Should I restart a conversation with a guy I friendzoned?

[luna0609]

So I'd been talking to this guy I used to work with nonstop for more than a month. I loved talking to him because we had similar senses of humour and he was just fun to talk to. But he started getting flirty so i called him out on it (biggest mistake ever btw) and he admitted to having feelings for me. I told him I just wanted to be friends and he was okay with it and after a little bit more of our normal jokey banter, the conversation kind of died. I left him on read because i didn't know what to say and i didn't want to force the conversation. I assumed he would just text back but he hasn't and its been a week since we last talked. I miss talking to him and i loved our conversations. I haven't said anything yet either because:
1) i thought a little break from talking to me might help him overcome his feelings and
2) I dont know what the hell to say to restart the convo without it being super awkward.

So i guess what I'm asking is should I even restart it? He was such a great friend and i honestly miss our conversations so much but at the same time i dont want it him to be like "oh she rejected me and ignored me for a week and now she wants to talk again". Like i dont want to hurt his feelings more. Should I just let this friendship go? Or should i talk to him again? What do i say restart the convo with minimal awkwardness?

Updates

+1 y

Okay so I texted him. I said "hey so I died for a week. Whats up?" And his response was similar to something he would send me before he admitted his feelings for me. We've exchanged a few more texts and its like we got back into our old groove right away. But a lot of you are saying that texting him back like nothing ever happened is leading him on so should I keep talking to him now that I've started and the conversation seems to be normal?

Updates

+1 y

Also! I dont know if this matters but my friend is 5 years older than me so i guess he's more experienced when it comes to relationships and friendships. I have a ton of other friends I just dont have many guy friends thats why I'm on this website.

[Juventina]

I have a bestfriend whom I think always has feelings for me. Never truly admitted it, because he's always been in relationships. But recently, his girlfriend broke up with him, and all of sudden his flirtly behaviour increased. He started making subtle hints and advances. It made me reallly uncomfortable, but I didn't want to talk to him about it and hurt his feelings especially in his fragile state. He never admitted to having feelings, but it was quite obvious in his actions.

I started to feel guarded around him. We used to show more affection to eachother (like playful wrestling, or hugs). I had to stop that. I stopped compliments and stopped any behaviour of mine that might've given him the wrong impression. I talked about my boyfriend a lot more and treated him strictly as a bro. I noticed his flirtiness stopped and he started talking about other girls - I was relieved! I was glad to have my best friend back.

Look its up to your friend if he wants to stay friends. Of course he was "okay" with it because if you are an amazing person, he should still want you in his life. Just remember, he won't get over his feelings about you in a week. If conversation isn't the same as it used to be, maybe he never saw you as a friend to begin with. He probably thought you were into him. Anyway, now that you were honest with him and told him you would like to remain friends... He gets it. Understand it won't be easy for him at first, but if you want your friend back, shoot him a text to see how's he doing. Send him a funny video or GIF. Talk about the same funny stuff. Just don't be flirty or show any suggestive behaviour that will make him think "he'll have a chance".

Now, if he doesn't respect your friendship and tries crosses those boundaries again, thats when you should let the friendship go.

[misswierdo]

Firstly, If you don't message him now, a week later you would've hurt him for 2 weeks you see.
Do you wanna be friends with him or are you thinking about more now?
If you just want to be friends with him, be honest that this is awkward and that you miss him but be clear that you miss his friendship so he wouldn't think otherwise. There is no reason to lose a friend just because you guys got awkward for a while.
If you let the friendship go, you might end up thinking about it for a long time and regretting it.
And as far as him getting over you is concerned, help the poor guy. May be find him a girl. Help him get out there and meet new people and connect with somebody else.

[misswierdo]

Well, not really. I think you were clear when you rejected him so it isn't leading him on.

