Cold feet! Should I surprise visit my LDR girlfriend on valentines day (it would be our first meeting!)?

Question

So I met this girl online. We've been talking for nearly a year, and we talk ALL the time... which is difficult considering the time difference. We are CRAZY about each other. She adores me and I adore her. I was due to fly over and meet her just before valentines day, but she had to postpone it until March. She is finalising her plans to come stay with me in March.

However, I have planned to fly over there and surprise her for valentines day. She thinks we are just going to Skype on the day. Instead she will receive a bouquet of flowers with a note inviting her to meet me at her favourite restaurant that evening. I thought this would be a better idea than just turning up and catching her completely off-guard. This would be our first meeting. 

Anyway, I'm due to fly out Wednesday, but suddenly I'm worried its not a good idea now. I wish I could talk to her about my plans as I'm a bundle of nerves and stress. I'm worried I'm going to be so anxious I'll ruin my chances with her. I'm thinking I should cancel flights and wait for her to come here so we can talk about it and comfort each other? Maybe we would both be better prepared and more relaxed with each other? Or am I just getting cold feet lol?

Any advice appreciated...

Meesterlijk · Accepted Answer

It's a great and very romantic idea, go for it! But because you're flying and putting a lot of effort it would be a good idea to make some precautions: There is a chance she has something important to do and might not be able to appear on Skype that day, or that she planned to Skype for only an hour or so and planned other things to do for the rest of the day. To make sure she's there for you when you arrive, I suggest you contact a close friend of hers and tell her about your plan. Ask her to find out if your girlfriend has other plans, and maybe if the friend can spend Valentine's with her (so your girlfriend won't suddenly leave for unexpected stuff since her friend is with her). Also tell her that she mustn't tell your girlfriend (her best friend) about the surprise because it will ruin the surprise.
-- If you can't arrange this, you should still go since there is only a small chance things will go wrong, and if your girlfriend had actually planned other things (or something unexpected comes up) she'll probably still choose to spend time with you since you put in the effort (and that's very cute).

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Worried about ruined chances with her? You are about to fly across the country for a woman who may not even be who she says she is! First of all, you better have reasoning besides her cause if for any reason she is a fake, you just wasted a shit ton of time and money. If you go, LOOK FOR SOMETHING BESIDES HER to do while you are around whatever area she is in. Don't be all lovey dovey bullshitty until you have MET her IN person and she has actually PROVEN she is worth the EFFORT. Don't get fucked over like people before you!

lumos · Accepted Answer

I don't think it's that great of an idea. What if she's really busy? What if she has school? Or work? Or just other stuff to do that she's already tied down to, or will be tied down to. There are too many variables to consider and showing up just like that, while it may seem romantic at first, is actually kind of scary and uncomfortable. At least for me it would be. This is your first time meeting. She would most likely want to be properly prepared for it. You should definitely plan out your first meeting more carefully, WITH her. If you want to surprise her after that, then go ahead. But right now there's just too much at stake, and if you make her uncomfortable by being way too unpredictable/random, you might ruin your chances. Life is not quite like the movies. What if you fly out there but she's too busy to see you? You'll have wasted all that money, and made things very awkward.

9mfeo · Accepted Answer

I have been surprised by a long distance partner.

It was actually horrible. Not because I wasn't happy to see him, but because I had a certain amount of work to do before he arrived (as he just showed up a day early instead of arriving out of the blue) and not being able to complete that amount of work left me feeling guilty and incredibly stressed.

On the surface, it's a lovely gesture. However, having been on the receiving end of such a gesture, it wasn't that nice. I strongly suggest you reconsider or at least give her some warning.

MichelleJustAsking · Answer

OMG. DON'T do it. Surprises only work when you have already met that person.

Things are always much different in person vs. online.

I was dating a guy long distance that I didn't know... and he flew out to surprise me. I didn't appreciate it because it just seemed so awkward and forced and I wasn't prepared mentally at all.

A first meeting needs to be mutual. It's not really fair to spring on her when she might have certain things she needs to prepare for. I know it sounds silly, but even things like shaving or waxing... if not done ahead of time... can really make a girl feel like "oh crap! if i had known, i would feel more physically prepared and now all i can think about are my hairy legs!"

Sara413 · Answer

She postponed the visit because she is too busy... so now you're just gonna show up anyways? You've got to consider how that might stress her out. Even if you'd already met that could be stressful because she'll feel bad you came all that way and make the time for you even if she really shouldn't. That's not fair on her.

Since you haven't met before I think it's also really inconsiderate to force it on her like that. I get that you think by sending the flowers and note in the morning you're giving her a choice but, again, she'll feel bad you came all that way and that will put pressure on her to meet you.

Just. Don't. K?

