She doesn't want a relationship right now, what can you do?

[Anonymous]

Basically if a girl tells you she's too busy right now to have a relationship or that she doesn't know if she wants to start one right now but tells you she likes you and she knows you like her. we've been kinda going out for a couple months and this was the result when we talked about where we were at. anyways I believe her cause I know the issues she's dealing with right now and they are pretty major, and for the sake of this question lets just assume she's not blowing me off kindly haha.

So what are some options I have if I want her to be my girlfriend in the future, hopefully near future cause I don't want to wait forever and probably can't wait forever. do I still try to spend time with her and just keep showing her what a good guy I am, or should I just completely back off. what can happen in either situation. I know I can't demand her to choose now if she wants to be my girlfriend now or never, is there anything I can do or say to her to speed it up I guess?

[DoggyDude]

I have had similar experiences and gone the wrong way with both of those experiences. Firstly, I agree with all the other posters so far:

1) Whatever you do, don't force the issue any more than you already have! This is CRITICALLY important. Every time you make any seeming attempt to speed up the process of getting you two into a relationship the clock resets (possibly even doubles). I know this from experience.

2) Live your life, spend time with lots of different friends. Invite her to join you when you go out, but be casual if she doesn't accept (make sure you have a good time and next time you talk with her tell her). The most important thing is she shouldn't feel your depending on her, as that can feel like she is having a relationship implicitly forced on her.

3) Show your thinking of her, ask her questions about things you know matter to her. If the topic comes up of relationships, keep your position to a minimum "you know how I feel about you". Then move on. If she enquires exactly how you feel, speak right from your heart about HER and what she means to you. Don't digress into how much you may want her physically or focus on how beautiful she is. Speak about the things which make you want her in your life long term.

4) Get good at leaving her company whilst your still enjoying each other, but without it feeling like your dismissing her (this one is tricky, you need to read her signals, because there are times when leaving then is really a bad, bad, move. The only help I can offer is that if your having a casual animated conversation in public, try to excuse yourself with a honest reason at a high point in the conversation. This will leave her with a sense of wanting more, rather than either getting enough, or too much).

Lastly, if she looks sad or in need. Always offer to stay as long as she needs. If she need space, give it her.

Oh, and technically, if she likes you and you like her and your spending a lot of time together, your already in a relationship. It's just not being defined yet. So, begin to define it. Make sure you sweet towards her, make her feel sexy, make her feel happy, and leave her that way wanting more. In time, she will come to you to demand a relationship (assuming there is enough there for her).

Good luck.

PS. Sometimes women like to be re-asked occasionally. So, every so often, when things go particularly well, part company with "lets do a date on Friday at !".

[mrgoodebar1986]

I am in the same predicament! I feel for you man. Its really hard to say without knowing how much you know about women, how long you've been "talking", or any other specifics. Hell i consider myself to know a lot about women and I'm still confused. Learn to read body language. Take what she has verbally said and frankly throw it out the D@mn window because thats about how much its worth. Communication is composed of 55% body language, 35% tone of voice, and 7% is the words that came out of her mouth. Most often when women say "I just dont want a relationship" she is simply saying without even knowing "I havnt found a man thats stolen my breath yet." Lets be honest here. If you met someone, in the middle of any life scenario, and the unexpectedly stole your heart and captivated your mind... would you hesitate? Do a little research and try to remember past conversations, her body language. Was she open, closed, stand off ish? Learn about the female/male psyche and relationships. I've done a lot of research in my day being a Psych major... but what it really comes down to is that for the time being you two are not together. Dont hold yourself down for this girl. Its not right to hang back and not make yourself available because she said "i like you too." Unless she said "I do" there is no reason to put her above yourself. Love yourself FIRST. Dont go looking for a relationship but do make new friends. Girl friends as well as Guy friends. The larger your friend basis is, the more friends of a friend you will meet. Take yourself out, do things on your own, experience things and grow as a person. You dont NEED this girl. At this point there should be ABSOLUTELY NO emotional connection to her. In the end if she comes back around and your still single, then great. If your not and your with someone, well then it better be with someone that made you forget about her or you shouldn't be with the new girl in the first place... just my two ¢.

