Ladies, have you ever reconsidered a guy you rejected in the past?

[Anonymous]

Let's say, one of your male friends asked you out or even confessed his feelings to you and you rejected him. First of all, how did you feel after doing so?
After the rejection, the guy cuts all contact. Do you miss that guy/ friendship? How do you feel when that happens. Are there any thoughts that you might have made the wrong decision?

Let's say after that, a considerable amount of time has passed and you have date a couple of guys in between, would you reconsidered a guy you rejected? If so, what would make you change your mind?

Finally, after you have rejected the guy and he starts dating another girl, how do you feel? Do you feel jealous?

[Anonymous]

I have this friend in highschool who likes me, he never really confessed or courted me but he sent me a stuff toy and a necklace that'ß a bit pricey for a highschool student to give and everyone else around me is telling me he really likes me. I think I felt awkward around him. When we got into college (different colleges and long distanced) I never got over my awkwardness for him and whenever he tried to talk to me through chat and text I always rejected it or I'll just reply in one liner. I think it was really cruel of me considering that we're friends. But just this June I met him and I didn't feel the awkwardness I felt for him before, in fact it was really comfortable hanging around with him and it feels very natural that sometimes we do things in sync. This is probably the first time I considered I truly wanted someone to be my boyfriend. Unfortunately, he has a girlfriend at the moment, so even though he told me he's trying not to be sweet whenever he's with me because he might treat me as something more than friends we can't really be more than that. I probably reconsidered him because he's more sure and confident of himself. I can also see that he can now handle my stubborn nature and that he's reliable and gentleman. I never saw those things before possibly because I was blinded by the awkwardness I felt or just that he was really shy and gloomy before which isn't the case now. Regarding if I feel jealous, let's just say that this is also the first time I sincerely wished for a relationship to break off (I don't know how to quantify how jealous I am with that).

[Asker]

Thank you for the extensive reply. I guess reconsiderations can happen. As far as jealousy goes in your situation... if you want his relationship with his girlfriend to be broken off, then I guess you are very jealous if not envious. I actually noted the qualities the guy has (confidence, etc) that you liked it. I lack some of them so I should work on them. I am just trying to become a better man and maximize my chances of getting reconsidered in the future. Even if that does not happen (probably won't), I will still become a better man and give attention to the one who accepts me in the very beginning.

[Opinion Owner]

In return can I ask for your opinion in my matter. I don't want to destroy their relationship even though I want it to break off. Here's how our situation goes:
He probably has feelings for me more than friends and he recently started calling me baby, just teasingly, but I think he's enjoying it. I don't want him to do so not because I don't like it but the thought that I might fall into a mistress-like situation is the worst. If he decided to two time his girlfriend right now, if they broke off and we ended up together, he might repeat the same thing. He told me that he has another secret besides trying not to be sweet to me but I told him to hold his statement at the last moment because if it's a confession it will be painful to hear knowing that I can't have him. Before things go disastrous I think I really want to dissolve whatever it is that I'm feeling for him before he and I make a mistake, before things get awkward between the two of us again. How should I do it w/o being conspicuous?

[Asker]

This is my male take on your situation. First of all, why do you think he still has feelings for you? Is it because he calls you baby? Or do you think he still has lingering feelings for you?
Secondly, you NEVER want to be anyone's secondary/ back up partner. Always remember that. In this situation you are thinking correctly. What if he breaks off the relationship and gets together with you, then it will surely happen again with you. Never be anyone's back up. You are either in his first place/special or you are not with him. You are always the prize.
As for his secret, I would suggest asking him to tell it to you. It is a confession that he likes you, don't rush into emotions. He might be playing you to make you jealous and feeling that can't have him. It also might be that it is not a confession.
I would say talk it out with him but never settle for a second place if he offers it to you. That is just disrespectful.
I hope this helps answer your question.

[Oshosh01]

One of my guy friends I have known for years asked me on a date and I said no. It was because I wasn't attracted to him. He would of been great to me, but I just didn't feel it. I felt so sick rejecting him because I loved him as my friend. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't feel jealous when he dated others. I wanted him to find love. I was only hurt that he stopped talking to me because he just couldn't after the rejection which I get.

Now... There was another guyfriend I had. I only knew him for a year and I didn't like him like that at first, but that was because he was seeing my friend, but then stopped, then he was gone to Texas, then work, but we texted almost everyday after being friends for 6 months. I realized I really loved him when he left for deployment. Before we left we talked had massive feelings, then he basically said "too bad should of liked me at first" I Tried getting him back for a year. He was going with other girls which killed me inside but that's my fault. I went with guys because he basically said it wasn't going to happen. All I have to say is leave and if she comes back wanting to work it out with you and realizing what she's lost then she really likes you. I mean I tried for a damn year to get this guy back! I really liked him and realized a lot. If she does want more make her beg for it :)

Moral of the story is... Sometimes the connection is there and other times it's not. Sometimes leaving makes people realize things...

