I am jealous of my coworker for marrying his high school sweetheart... am I right to feel this way?

Question

My coworker married his high school sweetheart and has a 10 month old child with her.

I am his age [21] and I have never even had a girlfriend.

I am wanting to be a girl's first love, but every girl that I start talking to, I find out she has been in love before and in serious relationships. Even most of the really Christian girls I meet are like that too. 

I feel I have completely have no hope and want to give up on life.

JudgmentDay · Accepted Answer

Give up on love and relationships, but don't give up staying alive. You only live once, enjoy it while it lasts. So does everyone else, live only once and then it's lights out forever. Have as much fun as you can man, and don't dwell on it.

You're 21, still have time if you want to try and be in a relationship. I'm actually in my mid-30s but I had never been in any relationships myself and never really could do it since I have shit tons of emotional crap and existential unhappiness and emptiness, but I choose to stick around and not take the easy way out.

Besides there are NO GUARANTEES that relationships and marriages will last forever, and in reality everyone actually dies alone, since more often than not one spouse will almost always die before the other thus someone will almost always be left behind alone more or less. Unless somehow they both die at the SAME time such as in a car accident or a plan crash, etc.,

Just let it go, it's something you have no control of. If girls aren't attracted to you then you have to do something about that and do the best you can to create the attractiveness and desire for them. Again, no absolute guarantees, the dating world is harder than ever before, there are more single people and divorces in the world than ever before also.

GingerGuy · Accepted Answer

It's normal to have this feeling but realize it's your feelings and in no way their fault or anything. As long as you don't resent them for it and take it out on them, that's not right (some people would). I wouldn't focus on being a girls first love, it's a nice thought but unrealistic and unlikely to happen. As long as your her love now, and only love, that's what's important. You love each other and it's a healthy relationship. And if it turns out that you're her first true love, then great (an added bonus). A more realistic thought is to be her first true, good healthy relationship with a man. A true love that will last forever.

Darkfairie17 · Accepted Answer

I can see how this can seem impossible. But let me tell you this. Just because you aren't someone's first love, doesn't mean they love you any less. Sometimes people get into relationships thinking it's going to last. But for some reason it doesn't work out, despite the best intentions.

There's nothing wrong with holding out hope that you can be someone's first and only love. But I think you should analyze why that is so important to you. Being someone's first love is no guarantee they will stay. It's also not a guarantee of a great relationship. Sometimes it takes experiencing different things to figure out what you truly do want in a relationship.

People who have kids young seem to have it all. But honestly it comes with a lot of sacrifice as well. I have friends who never got to experience going to school or enjoying their young adulthood because they were already parents after high school. They missed out on things that I got to experience.

There's nothing wrong with that if that is truly your wish. But it might seem like the best thing ever, but it's not. Everything comes with sacrifice. There is plenty of time to meet someone. I wouldn't try to rush true love.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If a girl is into who cares if she's been in love before for all you know if she wasn't she wasn't she wouldn't be who she is now and wouldn't have had the confidence she has or whatever else. Someones history makes them... without it they are not them. Stop thinking about past relationships and think about now and the future because that is all that really matters. If you live in the past you'll never get anywhere.

LaVilaine · Accepted Answer

Being someone's first love doesn't guarantee that they'll always love you. My parents are definitely not each other's first loves, and they've been married 31 years (and together about 35+). So you need to find something else to obsess over, or better yet FIND A DECENT THERAPIST.

Ratiocinative · Answer

You're fantasizing and romanticizing a relationship. Marrying a woman just because she is your first is stupid. In fact, that's probably a large contributor to why you've never had a girlfriend, you're looking for a relationship instead of looking for a woman who you get along with well and enjoy spending time with. That's a huge turn off for women for many reasons.

Just go on dates with a bunch of women. Did you have fun? Go out again. Didn't have fun? Don't go out again. You shouldn't even be thinking about a relationship until you've hone out with a woman at least a dozen times of so.

