She told she likes me but decided she's not ready for a relationship, what do I do?

[Anonymous]

There's this girl I like, and she likes me to But told me" I do like but I decided I'm not ready for a relationship, But don't ever feel like your going to lose me cause I'm not gonna break your heart and go out with someone else.She told me this when I asked her out in December . Ever since then we barely speak now.I trust her completely, because I know she wouldn't do that to me.And she's not that type of girl. My friend told me she spoke to her and its because of her ex. who she doesn't lose friends with, because he will become jealous and on top of that other guys like her and it's hard cause she doesn't want to hurt them. Can you girls/guys help me please, I really like this girl a lot. We've talked about marriage, and her parents accept me.Yeah that's how serious it is.We are both guyanese and its a tradition that we marry our own race.

Updates

+1 y

I'm willing to wait for her, and she knows that. She told me she liked me from way before she went out with her ex.

Updates

+1 y

Let me make a correction she had liked me before she went out with her ex, but never told me.

[Irrelevance]

"Its because all these guys like her, and she doesn't wanna hurt them" - Lamest. Excuse. Ever. Girl + Mr. Right = yes every time. That means the chances of you being Mr. Right in her mind are slim.

This entire situation is being seen from a subjective point of view - you're emotionally involved with this girl and when guys are head over heels, they can't think straight. So, allow me to be objective and blunt:

"She told me she liked me from way before she went out with her ex" - Oh man, you missed the biggest trick here. If she liked you ENOUGH, she wouldn't have gone out with her ex. She's stringing you along like no other because since your head's in the clouds, she can get away with murder. Think about it. She tell you she likes you, dates another guy, comes back after it's all over and you accept her with open arms on the slim chance you guys will marry? She's done it once and knows she can do it as many times as she wants.

Solution: you could love her to pieces but if she doesn't reciprocate then the relationship is a dud. You'll walk away from her if you know what's good for you. But, to be frank, I know you're going to waste a hell of a lot time waiting for nothing because you won't walk away.

[Asker]

She Had liked me way before she went out with her ex. but never told me. She found out I liked her when She started going out with her ex.

[redwingz]

Irrelevance is, like usual, right. However I have a question for you, Irrel. I'm kind of baffled by this one girl's behavior. I asked her out on a date and she said "I'll let you know." I gave her a two day deadline, but obviously, I considered it a no and continued with my life. However she came back in two days and out of the blue said yes. What in the hell?

And then she did it again the second time I asked her on one. Is she just checking if she has anything better to do?

[Asker]

Maybe she's just busy, Just be understandable and put yourself in there shoes.

[Irrelevance]

Redwingz - the problem with accepting the "maybe" date is that you don't get anything from it in terms of making her more interested in you. If you get "maybe", you should say (calmly!), "You're too busy, it's fine. We'll arrange it for when you're more available. Later". Give her one more chance to say yes definitely and if she pulls the maybe again, she's gone.

Girls who want to date you are never too busy. They'll make the time for you when they LIKE YOU.

[Irrelevance]

The last paragraph was directed at the question asker. Ran out of characters.

[redwingz]

Thanks, irrelevance. Do you know why girls pull the "maybe"? I mean, it should be pretty clear in her head, yes or no, already.

[Irrelevance]

Maybe is used because for one reason or another, they can't say no. Girls intuitively know that when she says no, the guy's ego explodes into tiny little pieces and he's distraught ('How can a girl say no to ME?!' they think). Instead, they say maybe to cushion the blow when they shoot the poor guy down.

[redwingz]

How about girls who say "maybe" and then later say "yes", as in my case? With this girl, I never even brought it up again after she said maybe and then she came back a few days later and said it on her own. I was a little baffled by that.

[knockout13]

Well most of the time a girl says they aren't ready for a relationship they mean they aren't ready for one with you lol, but if she said she wasn't gonna go with anyone else this would be the exception. If your serious enough to talk about marriage your probably close enough to just talk to her about it. That would be the best thing I think at this point, because no one can really say what she's feeling but her, and it sounds like she would give you an honest answer. It could be that her ex makes her nervous or something, or that she's scared the same kind of thing will happen and she's not ready for that kind of heartbreak. But either way I see no way to lose in talking to her.

[Asker]

Its because all these guys like her, and she doesn't wanna hurt them.

[SugarXOXOsugar]

More bad comes from her not wanting to hurt them then good. I would actually find that frustrating. she doesn't want to hurt them? yeahh.. that's nice and all but I think since she's so worried about those other guys, she's hurting you..

[Asker]

You know your right I never thought of it like that, she doesn't want to ruin her friendship with them.

[SugarXOXOsugar]

Exactly. I would talk to her and tell her how you feel about that. I'm pretty sure she's hurting you by doing this and she is completely unaware. best of luck =)

[Asker]

Your right, she somewhat was hurting me but She told me she never intended on hurting me. Its the same with her Ex., there best friends and she doesn't want to ruin there friendship, because he"ll get jealous seeing us together.He got jealous when he seen us talk everyday from Sept. to december.

