Girl says she doesn't want a serious relationship 'right now'?

[dyfman31]

Basically, I've been dating this girl now for about a month and a bit and it's obvious that we really like eachother and all that. However on one date when I offered her my hand while we were walking, she turned it down, only for me to later find out that she wants a casual relationship at the moment and not a serious one. This threw me off guard a bit, but I'm not that concerned it because I know that if I give her time, space and I make her feel valued, things might change. Before this, we were texting really regularly and I don't really want this to stop. What I don't know what to do now is this: should I give her some time (I know she's busy with work and stuff, I respect that) and let her try to initiate a Facebook conversation in the next couple of days, letting her know that i'm giving her space and not trying to rush things, or should I just try to speak to her everyday to show her that her telling me that she doesn't want a serious relationship at the moment hasn't put me off speaking to her. It's a tough choice I reckon, so I hope you guys can help :) Thanks!

[147703]

I don't think it necessarily means she isn't into you like some people are suggesting. She may just really enjoy spending time with you but is nervous that once it becomes more serious, all the stresses and complications of a relationship will follow. If you are okay with nothing serious, then tell her that, just say you enjoy spending time with her and that's fine with you. Maybe give her a few days after, then ask her to hang out like normal. :) Only stay with it until you start feeling bad about the situation, if it becomes to hard, be honest with her. It's one of those things where, you should try to put the idea of anything more out of your head, but know that there IS a possibility down the road. good luck!

[dyfman31]

Thank you! Thing is I do want something serious to happen but I don't want her to feel obliged to accept it because she has other things to worry about. All of this has come at a really bad time to be honest. She's got family and friend issues, she works both day and night shifts, she's probs going to uni in a few months. If this had started in January or something, I can't help think that things would be much less complicated

[147703]

Ooh yeah that totally makes sense! That sounds like a lot she's going through. My advice, just be there for her, make sure you're the breath of fresh air so to speak and I'm sure she'll recognize that when all this is said and done :) It may not happen for a while, it could possibly not happen at all, but if you feel comfortable waiting and finding out, just enjoy your time with her, however you're able to get it :)

[dyfman31]

She knows i'll always be there for her but the way she's been acting the last week or so, especially being so rude on the Friday date we had, makes me feel like i'm just wasting my time trying to be the nice guy all the time. This is the first time I've ever felt feelings for a girl in the whole 19 years i've been on this Earth and I want to let her know that my naivety and lack of experience in the whole thing is one of the main reasons why I perhaps didn't take things a bit slower. Now that I know all of this, I feel like I can really make something happen, I just want to let her know that

[ChicaDelMar]

She just doesn't want a serious relationship with you.

[dyfman31]

...Yet? I don't know whether if I play things right in the next month or so whether she might change that opinion.

[dyfman31]

I'd rather know now whether I should cut my losses or hold out, become a friend with benefits, and then who knows after that

[ChicaDelMar]

I woudn't hold out hope. If it happens; great. If not you've not wasted your time. I once told a guy I didn't want a relationship because I didn't want to do distance. A couple weeks later I met another guy and I wanted to do a relationship with him despite the fact that there would be distance.

[dyfman31]

can you can help me here?

Basically 2 and a half weeks in of knowing eachother, the girl's best friend (also one of my friends) told privately that the girl likes in when the guy 'asks him out'. At the time I rightfully thought that that meant asking a girl out into a relationship, turns out she meant asking out on a date. So a few days later, things were going really well, etc I did exactly that and she said that it was too soon, and that she needed more time to get to know me, which I understood completely, but i'm now really annoyed at the girl's friend for being so vague. Then after our Thursday date in the evening the girl so goes on flirting with me, about sex and stuff, and saying that next week we should go on a night out, etc. When this happens, back in my room, she says nothing is going to happen, and never was according to my friend. Now she doesn't want a serious relationship because she think i'm pressuring her into one, when that isn't what i want to do at all.

[dyfman31]

What have I done wrong here (if anything). How do I redeem it so that I make the girl understand that I want a serious relationship and that i'm not going to pressure her into anything? I'm so depressed right now because she's making it out to be like i'm the one who's messed things up but I know that I haven't :(

[ChicaDelMar]

Okay. So she's scared. You can on strong asking her to be in a relationship and she probably thinks that the only reason you said that was so you could have sex with her and then dump her. She's afraid you're just going to use her for sex. What you ought to do is keep in touch with her for a little while so she can get used to the idea that you like her for her and don't just want sex. It's salvageable if you want it to be. Good luck!

