I am intimidated by blonde white women!

Question

Hi,

I don't know if what I am feeling is common . I am not sure even if I know exactly what I am feeling!

I come from the middle east. I am actually good looking, handsome. educated and well behaved. I dress fashionably , hold an academic job. I am 5 feet 10 inches and 168 pounds ( that is 178 cm and 76 kg.

I suffer a bit of social anxiety and some self esteem issues.

I live right now in Scandenavia where there is many good looking girls . They dress really fashionably and take care of themselves .

Now I keep thinking to myself that because I am not a 100% white guy that they wouldn't want to be with me. That they would have no attraction for me whatsoever because I don't have light hair and light complexion. That they would think of me as dangerous guy from far away land who just wants to use them or something. I am also very afraid to enter into a relationship because what if it doesn't work?! In the middle east I have been raised that women are weaker than men and thus more sensitive and vulnerable and thus a man would better know what he is doing 100% or never initiate anything with a girl. ( initiating in the middle east means engagement and then marriage)

So I discover that I am telling myself that unless that I know that I will marry this girl or that I am ready to marry her then I should never get to know her or date her.

I feel so much under pressure . I am not an experienced guy in dating at all . I have always been moderately shy and moderately introverted . So on one hand me feeling that I need to love a girl is pushing me and on the other side there is a preemptive guilty feeling saying to me that I am at fault because I will be just ''trying out relationships'' and that if I have one straw of doubt that I should abort the whole mission ! I am not interested in playing around. I wanna girl that I am attracted to and love her .

I don't even know if I am intimidated by blonde white women or just good looking women in general . I also have a guilty feeling that I am attracted to the looks of a girl when I see her ... but I am going crazy really because ...if I didn't get to know her ... her looks is all that I can see!

Please help me sort out my thoughts and where exactly is my pattern of thinking is wrong .

I would appreciate the opinion of girls ... also if you are a blonde white girl ... would you reject a colored guy as dangerous or bad ...? I just get this feeling that all women who look at me on the street are afraid of me and that they must be thinking I am dangerous or a criminal. yesterday there is a girl that sat beside me on the bus and half way through the trip she went and sat somewhere else. I immediately thought to myself that she thought I am dangerous or that I am going to harass her.

I am just so messed up ... thank you for reading all this ! please give me year insight

FloppyBunny · Accepted Answer

LOL you're kind of funny, in a nice and slightly neurotic way. It's not an insult btw.

I've never been to scandanavia and I'm not a blond white woman however I think you should get over your shyness and try to talk to some of the women you're attracted to. I think even in Scandinavia, women don't typically make the first move so it's imperative that you do.

The thing is, women often have an idea of the kind of guy we prefer. However sometimes we fall for guys we totally did NOT expect to fall for. Recently I developed a crush on a guy who was nothing like my imagination of the ideal guy. But I just really liked him.

Being of middle-eastern persuasion, you probably have to fight a few stereotypes to let those scandanavian girls know you're a good guy. Let's face it, there are a few scary stories in the news. But I think if you prove yourself to be a good guy, plenty of women will give you a chance (blond or not). You just have to show her you're not one of those scary guys. Be casual and friendly and ask out women ( be prepared to get rejected a few times because that's just a fact of life).

In the past, I've never been particularly attracted to swarthy complexions but now I know I am totally capable of becoming attracted to a guy of that complexion. It all depends on on that weird thing we call chemistry.

And lastly, please don't jump from "hi my name is..." to "will you marry me". Please understand that in scandanavia, things happen SLOWLY. First you chat, then you flirt, then you ask for her #/email, then you date, and if it all goes well THEN you get engaged and if THAT goes well THEN you get married.

I realize in your culture, initiating something with a girl=marriage but wouldn't you like to get to know the girl first before deciding whether or not you'd like to marry her?

best of luck to ya!

p.s.

What you wrote was real educational. I had no idea some middle-eastern guys felt this way. Does that mean middle eastern guys don't date, have GFs, and flirt? Do relationships really go from 0 to 100? (as in marriage)

Rubixcube · Accepted Answer

Well,I feel intimidated by certain good looking guys all the time!

Listen to me, dear,

if you want happiness & a good relationship,

stay away from women that makes you feel inferior!

Look, even if a relationship develops, you started with established feelings of not being "good enough".

Distrust develops because of low self esteem...jealousy...possessiveness & eventually a break-up!

I've been there, its a recipe for heartache!

Relationships are hard enough as it is.

You need to find a girl that makes you feel at ease. Makes you feel good about yourself. Someone that adores you for who you are!

Of course, also one that you find attractive... :)

Your outlook on relationships because of your background is very serious.

I do not think it is a bad quality at all! You respect women. A man that knows what he wants before making serious moves are very desirable (You are driven, have goals etc)!

I wish there were more men like you, being unselfish and considering a woman's

feelings before just sleeping with her.

If you like a girl, then become her friend. No intimate contact, just common interest etc.

Till you are sure she is the one for you...and move in for the kill!

I'm a personal supporter of good old fate, really.

God's hand has a way of placing people in perfect proximity, if it was meant to be.

The perfect girl might walk into you, when you least expect it!

You will know when His hand is involved, trust me :D

When I met my hubby, it felt as if we knew each other for ages (and it was only the first date! LOL)

It was so obvious..We were soul mates.

