My boyfriend wants to experiment with other women?

[Anonymous]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. My boyfriend and I have only dated each other and no one else previously. The only difference is that I have done things with other guys before him other than sex because we lost our virginity to each other.

So my boyfriend has never done anything with another girl other than me. He told me how he wants to experience sex with another female or two before we settle down.

I guess it is unfair for him to only have been with me since he is a man after all. Although, I have mixed feelings about this since I am a very jealous girlfriend. I have lots of concerns that it will change our relationship entirely. Like what if its not the last time because he might because addicted? What if he starts doing it secretly behind my back? What if he falls in love with any girl through having sex?
I do trust my boyfriend but its like giving him away.

Will "meaningless sex" break or make our relationship?
What are your thoughts on the situation? I could really use some advice. Thanks

[Chiral]

A few things:

Well done for at least being able to see things from his perspective. We're told these days that men and women are essentially the same psychologically but this is a lie, at least statistically.

Whether or not you believe evolution, one thing is clear: men have the ability to biologically fertilise millions of eggs thru'out their lifetime without any physical cost to themselves. Women can produce at most 1 kid every few years for only 30 years at massive physical cost, they therefore benefit from having a male with an interest in her wellbeing around during that ordeal to provide and protect and support. It's pretty obvious that there are going to be deep routed differences in what they will both feel they need in order to be fulfilled in every way and so compromise is essential

The fact that he feels secure enough to be able to tell you he feels this way is a massive plus and means you are clearly someone who is able to approach things reasonably without imploding. It's probable that if he does go and find sex to fulfil his fantasies, he would very quickly understand that the relationship he has with you is of great value. Its easy to take that intimacy that comes with time for granted.

Many men, like women do, become sexually bored in long term relationships. The difference is that whereas a woman who settles down with one guy, although she may get just as bored, she still can feel fulfilled as a woman. She won't feel diminished by having no other sexual adventures. In fact she will probably feel more self respect than otherwise. A man has to fight deep feelings that he is not fulfilling his role as a man, that he's losing out or has been domesticated and controlled by his woman. He may feel diminished by circumstances and want to break free. He has to find other ways of restoring pride and self respect as a father for instance but its not automatic.

If he had sex with someone else and fell in love with them that easily it probably means your relationship was pretty shallow anyway. That doesn't sound like it's the case so I wouldn't worry too much. If you're worried about him cheating behind your back then it's better that you don't try to push back against it too much. If you did manage to control him to the extent you were sure he wasn't cheating but the only reason why was because he was frightened of you would you really be happy?

[Anon-ymous1]

It's very normal for him to want that. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. At all. If anything, he will be extremely happy that you are a cool enough girl that you are considering it whereas plenty of others would be offended for some stupid reason. Sex is really important to guys, more so than for girls, and the primary way by which we establish romantic connection with the opposite sex. He wants to enjoy that with other girls because he's never gotten the chance to, and life is short. He will not fall in love with other girls just due to sex. He will still love you, if he does love you now. If afterward you feel like that love somehow dissipates, then it was weak love to begin with-- having sex with another girl didn't kill it.

[Anon-ymous1]

Thanks for MHO

[levantine99]

most probably break. you should never mention your experiences. look at what you did. you made him insecure and now he wants it too.

[ravedave]

If you are jealous in any way, this WILL NOT WORK.

The only wag you can truly have a successful open relationships is if you eliminate any and all jealousy. You need to believe that, emotionally, you partner is only and truly committed to you. You need to believe that there is absolutely no risk losing your partner to someone else. You need to feel no jealousy when your partner is with someone else.

Even though this is temporary, and not exactly a true open relationship, it follows the same ideas/guidelines. If you're truly jealous as you say, this will completely ruin the relationship

[JimRSmith]

I can't see why you're even considering this. You're clearly uncomfortable with the idea and I'm a big believer that no sex is 'meaningless' unless there's something the matter with the people in question.

I don't think this is a good idea, unless you're in any doubt.

[Miristheiss]

Unless you are into threesomes, swinging or open relationships than you should in no uncertain terms say no to this. Learn to negotiate. You have to be willing to walk away from the relationship and tell him that. He ever touches another woman sexually than you are gone forever. If he's willing to risk it and he has to have sex with someone other than you than just walk away, this was never going to work anyway.

[chrisbigman]

"I do trust my boyfriend but its like giving him away." So, you DON'T trust him. This is a rather toxic relationship, on both sides. It's likely to explode down the road.

[Miristheiss]

Trust? Are you serious? Yeah, I trust my girlfriend to not screw other guys, that's my level of trust. Oh, she's toxic for not trusting her guy to have sex with other people and not be ok with it. She has trust issues. You've got to be freaking kidding me.

[chrisbigman]

@Miristheiss I AM serious. Like I said, it's a rather toxic relationship on BOTH sides. He's willing to fuck a girl he's not in a relationship with and she's willing to let him do that with the "risk" of infidelity - even though that's EXACTLY what THAT is.

[outside_Toronto]

It is giving him away. This is not a good arrangement for you. If he wants to do this, you need to dissolve the relationship

[Smegskull]

At the two year mark it's a bit of a red flag some people just aren't sexualy compatible and if there is stuff he wants to try that you won't do find someone more your speed.

[BlueCloud]

Time to take a break !

Let him go --- if he comes back, good. If not, oh well !

[Anonymous]

and you're gonna let him? yikes

he's testing you, yo... to see if you really care about him!