My boyfriend told me that I'm too submissive (not sexually really) but more of just in general. I try to do everything to please him, even if I don't exactly want to do it, I still enjoy doing it for him. This has become a problem apparently. How can I he more assertive and just up my game in being sexual as well? We are taking a break from sexual activities in such. I was always afraid to ask him for what I want, but to be honest I never really cared. I enjoyed anything and everything he did. How can I just be a bit more assertive and dominant? (No, he doesn't want to be submissive, no he's not a cuck, etc. Just thought I would clarify since I know some guys like to call other men that because they're doing/wanting something different) Guys, what would you like your girl to do to be a bit more dominant and assertive? Where is the line drawn? In heavily insecure and I always second guess what I say, or how I feel.
My wife is like this too. She's a "giver". I was always concerned she would be unhappy because she didn't ask for what she wanted very often. It turns out she's just fine making me happy. That's what a giver is. I encouraged her to ask for what she wanted a lot, but she just didn't ask for much. In fact she asked for so little it made me really nervous at first. It just took me time to accept that's the way she is and that doesn't mean she's unhappy WITH ME.
And yes my wife is insecure about some things, but I still encourage her to communicate what she wants.
> I was always afraid to ask him for what I want, but to be honest I never really cared.
If you don't care and you are still happy, how is this a problem? I think he's assuming you're unhappy. If you are happy, tell him that! If you are not unhappy, find a solution and ask for what you want.
> I enjoyed anything and everything he did.
Then tell him this.
> How can I he more assertive and just up my game in being sexual as well?
Initiate sex more often. You'll have to ask him for specifics. Does he want you to push him on the couch and you to take off his clothes? Does he want you to talk dirty? Ask him.
My wife just likes me to be happy and that's how she gets off. Some women are like this, you can explain this to him many times, and he needs to accept you the way you are.
This sounds mostly like a communication problem. He doesn't know you are fine the way things are, so tell him all of the above.
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I've done all the things you have mentioned :( and I have told him that I was happy. I've told him many times.
When I ask him what he wants me to do, he takes it the wrong way...
@wankiam is right. You need more life experience, and you need to improve yourself. You say you are independent, but you are scared that he may leave you, those 2 things don't match. You may need to go back to school, start working out, read some books, but just improve yourself
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+1 y
That makes sense.
I'm still in school, but you're right, I should probably get back to working out and such. Thank you :)
So just the way you enjoy pleasing him and making him happy he wants to feel that same rush with you. Whether it’s sexual or not he wants to see you eating your favourite foods and getting excited about going to a place you love and stepping your food down and saying “ no I really like this so let’s do this” it’s good to have some give and take. Now sexually make the first move push him down and show that you have a hunger to please him in every way. He’ll love it I’m not saying you need to go out of your comfort zone but try taking that step be aggressive show him what you want sexually whether it’s guiding his hand or in a position you start to move the way that makes you feel good. I hope that answers your question （＾ω＾）
Guys usually like submissive girls but how u r explaining u r a person who not even say about choice in dress or food... u have a really great heart indeed a big one.. anyways.. I think u should draw lines where it come to ur comfort zone and where u think things are better in the way u think... like things where female are better than men for example dressing... food... home decor.. relationships.. romance etc... sometimes u need to show little resistance to make ur presence... u not need to be logical for that like deciding a venue for date or movie or dinner... willing to go somewhere so that ur man try to convince u for that... by the way people not realize what they have some times.. ur boyfriend is one of them but really lucky
It sounds like you don't want to be more "dominant", you want to be more "assertive", right?
Assertiveness training is a huge thing and there are websites, blogs, and books about that topic. You just need to call it what it is: assertiveness. Not "dominance".
It's not exactly that he doesn't want it, it's because I do these things, 1) So he's happy and I like to please him. 2) I'm afraid of him leaving me if I don't do these things. He's concerned with this aspect. I'm not sure how to stop feeling that way.
well the second one goes back to you learning more independance again. if you was happy to be alone you wouldn't fear him leaving you and so wouldn't pander to him so much... he can obviously see this and he thinks its a sign of weakness
Work on your independence and self esteem. There is a line between wanting to please your boyfriend and actively going out of your way to just please him. Think about yourself, he is supposed to please you too. I think that's what is missing, either do less for him, or make him do more for you.
You're too young , don't give it so much thought. Other guys like to be treated like that. You just want to please too much , you obviously have a crush. You will learn , that everyone wants the one who doesn't care too much for them. It's a very common thing. Girls pick that up pretty early in life and make our lives hell. Guys pick that up reaaaally late. If you become the overly attached girlfriend (or boyfriend) usually is a turn of. Pretend you don't like him THAT much. If he likes you he will eternally be yours. If not , he'll fly away, as he should.
Why not tell him exactly what you just wrote? That you enjoy everything whatever it is as long as its with him. Or just ask him why the fuck you have to change. I guess thats dominant. (as a joke by the way)
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