Should I be mad if my boyfriend went to a stripclub?

Question

So. Long story short:
My boyfriend went to a stripclub without asking me if I was okay with it. Only told me he was going to the bar with his friends. I learned about the stripclub only two days later when he said a friend of his owned him 40$. When I asked why he told me that the 40$ was to pay him a dance. (Note that he did not feel bad through the entire discution) Surprised, I asked him why he didn't tell me about the stripclub that night and only learned about it two days later. He said he did not feel the need to ask for my permission nor to make me aware of it. He kept that cocky ass attitude of not having done anything wrong. He hurt me by not to even calling if I was okay with it...

I legit got pissed because I had a bad feeling that night and kinda was right to have it. Anyhow, I got serious trust issues whenever he is out.

Should I be mad?

freakyzeaky · Accepted Answer

It would of been fair and respectable if he would of at least told you where he was going. I don't believe permission is the right word, but he should of gauged whether it would of been something that would put a strain on his relationship and to weight his options. Should he compromise a part of himself and his attitude towards strip clubs for you or should he consider that perhaps you two aren't compatible enough. Some women are adventurous enough to go to strip clubs with their partners, secure in themselves and the relationship enough to know that her man isn't looking to fool around but just there to enjoy the show.

Personally I could take or leave strip clubs. As much as I love the female form and the allure of a woman who is forward and bold enough to present her charms, I think it is a big waste of money. Perhaps to experience a lap dance once or maybe twice in your lifetime is fine (some men see it as a right of passage), or to go to the club very sparingly for the experience is okay, but to make it a regular habit seems telling. Anything technically could become a problem if a person becomes overly obsessed, and I could see where this obsession with other women's bodies could put a strain on a relationship. The same goes for pornography; some women enjoy the occasional porn watching with their SO, others don't mind their SO's using it to get aroused when there is time apart, but there are still others that find it disgusting or merely disrespectful while their man is monogamous with them.

I also believe there is sometimes a bit of peer pressure involved for some men. Some men are afraid to come off too "whipped" or supplicating to their woman around their buddies. They might catch hell for it, their buddies making it reason to tease or look down upon a man who isn't "ballsy" enough to do what he wants regardless of his woman's "nagging". This isn't necessarily fair to anyone and I believe it to be immature to judge a man on whether he wants to make some changes, including his time spent ogling at strange woman's bodies.

In the end, I would imagine you would be more upset about the lack of communication than him actually going to a strip club. It makes the act seem all the more shady, even though technically many people see it as harmless. Lack of communication is deadly to relationships, and I would frame it that way if you plan on speaking it to him about it. If you really dislike him going to strip clubs, say so, don't hold back.

Plowboy · Accepted Answer

If you went out to a male strip club and didn't tell him do you think he would be made at you or does he beleave in giving you space and your freedom to have fun?

samhradh_leannan · Accepted Answer

I'd be upset too, and I think you have every right to feel the way you do. But it sounds like he is pretty set in his attitude about this. He doesn't seem very prepared to compromise or give things up to make the relationship work. I'd suggest talking to him about this at a neutral time, letting him know how much this has hurt you, and ask him if he is willing to work with you to find a compromise that you can both live with (if there is one). Otherwise, unfortunately, you two may simply not be compatible.

MiAmora · Accepted Answer

Well, I would be mad. He now has a lovely girlfriend and has to take care of her, love her and not go to the strip clubs.
I don't know about you, but I clearly said to my boyfriend that I'm not gonna let him do these things cuz he is allowed to have only one girlfriend, only one girl from which he could get sex or bjs.
You have a right to be angry. He has too good opinion about himself. Don't let him do whatever he wants. Make compromises.

Mekara · Accepted Answer

Looking at it from a neutral stand point:
He is wrong for not telling you, BUT at the same time... he's not your child. He doesn't have to ask for permission to go do something.

I believe he should have just shot it by you. Maybe a, "Hey, heading with the guys to a stripclub." You can't really tell him no though. Again: He's a grown man.

