All my boyfriend talks about is work and it's really annoying. How do I tell him this?

[Elarra]

Literally he talks about nothing else. I mean, he has good reason to talk about work because he may be getting a promotion and moving to a new city, which is really exciting. But it's been a month since he found this out and he literally talks about NOTHING ELSE. I was his biggest cheerleader for a while because he was saying he was doubting he was getting the position or that he's not qualified and I told him that he should be more positive. But now we're having conversations that last like...2 hours and he only talks about his job and it's not even about the positives! Mostly he complains about the negatives of the promotion and how much more work it'll be if he gets it. But then he'll add how some people at work are jealous of him or out to get him somehow.

It is SUPER annoying on a level I can't put into words. Like when I try to talk about something I'm interested in like my book I'm writing or my job or starting up my bakery, he doesn't even acknowledge what I say because he doesn't eat sugar and doesn't want to talk about cakes because it doesn't interest him.

I asked him yesterday to change the conversation and he snapped at me saying all we ever talk about is cake, which isn't true because he refuses to talk about it and has told me on several different occasions he doesn't care about it.

How do I tell him to find different subjects to talk about? It's to the point where I'm ready to get off the phone after 5 minutes or not even go to his house as often just because I'm sick of hearing about work.

[vonasaurus]

many men base their sense of self-worth on their work accomplishments. therefore, his job is a huge part of him and if you just say "i don't care, honey. now can we talk about something else?" he'll feel rejected and think that you being annoyed with his work talk=you being annoyed/unsupportive of him in general.

if you can, gently guide him toward other subjects: you can be direct ("tell me what you had for lunch/the football game/your new phone") or humorous (every time you talk about work, you make dinner/do the dishes/whatever). or you can also go the "hey honey, wait 'til you hear this awesome thing i did today".

however

if you've already done all of that, it may be time for some tough love, a la "i love and support you, but hearing about work all the time makes me feel x. can we please talk about something else?". keep the focus on your feelings, so that he doesn't think you're attacking him.

hope this helps ~

[BoopBoopBeep]

Some men base their sense of self worth on their work accomplishments, certainly not all of us, but I agree with you that he likely does.

[peachblossomluck]

Is he a Taurus? Is it like to the point where you're trying to talk about something else and he keeps the conversation back to this topic? Anyone who is obsessed with something or an obsessive person is going to be hard to be with or get along with. They are so hyperfocussed on whatever that they don't make room for other people. Next time tell him that you need to talk about something other than his job and if he brings it up, you're hanging up because you're burnt out on hearing about it for now. He's so obsessed he probably will bring the convo back around to it. So then hang up. If he wants to keep you, he needs to make room for you♡

[feligatr]

My moon is in Taurus & I've been told I talk about work too much...

[PrincessBubble]

The only thing I can think of is just dedicate time in your conversations about work.. so suggest to him 'let's talk about your work for 15 minutes, you can vent complain whatever but get it all out then I talk about my work for 15 minutes and then neither of us talks about work anymore for the rest of the evening'
& that can be applied to when you go to his house as well and if he is feeling stressed about work just do something fun together to get his mind off it.

[MovesLikeJagger]

You're being far too patient with this guy. Tell him you are sick and tired about hearing about his damn job all the time. Everybody has jobs, and everybody knows the problems that come along with jobs, and his are nothing special and definitely uninteresting. Next topic. The problem is, this guy seems incapable of grasping the fact that other people exist besides him in the world. Like his incredibly sweet girlfriend sitting right in front of him. I would lay down the law and say no more work talk for at least two weeks. If he still can't get the message, its time to move on. You deserve so much better than this self-centered egotist. Good luck.

[Prof_Don]

Sounds like a #FirstWorldProblem. Your man is a very driven, goal-oriented person... to the point that he obsesses over his success.

Make sure that you explicitly tell him when he is talking about work excessively. To be honest he may not even notice he is doing that.

[Elarra]

I wasn't aware complaining about getting a promotion was a sign of obsessing over success but okay. And I tried. He knows. Just doesn't seem to care.