[Asker]

Thank you for your story. I guess right now I am the guy in the first story. We were good friends and a lot of people thought we would be great together. I waited for the longest to ask her out because deep inside I knew she was not into me but one day it was too much to keep inside and I confessed my feelings to her. She rejected me saying that school comes first. She started dating a guy two weeks later. I was devastated and felt that I was lied to. I ignore her because staying friends hurts me a lot. I am also sad because the guy she is dating has a girlfriend so I do not know how that is working out. None of my business.
Right now I am just working on myself. I already bought a new car, lost quite a few pounds and gained some muscle. I recently move into my own apartment and I am going to adopt a kitten by the end of the year to feel more responsible. I also started eating healthy and stopped having alcohol in my diet.
I hope everything works out well for both of us in the future

[Asker]

I also think his reply "too bad, should of liked me at first" was a little bit rude. I know he must have felt an ego boost but in my opinion, one should never be rude. Nevertheless, I applaud your dedication to get him back. Doing so for one year shows that you genuinely liked him and did not want to use him for an ego boost/as a back up. At least that the impression I am getting.
Either way, we learn from our mistakes and I am strong believer that whatever happens, happens for the best. I also believe that if it is meant to be, it will happen. God, I am so naive :)

[Oshosh01]

Woaaahhhhhh!!! The guy she is dating has a girlfriend already? Oh honey... Her and God did you a favor. You don't want her, it already shows what kind of girl she is. My best friend goes with other guys who are already committed... She is just either desperate for love or because she got burned so badly she knows it won't work out so therefore she's not investing and getting hurt

[Oshosh01]

Yeah well maybe I dodged a bullet too? I don't know? thank you for applauding me for hanging in there. I truly did love that man, but I'm so mad at him right now!!! Yes we talk still 😒 I just understand him is all which is rare to find with someone else.

Hey! At least she didn't "try to be nice" and lead you on. A lot of girls think they're doing the right thing by making excuses when really the guys hold on and wait. I have to many guy friends that I grew up with who all went through the "she's leading you on not to hurt your feelings" stage. They get so bent out of shape! I rather see their egos burned for a month than their heart broken for up to a year. That's why I tell the truth.

[Asker]

The thing is that I am not 100% sure he has a girlfriend. When we were out with other guys he told us that he had a girlfriend and that he is going to visit her in the summer since his GF's father is coming back from deployment and it is going to be a family reunion. That guy also told me on another occasion that he has a girlfriend. The thing is that he never mentioned details such as her name or how long they have been together. There are also no pics on the web. Either he is blowing smoke (if so, why?) or it is the truth and the whole thing is a mess. What do you think? Why would a girl date a guy who is in a relationship anyway?
A lot of people told that it is best that were are not together. She did some bad things to me that I wonder why I still think of her.

[Asker]

I honestly got pissed at her for not telling the harsh truth. It hurt so much more when I saw her dating that guy. Like, why can't you tell me that you don't like me in the first place? Saying that school keeps you busy only generates small hope in the back of your mind and makes you wait. I still hate her for that. In fact, I dated some girls who are much better than her in the meantime but I just can't forget her. I know time heals but I just need to find someone to replace her in terms of affection. Any advice on my situation? I also need to stop being "a nice guy". We seem to finish last most of the time. Need to get more confident and selfish.

[Oshosh01]

No. The nice guy doesn't finish last for a women who actually wants to settle down and commit. It makes me sad to see that when guys get burned so bad that they resort to being mean. I wish I had a guy who was so kind where he didn't treat me like garbage. There are reasons why I stay though, but if/ when we break up, that asshole is not going to stop me from being the nice giving girl that I am! Hang in there and sadly it does take time, but you need to take the steps to get over it faster. All you need is confidence, but remember this, confidence is easy to come by, but it's very hard to keep it. People are always going to try and destroy it.

[Asker]

I hope you I will find that girl who will appreciate my kind personality. I do not understand why some men treat ladies like garbage. That is just so mean and not gentleman like. It seems that for me it takes ages to get over someone I truly love and I take every step to make it faster such as avoiding the person, deleting all contact information and leaving the group where we met. I am a lonely wolf right now and it is depressing but that is what helps me get over her. I am trying to restore my confidence but sadly it is not as easy as it seems. I am sure everything is going to work out just fine for all of us.

[Oshosh01]

The guy who I was in love with told me "even if things don't work out the way you want them to. It will still turn out okay." He was right in a sense. I mean I'm not happy right now, but it has to get better! cutting off contact is the best way to go. Meet new friends it helps. Not saying of the opposet sex but you need a new circle!

