The love of my life and I have a 23 year age gap, I'm 24 and he's 47. We met when I was 18 though, so it's been a while. He's technically older than my parents by like 4-5 years. They don't and have never liked it, but we love each other a lot and pushed through all the judgement. We also work really well together financial and in every other aspect. He looks really young as well, like late twenties and he's extremely fit.
I adore everything about him though, even the old age stuff he hates haha. Old man slippers and etc, I think it's cute. However I can understand how it could be a turn off to to others. What do you thing about it?
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+1 y
I think people are confusing my question. Most are thinking I'm asking because it's an issue for me, lol it's not. I'm asking because I like knowing peoples views on the topic in general, Not asking because it's an issue for me.
Is Liking Older Men Bad? What Age Gap Is Too Much?
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
When I was 35 I dated a 20-year-old for 9 months. It was the biggest age gap I ever had. She was very pretty too, petite cute Asian girl.
We had some similarities including loving exercise and just chill out to Archer. We went to beach parties and fun hang-outs. She was also very forward about what she did and did not want sexually. Her girly cutesyness was very nostalgic and made me feel younger.
But when it came to life stages we are on different planets. She talked about midterms, I talked about mortgage rates. Also when life problems and situations came up she was too inexperienced to handle my problems.
So it was a fun fling, but she ended up ghosting me completely. I was her first steady boyfriend, so I had a feeling she didn't know how to process and handle problems properly.
I was pissed off at what she did, but I was mentally prepared for the possibility of it. I just have to look back at the fun times we had and feel good about having a beautiful young girl fall in love with me for a while.
Anyway, I can tell you that your relationship will very well NOT work out in the long run. It's legal but its unorthodox and as you will both age into different life experiences. But there is nothing wrong with having fun in the meantime.
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
by the way - young women having relationships with much older men has been going for ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY. The only thing that has changed in the last 50 years or so is feminist propaganda. Middle age women absolutely cringe when they say their younger counterparts getting more male attention they do. They are the loudest opponents of this out of jealously.
I don't think our differences really tear us apart more than bring us together. He actually really enjoys knowing and hearing about the period in life I am in and vice versa. He likes the youth I bring and I like the older and wiser things he brings. Together we find balance and it feeds off each other. Since I'm young kids aren't an issue for the future, and we live are life quite well actually. He's healthy, and although I'm young I still take time to understand and adapt to his world as he does mine. We plan to marry after this last year or so of college.
Thank you, and I'm glad. I get that actually, but I'm sure you'll find someone perfect for you. A lot of the time they pop up when least expected and the strangest ways. When you find the one worth it for you though, latch on. It's a rarity.
just some advice when you are young. It's easy to say "oh you will find someone perfect" and so forth when you are in a relationship. You tend to forget the struggles of being single.
I know because when I was in relationships I got complacent and easily forgot the travails of being lonely. But honestly, I'm fed up with married/relationship people telling me that. It's naive in a way. I know you mean well, but just saying.
Haha, well damn. Fair point. Then again I'm really really terrible at relationship advice for single people. And not because I've always been in a relationship and etc. I was single for most of the short time I've been here. However, I really not the dating type or looking for anyone... like at all. I was known for doing my own thing and I have done a lot of people wrong. The relationship I'm in is mainly because he wouldn't give up and took the time to figure out how I became that way. When I say you'll find somebody when it's least expected I'm talking about those times. Then again you do have a point, and I don't really know much about the desire for someone. I always desired to get away and enjoyed being alone; bouncing from place to place and all.
"The relationship I'm in is mainly because he wouldn't give up and took the time to figure out how I became that way." So in other words this guy was heavily pursuing you when you were 18-19 when he was 41-42? Good lord.
Admittedly I do say a "hello" to girls 19-22 but the very second I get a bad vibe or a "you are creep" glare I'm gone, immediately. Now some of those girls (like you) like guys like me so that's why I say hello. My ex was 19 when I met her (me 34).
Anyway I'm glad it worked out. That's a very unorthodox relationship but if you two get married and work it out I'm happy for both of you (I bet he is THRILLED). My 20yr old ex was just too immmature about things so I knew it was going to last. It was friends with benefits... but I tried to make it girlfriend & boyfriend and it just didn't work. But again me being a middle aged guy and being to get a young beautiful girl that most guys HER AGE are jealous of was a good feeling. I treated her well too and vice versa.
As @Anti-Social said, only you and and him (hopefully you've talked about it if it's an issue and not just dance around the subject).
For me, it would be too much of a gap. My dad always goes on about the / 2 + 7. For me that would be 26. For me that would fine.
I won't go beyond 15 years. Or at least I don't want to as I don't want to be able to say "I was learning how to drive when you were born." The thing is, I think there is a gal I see on a semi regular basis that I estimate her age at 22. Can you PM me? I'd like to ask you a few questions.