[all_hayl]

I this question is old, but I was just thinking about this stuff so figured I’d chime in based on my own observations. I’m 38m, divorced. I think I’ve realized that this is a complicated subject.
“Short” response:
1) It gives them something to talk about. People don’t like silence, nor do they like being uncomfortable. Work is a “safe” topic, but it also can distract from talking about things that matter more. I’ve been in conversations with people who only want to talk about work, which is fine in moderation, but eventually I stop caring - not because I’m not interested, but because that’s ALL they want to talk about. It does get old. I sometimes try to change the subject, or ask something that matters, like “tell me about I recent challenging project that you did and what you learn from it or the mistakes that you might have made”.
2) People/men are insecure, and like to talk about their accomplishments/degrees/promotions/salary etc etc. Again, it’s a “safe” subject (read:boring). Same with sports, the weather etc. In other words, things that ultimately don’t really matter. But people like to talk about things that don’t matter and/or to share their opinions because it’s comfortable and it helps them to feel important (because they are insecure). Unfortunately, that is based on comparison with other people, which is another result of insecurity.

Anymore, if I meet someone (male or female) and they immediately ask “what do you do”, I answer gracefully and I’m fine discussing that for a minute or three, but I’ll try to change the subject to something that actually matters (which, admittedly, can be uncomfortable for people). If people keep talking about work etc, I lose interest. Work/career conversations are almost always the same.
It’s not about me and what I want, but I’d rather be around someone who keeps their mouth shut versus someone who babbles about inconsequential things. However, again, it’s human nature to want to talk about silly things that don’t matter instead of things that are actually important.
That’s my.06. Cheers!

[Peter_Penetrator]

Start telling him about all your bodily functions. Cramping, bloating, menstruating, get really gross. Most men don’t like hearing about that all the time. Once he complains, tell him you will stop if he does.


If you really, really want him to stop, mention all that above so others can overhear in public.


Now, if that’s too embarrassing for you think if something else that you can do to grate on his nerves.


Get a small chalkboard, if they still sell them, then do the whole fingers down the chalkboard thing.


Most people that have indoor cats will buy a small water pistol, then squirt the cat to stop unwanted behavior.


Any of these things you can do following any work related comments he makes. This will definitely get the discussion you want started.

[jshm2]

Bring up board games, his past, his hobbies...

This is literally a you problem as you've got nothing interesting to add and he's carrying the conversation.

Reminds me of a daft as fuck client we dealt with once. Where he starting talking about his golf card for three straight hours while in the middle of an important contract discussion for his multimillion pound company. I humoured him despite the fact I fucking hate golf. But after 2 hours I started steering the conversation away and the other guys took the hint and shut him down.

If you've had enough then you start to steer away before shutting him down.

[Arabian911]

i don't like to believe any story if all the characters was not involved but i have faced this problem with many of my friends you should be telling him the truth as cold as you can,, and tell hem to shut the fuck up,,, if that didn't work then you know you can always buy a gun just in case you had enough of his whining about the work

[BoopBoopBeep]

Kindly remind him that's it has been a month and you feel like the personal aspect of your communication has fallen by the wayside, and all now that is discussed is work. Keep it short, keep it to the point, keep the metaphor and hypotheticals out of it. Remain practical, both in your word choice and your expectations.

He may just be a narcissist and you're not as interesting to him as his job.

[HOAAH]

try to empathize with what he is feeling at work and just say the same kind of sentence over and over and hopefully he gets the message that you are a bit bored with that topic.

try to do something like plan an event together, and the you can talk about the event.
try to do something like, talk about what he likes to do besides work
talk about something you like to do

[SarahsSummer]

It's interesting that he complains you only talk about cake while you complain he only talks about his work. Maybe bring that up to him and make a pact to talk about something completely different and see how that goes. Even if it fails, it'll force the recognition that one or both of you is right and possibly promote a healthier balance of discussion in your relationship.