[dyfman31]

But she was the person who brought up sex after only two and a half weeks on knowing each other, but I will do as you say and keep in contact because I do genuinely like her and I'm not the kind of guy who would use a girl like that,

[kheserthorpe]

What does 'casual relationship' mean?

Does this mean you're friends but you pay for dinner?

Or does this mean you're friends with benefits and don't do romantic stuff so she doesn't get too attached?

[dyfman31]

I don't really know to be honest mate haha, she's so hard to read it's unreal. We really like each other, shared a lot of secrets, made out in clubs, kisses end of messages, etc but I'd rather her just tell me straight what she wants from me in the next month or so. I know where being a friend with benefits can lead so I'm not worried about being that guy

[kheserthorpe]

I'd dial down the contact and daily texting, give her more space, but try to get together and... have fun... when you do. See if she likes that.

[dyfman31]

Cheers man, so you don't think that me not texting her as regularly will make it look like I don't really care that much anymore? Also, we don't get to see eachother that regularly because of distance, uni, work, etc so I feel that the only constant contact we have is over facebook.

[kheserthorpe]

"I don't want a serious relationship' means she doesn't want constant contact. She doesn't want to owe you attention.

Maybe she's not into you.

But best case? She likes you, just doesn't want the responsibility of not being able to vanish for a few days, and not feel like she owes you. She just wants to be able to have a good time with you when she's free, and not worry about it when she's not. That's the -best case-. If that's what's happening, and you're down, then just be the fun guy she can fool around with and unwind and don't make her feel obligated to babysit your feelings when she's busy.

[dyfman31]

That sounds fair. I know how girls' feelings can change in the space of days/hours, etc so I don't want to lay all my cards on the table just yet and add pressure to the situation. She's really shy and doesn't really initiate conversations on Facebook that much, and she says that always likes it when to guy asks the girl out (on dates) so in this case, I feel obliged to do exactly this, but I don't want to because it just seems that i'm too desperate to see her

[dyfman31]

any thoughts?

[kheserthorpe]

Send her a message saying you hope her mom recovers well.

Tell her when she has time if she wants to talk about it you're there, and if he wants to take a mental break and not think about it and just unwind you're there for that too.

Wish her the best

Then give her space.

[dyfman31]

I've wished her mum well and hope that she gets better soon. I was going to say something along the lines of what you mentioned, about the mental break and being there is she wants to talk about it but she knows that she can talk to me about these kind of things, she has done in the past which is why i thought back then i was going to get friendzoned. I just thought that i'd be trying too hard, also I don't know how unwell her mum is at the moment and I don't want to inquire too much because then I sound like i'm invading her private space. Not really sure where I stand to be honest

[kheserthorpe]

You're not focusing on the key offer. Which is to NOT talk about her mom and be someone fun she can forget her problems with for a while.

[dyfman31]

so you would suggest sending her a message like the one you mentioned?

[dyfman31]

Also, if I seek to be that 'fun' guy who she can just lay her worries on, don't I then just become a shoulder to cry on, a 'nice guy' and ultimately, completely friendzoned? I don't want to be a dick about it, I want to be there for her when she needs it for sure

[kheserthorpe]

You seem to miss it. You need to be the fun guy she can -forget- her worries with. And remember that she's a hot little sex bomb. And think about her mother later.

[dyfman31]

Ok so in one word, would you suggest me doing that? saying about the mental space, being there if she needs to talk about it, etc?

[kheserthorpe]

Don't over play the 'if she needs to talk' my guess is she has a ton of people she can talk to. And she probably already knows you're one of them.

What she's much more likely lacking is someone who can take her on a mental vacation for a couple hours, make her feel like a human being and pretty and young and fun, before she heads back to stress and worry.

Be that guy, when she's ready for him.

[dyfman31]

I would love to do that but given the situation with her mum and all that, don't you think that me trying to be the fun guy and making her smile and stuff is a bit out of place? Like laughing at a funeral kind of thing? Maybe i've got it all wrong

[kheserthorpe]

No. It's not.

Planning and caring and helping people is important. Worrying is not. Worrying is when you're fretting about something bad, but you're not actually actively doing anything or making decisions. Its just mental torture.

It's easy to be a sympathetic shoulder. It's easy for some guys to be a jerk who doesn't care. It's harder to be a man who can listen when she needs to talk, help her make decisions when she needs help, and when she's just worrying, tell her 'there's nothing you can do now, you need to unwind and be happy and recharge for when there IS something you can do' and drag her mind away and make her have fun.