[Asker]

Did it happen to you recently? I think that every rejection is a step closer to the love of your life. We may not think of it like that at this moment and may be unhappy with our current circumstances but in the end it will be much better than it is right now. We just need to wait.
I have cut off all contact and I already found new friends through my new hobby. It helps me forget her but at times I feel like I did the wrong thing by cutting off as I miss my old friends and it decreases any chances of reconsideration in the future. Or maybe it increases, I do not know.

[Oshosh01]

Ummm yes it did happen to me recently. To be honest with you, when you are ready and really feel that you are over her then start going back to your old friends but continue with the new ones as well. Just ease into it. Love sucks, it really does lol let me know how things go!!! I know your pain only I'm stupid and tried for a year only to still get rejected lol

[Asker]

Hey. Thanks for all the advice. I am still not over it but hopefully I will be by the end of the summer.
As far as you pursuing a guy for year, you are anything but stupid. You put genuine effort to get that guy back. If you had given up after a short time, then you would not have been serious. At the end of the day you need to tell yourself if you did everything you could to get thin back. And yes, you did. It is his loss, and you are not stupid. Never say that about yourself, ever.

[Oshosh01]

I'm hoping you will be over her too! It's hard when the heart wants what it wants. I don't give people a hard time when they like someone who is... A liar, cheater, no morals, etc... It is what it is.

Thank you for saying I'm not stupid, but sometimes it sure feels like I am/was. There Are good people out there! Don't lose hope and continue to be the good man that you are. Don't ever change for the worse because of pain. Change for the better.

[Asker]

Hey. Thanks for the kind words. I don't want to come across as a creep but do you want to stay in touch somehow? You seem like a cool person to be friends with.

[fauchelevent]

Nope. One of my male friends did confess his feelings for me and I did reject him. I felt super bad for doing it but I also didn't wanna be in a relationship because I felt too guilty to say no. We soon lost contact after that which was sad since I'd known him from about 7 years old and it was sad that he couldn't still be my friend but I understood that it was hard for him. I don't miss him anymore seeing as it's been a long time since I last spoke to him but I did for a little afterwards. I don't feel like I made the wrong decision though.

I suppose that I would reconsider it if I ever interacted with him again whilst not in a relationship and felt like I had any romantic interest in him at all but ehh. I can't see that happening. I have no idea whether he has a girlfriend or not but I can't imagine feeling jealous about that.

[Anonymous]

Depends if circumstances change...

My college is in the same I still live in. I have become what's considered to be successful. I have a high income job, wearing 2 thousand dollar suits, and an expensive watch.

A pretty good number of girls that dumped me, or rejected my invitation to a date prior to me becoming successful have asked me out. i do not accept their invitation

[Asker]

gold diggers man. Stay away from them

[Opinion Owner]

Yep... I still end up dating a lot of gold diggers. Just the difference is the ones I used to ask out in college they were 7's and 8's are now rejected & I date gold digger that are 9's and 10's, ha

[Pacificblue62]

Circumstances always change. If I were to see someone who rejected me ten years ago in high school the dynamic will have changed completely from then because I'm not who I was back then. Even someone a few years ago. Its a brand new ball game. Like we're strangers. People change as time goes on.

[Christine888]

I've had this happen a few times and though I've missed the friendship it is rare that i regret my decision. Especially when they don't grow up and still hold that decision against me. The only thing that may make me look at things differently is if they have grown and matured. Sometimes your not at the same place and find later you are but to get there you both need to let go and live your lives. Don't hold on and wait because you could be waiting forever for someone who won't see you the way you want and need and the way someone else might one day.

[Anonymous]

If we were just friends or better yet we weren't together then no I've never reconsidered it. I almost did once but I realized I was making the decision out of fear of losing him for good and not because I was really interested in him, I figured that out in time before I really hurt us both though. If he found someone else but that would be more because I wouldn't want to share him but that is unfair and I would pull my head out of my butt quickly and be really happy for him. If he was a a very close friend then I love him (even if I'm not in love with him) and him happy makes me happy.

[TayTay21]

Yes, if he's changed or circumstances are different. I have a male friend who used to be fat but got himself in really good shape. He's now on my radar, though he may not know it lol. There have been other guys I wouldn't date because we would've been long distance.

[Asker]

I see. Have you tried contacting him? If yes, how did it go?

[TayTay21]

Nooo, I don't chase guys.

[Asker]

Then why is he on your radar? Do you hope that he is going to ask you out again?

[TayTay21]

I just mean that I'm attracted to him now. If nothing happens, that's fine, too.

[kittykatbrat]

a1. How do I feel rejecting men = I always see it as their happiness vs my misery.
a2. Men aren't my friends and sadly none who "try" ever cut contact with me.
a3. I never second guess men I reject, I just wish they would leave me alone
a4. I feel relieved when I see the men I reject with other women. Its like FINALLY!

