Why can't I keep a relationship going more than 3 weeks?

[Anonymous]

Idk y I'm still getting this "nice guy" bullsh*t pulled on me. First of all I'm 22.. I can get a girl interested I know this..i like to flirt and tease if I do like the girl and I'm not a douchy ass kissing p**** and I'm not afraid to make a move, but why the hell when I start to get to know a girl it ends up not going far because they think I'm a nice guy. I mean yeah ill do things that are nice(I worked for a girl like twice and a took a different girl to work a couple times) but not like buy gifts or shower them with compliments because I know that turns a lot of women off. I've NEVER went and done weird or crazy, angry psycho things to a girl..Im not a needy clingy guy that calls and text all the time, I like my space and like to give space. So why can't I keep a relationship going more than 3 weeks and I'm a really funny good looking guy lol

[thetheme]

Women love drama, conflict, excitement, danger, and doing certain things without logical reasoning. You have to realize that what these girls are telling you is that you don't have those qualities of giving the "thrills" that they want and desire. Women want a MAN. Someone who stands his ground, protects what's his, says no to her half the time, who is in command, the alpha male, the leader. Those are the guys that have things going on all the time. These girls are simply telling you that you are boring, predictable, too dependable. I know you are probably saying "no not me, I'm not like that", I know because I have done the same thing. Then there is telling a girl that she is pretty, beautiful, sexy and so on... STOP doing that. Putting a girl on a pedistal is the worse thing ever. When a girl calls you, don't answer imeadiately, call her back in 5 hours or even the next day. You have to show a girl that you WANT her, not NEED her. Needy guys don't even know that they are acting needy for the most part. It's not about getting mad (especially at dumb stuff), but there has to be some conflict. To a woman "when it's too easy, something is wrong". These are qualities that the bad boys and the jerks have and that's why they get the girls. You have to take advantage of a situation. Women are delusional , complex with logic, and don't have a sense of humor like men. The next time you are out with a girl and your mind tells you to do something, do the opposite. Treating girls like "crap" is one of the tricks to have them come back for more and start chasing you.

[azzhole725]

Maybe your personality is not compatable with what these girls are looking for in a long term guy. Some people speculate that the female should look better than the male. Otherwise, the male will try to do better. Maybe these women are afraid that you won't actually commit to the relationship.

[Asker]

K I get that...but I do want to commit so how am I suppose to show that I want to?

[usagichan]

They aren't dumping you because you're a nice guy. I really wish guys would stop taking this as some universal truth. Not saying you're a BAD guy, but girls telling you they don't want it to continue because "you're a nice guy" is a gentle albeit cowardly way to cover up the real reason.

What the real reason might be is hard to say. I'd suggest tracking down the bluntest of these girls or your friends and asking them for a real answer, and NOT getting p*ssy about what they say.

My gut is saying maybe these girls are walking away because you're acting so distantly. Texting/calling a girl and giving her compliments can come off as clingy/needy, but girls also need it to feel wanted (it's a fine line.) So in a misguided effort to not "turn them off," and acting aloof... you're actually turning them off even more.

I'm just really gonna harp on the nice guy issue. My last ex (6 months) is described by himself and his friends as the nicest guy ever. But out of 8-10 relationships, he's only had 2 last more than a month. Why? Because his version of nice is 1) being terrified of conflict to the point of being cowardly 2) using that "niceness" as a way to distance himself. It INFURIATED me that he never got angry or upset... In the end, "nice" just seemed like another way of saying "bloodless coward," and a way to jerk me around (he never outright rejected me, cause he's TOO NICE, but he seemed to do it passive-aggressively.)

Really dig down deep and see what kind of "nice" you think you are.

[Asker]

So what your saying is...being actually nice when something makes you mad is show your mad and act on it?( I mean like no matter how far you are in the relationship just met or been dating) I was always under the impression of if you get mad about something then the girl will be like wow..this guys mad about this? and it will hurt the relationship. If you just met a girl say 2 weeks of talking and hung out like twice and she does something to p*ss you off then you should show your mad?

[usagichan]

Remember what Aristotle said: Everything in moderation. There's a big difference between yelling at her when you're angry, or sitting her down and telling her in a calm voice, Hey this really upset me. Show your emotions, but show them in a mature, balanced, respectful way.

[usagichan]

Also, I think it's important to show your emotions a *little*... like displaying SOME of your anger, or sadness. Showing your emotion to a partner demonstrates that you're willing to be vulnerable and trust them, and that you're not some robot. I got infuriated with my ex cause it felt like by never showing any emotion, he was essentially telling me he didn't care, that I couldn't get to him. Nobody wants someone they can't get to emotionally.

[Asker]

Thats funny because I've asked my friend about stuff like this when I were to get mad or upset about something the girl did and theyve told me don't show her your mad or upset because this will show insecurity and we all know you women don't like that

[Asker]

What does a women think when a guy gets mad about something then? no matter what he's getting mad about, unless its something realllly stupid to get mad about

[usagichan]

Again, the key is to show your anger in a mature manner.

Here's the kicker... No, girls don't like insecurity. But girls don't like closed-off guys, either. You have to find a balance. Showing SOME vulnerability... that her actions affect you... tells the girl that you care, and you care what she thinks. If the girl takes you showing emotion to mean you're insecure, that says more about HER than you, and you're better without her.

[SAR2be]

wow this is so awesome. not that you can't keep a girlfriend, but that you are the way you are. honestly you are like me. I m the same way. I have dated clingy and people who don't give a f***. I hate the texting all the time people and yet I don't like the guys who ignore. but ya I m the same. I am nice to the people I talk too and I can't keep a relationship longer than like three months. lol!

one thing that I have realized though is that all my guy friends tell me that I shouldn't chagne myself cause the people I have dated so far are retartds and don't appreciate me. that is why you should stop questionign why and just go with it. there are many fish in the sea and trust me I would love to meet a guy this way.