[dyfman31]

Ok thanks :) I guess i'll say something along the lines of what you previously said in the comments and see how it goes

[kheserthorpe]

This girl, who knows if she likes you much at all, can't tell. But most of the advice I've given applies regardless.

It's good to be able to be a shoulder, but often women don't need another shoulder, then need someone to take their hand, and pull them into having fun. They don't -want- to be in an echo chamber of their own feelings all the time (they kind of get that from female friends already). What they need from a man is for him to exude the confidence that things will be okay, and to pull them into HIS mood, not for him to simply bow down to her mood.

That's kind of why lots end up with jerks, but they don't really want a jerk. They want a guy who cares, but who can also pull them into his mood, not be subservient to hers.

[dyfman31]

Thanks a lot man, this is some seriously good advice :) I can only hope that she sees the light really because I know that i'd make a great boyfriend for her and I hope she does as well (her past boyfriends haven't really gone to plan).

[kheserthorpe]

I hope she does, or doesn't. There are a billion single women out there, you should be devoting yourself to one who is as excited about you as you are about her. For a while you can be so excited that someone you're head over heels for is 'with' you, but if they're not investing in the relationship too, it starts feeling pretty bad.

[dyfman31]

I guess this has come at a really awkward time for me, because even though I'm still at uni, everyone around me in the halls of residence is leaving to go back home, and I just feel that I've gotten into the whole love game at a time where I can really to much to resolve it. I'll be going back home in like a month or so and when I do, i'll be far away from this girl and my friends and there'll be nothing to do. I was really hoping that something would develop between us (and it still might I hope) so that my summer could be really awesome for the both of us

[dyfman31]

I've just copied and pasted this from another discussion, maybe you could offer me an alternative viewpoint.

What do you make of the whole 'I feel a bit put off and pressured into a serious relationship' thing? Apart from asking her out a tad bit early (because of a bit of confusion between her friend and myself) I don't believe that I've done anything too forward and pushy at all. Ever since she said, after me asking her out, that she wanted to take things slow, I've done exactly that. I was going to wait for at least a month after I said that until I was going to ask her out again, and everything inbetween that time I think I've done fine, chatting away, asking her out on a second date, trying to hold her hand on that second date, and now she thinks that she's being pressured into something? I am so, so, so annoyed right now because it seems like it's all been my fault :(

[kheserthorpe]

My best guess is she was down to hook up if you were the sort of guy who did. As soon as you suggested a relationship, she assumes that you're not able to do that and probably would think she's a slut if she did, so she will now act like that was never possible.

You're all worried about her knowing you're ready for something serious. She knows. That's the problem. She wanted casual. And she figures you're not the guy for it.

[dyfman31]

The only reason I suggested a relationship was because her best friend (also my friend) told me to the side that she was annoyed that I didn't ask her out, which I rightfully thought as in asking her out for a relationship, but turns out she meant ask out on a date. I don't want to be angry at my friend for this because I know she meant well and i'd hate for that moment to be the turning point. ALSO, how can she complain about coming across as a slut when 2 weeks in she messaged me saying about how we were going to have sex the next week after our night out? Before those messages, i'd never have even considered it until when a relationship happened. I expressed my feelings early because I thought that she thought that I wasn't interested in her, I wanted to let her know that. Also, what do you mean by 'down to hook up if you were the sort of guy who did'?

[kheserthorpe]

You're missing the point.

She doesn't want you to think she's a slut. She thought you'd be happy to just fuck her. Then she found out you had feelings and wanted a relationship. As soon as she realized you were the sort of guy who only had sex in relationships, she immediately wants to pretend she's also that sort of girl. If she thought you were into casual sex, she wouldn't have been worried you'd judge her. Now she thinks you'd either look down on her for having sex outside a relationship, OR you'd take it to mean more then it does to her. In either case, that made her want to back off.

[dyfman31]

But I think you're missing the point as well that I WAS down to fuck her on the night out, I'm not the kind of guy who would wait until a relationship for that. If anything, I think she's judging me for wanting to have sex that night because she was the one who said nothing was going to happen

[dyfman31]

This is the most confusing girl I have ever come across, I'm completely mindfucked and it's doing me no good

[kheserthorpe]

She outright told you she felt pressured by the relationship thing. Not the wanting to get in her pants thing.

" i'd never have even considered it until when a relationship happened."

