Girlfriend going to a concert with a guy? Is that cool?

[MyExperience]

So my girlfriend of 8 years with some huge ups and downs (she has a drinking problem and turns violent) wanted to go to a major country concert a couple hours away. When I said I wasn't into it, she posted on FB that she was looking to go if someone had any extra tix avail and is fun at concerts. She told me that her friend from HS reached out and invited her (he bought two Tix but recently broke up with his gf) when I told her it bothered me she said "it's the same as when you go to things where all these young girls in bikinis are at without me" referring to when I hang at the beach with my buddies and their wives and wives younger sisters while my girlfriend is working.
Also, she changed her FB settings so I can't even see her friends unless they are mutual friends. Says she doesn't know how to fix it.
Before she confirmed this concert date I invited her to a different local concert for the night before and now I'm not even sure I want to take her.
Should I be concerned?
Happy to provide more info if you need it.
Thanks.

It's no big deal he's just a friend

It's a big deal but just trust her.

It's a big deal break up now

Other (explain)

Updates

+1 y

Also, should I still take her to the other concert the night before her "date"?

Updates

+1 y

Since our argument about it this morning, I've not responded to her calls or texts but now she's being all lovey dovey texting me about wanting me (sex) tomorrow night. What's up with that?

[Anonymous]

Yea as a guy who has been cheated on with "Just friends" before it is a big deal! Also, as far as changing her settings and "not knowing how to change it" she is most likely lying. Go online find out how to do it then tell her "I can do that for you" If she still refuses, guaranteed she is hiding something, breakup!

If not I'd try and score two tickets (Better than his if you can) and surprise her with them. Also, maybe have a talk about her talking to guys. One more thing! She has been with you 8 years, she loves you but she is beginning to get impatient. She wants more, at least moving more towards marriage. If you don't move in that direction (give her a key/move in/propose) you will probably loose her shortly.

[MyExperience]

I was really hoping to see her change her drinking habits and crazy behavior when drunk before I make a life long commitment. 2 tx would cost me like $7-800 and for an artist that I only know like 1-2 songs, that's a pretty big pill to swallow.

[Opinion Owner]

She has drinking habits and she is going to an alcohol filled essentially party with another guy? Yea I wouldn't trust that, at all, ever.

[OlderAndWiser]

It is a big deal because she changed her FB settings to keep things away from your eyes. There is a difference between you going someplace where there are women and her driving 2 hours with a male friend from the past to go to a concert together.

You need to talk to her about how her actions are undermining your trust in her and this will have serious repercussions for your relationship.

How is it, at your age, that you have been dating for 8 years and have not lived together/married?

[MyExperience]

Largely because of the drinking problem. After an episode we go on a break then she begs and pleads that it won't happen again so we get together again. If It weren't for her psychotic behavior every 4-6 months we WOULD be married and or living together.

[OlderAndWiser]

Is she involved with AA? If not, your life will be like this indefinitely. Do you want or need this kind of drama?

[MyExperience]

She won't go. Says she doesn't need it. I keep giving her the benefit of the doubt that it (her violent behavior) really won't happen again.

[OlderAndWiser]

So you are addicted to her?

[MyExperience]

Yeah probably. The sex is great.

[OlderAndWiser]

In my experience, alcoholic women are very uninhibited in bed and that can cause the sheets to catch on fire! But. . . is the sex enough for you to stick with her for the rest of your life? You already have a huge investment in her.

[SarahsSummer]

You don't have to be an alcoholic to like sex😜 But in your heart of hearts do you really think she'll ever change or give up the drinking?

[OlderAndWiser]

@SarahsSummer Yes, that is the important question.

[xobrowneyedbeauty]

Going to the concert with a guy friend is no big deal. Her having her friends hidden is also not a big deal because I know plenty of people who do that. What's a big deal is that she drinks and then becomes violent with you. And what is also a big deal is that clearly you two don't trust one another. That's not a good healthy relationship.

[iwillansweryoutruly]

I'd put my foot down and say, no way... it'd be disrespectful for her to go with another man, UNLESS this is a long term friend/buddy that you know equally well and are comfy with. Just some random "knew ya back when" dude should not be taking your woman who will undoubtedly get hammered and we all know where that leads...

[MyExperience]

She said she's staying at a girlfriends house and taking an UBER to and from the show. Meeting the guy at the venue as he's driving in from another state. She offered to call me when she leaves the concert and she'd call from her girl friends house when she got there to sleep and then drive to my house first thing in the morning. What do you think of those offers? She has also offered to tell him she can't go but I don't want that guilt on me.

[iwillansweryoutruly]

Personally, I wouldn't go for it and here's why... in my mind, if I'm true to my man, I don't put myself in situations where anything potentially negative to the relationship could happen. It's just more ethical. There wouldn't even be those questions abound... it just wouldn't a potential in the first place.