You can't be mad he went to s stripclub, but you can be mad he didn't tell you.

ImagineInsanity · Accepted Answer

I would. He seems to have little regard for you, not just because he kept it from you but also because of his attitude. Would he like it if you went to a strip club? If he wants to keep things like this from you, I would not trust him, and the fact that he does not feel inclined to ask your permission or share this with you seems like a warning sign to me. Proceed with caution--if you proceed at all.

BrileyCat · Accepted Answer

if he is not a live-in boyfriend there is not much you can do or say about it .
he hides things from you . and feels he doesn't owe you all that much .
if you and him live together and set up housekeeping then it's 100% unacceptable
to be blunt . get out now . walk away and don't look back . you will see
the meh expression on his face . that will hurt even more in the gut .

TripleAce · Answer

Yes you should be and not so much cause he went to a tittie club. Cause lots of guys might go but more cause its what their boys do

Like we have some army buddies that come down and we all go like once a year maybe. They're all married but its ok cause they don't touch anyone or get dances. Its just to drink and the girls are like background noise. BUT they all go with their wives blessings. And they always ask. If she says no they most likely wouldn't go

--> you face a much bigger issue. One where he feels he doesn't need to not ask you. And one where he thinks lying to you about it is better
--> that is shady and i wouldn't trust him either

Listening5 · Answer

I dont know whats the fascination with strip clubs now or in this culture. My culture doesn't really have strip clubs, they just have whore houses. And even so, not all men like it.
Why go there when you have your own woman. If one is not satisfied then get yourself two women or three but a whore house its not considered an option.
In my opinion, you are right by being upset. If you have a serious relationship then this shouldn't even be an issue but seriously, most people nowadays can't handle a serious relationship

BeeRight · Answer

It's a strip club. I don't like em or go to em, but it's a pretty common thing. Be mad if you are hyper conservative or 18. Otherwise like other folks said, tell him you don't particularly like the idea. But i guarantee you being mad and not letting this go will do so much more harm to your relationship than the visit to the strip club.

I'd assume this isn't too serious of a relationship anyway if you haven't even discussed your feelings on things of a sexual nature like this and established boundaries for each other. So even more 'who cares'.

Whenotlemur · Answer

Easy, this is unnaceptable. It's not normal to have a relationship and get your junk ridden by some topless or completely nude woman. This is something you discuss in advance. and unless your boyfriend is pansexual (which i think does not belong in a relationship unless both are) but i digress..

But listen; you are the woman, you have the power to make him see that what he did was hurtful and borderline cheating. if he doesn't want to respect you or your feelings maybe he should rethink the relationship. you dont want to just let this slide because this is the foot in the door. if you keep quiet about it now he will just continue or even push boundaries and just leave you miserable. trust me. i've been through a whole lotta rollercoasters by now, done stuff im not proud of. by making my misstakes it did make me a better and more conciderate partner in the end though.

GingerGuy · Answer

My first thought was maybe it wasn't his intention when they first went out... they just ended up there. But, doesn't sound like that. Regardless, you need to tell him how you feel about it and how it makes you feel (if you haven't already). I wouldn't be mad that he went necessarily (as it was probably just fun night out with the guys and nothing more, ie, he's not sleeping with them or anything. Even if he wants to, strippers don't generally sleep with their customers, ever! It's all about the money to them). But, I'd be upset with his attitude about it and how you feel. He needs to respect you and your relationship more than that for sure!! Even if he feels "he did nothing wrong", he needs to respect how you feel about it. Yes maybe nothing wrong, but something wrong in the way he's treating you for sure!

Audiofox · Answer

I like how even other women are bitching about this woman being "immature" due to their internalized misogyny. I haven't had a boyfriend yet who's been completely cool with the idea of me being at a male strip show or going to a club where everybody's on drugs and DTF.

Like grow a pair of balls and challenge men on their bullshit.