[dingo]

There are a few things you can do if the object of your affections says they're not looking for a relationship right now.

First, take a step back and respect their wishes. It can be difficult to do, but it's important to remember that we can't make someone do something they don't want to do. If they're not ready for a relationship, pushing them into one is only going to make things worse.

Second, try to stay positive. It's easy to get caught up in negative thinking when we're rejected, but it's important to remember that just because someone doesn't want a relationship with us doesn't mean that there's something wrong with us. There are all sorts of reasons why someone might not be ready for a relationship, and it has nothing to do with us as individuals.

Finally, keep your options open. Just because someone doesn't want a relationship with you doesn't mean that you can't find someone who does. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and you're bound to find someone who's looking for the same thing you are.

So, if the object of your affections says they're not looking for a relationship right now, don't despair. Take a step back, stay positive, and keep your options open.

[the_cheshire_cat]

There was this guy I fell hard for... I still love him to pieces.

However, for months and months and months he was 'never ready for a relationship'... He was more then ready to fool around a bit (web cam stuff)*shame* ...But in the end it always came around to the same thing.

i tried leaving him alone, I tried always being there, I tried everything to show him how I felt and how I supported his choice.

i thought if he could just.. understand how I felt.. Surely he would change his mind...

No.

i was only deluding myself and hurting myself.

Just because tho, he wasn't ready for a relationship didn't mean he didn't care for me. I came up with the example that, a guy could propose to a woman and she could say no. Not because she didn't love the guy- but because she just wasn't ready for that level of commitment. Same deal pretty much.

Almost 9 months later, I decided I just couldn't hold my breath anymore. I couldn't handle being 'just friends' with a man I loved more then anything. So, in the end, I let him go.

Gather what advise you can from this... All I can say is.. You can't rush anyone.. And you can't get back the time you spent waiting for the unknown.

[nicole-n]

It's tough when you're interested in someone who isn't interested in you back. Especially if you're looking for a relationship and they're not. So, what can you do if you're in this situation?

First, it's important to respect their wishes. If they don't want a relationship, then you shouldn't try to force one. That's not fair to either of you.

Second, you could try to be friends with them. It's possible that their feelings could change over time and if you're already friends, it'll be easier for a relationship to develop.

Third, you could try dating other people. This can help you take your mind off of them and also help you realize that there are other people out there who are interested in you.

Fourth, you could talk to them about what you're looking for and see if they're open to the idea of a relationship in the future. If they're not, then you'll know where you stand and you can move on.

Lastly, don't take it personally. They may just not be ready for a relationship right now. There could be a lot of reasons why and it has nothing to do with you. So, don't take it to heart and just keep moving forward.

[Anonymous]

i think you should hang around, don't completely back off. if she's really worth it to you you shouldn't mind waiting. what's the difference between dating her now and dating her when she's ready? if it's really HER that you want, and not just a relationship for this time in your life then waiting shouldn't be that big of a deal.

Not to say she's testing you, but this is really a test to see how serious you are about her. If she asked you to wait and you do so willingly she knows that you really care about her and wants the best for her. But if you don't wait, or you're reluctantly and begrudgingly waiting...then she'll know to move on, save herself from getting into a relationship that's only going to end with a broken heart.

[Gervais]

So what should I do when she doesn't even notice me as a lover? she always treat me like a brother but still let me touch her privacy.

[jennifer_bloom]

I agree with him - cause people said I had really high standards and my standards were acceptable and normal - I rejected every guy who ever tried to date me because I was not ready. It was my issue and not the fact that the guy was not attractive enough for me. I would have turned down Bill Gates just as much as the janitor cause I was not ready.