[knockout13]

Well the fact is it would probably be healthier for her to not be friends with her ex especially if its hurting you. Sometimes you have to hurt people a little to make things better for everyone in the long run, I'm referring to her not wanting to end friendships or anything with these other guys. So like sugar said you should talk to her about it and let her know how you feel.

[SugarXOXOsugar]

Think about it this way... her ex... is her EX for a reason... maybe she just needs to let go. apparently she is no longer interested in him but he still loves her. she's only hurting herself in the long run. she can't keep going both ways on this, I know this is sad but she kinda needs to choose between you or her ex. because apparently she cannot handle both of you without one getting hurt. (at the moment you). she needs to stop and think to herself, like I said if he is her ex.

[Asker]

Her Ex. still loves her, but she doesn't like him what so ever. He asked her out, and she rejected him.But they are bestfriends, and she doesn't want to ruin there friendship, because he'll stop talking to her and become jealous of both me and her.

[Anonymous]

This girl definitely wants to have her cake and eat it too. If she said you would never lose her and you were talking about marriage...then wouldn't she just want to be with you right now if she was thinking of being married to you etc. In my opinion, she definitely likes you and likes the attentino that you give her but she's clearly not over her ex. I think if she liked you as much as she says she does then nothing and noone else would matter. I mean if she told you she's just not ready for a relationship, then she shouldnt be flirting with you...or her ex.

I think you should just move on and maybe crush on someone else...and see how this girl reacts. I honestly thinks she just liked the attention you gave her and the other guys who like her give her, but don't let her play you...

[SugarXOXOsugar]

Im going through the exact same thing! but I'm the girl in the situation. My guy friend who likes me is very understanding and he is giving me loads of time and I really appreciate that. He let me know he will always be there for me and that he loves me. But I'm in no way ready yet. just let her know how much you love her, trust her- big factor. and tell her you will always be there. tell her you will wait (if you honestly will). I'm sure she will gain lots of respect for you.. have you ever heard the saying "if you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be"? maybe that's what you need to do...

=)im sure you will make the right decision =) best of luck.

[Asker]

I'm also very understanding.I I give her,her time and space.I don't force and pressure her like how all these other guys are doing to her, But I know she won't go out with them.She knows I'll always be there for her, she even thanks me for doing so.And I'm willing to wait to wait for her, she knows that.I told her I don't love or care for anyone else but her.And When she was going out with her Ex. I let her go and she came back to me. She also told me she had always liked me.

[knockout13]

What she just said ^^^ makes a lot of sense and I think she knows more about it then me, I waited once and got slowly crushed in the long run, but that's because she changed her mind. It sounds like in your case she's already made up her mind =)

[Asker]

Yes I'm just patientingly waiting. This girl liked me since 11th grade, now I'm a senior graduating this year.Since december I asked her out, and she doesn't talk any other guys except her friends. A couple of guys asked her out and she said NO, and that she likes me but they still continue to try and get her, by forcing and pressuring her to go out with them.

[JJRangulous]

I am not saying this si exactly why, but it may be becuase, she was reallly hurt from her ex. He may have broke her heart. She may also still have feelings for her ex. I think you should find out more about her ex. And about what happed and why they are ex's! You did not do anything, and I would hate to see you wait for such a long time and than she leaves and nothing happens. I think you also need to tell her that your not goona hurt her, and that you are here to stay.

[blu3xtc]

I've chased after a number of girls and let me tell you the marriage thing killed it. You guys aren't even together and already discussing it, she feels pressured by that and scared. If a girl wants to be with you, she will be with you. Since she's only considering it, she's not serious but you are. You're putting her in your top spot while she is giving you a 3rd, maybe 4th spot? You trust her completely and yet she never even bothered to tell you she went out with her ex. Pack your bags and run for the hills. Any girl who doesn't find time for you, doesn't deserve yours.

[crusher38]

i JUST had this happen about 6 pm yesterday. i had went on a date with a nice woman tuesday, had dinner. it worked out fine. over two hours of talking and eating and drinking.

now two weeks earlier, she wasn't responding to messages to i went super cold turkey NO CONTACT and she asked if i lost interest because she was extremely interested and still wanted to meet...

yesterday she gave me the "i'm not ready to date, i'm still stuck on my ex, i'm sorry, i thought i was ready to date. i still want to be friends though."

so all that crap over the last month was for nothing. SHE LIED.

if it was you she had to get over, she'd be sleeping with someone the same night.

for your question...

her real answer is "i'm stuck on my ex who treats me like crap and i can't have peace of mind until i make him treat me good. so im not ready to date...you because you treat me good."

don't wait on her.

[TenaciousBri]

Whoa dude! Are you guys both in highschool? At that age you think you know what's right for you, but remember things change. I say take it easy. It sounds like her hormones are raging...I'd just be friends with her. Wait it out...for abit. Don't rush,ok?

[Reeses-pieces777]

wow. intense. I wish I could find a guy who was serious about me. just talk to her and see what other reasons she might be thinking about.

[Will_Not_Reveal]

i think that you need to act because you can't spend ur whle life waiting and waiting for asomething to happen. tell me how it goes

[Anonymous]

She doesn't like you...she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying that she is not interested...I did exactly that to a guy I didn't like and it backfired on me ...I could NOT get rid or him

[Anonymous]

You should get married.