As a virgin girl in a relationship with a non-virgin guy, I can give you my reasons. To note, my boyfriend and I come from different countries.
- The culture in which I was raised Maybe it derives from religious reasons, but not exactly. In my culture, virginity is a serious matter. Women don't own their body. There were an uproar recently because women who want to be police or army officer, have to go through virginity test. I think this whole virginity test is one of the biggest bullshit my country has, but it happens. In addition, men in my country also deem virginity highly. If there's no blood on the first night, it could be a disaster for the marriage, even though I heard that not all first-timers bleed. Of course, lots of younger, more open minded men don't think like this anymore, but still... it is just how society works. I mean, if a man had sex with many women, he would be deemed a hero, but if a woman had sex with many men, she would be called a slut.
- Promise to my self Mum said to me before I left to Europe, 'take care and respect yourself'. I know Mum would be disappointed and sad if I lose my virginity, so for the sake of her happiness, I promise myself to (try as hard as I can to) keep my virginity.
- Risk of pregnancy I know there are various kinds of birth control, but the risk is still there. I'm still focusing on getting my degree, unwanted pregnancy is the last thing I need in this stressful situation I am in. Also, for me personally, abortion is not an option.
- Psychological reason I know it sounds cliche, but I want to keep it to someone special and I am not ready yet. What if it doesn't work with him. What if I regret it. What if he doesn't value it as much as I do. 'He' here is general, not referring to my current boyfriend.
- There's no pressure to do so I told him we can't have sex very early in the relationship and to my surprise, he supports it fully (see, present tense). I mean, I love my boyfriend and we do have sexual attraction towards each other, and no, I am not totally innocent. But as he puts it, sex is only ONE of many ways of expressing love and affection. However, according to him, losing virginity for woman is a commitment because there's no way back. She must be aware of what she's doing and must be sure that she wants that. So, before I am 100% sure, he won't ask for it. (Isn't my boyfriend the loveliest? <3).
Psychological, like if you end up breaking up with this person and it doesn't work out. It's a lot easier to end a relationship with someone if you've never had a sexual interaction with them. STD's, like even if they're 100% a truther (Which sometimes people lie, you can never be 100%) there's a chance they don't know they have an STD, and then you could get it. Some STD's are carried in people but they don't have any side effects, but if they give them to you, you could get them. The risk of getting pregnant. Sure you can say, "Well I'll just get an abortion." But for some women they don't realize how painful it can actually be to get one. It's normalized now, but a lot of women have a lot of regret in getting an abort. Not all, but you won't know until you do it... And it's best to not have to make the risk to do something you "might" regret for the rest of your life. The purity of keeping it between just two people. There's just something magical about the thought of only having done it with your spouse. Like you both waited for each other, because you knew that the day you were married would be the day it was worth waiting for. Nobody else was as special, or as important as the person you are with right now. The person you chose to marry.
I'm sure there's other reasons too, but that's all I could really think of. I don't judge people for having sex outside of marriage, but I do believe that it's the best way to go. For a person whose not religious, then it's really up to them to make those choices, and those risks. They're not bound to their faith at all, and that's perfectly fine and respectable. For Christians (I don't really know about the other faiths ^^) I do think that if they're doing that, they shouldn't be vocal about it. We're supposed to live Gods word and show others how to live according to the bible, and if you're going around saying, "Yeah, I'm a Christian. Oh by the way I banged the whole football team!" Then that's obviously not something you should be saying. It's not my place to judge those who are Christian and have many sex partners either though, because I also do sinful things and I know that I don't enjoy having people judge me. Plus that's just hypocritical to judge someone for sinning while you also sin.
Here is what I think. I mean ut is a sweet thought to wait until marriage, it tells people what kind of person you are and all, it shows you care about your future etc. However, this is a very conservative ideology, and to be completely honest, most girls find themselves disappointed because in mist cases, the men they are marrying have already have experiences and done their first times. So, here you are, a grown woman virgin, with an experienced man, you're married and are preparing for your wedding night. You don't have to consider your husband when waiting until marriage. Again, it's a sweet thought. But you'll most likely end up in an awkward situation for yourself, you'll feel excluded and different from him, perhaps scared that you won't be good enough. Sex is supposed to please you too, not only your man. I'm sure the husband won't care regardless if you're a virgin or not, but as long as you're clean and honest, there is no problem with sex before marriage. That's just what I think.