[--kate]

It depends, because in my experience my friend conveyed his feelings right after my break up with my ex. I rejected him because I wasn't ready plus the wounds were still fresh. But he's really a great guy! A good catch.. I told him not to wait for me anymore because I wasn't even sure if I can move on for a couple of months cuz it might take years. I feel so bad after telling that, but I don't want to give a false hope. Maybe the timing was the problem. And then I've found out that he's seeing someone new and I'm so happy for him because he's found a girl who can love him back. So it really depends on the situation.

[Shorty1991]

The last guy I rejected, I had a good reason to do so and no. I would not reconsider going out with him now.
A guy that had a crush on me years ago and never acted on it. I've pretty much written him off too.

[Smmyskittles]

No.

I remember WHY I rejected him. Unless something has changed, the reason usually still stands.

[Asker]

What would need to change for you to reconsider him?

[Smmyskittles]

The reason would have to change.

Ex: He doesn't talk to me for up to a week at a time, but has no actual reason (s).

- He'll have to take time to show me that's changed. Saying it doesn't mean shit to me.

Ex: Never went to the gym or ate healthy

- Start eating and treating his body right. That'd be shown over time as well

[Asker]

I see. that is what I am doing right now. I hit the gym, bought a new car, moves in on my own and adopted a kitten. Want to be a responsible man from now on. I also started eating healthy. I doubt it will change her mind but I just want to show her that I can be a better man.

[Smmyskittles]

Your writing style is familiar. Do I know you? Trying to put my finger on it

[Asker]

I do not think we are acquainted. Where are you from?

[Smmyskittles]

lol and with that answer, I do know you.

Goodluck with the chick

[Asker]

lol. I just checked your pic, and I do not know you. You may know me but I definitely do not know you. And thanks!

[hannaxx]

Yeah, a friend of mine confessed to me around 2 years ago and I rejected him for a couple of reasons. Last year I was thinking about him and I wondered if I should have gone out with him but I wasn't ready to commit in a relationship at the time.

[Asker]

Thanks for sharing. Did you actually try to reach out to him?

[hannaxx]

Yeah but he had a girlfriend and I wasn't interested in being his side chick.

[Asker]

I see. Are there ever girls that are happy being a side chick anyway? Just curious.

[hannaxx]

Some girls I guess.

[OleMissMiss]

No, if I rejected him it's for a very good reason. I've no interest in repeating past mistakes.

[Asker]

What past mistakes are you referring to? Have you reconsidered someone in the past and it did not work out?

[OleMissMiss]

No I'm talking hypothetical - if I've rejected someone it's for a reason. Why would I return to them? It doesn't make sense to live in the past, I made my choice and I move on to better things. If I had any doubts I wouldn't have rejected him to begin with.

[Asker]

Got it!

[desidoll]

Yes but it didn't work well. My first decision is always right though.

[Asker]

Why did you reject him in the first place? Why didn't it workout?

[desidoll]

He seemed to have huge insecurity after he lost his job. I told him we would work it out together but he kept and being so negative about himself. When I rejected him I thought that he would get better as I assumed he would take it as a lesson knowing that his attitude turned me off. Unfortunately, it doesn't change anything. He's still the same person :/

[Asker]

Well, I would be insecure as well if I lost my job. It is your source of income after all and without money you are doomed in this world. I am glad you wanted to work it out despite his loss of income though.
I recently realized that I have some behavior issues that turn down women. I am a needy and whiny guy or at least I used to be one. I identified these traits and now I am watching what I say in front of people. Trying to be more confident and relaxed about things even though on the inside I am completely different.

[desidoll]

It's good that you have identified your issues. At least you could improve your personality to be better. But really, guys being so negative about themselves is a turn-off as it shows lack of confidence

[Asker]

So true. I always have low self-esteem and thus, lack of confidence. Recently that has changed though. I have become more confident in my abilities and I have started treated myself better by going to the gym etc. Are there any other personality traits in a guy that you find repulsive? I am just trying to get as much advice as possible to improve even more. :)

[desidoll]

Every girl has different view of what is repulsive. To me, I wouldn't like my man to be too dependent (I've dated one) and clueless about what they want. I want him to be someone who know how to control things and make his own decision.

[WillowTree]

I'd feel bad that I lost a friend but I respect his feelings and give him space.

[Asker]

I see but you did not answer the main question. Have you reconsidered a guy you rejected in the past?

[WillowTree]

Never. I had good reason for saying no, and nothing based on looks, just character.

[Anonymous]

If I rejected him simply because I do not have any feeling in him I don't think I'll get jealous/regret even if he starts dating other girls

[ElissaDido]

🤔🤔🤔 Not really...

[Blueeyes81]

You have a better chance at winning the lottery.

[datgirl]

Not one single one lol.

[anonman32]

im interested in this. i want to know too.