[Lelaila]

I know how that feels like. My boyfriend talks about his job as well (the entire day). I don't fully listen to him when he talks about that. I don't know any mechanical terms and I don't need to know how to fix a heater or something.

What I do, is think of other topics and then, when he's having a long pause, come up with that topic.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

To engineers that stuff is interesting about half the conversations with my dad and brother are about how something works and fixing something.

[Lelaila]

@sedrftvgyhujik Yeah, I know. Sometimes it feels like he forgets that I'm a girl, who can work with a computer, but not more than that.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

Thats fair enough though some engineering related things may be worth listening to if your an artist ie if he talks about welding mabey?

[Lelaila]

@sedrftvgyhujik I am an artist who works with pencils, paper, canvas, paint and a drawing tablet. His actual job is irrelevant to my skills.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

Ok yes it sounds like the 2 are pretty irrelevant to each other.

[Lelaila]

@sedrftvgyhujik Yeah, that's what my point was ;)

[mobiusforniner]

Be glad he does. My dad would come home from work, having had a bad day, and wouldn't talk about it. If I made the slightest mistake or i annoyed him, id be whipped with a belt until I couldnt see daylight

So, with my wife and kids, as much as they dont want to hear about my work day, I do this as a form of positive talk therapy.

Figure its better than the alternative.

[imtheman0048]

You don't. Reverse the situation I'm sure some of the stuff you talk about annoys him. I had this isssue with a girl before I talk about my job a lot but thats because im proud to be successful in an industry with a 90% turnover rate. Men tend to take a lot of pride in their work.

[Elarra]

I said in the post that he's complaining about the promotion... I actually pointed out to him that other than the pay raise that he's not said a single positive thing about getting it.

[imtheman0048]

Oh well. Thats a strange thing to complain about he can ways try being poor

[TooHot2Care]

Have you tried saying "You're boring me."

in the bitchiest way possible when he talks about work? Then wait for him to get ornery in response to that, and then when he gets ornery you take the liberty of

fucking his brains out?

[NyomiMcClinton]

I agree. I would be annoyed to. He is in a relationship so your feelings and opinions matter. Sounds selfish. What about how you are feeling? Can never be with a man that makes all conversation about himself.

[WaterRat]

Don't hang out with him much until he gets the promotion. I'd simply tell him I heard enough, can't listen anymore.

[Elarra]

But then I'll look like a gold digger.

[WaterRat]

This has nothing with $. if he can't stop talking about one thing you have every right for some space. The topic could be about his mom.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Maybe talk to him and tell him you like to discuss other
things besides work i know you don't want hurt his feelings
but sometimes people let their work go to their head.

[thenamesdesiree]

Wow. I have had something like that happen before but it wasn't about a job, nor a boyfriend. I had this issue with a friend. She was kinda rude though.

[Xoxoxooo123]

tell him that you don't want to talk about work & you instead want to talk about something else.

[Michelle33]

was he boring and annoying before? maybe he is just so excited about possibly being promoted that he is going a little overboard? maybe once he does or doesn't he will return back to normal.

[SHAHRUKH889]

I think he may be focused to his career wait for sometime more if nothing changes take him to a couple advicer

[Shy_Steve]

Us Guys find it harder to find things to talk about that's why we usually just talk about work because it's usually where we spend most of our time.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

Say, "talk about something else" or change the subject and not listen. Problem solved

[TikTalk]

Yeah, f*ck career and stuff let's talk cake. Do him a favor and break up with him so you can find a beta cake guy while this man grows and talks serious stuff.

[Reorx]

Tell him there's more intetesting things than work like you instead.

[Pizzalover101]

Ask him to talk about the things he likes out side of work

[yallxisxtrippin]

Dude probably doesn't have a life besides work. It's like that sometimes.

[spartan55]

People like that are so boring.

[Chrisinator13]

Just tell him to leave work at work..

[Dumbbong]

He seems to be workaholic... Life's like that too.

[Dude_91]

lame dump him.

[Lavitadifarfala]

Yes.