I believe you -would- have had sex without a relationship, and I believe you -wouldn't- have judged her. But I think as soon as you said relationship, she had those worries. OR she was worried you couldn't hook up and NOT have a relationship, or it would hurt you. She maybe wanted to just bang and have fun and not talk for weeks and do it again. She's maybe worried what you'd think, but she's maybe also trying NOT to hurt you.

[dyfman31]

She hasn't outright told me that she felt pressured BY ME into a relationship, it seemed that other issues determined that as well. I never mentioned the world relationship ONCE at all in all this time, I kinda asked her out early-ish because it was pretty clear to me that she felt the same way I did

[kambo_trick3y]

Don't dick around with someone who doesn't even bother to understand themselves. People like that are beneath me. You wanna sit on the fence, you do it without me.

[dyfman31]

That's what i'm thinking. She's messed me around a lot the last month, giving me mixed messages and playing games and then turning round and acting surprised when I don't understand what she really wants. I'm proper annoyed and I'm not going to be played for a fool

[kambo_trick3y]

That's exactly what she thinks you are, and to be honest, if I were in your position, I'd be right pissed off.

[dyfman31]

The question is though, I believe that she is worth fighting for to be in a relationship with. She obviously expressed an interest at one stage but I think she thinks that I've pressured her into starting a relationship, which I haven't at all. Her last relationship with her boyfriend was between a month of knowing him and a month of asking him out, it's been a month and a half now and she feels like I've pressured her into doing something. I've only asked her out on 2 dates and been on a night out in that period of time and to me that doesn't seem pushy to me, it's not like i've constantly asked her to come down and see me every other day after work. I just wanted her company when she came down because I felt happy when I was actually around her, and to comfort her when things were down. Is there anything I can do to make her understand that? I'm a different man now that I've realised that.

[dyfman31]

what could I do from here?

[Metal189]

she can't handle it right now, but maybe in the future

[dyfman31]

That's what I'm hoping, but I just don't know when the future will be, especially with her going to uni (not 100% yet, but probs)

[Metal189]

it doesn't sound like she's into you. i think she just wants to have fun right now. thats what college is for. fun, and experimenting

[dyfman31]

In which case this whole month and a half has been a complete waste of my time. I know a lot of people who have carried on relationships into uni and beyond. Maybe later on in the summer, when things are less stressful, something may happen, but i'm not holding out until then just to be played around with. If she wants to hang out with friends, she has loads of them at home. If she wants to hang out with me one on one then I can't help feel that i'm just gonna be her 'gay best friend' kind of thing

[Metal189]

and thats all in how she winds up treating you

[Metal189]

and you treating her

[dyfman31]

Thing is, if she did ask me out here and now, would it really work out? We'd live a fair distance from eachother, she'd got work, she's got plans for uni, etc and If i'd have started a relationship now, only for it to be broken in a few months time, i'd be even more devestated to have lost her

[Metal189]

we like the people we might lose

[dyfman31]

I'm not losing her. One of her two uni options for September is my univeristy (Southampton), plus she only lives like 40 mins away

[Le_Franglais]

Someone tell me what a casual relationship is again... when I read that I just hear "friendship"

Have you kissed or had sex with her yet OP

[dyfman31]

We've made out in a club on a night out with a few of my friends and on that night she mentioned a week earlier that something would probably happen when we got back to my room, only for me to find out that nothing was going to happen (we were both pretty drunk at the time). I feel like she's kinda lead me on in this respect, using the prospect of sex as bait perhaps as 'kittykatg' above mentioned.

[Le_Franglais]

I've had experiences like that, and it was generally because the girl wasn't interested in a relationship. I think you should let this one slip.

[dyfman31]

I think I should as well but until I know for sure that she's not interested, I feel like i'd have given up too easily. We've only know eachother for a month and met face to face like 5 times and if she really isn't interested in me, she'd have told my friend straight up, who would've then told me. I wish she had told me that she wasn't interested in a way because then I can move on, now I just feel like i'm in fucking limbo, neither friendzoned or a potential boyfriend. Gah

[Le_Franglais]

The way I see it is: if you have a feeling, a gut feeling, something isn't right then you're usually right, and something IS off.

If she doesn't give you affection when she knows you like her, there's no point wasting any more time on her.

[dyfman31]

I agree. sorry to ask so many questions but I need to get as many sides of the argument as possible: What if eventually, when work and family issues are finally set aside she does want to start something more serious, and I've already given up, I'd be absolutely devastated and so will she. I'm in no rush, but I don't want to be messed around. So why doesn't she just tell me now that she's not interested anymore, it would be better for her and me if she did say that?