[MyExperience]

That's pretty much the way I think
last month I got free tix to a concert and even though her and I were on a break, I specifically didn't invite girls to go with me (I had 4 free tix) I invited 2 guy friends and the fourth went unused.

[feminismisnarcissism]

good answer. ^^^ this girl's a keeper :)

[Anonymous]

You guys just seem to have issues. You know, I wouldn't do anything that made my SO legitimately uncomfortable, and I expect the same back. Trust.

[MyExperience]

Thanks. That's what I say. I would never intentionally do anything to disturb my girlfriend. Or anyone i care about.

[alice55]

It's just a concert nothing to worry about but if you don't trust her just go with her and his friends.

[MyExperience]

It's just the two of them his tickets.

[alice55]

Then invite you. I know that if I was going at a concert with a guy my boyfriend will just invite himself XD
You can go with them. Nothing wrong with that.

[posted]

"she has a drinking problem" Great sign for leaving her alone with a random guy.
"going to a concert with a guy?" Ehh I wouldn't be into it.
"recently broke up with his gf" Yeah ans has two tickets handy, what a coincidence.
"she changed her FB settings so I can't even see her friends unless they are mutual friends. Says she doesn't know how to fix it." BULLLFUCKINGSHITMETEROFFTHECHARTS!

A girlfriend with drinking problems going to a concert and getting groped 30 times is already uncomfortable enough, going specifically with some guy who just broke up... Yeah thats the same as you hanging out with friends at the beach.

[wolfie12]

I'm all for the freedom, and trusting etc. But lately I had bad luck with my dates, 2 of girls were in relationship but "forgot" to tell me. They wanted to get out of those relationships and they started dating around so they'd have impact cushion below them when they break up.

They told they bf's they are just going out with a friend and that there will nothing be happening. Nothing happened since I quickly found out and didn't want to be that guy, but in my opinion it was downfall of relationship.

On the other hand I have female best friend whom I go out one on one quite often (she bas bf) and there is honestly nothing happening between us, but neither of us would go out with some stranger one on one though.

I dont want to scare you, or make you not trust her, it's just something I observed and that will probably keep me on the lookout for the rest of my life

[MagiAlphaOne]

REDFLAGS all over the place!

DROP HER NOW!

She's an alcoholic and violent. Later she is all "lovey dovey". What a HUGE mood swing!

The next argument you have with her could result in you going to Jail. False Rape and/or false domestic violence charges are in your future!

[MyExperience]

I have worried abut all that.

[MagiAlphaOne]

@MyExperience, stop worrying and start DROPPING! DTB!

[Loveherbut]

Man thays why i dont do realtioships anymore
She seems that she want revenge and she didn't trust u
I guess if she did ask u not to go and u did u kinda have no right to expect her to listen now its just selfish
And for me this realtioship seems toxic i had one before and didn't end up well

[feminismisnarcissism]

dump her. she's up to shit big time
best you dump her on YOUR terms, not after being cheated on-that's the plan. bullshit she can't figure out the settings-offer to help her, see what she does-she'll act squirrely as fuck and give more lies but NOT let you on her FB to fix it / and see what's up there.

[Jnerdy97]

Yea I'm not going to tell you what to do with your girl. I would just say no to my girl. Especially after she pull stuff like your girl. Why would anyone trust a guy that just got out of a relationship to take their girl anywhere. Especially if there's drinks involved. That's an accident just waiting to happen.

[Prof_Don]

The changing of the Facebook status, is some HIGHLY shady ass shit. I say break up now, she's probably going to cheat on you (or cheat on you again) at the concert with this guy anyway, so save the anguish and end this now!

[MyExperience]

She asked for my help to change it back and says It wasn't intentional to block ME out.

[Lookingforthetruth]

She might already been cheating on him and ready to monkey branch. Women start detaching months before they finally break up with you.

[Prof_Don]

@Lookingforthetruth precisely what I'm thinking too

[madhatters4]

it's not really a big deal. she wanted to go to the concert and since you didn't she found someone who wanted to go... it's not like she sought out a guy.

if you trust her then trust her in this situation

[Lawdog]

He trusts her to get drunk and violent.

[madhatters4]

@Lawdog what?

[far2gud4u]

Hmmm sounds like you guys have trust issues... Look at it this way maybe she will drink and punch him and you will have nothing to worry about?

[MyExperience]

She's told me her violence is only with me. And says with everyone else she doesn't have problems when she drinks.

[far2gud4u]

Then get rid. I would.

[xobrowneyedbeauty]

😂😂

[feminismisnarcissism]

he has a trust issue because she's being deceptive and up to shit, obviously. His radar is blinking and with GOOD cause. he should dump her-she's about to cheat.

[far2gud4u]

@feminismisnarcissism because you know the girl? Don't judge people because you have had a poor experience. I have a lot of male friends and I don't go near them in that way...