Liking older men isn't bad. A twenty year age gap is pretty significant though. You are at two vastly different life stages, the man is old enough to have kids your age. Can it work out? Sure, but it's rare. Your just starting out your career, he's most likely well established in his. If you get a job offer in a new city it is very unlikely he will be the one compromising. Do you want kids? He's old enough that if he doesn't already have them he's probably not interested. There are challenges in any relationship but significant age gaps add more.
Anyways, I'm not comfortable with age gap relationships. Usually these couples have more problems than the ones who are close in age. And their relationship usually doesn't last. Sooner or later the younger partner is going to be interested in someone younger. That being said, I think that anything above 8 years of difference is too much. And I can understand why your parents are against it.
But if you really want to be with him, then go forward!
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Asker
+1 y
Thank you, and I chose this picture because we're an interracial couple. And as I said he doesn't really look old lol. He actually looks extremely old for his age, like late twenties. Extremely fit. And normally we don't have very many issues; like at all. Only time they come up is if he get's jealous or if we're around my family. They still don't like the age difference. But all that is rare.
If you guys are an interracial couple then it's going to be even harder... Well, he might look younger and he might be fit, but that doesn't change the fact that he's 47. Keep that in mind. Maybe you guys don't have issues because you're not married and you don't live together (am I right?) And I'm sorry, but I find hard to believe that a 47 year old looks like someone in their late twenties.
I'm around him all the time, but I'm still in college and he has his own place. Sometimes I shack up there, but I mainly stay in my apartment. And I mean every couple has issues, ours normally just isn't big. Our biggest argument ever was him being upset about me still talking to my mother after she told me during a pregnancy scare that she wouldn't accept the baby, and she told him he was a pedophile for dating me at 18. He felt like I wasn't on his side or something. Other than that we're typically fine. We problem solve well. Him being white and me being black is a culture shock for those around us though, even us sometimes.
I can understand why your mother said that. It's weird for 47 year old to be with a 24 year old. Yes, all couples have issues, but when you're in a age gap relationship, and especially if you're an interracial couple then things are even more complicated. Therefore, you guys are going to have more problems.
" Him being white and me being black is a culture shock for those around us though, even us sometimes." - See? That's why it's going to be complicated, you guys already have this issue.
Well I always figured it would be nice for both of our families to experience each others company and ways of life. I feel positive about it, and kinda hoping when mines calms down they'll like it too.
he technically knew OF me when I was 16, but we didn't really meet each other till I was 18. He is the brother of one of my close high school teachers. I met him when I stopped by my old teachers house to say hello to his wife and kids as I knew them really well during highschool. My parents also think of me as a child still so it just wasn't a good look overall to my family. His family doesn't mind at all actually, they welcomed it actually. They're like a second family to me, always has been.
I see. Then at least his family likes you, it's not that bad. And you're also brave. I would never be in a relationship like that, especially with someone who is white when I'm black. That would be a recipe for disaster...
Thank you, and it seemed like it would be in the beginning. My family is a little prejudice when it comes to white people so it caused more tension. With us though, it was new but in a good way. Scariest thing for me actually was always feeling like I wasn't mature enough or intelligent enough to be his girlfriend. My parents treated me like a child so much I wasn't sure I was woman enough. He shows me I am though, still small doubts come up from time to time.
You're welcome. I can understand why your family has a problem with white people, they have reasons to, good reasons...
I can see why you felt you weren't mature enough to be his girlfriend. My family also treats me like a child. But he believes you and you should believe in yourself. That way, it might be less complicated, despite the age and the skin color difference.
First of all, 47 isn't that old lol. Well for me at least. I don't see anything wrong liking them as long as you both are adults. But to be in a long term relationship and the responsibilities that come with age, do you see yourself with him in the future when he turns 60 when you only 37? 70 when you only 47, his age? I do think about that if I am with someone wayyyy too old for me. But if you guys love each other and strong together, who are we to say? All the best <3
There is nothing wrong with it, I have dated men over 20 years older than me too happily, tho no one ever really judged us, my parents were exactly 20 years apart and it took along time for my mom's parents to get past it and learn to like my dad, so they wern t going to do that to me too, but they stayed married for 30 years so I know for a fact big age gaps don't take away from a loving relationship and your parents will get past it it will just take some time
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Asker
+1 y
I hope so, I suppose they really disliked him because he technically knew OF me when I was 16, but we didn't really meet each other till I was 18. He is the brother of one of my close high school teachers. I met him when I stopped by my old teachers house to say hello to his wife and kids as I knew them really well during highschool. My parents also think of me as a child still so it just wasn't a good look overall to my family. His family doesn't mind at all actually, they welcomed i.
