would encourage that the marriage be sooner. I would not cheat and ruin my relationship with this girl and I wouldn't want to leave her either. If she is providing the relief that you mentioned it would help me tremendously and I would want to reciprocate for her to what extent she permits

[Asker]

Love your answer :)

[Opinion Owner]

Besides , I love cuddling up when I sleep

[ObscuredBeyond]

Your suggestion has theoretical merit, but will not be advisable for everyone.

[Asker]

Lol does this include you? Could you not handle it?

[ObscuredBeyond]

I'd have to first be in a relationship to find out. However, I wouldn't push it, because I know that at some point, my craving for intimacy and closeness would get the better of me and sound judgment would go out the window.

[Asker]

Sound judgment? Like would you go off on me or something?

[ObscuredBeyond]

I'd need to see your picture, and I'd have to know you well enough to get comfortable. However, I also know that my sister many years ago thought she could get away with this strategy. And was going through a hard time at the time as well. It was supposed to be "just cuddling," but they couldn't keep it that way. Suddenly, it turned into my nephew.

With my one ex, playing Sims 3 and watching Marvel movies got boring. Guess what it led to.

[Asker]

Lol you're making me lose faith in myself

[foreverxinsanity]

As long as it's not an every night thing. Erections are way too painful to be getting them all the time and nothing being done about them.

[Asker]

I said until marriage

[foreverxinsanity]

I know. I'm sure you're not one to rush into marriage though right?

[Asker]

He and I would have to date at least 2 years before I marry him. And we'd have to be married for him to get sex, oral, etc

[foreverxinsanity]

Exactly. that's 730 days of unfulfilled teasing and painful boners, at least. No guy is going to make it through that.

[Asker]

I'm sure I'll find someone who will. He'll just have to live off of masturbation

[foreverxinsanity]

Good luck.

[Maxemeister]

As long as we have a tickle fight!

[Asker]

Yay!!

[Maxemeister]

U WANNA GO? U WANNA FIGHT?

[Asker]

Bring it on "Meister"

[Maxemeister]

*jumps at u and goes for the ribs and toes*

[jakeofalltrades]

not without lots of masturbation

[Asker]

We'd still "play" with each other ;-)

[jakeofalltrades]

oh yeah i could do that

[Asker]

Good lol

[DomTreddo]

I'd love that but I'm single