[iwillansweryoutruly]

I think the bigger issue is she has respect issues. She doesn't respect the relationship like she should, period, so yeah, the boyfriend will be on the defensive which will look like a trust issue. She needs to "woman up" and come correct, or don't come at all.

[feminismisnarcissism]

@far2gud4u drawing boundaries is NOT judging, got entitlement problems?

Personally I have far too much self respect to put up with a partner like the girl described. That doesn't make me bitter, it makes me avoid being in a bad position and everytime I dump a girl like this-I'm quickly proven right in that decision. He asked for advice and I doubt the advice of self serving women (like the one he described) is near as valuable as that of an actually experienced man. I've been with many healthy women, and many DISORDERED women and this sounds like the latter... my advice to him "she's selfish, run." Better?

[far2gud4u]

@feminismisnarcissism don't get me wrong she doesn't sound like a great catch...

[feminismisnarcissism]

@far2gud4u

and don't get me wrong. I have been burned-but don't mistake awareness for bitterness. I'm 43, I've been to the carnival and rode ALL the rides.. life's too short for bullshit. If a girl plays games, I'm GONE and with a new girl within a week... and then guess who's coming back looking for a puppy and finding me... with someone else. I'm simply not a puppy so I don't tolerate bullshit. "Trust issues" you can call it that, but it's more like... I READ women now, I KNOW what red flags are and I KNOW what's a waste of time... so my philosophy immediately became "i'd rather jerk off" and ever since then (long ago) I haven't had to... women are VERY attracted to men that don't tolerate bullshit... but only the good women keep them after a man crosses that line.

[far2gud4u]

@feminismisnarcissism Some women don't tolerate it either :)

[feminismisnarcissism]

lol "and you too" grow up

[singlebee]

I read your recent update... You have the horse's control in your hands right now... So don't respond to her immediately...

And my advice would be to get rid of her as she is a drunk violent bitch...
You can do better I guess

[singlebee]

Also I think she is doing all this to make you jealous...
She is being disrespectful to you by doing all this...

Put your foot down and don't let her go with that guy or threaten to dump her... if she keeps on being disrespectful to you...

[singlebee]

Also don't marry this drunky... don't make this mistake... ever

[MyExperience]

thanks.

[TheGreyMan]

She's toxic. Get out of the relationship and focus on yourself for a while.

[MyExperience]

Thanks. I really should.

[orphan]

who cares about the concert... you should go to hang out w/ your girl... but if you don't wanna be trapped in the car with her for 2 hours, then why are you two still together?

[MyExperience]

Driving with her us t the proven. Two tix to this show would cost me like $7-800!

[MyExperience]

**driving w/her isn't the problem...

[orphan]

that's about right for good seats at a concert.. why aren't you two married?

[MyExperience]

Because I've been waiting to see if she can fix her drinking problem. It's like we take one step forward then a blow out happens and we take two steps back.

[orphan]

you've given her 8 years man. might as well seal the deal as it's
evident you're not going anywhere.

[MyExperience]

I would if I didn't have to continue to worry about her destroying my house (furniture, doors, windows, a computer, etc) or having the neighbors woken up and call the cops from her drunken outbursts.

[orphan]

does she know you're down to tie the knot if she shapes up?

[MyExperience]

Pretty sure I've told her exactly that whenever she's asked about our future

[FallOutBoy2001]

Wait wait wait wait, baaaaaaaaaaaaack it up. $7-800 dollars for good seats at a concert is NORMAL?

[orphan]

@FallOutBoy2001 that's 300-400 a seat... yes

[FallOutBoy2001]

Yeah, I think the most expensive concert I went to cost 115 a pop and it was Blink-182

[orphan]

@FallOutBoy2001 where'd you sit? i feel there's no point in going unless your seats are good.

[FallOutBoy2001]

We usually sit less than 20 rows back.

[Reallio]

Thats super sketchy (the facebook thing). I meant to press option C but instead pressed D.

[fuqthegovt]

I've been in a couple psycho relationships like that (drunks and junkies). You are better off without her, even if you are single for life after.

[Anonymous]

A violent drunk? I guess if you haven't dumped her by now, why get upset that she's fucking some guy after a concert? You obviously know she's been doing that for most of the time you've been with her.

[NajemEddine]

my anti women bs radar says this is weird why not one of her girl friends
he broke up with his girlfriend so he is looking for his next hunt :p

[Lawdog]

"she has a drinking problem and turns violent"

Why are you there? RUN!

[Anonymous]

Most likely going to fuck him after the concert because she lost her judgment due to the alcohol but she'll never tell you.

[Jan1ssary_]

No its not good, you better stop this shi' dude.

[Anonymous]

You both sound too immature

[Anonymous]

it's a big deal break up now