Is it right to ignore someone to see if they care?

[Anonymous]

Me and a really close friend of mine have grown apart. I was just wondering if this is wrong just to see if she still cares about our friendship/relationship.

[btbc92]

Never play games with a person's heart. EVER. They will grow to resent you when you do this and make them feel like your manipulating their emotions. Don't do it. You want to see if a person STILL cares? Talk to them. Communication is key. And afterward, their actions will speak louder than their words. Don't be so childish or else this friendship will end very badly. Everybody at some point will grow apart, it's part of growing up as you learn about your sense of identity. But things takes time to heal. You are constantly learning about your friends and other people every day. Don't assume. Talk to her.

[creative_art]

I would say to not be afraid and talk to that person and live with whatever response comes from the receiving end. For me personally, ignoring someone or silent treatments is unethical and cruel. I always gather my strength and message them first and if they don't reply back or get in touch. I deal with the pain and move on to other things (family or friend).
At some point you just stop worrying and deal without fear by facing the reality. Then decide how you should respond. (Letting them know how you feel about the whole situation and moving on if they don't want anything to do with you)

[tarrycat]

If she's worth it, she will not put up with such behaviour. If she's not worth it, she will pat you on the head & reinforce you that the behavioural strategy you're using (ignoring her) is the right thing to do, since it got you what you wanted. A woman who has a lot of options will post you. GUARANTEED. You can test her. Perhaps she's low value, perhaps not. Go ahead. Good luck if it doesn't work.

[Battooot]

It's wrong, cause she might be doing the same thing. Or she might be thinking "maybe he lost interest and doesn't want to talk to me anymore". The best thing you can do is to talk with HER about it.

[Browneye57]

A close friend? As in someone you want to get with? Or just to talk to once in awhile?

In any case, ignoring someone you care about isn't right no matter what. Why all the games?

[Asker]

I'd love to be with her but she has a boyfriend and I respect that. I don't get why she pretends we are as close as before and when we're together she'll tickle me and be playful. What it feels like is she pretends I'm not there until no one else wants to do anything then I'm her second choice then she gets mad at me for not responding to her sometimes or missing her phone calls. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want our friendship to be over but that might be the healthy thing to do. We've both been assholes to each other. I just don't get how you can go from being so close to nothing...

[darkknight8909]

i was in a situation exactly like yours. the problem is she sees you as a friend and it's difficult for that to change. when the girl i liked broke up with her boyfriend we started hooking up and i was the guy she'd go running to for everything. and she didn't want to take things further than sexual with us even though she said she likes me and that the sex was great.

if she were to break up with him youd probably be able to get with her, but chances are it looks like you're a fallback guy like me. hopefully in your case it works out.

and is it childish to do what you're doing, yeah, but the test will probably work and give you your answer.

[Browneye57]

Gaah!! Friendship? What good is your friendship if she's just the user and you're just the beta-chump. Girls do this for validation and a backup plan. Don't put yourself there.
Go here, read at least the first two years blogs of Rollo Tomassi: www.therationalmale.com

[kaylaS91]

Is it 'right'? Depends who you ask.
Is it smart? No. Regardless of why you guys have grown apart now, if you start purposely avoiding her to see how far she'll go to reach out to you, she'd be perfectly justified in continuing to maintain this distance.

I mean- you should only put out only as much as you get back, right?

[Mikaychay95]

I don't get this strategy at all. For me it seems like the guy just isn't interested and therefore I shall move on. I can't tell that he's ignoring me to make me like him more. I think I've been through it before (not too sure what his intentions were) but I can tell you I seriously hate mind games.

[HOAAH]

I wouldn't ignore them if they said hi to me, I just wouldn't fully pursue the relationship if it seemed that they didn't put any effort in it last time.

[dragonfly6516]

If you feel like they are neglecting you, and you have tried talking to them, this is the logical next step.

[samhradh_leannan]

It probably will only hurt your friendship further. It would be better to make an effort to spend time together and get back in the habit of being in each other's lives. Falling out of touch doesn't mean they don't care about you.

[madhatters4]

in my opinion no. that's playing games and to me playing games isn't how i operate

[RJGraveyTrain]

I think it's wrong because communication is a lot more honest and to the point.

[Cosytoasty]

Just ignore her and don't care if they care.

If it's gotten to the point where one person has to think about playing this game, then there is no relationship left.

[Mofunfour20]

Sounds like a waste of time and hope. Just ask, or be direct. Beating around the Bush is shady

[ShaunaM95]

It's ok just don't do it for too long. And be sure to explain to her afterwards why you did it.

[Tony1974]

Sure. Absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder.. at least according to the old saying. IF she cares about you, she'll check in on you see to what's up.

[babeeeone]

You could try it. They might just ignore you back and you'll never get back in touch though

[Asker]

My fear...

[babeeeone]

But that'll show you your value to them and you can move on

[Asker]

That's the only good thing that can come out of that. It just sucks we where so close out one point...

[babeeeone]

Everything happens for a reason, and people won't stay in your life forever.

[meatballs21]

It's far better to get in touch with them and say you've missed them.

[Anonymous]

No, it's not right.
How are they to know our expectations of them, if we don't even say anything?

[Adigelunar]

no it is not good to ignore people they may feel bad because of it

[ItsurboyAZ]

Its fine. But be sure to let them know later , how you actually feel

[Asker]

Feel like she's not going to reach out because we are both stubborn/petty. Problem is she has a boyfriend and I have feelings for her. She made it seem like she has feelings for me and that we where close and each other's go to/ride or die, but doesn't keep me around anymore it seems.

[LooLoo1986]

Yes. Very childish but I've done before so I have no place to judge. Lol

[lovydoey]

Why not be upfront about it?

[Asker]

Because I've tried talking to her about it but she blames me for being distant when in reality it's her. She pretends like she doesn't absolutely nothing wrong

[lovydoey]

Well then why even bother keeping a friendship if she doesn't want it or appreciates it. If u ignore her, then that's all she wanted and is going to move on and live her life.

[Puppylove94]

Sounds a bit immature to be honest

[Anonymous]

Its childish and does nothing

[jjesica346]

Yess

[vicky4u]

yes
it is