[BrittBratt2416]

Yes leave him alone otherwise you might give him false hope. He's avoiding you so he can move on from you and rejection, you trying to come around again is a bit unfair to him. Would you really like if a guy you like rejected you but kept trying to speak with you like nothing happened? Probably not, it's to painful trying to be friends with someone your really into.

[BrittBratt2416]

But why? Are you just lonely and want someone to talk to to or do you just miss the fact someone was head over heels about you and you miss the attention from that? Like why would you do this to this guy when you can find other friends?

[luna0609]

No im not lonely and im not doing it for the attention. I saw this guy as a really good friend and I cared for him a lot. I guess I'm not ready to give up on the really great friendship we had just cuz he caught a few feelings.

[BrittBratt2416]

okay no you can't have it both ways. you know this boy wants more with you but you just want to push his feelings to the side as if they don't matter. Chances are this guy isn't over you yet, thats why he walked away from you so he could get over you.. most guys do NOT want to be friends with women they are physically attracted to and want more with. If i was him i would do the same thing, he doesn't want a friend.. he wants or was looking for a girlfriend/relationship.

[vickynesse]

If I were the guy I wouldn't want to hang around with the person that rejected me tbh. Talking to someone after you've rejected them is kind of like leading them on. You don't want anything more from them than friendship but you keep him around anyway. It's pretty cruel.

[Iapyx]

Keep talking to him. But don't use the phrase "just a friend." Tell him something along the lines of "Hey. I miss you. I miss my friend. Want to watch Game of Thrones on Saturday?" Substitute whatever mutual interest you two have if it's not GoT.
Calling him "My friend" is important. Not "Just my friend." Friendships are valuable. Just Friendships are insulting.

[FatherJack]

Well put , the " just " does sound demeaning & makes the person sound worthless !!

[10dsw]

You can't restart the convo anymore - without legitimately pissing him off.

Basically if you text him again you will become "that girl". We all know her and describe her as the "annoying girl that can't make up her mind and that no one wants to talk to"

[Anonymous]

It's better to back off guys if they behave like that.
but it's rude to just leave him on read.
Sometimes things get complicated
girls are never sure about their feelings.
and boys are so sure about themselves (overconfident) so it happens guys loves every girl they get close and girls can't even be sure if they're in love or not.
it's not your fault at all.
from things you said I can understand you're not having much friends.
Try to make friends somewhere else.
Just let the guy get off radar sometime. I'm sure if won't text in 2 week he will be dead or found another girl for himself.
(not suicide)
Have faith in life and yourself.
Make amends with people you have in family and love them too.
Have a good day
Have a great life.

[ThisDudeHere]

If you truly respect him as a friend, you should just leave him alone. It is very unlikely that he has already gotten over his feelings for you. You trying to talk with him again just put him in a uncomfortable situation. It's best to just leave it alone. For his sake.

[Anonymous]

Speaking as a guy who has been friendzoned I think you shouldn't. When a guy has feeling for a girl that aren't returned than simply being around her can be a painful experience. When someone doesn't like me back I start ignoring them. Not because I'm mad or anything childish like that but because ignoring them is the best way I know to get over them.

[Sunshine8021]

I don't see why you shouldn't talk to him. He should understand you wanting to be friends. You were trying to be polite and give him space and you obviously don't want to hurt him. Just talk like you usually did and if he, for some reason, tries to blame you like you intentionally friendzoned him to hurt him, he wasn't worth you returning his feelings in the first place.

[BrettAC]

If you put me in the friend zone I already quit trying and won't try again even if you gave the indication you wanted more of just figure you were trying to tease and wouldn't take you serious.

[luna0609]

You wouldn't even try again in the friendship?

[BrettAC]

Yes i probably would if I truly never gave up just let her think I did so that if that one day came around and she changed her mind it all depends on the reason we became friends in the 1st place...

[FatherJack]

Leave him be , he wants more than you & can't have it , so friendship is over from his POV. I unwittingly " zoned " a female friend I was not attracted to many years back & she turned nasty on me , I did not know she wanted more & it was awkward !!