Mexicoman101 · Answer

Nah, you probably shouldn't. I think a lot of women don't mind because the strippers get their men all worked up before coming home & bringing that passion to the bedroom. It isn't always the same for all couples though. Really you shouldn't listen to me or other people or ask about how you should be feeling in response to this, i'm sure you can make up your own mind. Personally, I wouldn't feel threatened by it if my girlfriend were to like, hit up a male strip club with some friends if I trusted her.

Anonymous · Answer

the strip club i used to frequent, i can't anymore right now because i was in a live saving situation that i had to have done.. but anyway, one time i went, i met a guy there, pretty cool over all, but, he told me, every time he comes to the club, his girlfriend makes him sleep on the couch. so, even if he she's ok with it, she's still "punishing him" that night.. you can't control what people do, but, you can control how you deal with it

Izumiblu · Answer

Well, it doesn't seem to me lime you should be mad.. I mean I understand totally why you are and I wouldn't say you are totally wrong. But... on thevotherhand he clearly wasn't trying to hide anything and felt like he didn't do anything wrong. Every relationship and person is different. Wherever he came from he didn't see a problem. So if you have a problem with this then you need to tell him that you aren't cool with it.

RJGraveyTrain · Answer

Honestly I'd be pretty irritated. If he really wanted to go for whatever reason, at least run it by your partner. I'm sure if you wanted to go see a bunch of dudes take their trunks off and shake their dicks in your face his tune would have changed. I'm not big on strip clubs in general when it comes to people and relationships, it's one of those things where I just don't see the purpose, but at the very least you could talk to your partner about it.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I think he should of asked you first , if i had a girlfriend i wouldn't be going to any strip-club knowing that I had a girlfriend. I believe in a relationship both couples need to be honest with each other. You may want open a more wider door of communication with him and tell him how he hurt you don't take things lying down and don't be afraid to speak what's on your mind about things. Yes you
have every right to be mad but you and him need to open up more about things.

ffsxx · Answer

I wouldn't be mad at my guy for going to a strip club (though i get why some girls would be. To each their own) but I would be mad at him for not being honest. I'd want him to talk to me firstly, and second ANY lie is unacceptable. I believe in complete honestly in a relationship.

hamzael · Answer

Just tell him how he made you feel by doing what he did, and see his reaction. If he realizes that he was a jerk to you and tries to make it up to you, good. If he keeps on ignoring the issue, and acts as if everything is ok, then say nothing and start doing whatever you like without caring about him or his permission. Let's see how he feels then

erich1953 · Answer

I think you have a good right to be angry. Why a strip club and not a simple bar? He knew that it was not right, otherwise he could have mentioned it. What is not necessarily something to do with permission to do. How would he react if you went to a men's club? I think he uses your trust. , ,

zazuun · Answer

I would be.
That's something I don't do and would not expect my boyfriend to do. That's a boundary I would let him know about from the start. Bachelor parties or w. e else never an excuse to visit those places or even bring one to home.

zombiebabe · Answer

he sounds fishy and tbh him having a cocky attitude while talking about it makes it seems like he's getting defensive of something..
and he doesn't respect you to go to s strip club while hiding it from you

CasaNorba · Answer

as a person who enjoys strip clubs I say no just as long as he stays out of the champagne room.

just as long as he stays out of there all he will be doing is looking naked girls dance which I'm pretty sure he already does that when he looks at porn whenever you're not around. he can also get a lapdance but all the girl will be doing is dancing on him for a few minutes. either way if this bothers you you can easily tell if he got one just by smelling girl perfume on him when he comes home.

caligirl03 · Answer

I think I'd be ok with my man going to a strip club for a friend's birthday or bachelor party or something, so long as he were open and honest about it and as long as he didn't personally get a lap dance! Ew.

kaylaS91 · Answer

It's up to you if you feel like you should be mad or not.
You kinda sound like his controlling mother more than a girlfriend, though.

Asking for permission? Requiring that you be informed of every single activity he partakes in?
Girl. You need to check yourself before he leaves your ass.

dmac111 · Answer

The strip club problem is totally dependant on your relationship. If you have a problem with it sit down and calmly talk to him about it.

Should I be mad if my boyfriend went to a stripclub?

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