Das a fuckin great opinion, I think it's best that a virgin marries a virgin because they will be more like each other and they both learn together and experience together , unlike if a virgin married a non virgin, the virgin would feel out of experience and triggered to try to be better which loses sex it's intimacy
Exactly. Sex is a pretty big deal in a relationship, and if the woman becomes awkward and scared when it's "too late" and they have shared vows, it can quickly become stressful and difficult. The "sex before marriage" ideology came from older times when it was only proper and obvious that marriage was the only way of calling someone a couple, so of course, sex only in marriage was crucial for both parts. Today, it's not like that anymore. Woman shall do as they like, wait until marriage. But don't expect the fairytale romance the first time you have sex. It's not a rude comment, it's a realistic statement. The world is different today.
It's not a rude comment or anything , I personally waiting till marriage and what you say is absloutley correct , although it's not a huge problem where I live
I can't think of any. I have asked my friends this question before and they said that they fear being just used for sex and eventually dumped afterwards. Many girls in my circle fear the idea of having to split with the person to whom they will lose their virginity to because they think they might not be "accepted" afterwards. I personally don't agree with that, even your husband could leave you anytime. It will be just called divorce. Marriage is a commitment with a paper and if he is to leave you that will require another paper to sign and that's all.
You'll find that most divorces are actually initiated by women (about 70% of them), so the chance of being divorced by a man is actually a lot smaller than you might think.
Marriage seems to have lost its emotional value to people. I believe marriage to be a commitment, not just a piece of paper. I can have it, just without it being on paper.
I just feel it's better to abstain than to end up struggling with pregnancy at a young age, when you still have a life ahead of you. And I don't even have the guts to consider abortion or putting up a child for adoption, so, why take the risk when I can wait till I'm married and have someone who would accept my child. At least it's better than getting pregnant for a boyfriend who does not even want children in future
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Personally, I think that sex being the most intimate thing that you can have with someone, I'd like to only do it with the person I'm going to spend my life with. If I did it with others who I didn't really care for or see a future with, it would somehow feel not as special when I actually did it with someone I really cared for. I hope that makes sense.
some *girls have this thing of not doing it with anyone even if they are having a healthy committed relationship becuz those girls dont trust their boyfriends even though they are dating them becuz you can't trust guysss as they keep on changing and you never know he might leave after you spend a night or two. just saying... this is my experience and opinion.
I don't want something like sex to ruin my relationship. I don't want to judge someone based on how good they are at having sex. I want someone that I love, not someone that I enjoy having sex with.
A few decades back the whole boyfriend/girlfriend phase of a relationship did not last as long as it does today. We have re-worked how we handle courtship in western society. I don't know that I will save myself for marriage, but I'm open to the idea because it has some kind of dedication aspect to it that I can't really put into words
For men waiting has not benfits other than being clean but if you use protection and choose wisely you should be good, actually waiting till marriage for men can easily backfire sense women love experienced men.
as for women, men dont like sharing so a virgin will always be liked more than a non virgin whether people admit it or not, it shows she has enough respect and a strong will to not let a guy touch her before marriage and guys simply love such women.
Cause i don't want give myself to a girl in relationship after 1 year and than she tells me, she is through with me or found someone better now days relationships are lucky to last 1 year.
privileges comes with responsibility... and sex increases ur aging process... both mentally and physically... so its better to act responsible than just have fun... and the resources are limited and the quality might not be the same... till the end
the girl will say they want to wait till marriage to filter out the real men, the beta will oblige and wait, while an alpha will just go for it and fuck her. Guys who say they are waiting for marriage are actually in denial and are pretending that they choose to remain a virgin.
Well I'm not a person that's waiting until marriage to have sex and for me you can never be sure the person is the right one, but I just guess that might be in the minds of the people that wait. So the marriage is a big step and people take it as a guarantee that they'll stay forever together, so that makes the person *the one*. Also I think love is more important than sex, so compromises can be made about it. Won't be the first nor the last couple like that.
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