I miss my boyfriend so much it hurts, what can I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has been on vacation for four days now and he comes home on Sunday. I miss him so much!! I've been going on with my life as usual but at the end of the day I start crying because I miss him so much. We talk everyday but it's actually hard for me to do and saying good night to him is even harder.. I don't think he cries over me like this, he seems to be busy with fun activities while I can't wait for him to get home. I feel so ridiculous. I just want Sunday to come now. Seriously what can I do? I want to be happy not sad, I don't want to cry my eyes out before I go to bed.

[BasicFlake]

With all due respect you don't seem fully in control of your emotions in general. Crying every night over a boyfriend who has only been away for four days is WAY over the top. It's bordering on hysterical and I mean in the literal sense.

It will not do you any good to be this attached and this vulnerable. You are setting yourself up for ridiculous amounts of stress. You could also end up crushing the relationship with this kind of clinginess. It's not healthy, it's not proportionate.

[Asker]

I don't act out on my feelings. He does not know that I cry over him. But I've never been away from him this "long" I'm trying to get used to it. Other than that I'm a high sensitive person.

[BasicFlake]

You are too sensitive, too raw. You will get hurt a lot if you are like this, that is my concern. Even if you manage to contain it when he is around, how much of him not being around would it take for you to lose control completely? How will you ever cope if he leaves you?

You need to build up some resilience and some emotional independence, for your own good.

[Asker]

I know I've been thinking about it too. Since it's the first time we're away from each other I can accept myself for missing him a little too much. Do you have any advice how to be more dependent?

[BasicFlake]

There is no substitute for applying rationality, logic and reasoning to your own emotional impulses. You should apply sensible thoughts to irrational feelings and you should keep repeating and drilling those thoughts into your head. Don't just let emotions go untethered.

Realise that getting so worked up over your guy being away for four days is unhealthy and irrational. If you were with him for longer term then this will happen, you'll be apart at times. You've not broken up, he's not left you, he's not dead or in space, he's just away for a few days. He'll be back, there is no need to panic.

[Asker]

I think you are right. I keep having this castrophical thoughts how he's gonna change his mind and not come home or even cheat on me. I hate to admit but it's true. I'm not sure how to deal with myself.

[BasicFlake]

Focus on not trying to control things which you can't control. It sounds easy to say and harder to do but it's not that hard to do. Think of sitting on a plane and worrying about it crashing. Can you actually do anything about it crashing at that point? No, you can't, you're not flying the plane. So, you can sit there and panic yourself to death about an outcome that you can't affect or you can accept that what you CAN control is your sense of calm. Fear won't change the outcome, it will just make the journey entirely shitty. The fear is pointless. Fear is only useful when we have options. We don't have the ability to prevent someone from cheating on us. All we can do is to be the best version of ourselves, which should give them the least reason to want to look elsewhere. Respect that he has made a choice to be with you and be proud of that. Use it to give you confidence in who you are. Confident and centred people are always more attractive and pleasant to be around.

[Asker]

Thank you, that was very helpful and I feel better now. I'm gonna try to let go a bit and see what happens. I have been cheated on before that's where the paranoia comes from. I guess I'll have to stretch my back and be the best version of myself that I can be. I hope this will get better but I have some work to do with myself. I don't want to scare him away.