[Le_Franglais]

Girls are like that mate, they expect you to know how she feels about you through "signs" - it's a pain, I know, but you've just got to get your head around it.

Focus on her body language, not the words she speaks; if she tells you "I'm interested", but doesn't show you any affection, doesn't touch you or caresses you, you can safely assume she's playing you.

[dyfman31]

I think that's the main problem here, I'm too inexperienced with dating and relationships. I've never had a proper one, even though that surprises a lot of people because they say i'm really good looking and kind, funny, muscular, etc. I just don't get why she would play me like that. I know she's a really shy girl so maybe she's afraid to say that she's not interested just like that in an instant

[Le_Franglais]

I doubt she's shy... my GF is extremely shy, yet she contact me the day after I met her in a club, and I asked her out from there.

I seriously wouldn't bother with the girl, trust me me, you'll thank me later.

[dyfman31]

Thing is, she's only shy face to face, even with her friends, but on Facebook she's been really chatty

[Le_Franglais]

That's normal... it's because she's behind a screen... Just like trolls on the internet, in real life they're pathetic.

You're setting yourself up for a heartbreak...

[dyfman31]

I'm not going to be heartbroken at all because I'm not even sure myself if my feelings are that strong for her now than they were a few weeks back. She's been pretty rude recently, especially on the one date where she barely spoke and she acted like I wasn't there.

[dyfman31]

What do you make of the whole 'I feel a bit put off and pressured into a serious relationship' thing? Apart from asking her out a tad bit early (because of a bit of confusion between her friend and myself) I don't believe that I've done anything too forward and pushy at all. Ever since she said, after me asking her out, that she wanted to take things slow, I've done exactly that. I was going to wait for at least a month after I said that until I was going to ask her out again, and everything inbetween that time I think I've done fine, chatting away, asking her out on a second date, trying to hold her hand on that second date, and now she thinks that she's being pressured into something? I am so, so, so annoyed right now because it seems like it's all been my fault :(

[Anonymous]

I'd put her in the "not interested" category and focus my energy and time elsewhere.

[dyfman31]

I guess you guys are right. I've put a lot of time and effort into developing this relationship and for her to play games with me like this (especially when i'm not exactly experienced in this field) is really crippling me on a daily basis.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah it sucks, but you have control of the situation.

Just move on, don't contact her, nothing, nada! Cut your losses and move on. It's hard, but the good news is there's plenty of women around.

[dyfman31]

Thing is, if I cut my losses now and start seeing other people, it looks like I was only interested in this girl for the sake of having a relationship and nothing more, which is never the case with me. I know there's plenty of women around, but finding one who's right for you is so hard, especially when I thought that this girl could be the one to turn things round

[Opinion Owner]

If that's how you feel then keep at it, just don't waste too much time doing so. Time is not something you can claw back.

[dyfman31]

Time is one thing I have. Time to be fucked around with and messed with is something I don't have.

[Opinion Owner]

Well I don't have any other answer than the one I've given, so best of luck to you!

[dyfman31]

Cheers man, I think luck is something i'm gonna need

[kittykatg]

She's not that interested.

[dyfman31]

if that was the case then she would've told my friend (who is her best friend) over Skype and she would've then told me that she wasn't interested to save me time and effort. My friend wasn't supposed to tell me but she did, and what she told me is a 'casual relationship' because she can't really be dealing with a serious relationship this instant for understandable reasons

[kittykatg]

One of my friends was interested in one of my good girlfriends and she would tell both of us that she didn't want anything serious and wanted to focus on school or work or whatever. In all actuality she just wasn't interested but liked the attention.

[dyfman31]

So what should I do? If I give up now it looks like I don't really value her at all and that I only wanted her for the sake of being in a relationship. I appreciate what you're saying but I know she's been under a lot of stress recently and she knows that I'm not the kind of guy who would bully her into doing anything. She's not the kind of girl who just likes attention I don't think, there's more to our relationship than that. What would you recommend me do?

[kittykatg]

Sounds like giving her space would be a good idea. I would also sit down with her though and ask her what exactly she wants out of this "casual relationship". Whether it is purely sexual or just taking things slow before becoming an official couple, or if it is you just taking her on dates and nothing in return that way you can both be on the same page.