Good luck! And keep us posted

igivita10 · Accepted Answer

I am a blonde, white woman and I am very attracted to men who come from the middle east. I think middle eastern men are exotic and sexy. Therefore, I would not reject a middle eastern man and I would not think that he was "dangerous, bad, or a criminal". In my life, one of the men that I was ever most attracted to was someone that was middle eastern :). We never pursued one another because his family was against him dating outside of their religion.

Most of the women around you growing up probably had dark hair and darker complexions: So you may find blonde, white women attractive and intimidating because to you, blondes are different and exotic. Just try to approach a blonde woman like you would any other woman. Do not treat her differently because of her skin and hair. Approach her with confidence and she will believe begin to believe it and find you more attractive.

As for dating. Practice makes perfect. The more you date women the more confident you will become. And I believe that you cannot be sure to whether a person is right for you unless you really get to know them, the only way by doing this is by being a very close friend or by dating a woman. Plus, isn't it better to "try out a relationship" than to end up marrying someone that you don't know well, doesn't work well with your personality, and would eventually make your life miserable?

Also don't look at dating so seriously. Dating is not the same as being in a relationship. Its only a trail, that if passed, could lead to a rewarding relationship.

freefall7 · Accepted Answer

Ask her why does she have to wear so much make up to be so beautiful. That will kick her down a few notches. Invite her over to your place for dinner.  It doesn't matter what you make as long as it sounds French.  White girls don't eat much so she won't really know.  Get her a little tipsy, I suggest a white wine or champagne. After she's had a few move to the couch to look at your "photo collection".  This is where you bring up racism and slavery. She will feel guilty, and that's when you make your move.  She will spread faster than Betty Crocker. Enjoy, but keep an eye on your money.

DanielSan · Accepted Answer

Most guys feel intimidated by a well dressed hot girl...don't worry its cliche but be your self.

Its good you are concerned about using a woman...most of your culture doesn't care.

Good Luck...just be who are are and act on your gut

If you have a gut feeling to approach a girl just do it...if you get turned down its no worse than never knowing if she would say yes

ambertaylor · Answer

I am a white, blonde woman and I wouldn't reject someone because of their ethnicity at all. I don't judge someone by their skin colour and certainly don't look upon certain races as dangerous or bad.

All first opinions are based on looks, so don't feel bad about that., everyone initially judges one another on the outside. Sounds like you are a little paranoid about what people are thinking of you, you said here that you are good looking and handsome so you have no reason to feel like people are looking badly upon you.

If you aren't used to the dating then get to it, no better time to start, so get out there and give it a go. People learn from mistakes so if it doesn't all go smoothly at first then don't worry, move on, be patient and give it time. Just be confident in yourself and don't judge others, the only one who is pressurising you is yourself, why? There is no rush, just go at your own pace and find someone you really like before taking things seriously.

You don't need to be dressed like a model to be noticed by women, If you don't feel confident and comfortable in your clothes then get some new ones that you feel are suitable because if you aren't happy wearing your clothes it will show on the outside, women do like well dressed men so if you have some spare time, look up what type of clothes suit your body shape, hairstyle ect but only if you don't feel confident in yourself but if not then there's nothing to lose and get out there and get your woman.

Good luck :)

Starsinthesky · Answer

I'm not blonde, but I just want to tell you this : If a guy who isn't ridiculously older than I am comes up to me and says hi and we have a nice conversation, then I think he's cool and I'd like to get to know him. You also seem to be a little shy and awkward around girls, but don't worry, it's kind of cute when a guy's like that, and it's better than one who is cocky and arrogant by far. So go up to a girl and don't worry about the stress, just try to be friendly and funny. That always catches my eye :) And you don't need to be dressed like a model, because I'm a model and I don't really care how the guy's dressed as long as he takes care of himself and makes an effort. :)

elisa-360 · Answer

I am blond and caucasian and I prefer dark skinned men! ha ha reading your post made me laugh because I like middle eastern guys and always wondered if people could have such a particular attraction to something they are pretty far from being similar to.

Just get yourself out there! If anything, these girls will consider you foreign and sexy and exotic.

Good luck!

NirvanaChic · Answer

It's probably because of the fact that you are middle eastern. I have been reading a lot of bad stories about the problems immigrants are creating in areas like Scandinavia. For example, the crime rate has increased dramatically due to immigration. Many right wing political groups are becoming more popular because people are tired of immigrants in their countries, especially ones from the middle east. (Wilders)..It is very possible that these girls don't like you because of the negative stigmitism that surrounds your ethnic group.

jessicaga89 · Answer

I am a blond white woman, and I personally love darker men. I typically find white men with blond hair boring. I guess its just because they look too much like me. I almost always prefer a man with some color to him

stalinhornsby · Answer

Yea, I think most of us are intimidated by blonde white women. They kinda have the world in the palm of their hand ; and from experience they are only good for a few years before moving on. My brother lost half million dollars to one in their divorce. I like brunettes they seem to leave with their carry on and that's about it.

chiefnavarro · Answer

dude the whiter the women the darker they seem to like their men. I know from experience. I plan on moving to Scandinavia for a while just to see what happens.

Reeses-pieces777 · Answer

maybe try counselling or a therapist or I'm just kidding but seriously ask yourself why this is? is it something psychological?

Anonymous · Answer

why don't you find someone from the same country you are from! Oveouslly she will understand where you coming from more then an american girl.

man1234 · Answer

lol blonde's are the best

I am intimidated by blonde white women!

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