Dragonstarterplus · Answer

Nice romantic idea

However let's think about this

1) You guys haven't met in person yet. You pretty much never want your first meeting to be a big surprise that she only has a few hours to prepare for. Girls do all kind of crap beforehand to prepare for dates. Hell you're pretty much guilt tripping her into meeting you when she may have something else planned which brings up the major issue

2) You were already suppose to fly out there around this time, but she cancelled on you right? Think about that, you're spending all the money, you're the one doing the flying, all she had to do was make time for you which she didn't have. Now you're just going to show up anyway? Not a good impression for a first time meeting

Anonymous · Answer

Well, I think it's a very sweet gesture, but you have to think if you're this nervous and you have time to get used to the idea she will be shocked and very nervous with hardly any time to process. I would tell her that you're coming because then she has a chance to do stuff she wants to do to make herself feel good (shave her legs for one, go buy a cute dress or outfit etc.)

Or if you know any of her friends and can get a hold of them tell them and maybe they can convince her to go shopping and be pampered and help the surprise go well. (:

ksoma · Answer

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
When you are meeting a person in real life for the first time, you NEVER meet them unexpectedly or by surprise! You freak them out! Make reservations to a real nice restaurant in her area, and tell you you want to fly out just to see her and take her to dinner! something like that!
You never, MOST ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE THE GUY, "surprise" someone in person if you've never met in real life!

lovelyleelee · Answer

Well don't do too much too soon. Yes surprise her with the flowers and any other gifts that you want to send her, but maybe you should dial back with flying out to see her. If I were you, I would just send her the best gifts and make her want to be where I am even more, lol.

pinkbubble · Answer

omgggg yessssss go for it !!! it would be unforgettable lol Go go go !!! haha i'm myself in a ldr and i really love ur idea ^^
U don't have to prepare the more u prepare the more u get nervous and since u love eachother everything will become normal after the first hour of meeting :) happened to me XD

Punkin45 · Answer

Someone did this to me once and it was super-awkward because since I had no plans, my sister flew out to visit, so I had to dis her to spend time with him, plus my roommate, was annoyed because her boyfriend was also visiting and we had to come up with somewhere for a fifth person to sleep in the apartment.

BUT if you're staying elsewhere AND giving her notice (he called from the airport for a ride), I think that's really sweet and considerate.

Anonymous · Answer

This sounds like a lovely gesture. But she will want to get her hair done, her nails, a spray tan, her makeup, an outfit, you know all that type of stuff. As girls do, even if they are very natural, they still want to make a great first impression. Make sure the bouquet arrives early enough so that she can make any necessary appointments/rearrange things as required. Good luck with it all, I hope it goes great for you both.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Yeah it's a nice idea just make sure the flowers and note get there in time that way if for whatever reason she doesn't want you to come or can't make it, whatever then she has time to tell you that, that way it doesn't get to awkward, it's a sweet gesture though I'm sure she'll like it, let us know how it turns out.

Anonymous · Answer

Don't do it!! I'm in an ldr nd whilst I would love to see him.. If he just turned up here without notice I'd hate it. And if you've got cold feet you have no idea how awkward she's gonna feel when you turn up unannounced and just like you're nervous... She is probably even more nervy about meeting you at all.. Ik coz I feel tht way about meeting my guy

sighnothing · Answer

Definitely go for it, it'd be an awesome gesture. I think she'll be thrilled to see you.

Rufus335 · Answer

yeah i really think you should do the note. if she doesn't want you to show up for any reason then at least you gave her the option.

you're going about it the right way. just dont kill yourself if she ends up being a catfish

shortandsweet24 · Answer

Please tell me how it works out! I'm finding myself in a situation like this currently and coukd use some advice on how to make things work for as long as you guys have. I believe that this guy and I can but, a little insight never hurts! 😁

Hal2002 · Answer

Don't do it! Never, show up for a first meeting unannounced.

isjusti · Answer

I find this very romantic and a lovely surprize. If you both love each other as much as you say then I can't see the problem. We all feeling nervous on our first dates , don't worry everything will be fine :)

Jayded1 · Answer

I have been in LDR and I wouldn't have wanted them to surprise me. That takes planning. The fact she postponned it means she can't. Yet you are ignoring that and forcing it? i dont understand. She said no, now is not a good time.

DarkHumorRUs · Answer

Do you want to walk in on her getting fucked by three black guys? Cause that's how you walk in on her getting fucked by three black guys.

ShadowReplica · Answer

I think you should do it. Things can definitely go wrong but You Only Live Once... YOLO xD You have my poll to do it!!!

Sweetart2 · Answer

If she made other plans that could be awkward, especially if she's getting together with a lonely single friend and will have to cancel on her. That would really sucsick for the friend.

Cold feet! Should I surprise visit my LDR girlfriend on valentines day (it would be our first meeting!)?

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