[Conspiracy_nerd]

Just be honest with him and tell him how you fee. It might be hard, but trust that will build a great foundation to a good friendship.

[foxman92]

yeah, no. don't do this. this will only cause the man pain

[Conspiracy_nerd]

Oh brilliant idea! Yeah lead the guy on to believe something that is not. She wants a friendship, and with that avenue she has a chance to be his friend. It's up to him to decide what he wants. But lying by withholding the truth, is wrong.

[Conspiracy_nerd]

I'm not sure about you, but I don't know anyone who likes to be lied to.

[foxman92]

she should let the matter lie. you cannot be friends with a man in this situation

[Conspiracy_nerd]

You know this how? You are 17, I think I know of what I speak. I've been in her situation, a guy friend caught feelings for me when I was in high school and guess what I did? We are still friends 15 years later, so don't tell me it doesn't work.

[Conspiracy_nerd]

It might not work for everyone, but the answer is no if you don't try. You can have your opinion, and I have mine.

[foxman92]

I'm not 17, I was just lazy with the profile. I'm closer to 30

[Conspiracy_nerd]

Well I apologize for the age misinterpretation. You can reject a man in a sensitive way and still maintain a really good friendship. It is either going to work, or it will remain awkward. I'm giving her sufficient advise from experience. She wanted an opinion, just be prepared for any outcome. At least try though and let the other person know you do care.

[Conspiracy_nerd]

If he doesn't want to be friends, then she doesn't need him anyway. Who wants to be associated with someone that stuck on themselves, to the point of believing that it is all or nothing.

[luna0609]

He already know that I just want to be friends. I told him that already and he said he understood and that he would get over it. And he was such a great friend. I really miss talking to him. But at the same time I dont want to hurt him. The entire reason I called him out was because I didn't like the idea that I might be leading him on.

[Conspiracy_nerd]

And you did the right thing by being honest, so if he doesn't reach out to you in the next couple of days, say something like this, I'm beginning to think that panda bears abducted you. If he doesn't respond, then you have your answer.

[luna0609]

But I was the one that left him on read so it's like im ignoring him not the other way around

[Conspiracy_nerd]

Oh I'm sorry, I read it the other way around. Well in that case, apologize, tell him that you needed a break and initiate the invitation to be friends again. If he doesn't respond warmly, then you will know that your silence killed the situation. You might not have known what to say at the time, and that is a natural reaction. It is not the best reaction. You did what you felt was right for you, explain all this to him. It's generally up to you.

[Conspiracy_nerd]

Either way, this is a lesson for you! Interpersonal relationships are not always easy.

[luna0609]

They aren't at all! I haven't had many guy friends so i dont have experience in this. Thank you for the advise!

[Conspiracy_nerd]

You will learn with age! I promise baby girl, it does get a little easier.

[PearIyn]

if you do message him it'll be like toying with his feelings. bringing him up and down. i suggest you don't.

[Jayson101]

you are being manipulative and indecisive leading him on. Just make a decision and don't be like that

[Topkek1]

Nope. The friendship is dead, likely forever. I've had the same experience as the guy you described, and the friendship died there and we never talked again after that.

[disgustingweebtrash]

You can't make it without it being awkward, you know how he feels

[StormRiderszz]

The problem is that u just helped him be in his friendzone list!

[TallAnon]

"Hey, sorry, I forgot to reply. Would you like to go out for a drink some time?"

[foxman92]

no. don't. if you do you'll only rekindle his hope.

[harryish]

No one wants to be friendzoned. Dont be such selfish. If you like a guy, why can't you be him?

[harryish]

Why can't you be with him? sounds so stupid you actually friendzoned him.

[flavonallie]

I second your opinion.

[flavonallie]

this was supposed to be a reply to conspiration nerd's opinion.

[sp33d]

Does the "conversation" have to be meaningful?

[chuy10]

just ask him what's he's been up to