[RebelliousRoyalty]

Honestly all you can do now is be their for her. Don't put it completely out their like oh well I'll still be around as a friend if anything because you don't want her getting used to having you under the title of a friend but just be their & let her see you are. Hopefully if she sees you being their during her deepest & hardest times makes her days easier & better then hopefully she will associate you with good vibes & someone who really wants to be their for her no matter what. Just don't let her get too comfortable & take advantage you need to know the right time to pull away & when to give the both of you space. You don't want her getting bored of you or annoyed that you're always their all day & everyday. Sometimes you need to pull yourself away so she can really think of you and miss you. Hope that helped 😊

[Brando]

You move on and forget about the prospect out of your own good. If her situation changes, then she'll come to you. But in order to avoid getting hung up on her if she isn't available, then it would probably be best to not anticipate anything happening in the future just to be safe.

Really, I don't see how she "can't start a relationship right now". Unless she's moving away or something like that, I don't see what can make her not want it unless she doesn't like you like that and just wants to be friends.

[DoctorSex]

personality I've never understood the art of, fighting ot working hard to get love or a relationship...love by defintion is the opossite of effort and work...if its meant to happen then its going to happen..granted once your in a relationship or in love then you have to fight abit to maintain it lol but not in the inital stages.

Dude, pack up your stuff and move on, KNOWONE wants someone that's dying to be with them, we're all humans, which means we look for challenges that stimulate us. Go for someone that likes you equally man, and have some confidence in yourself.

P.S being female, if she see's that your into another girl, she'll probably run after you lol

[Anonymous]

If she wanted you she would say so. Just because she's going through "major stuff" doesn't preclude romance one bit. Think about it - she tells you she likes you a lot AND that she knows you like her but she's not ready - what could that possibly mean? It's the carrot and the stick - she lets you know that she likes you but says she isn't ready, meaning the carrot is there but it's out of your reach. She wants you to stay to give her support. There's really nothing you can do other than back off - stay friends whatever but don't be a constant presence. If you keep hanging around you'll just be a buddy and not a lover.

[bamesjond0069]

Say relationship is for having someone through thick and thin and as your boyfriend id be there for you. If you dont see me as someone to trust and confide in and who is understanding of what you're going through im moving on im here to have your back and its not fair to push me off like this so choose now.

Yes you have to demand. And my bet is she's fucking or at least talking to someone else. Being busy or dealing w something is ALWAYS a cop out. She won't let someone she's into go for sure.

[aquanovix]

Don't listen to what all these chicks who are posting say. Most of them don't even know what they want, much less what some chick they have never met wants. This chick wants to keep you on the back burner as a friend. She wants you to hang around so she can dish all her dirt and baggage on you. She wants you for support. She DOES NOT, however, want you romantically. If her favorite male actor asked her to go out, do you think she would say "um...I'm just too busy right now." Of course not, dude. She rejected you, and unless you are happy about being pushed further and further into the friend zone where she uses you as and outlet to release all her bagge on constantly, you need to move on immediately.

[roxygirlskier]

this is so true. she thinks you're a great guy, but she wants to keep you on the back burner so that she can search around before deciding you're the one

[heartinpieces]

I think eventually if you keep spending time, you may have to watch out for the friend zone. If she is going through a lot of tough stuff, it is great for you to be there, but she may eventually just see you as a friend. You do want to be supportive, but don't go crazy with it.

I think if you give her some space she may start to wonder where you went. Once she gets her stuff together and if she's really interested, the curiosity will get the better of her.

Basically, you do have to give it time, but I don't think there is anything you can really do to speed up the process. If someone isn't ready, they aren't ready.

[uhopilove]

thnx i really needed this

[Chiarac2003]

My opinion is you may have been placed in the friend zone/box. It’s jus my view. I am sorry. It’s hard I imagine. But if you do really care for her than show her your willingness to give her space without suffocating her.
If you give her space she may realize that she does have feelings for you. Distance makes the heart …. U know.