[dyfman31]

Thing is though, I've already asked some questions about what stage she's at, what she wants, etc and if I'm honest i'm not even sure if she knows what she wants herself, i'd rather that she just be clear and honest and not sit on the fence. 2 weeks in, after a really good date together, she talked about us probably having sex after a night out with my friends the coming week, and then when it came down to it, she said nothing was going to happen. I really hate these games that she plays but maybe she just felt that she wanted to reward me for a great date in some kind of way. Damn, this is confusing haha

[kittykatg]

Yeah sorry but she isn't interested and used sex as bait to keep you on her string. Tell her that she has to make a clear cut decision as to what she wants and that you don't want to play these games anymore.

[dyfman31]

I'm glad that you've told me this because I need to know now pretty much whether to give up and see other people or carry on with this. She's admitted to me and to her friends that she really likes me and the fact that we're a fair distance from eacother doesn't help matters either. I might just do as you suggested, but then aren't I just doing exactly what she doesn't want me to do: be pushy and forward?

[dyfman31]

so I essentially have two options: I wait, and see if she shows signs of interest in the next week, or I demand on the spot what she really wants (which in my eyes seems too pressuring)

[dyfman31]

anyways, don't tell Charlotte I've spoken to you about this, I told her I wouldn't repeat any of it to you, as she says she's told you this and hinted at it etc, but quite obviously she's not doing that well and making sure you're understanding her, and I don't want this all to carry on and someone getting hurt or whatever.

Basically, the other morning I asked Charlotte what she thought of you etc and how everything between the two of you are going. She told me that she does like you and she would like to continue talking to you and hanging out etc, but what she wants is all casual, not a serious relationship as she doesn't have time for that at the moment, and if the two of you don't have the time to see each other often, then it won't work out. She said she likes hanging out with you, but she's a bit put off and feeling pressured into a relationship rather than taking things slowly.

Don't get the wrong idea by all of that and think she's not interested at all, she is

[kittykatg]

You don't have to be pushy about it, it depends on your tone and word choice. You can just say that you really like her and spending time with her but it is hard to figure out what you want and that you need to know what she wants so you can be that person. That is a super supportive way to go about it while still getting your answer.

[dyfman31]

that's what my friend sent me

[kittykatg]

Yeah it sounds like the same thing my good girl friend would tell me to tell my guy friend.

[dyfman31]

Hmm, maybe you're right, but I guess I'll have to give it some time before I make that kind of decision to drop it and bail. Thanks for the advice though, just hope things work out well in the end :)

[kittykatg]

I hope so to because that's not a fun situation to be in. I'm sure things will work out well though

[dyfman31]

Bit of an update, just been told that she's spent the whole evening in hospital looking after her mum who's ill. I think I should probably leave it a few days before I start messaging her again, although I'm not sure if that would distance myself too much

[kittykatg]

No just send a message hoping that her mom is doing better

[dyfman31]

I've done that, and told her she can always come to me about things like that, that i'll be there to make her feel better, etc (in a not friendzony kind of way). She's seen it on facebook, but hasn't responded (I would've liked at least a thank you and a smiley face or something) so I guess I know where to go from here

[kittykatg]

Alright, I'm sorry that she didn't say anything.

[dyfman31]

Thanks, I'm sorry as well, but there must be a reason. I really don't know where to go from here. LIke I said earlier, how do I redeem it so that I make the girl understand that I want a serious relationship and that i'm not going to pressure her into anything, why does she think that? I'm so depressed right now because she's making it out to be like i'm the one who's messed things up but I know that I haven't :(

[dyfman31]

So why question is this: Am I at fault for not making this relationship work or is it just her playing me and making me feel as if something was going to happen when it wasn't ever going to be?

[kittykatg]

She's playing you and it sounds like you dodged a bullet not being with her.

[dyfman31]

You're probably right, but I still can't quite understand why she would spend a whole month and a half of her time playing me when she could've easily not done that and gotten on with her life, work and all that? Was I just a shoulder to cry on, just a friend? I feel like I really want to let my emotions fly at her but I know she has a lot of issues to deal with at the moment and I don't want to come across as someone who can't handle being a temporary friend by benefits

[kittykatg]

That's exactly what you were to her a temporary friend. It's really unfortunate that she couldn't tell you from the start.

[dyfman31]

I'll be honest I don't know what to do now. Should I try to move on or just hang on in there until things perk up a bit?

[kittykatg]

I think you've already done all you can so it would be best to move on.

[kittykatg]

If she is into you she'll eventually come around and if she doesn't you didn't keep wasting your time.