An intimate relationship with a woman is the most satisfying thing in life for a man, but not because of silly titles like "first love" or "first sex" or "soul mate" or any other stupid title like that. Just be with a woman because you have fun together, have similar life goals, and because you find her sexually attractive. No need for silly metaphysical superstitious reasons about why you're "meant" to be together, just be together because you want to. It really is that simple. Making it overcomplicated is a huge turn off to women.

Abe90 · Answer

You feel the way you do because you're comparing yourself to another person's life. It especially sounds like you want to be in a successful relationship and probably want to get married or settle down. But your path sounds to be very different than your coworker. In times like this situation, it's best to not compare and to just focus on yourself. It sounds like maybe you aren't comfortable being alone or single. Time's gonna help you with that though. And don't even start with the "I want someone who has never been in love before or serious relationship". Throw tha concept out of your head and embrace any woman who finds you interesting. Isn't it better to be with someone who may have been in love before, didn't work out but is wanting to try with you? You gotta stop Bering yourself up. Not only that, you're 21. I know the way you feel, I've been there before. My concept has change and I don't care about being with someone who hasn't been in love before. Now all I care about is being compatible with someone. You're still young

aficionado · Answer

Lots of my male friends married their sweethearts, and here I am, stuck with social anxiety and inexperience with women, which makes dating for me tougher than climbing mount everest!

You don't have to feel jealous. Just go out there and ask women out! But if you suffer from social anxiety and don't have a clue about women (like me), just embrace solitude and do the best with whatever you've got.

Barrabus_the_Free · Answer

You're wrong. You don't see it now, but as long as you stay single you'll understand in 2-10 years when he's going through a divorce and you're happily doing whatever the hell you want, debt-free, drama-free, burden-free.

DrGtheMD · Answer

Your 21 and you want to give up on life. Don't you think that's a little immature

Soteris · Answer

I see where you come from but you need to let go of things in the past. What is important is here and now.. and that the guy next door always have a better lawn mower then you do... Damn that Nelson!

Oram52 · Answer

You should be happy for your friend not jealous. Maybe its time for new perspective in life. At 21 your chances of being first love are very low. Instead find a girl you'd be happy in a relationship, somebody some day you'd like to marry.

Katy16 · Answer

I understand being a girls first physically but it might be unrealistic to wanna be her first love, unless she's the kinda girl who courts instead of dating, then you could potentially be the only guy she's ever even courted.

Curious_Bitizen · Answer

If you're goal is to marry someone who hasn't loved anyone before, then be prepared to get married at an old age.

YaBaba · Answer

no that's not okay to feel that way. Don't compare your life with others or whatever you are doing in this case.

jacquesvol · Answer

I think I MIGHT have been happy marrying my HS crush. That didn't happen. I married another girl and we're VERY happy.

DarkHumorRUs · Answer

Yeah I'm jealous of my parents for doing that. Especially because I can't get close to that.

chc0009 · Answer

I understand. I am 25 and I never had a girlfriend in my entire life. I'm not saying all women are evil, but it's fucking difficult to impress them these days unless you look like fucking Spartacus.

Fearless_banana · Answer

Your username fits your thread here. Strong username to post content ratio.

SlightlyCrazy · Answer

You have to stop putting so much emphasis on some ones past love Experience grows the heart  As Steven Tyler said "the past is gone"

slimstiffy · Answer

I get how you feel. But its no biggie. Just finda girl that will love you.

Mesmaeker · Answer

What is a really Christian girl like anyway? Just curious what you mean by that.

dudegrt09 · Answer

He is ruining his life by getting married :D you shouldn't be jealous

TatyanaTheEmpress · Answer

I guess it's quite understandable.

Anonymous · Answer

Oh. The Virgin Hunter.

Anonymous · Answer

yh i get it a bit

I am jealous of my coworker for marrying his high school sweetheart... am I right to feel this way?

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