[cmale123]

She rejected you. Move on dude. No matter what women say. A rejection is a rejection don't beat around bush about it. Here are some rejection example. I like you but your not kind man I looking for. Friend zoned. That nice too hear but I like to be single. Any no is a rejection so move on.

[alysaa16]

wait for her I no what she's going through and she's just not sure right now what she wants yet she dusnt no if she's actually ready for a real relationship because she sounds like she's nvr been asked b4

i say don't rush her and stay by her so she nos your still interested and when she ready shell come back for you as long as your waiting for her

[Seenthatmovietoo]

Do not wait for her to change her mind, she likely won't. Keep her as a friend but continue the quest for one who wants you as much as you want her. Anything else leads to greater disappointment down the road. If you just stay normal friends then she might not get creeped out with you and she'll actually still enjoy talking with you two years from now. Life is short...continue the quest at once. Good luck.

[SCarolina]

If I am into someone, it really doesn't matter what stuff I have going on, I will still make time for a guy. If you slide into that friend zone, you will never be able to get out. Don't be her friend, that is ridiculous. Attraction doesn't usually happen with a guy you see as a friend. If you can't get her to feel attraction towards you, well it's not gonna work. Attraction is the ingredient missing for her trust me. If she was attracted to you, nothing would put you on hold.

[authentic]

Be true to yourself. If your intention with her is dating, then withdraw. If she needs your help as a friend, just like any other girl, then help her out as any friend would do. Tell her that too. It is important to have a clear conscience. You sleep better every night, for one.

[inlovewithyou]

Okay if you want her to be your girlfriend in the near future. Be her best friend and just be there for her when she needs a friend. Oh she and back off a little you might be scaring her just a little bit but still show her that you are a good guy. Check on her like once a dAY then let her call you. If she wants you to be her boyfriend she will show signs of that. Like if she calls you or even texts you then she's interested. Like I said before be there for her as a bestfriend. If you can do that then that will show her that you are a guy willing to be there for her when you guys are going to make it official.

[1-3-2-4]

This right here! I've done this not as a test but backed off because something came up and she would always text me asking what was I up to

[Rock_Steakface]

If a relationship is what you really want (hell if I know why), you should probably move on. Sticking around and playing the nice guy is a fool's game. What if she decides she wants to go with another man after you've waited around? You'll resent her for it. So friend zone her and keep it moving, you'll feel better about yourself in the long run.

[Anonymous]

A relationship should be a cherry on top of the cake not the cake.
Honestly I think you shouldn't stick around it will make you clingy to her. If you want her for the future, instead leave her alone and take the time to accomplish something new in your life for example or to compare her with other opportunities, and after few months get back at her fresh, with a better view. My advice, stick to her only if she figured her issues a bit more

[Anonymous]

Well first of all, you can only really maintain the relationship in preparation for progression by investing in it and spending time together. If you know it’s not an excuse then your best bet is to be patient and supportive but also open and honest about how you feel too. It really is as simple as that.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same boat i been seeing this women for about a month everything was great we would talk for hrs on the phone i would go stay every Tuesday and weekend with her then after hurricane author hit she was out of wrk for a week i stayed and helped out all i could then all of a sudden she tells me to please leave so i did then she was like i got to much going on right now to do us so i told her i would wait she was like i don't expect u to it would be my loss but i do no she wrks doubles at a bar and moving on top of it one of our friends said he asked her bout it a little she told him she was confused she loved me he said give her space she called me yesterday i didn't answer he said she was like he's prob with another girl or wrkn what should i do

[Blueeyes81]

You're wasting your time. Trust me if a person wants to be with you, they will. I got the same speech a couple years ago. Its a cowardly way of saying no without saying no. Just cut your loses before you waste anymore of your time on someone that's doesn't want to be with you.