I promise it will get better, the guy I was dating actually did know me when I was 14 because he worked with my dad and we got together when I was 18, I will say my dad didn't like that but he got over it quickly, my mom's parents grew to love my dad but not going to lie that took years, it depends on your parents, but time really will fix it
media.giphy.com/media/sv9Om9IvyqhQQ/giphy.gif FFS man. Irresponsible and naive teenagers can be left to date and have sex but two responsible and mature adults can't? Boi miss me with that shit.
Girls have always married older men, why is it suddenly wrong?
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Asker
+1 y
My parents were mainly opposed because he's older than him and knew OF me when I was 16. We didn't actually meet or date till I was 18. They still saw me as a child and him as a pedophile for dating me. Still do now.
Well my mother is a narcissist/abusive parent, and her word really is not worth much to me. All the men she dated since 15+ were like 20+ years older than her so her right to judge is none. Plus my father is a murder in prison for life. Both of them really have no room to talk, at least my choice is with love, not casual screwing and babies out of wedlock. I love my parents but they were and are terrible parents. I chose my own life, not them. And they didn't allow anything, they didn't have a choice but to accept it since I was out their house then.
As long as there's no funny business going on and you're both happy and committed to each other then there's nothing wrong with your relationship I guess.
Yeah a lot of people don't seem to get the definition of pedophile... Like I've heard of Some older guy dating a 25 year old being called a pedophile. But the girl is a legal consenting adult...
There is not 1 thing wrong with it. If you both are happy... that's all that matters. I don't find it odd or anything. I mean sure, the relationship will raise eyebrows, and sure the age gap can have it's issues... far as some things... but, all that matters is you're both grown adults, an are happy. You should not care what others say. If they can treat you bad over it, then they're not someone who deserves to be in your life, period. I don't care who they are.
My mom and dad had a 20 age gap she's 45 rn and my dad died at 65, Im so sad for her bc she had so many plans in the future with him.. Thats why i dont wanna fall in love with someone really more older , bc this can happen.. anyways I always liked older people than me and feel more being myself :)
Sadly you’re eight it can happen. But you know what else could have happened. And hopefully it doesn’t. Your mom could have gotten in a bad car wreck or shot and she could have died before your dad.
love is love. nobody but you can decide what gap is too big. someone could say that 23 years is waay too big. where as you and your partner see nothing wrong with it at all. its your own choice and opinion; nobody else can make that decision for you.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I mean... he's older than your parents. As a parent, that would bother me if it was my child. And it's not great because he'll die far sooner than you'll like. In my own culture, family really matters too, i can't imagine a proper life with my parents' disapproval of my husband. Just with all these little, yet big, things, I'd reconsider. But wth, you gotta do you. To each their own.
It's only bad if it's not working. I think that large of an age gap makes the chances of forever less likely but not impossible and not bad. 15 years is the largest age gap I'd go and thats pushing it for me, but that's just me.
I personally wouldn't feel comfortable dating a woman who is old enough to be my mother, even if the woman was very attractive. I don't have an issue with dating an older woman, as long as it's not too much older. Same should apply the other way around.
You do know that not everyone is going to agree with her. That is the chance you take when you post a question. Different opinions. Why even post a question if all you want is opinions you agree with?
You mean the ones that disagree with you. All I did was tell the asker about what it was going to be like when he was older. She could end up being his caregiver instead of his wife. Changing his diapers and feeding him. That is a big possibility.
@Rissyanne some can some can’t. Yes he was still having sex. He was married to a much younger woman. I don’t know how much sex or how often but I know he could
I just wouldn't want to get stuck caring for an old man. If it was my father... that would be a different story. You are going to be like a father to her when you get older. What did your father die of?
I have a good friend who married his wife when he was in his 20s and she was in her 40s. He is now in his early 50s and she is in her 70s. He has been miserable for the last 10 years. He is now married to an old woman with dementia.
@Rissyanne that’s too bad. There’s no guarantees marrying someone the same age that you’ll grow old together or one won’t become a caregiver what with diseases and accidents
Old man with slippers is the least of it. Are you willing to change his diapers... feed him and be a caregiver? Because that is a real possibility. You need to think about this...
In my opinion it is okay to have a gap between the age of relationship partners 😄 But you will have to be aware that the higher the gap is the higher is the risk for a break 😮
my rule is seven years in either direction (this should go without saying, but there are some people who don't understand that anyone under 18 is off limits so I'm putting it in here, NO MINORS!)
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Very similar to my experience, I met her when she was 18 during my separation and now she is 23 and I’m divorced but it’s been on and off but I still see her at times and I’m 51 so I’m still not sure what will happen but she still wants to be with me
Look it could be lot of problematic ahead which you can't imagine now because you're in deep love with him... but if you're sure to handle everything then just go with the flow... don't think about anybody else... God bless you
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