Me and my boyfriend been together for over 1 year He has never cheated on me.. We see each other mostly everyday And he treats me good
But today I saw him commenting on this girl's gym selfie on instagram (on the 1st photo) Apparently they went to the same high school:
The blue is my boyfriend The red is the girl
And then I confronted her by messaging her directly on instagram and this is what she said: ( on the 2nd and 3rd photos) And then she unfollowed him immediately
And then I confronted him in person And he said "I was just complimenting her, she's back to the gym after having kids, I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't mean to flirt with her, Im sorry" And then told him to delete her on fb and instagram And he did instantly
Yes he was flirting and you should be worried
Yes he was flirting but you shouldn't be worried
No he wasn't flirting so you shouldn't be worried
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
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Was my boyfriend flirting with her? Should I be worried?
On one hand it's great you care about your boyfriend and your relationship with him enough to fight for it, and try to protect it, by being ready to fight the other girl for what's yours. Super honorable and very noble of you
However...
On the other hand, this case seems to be just a simple overreaction. Sure him saying sexy came off as a bit to strong for my tastes, but she is in a relationship and has children. And he is with you and you are the one who should know if he loves you or not.
There is nothing wrong with having suspicion when another girl is chatting up with your man, and being a little jealous now and again. In fact it is healthy in a relationship. But it is very toxic to be constantly jealous, all the time, and become controlling because of it. Be careful with that emotion
As a paranoid girlfriend myself, would have been a bit confused but now that things have been clear I don't know why you should worry, he doesn't seem like he were flirting with her tbh plus he appologized and unfriended her, seems pretty loyal and the girl is fucking taken. You shouldn't worry
It definitely sounds like it was flirting but I'm not 100% sure that was what he or she thought it was. Look, I like being nice to people, I chat up my waitresses and cashiers all the time, especially if they're nice and cute they're that much more fun to talk to. Even my girlfriend has commented to me on more than one occasion that it almost seems like I'm flirting but truth is I wouldn't know how the fuck to flirt with a girl if it smacked me in the face. My version of flirting like a charming pro is as follows: *say hi *run away And it got me my girlfriend so I did something right. But I had a female friend who I hadn't seen in quite some time until a little while ago and was chatting up and my girlfriend was asking me if I had a thing with her in the past (kinda funny for a woman who knows she's my first). And I didn't. I just enjoyed talking to this girl, thought she looked good especially considering the last time I saw her and was being nice. Honestly, I've discussed this at length with my girlfriend, at the end of the day she's the only woman with my undivided attention and the only one who has my eyes, heart and cock (granted my eyes will wander on occasion I'll admit to it). That's why I'd be deeply hurt and offended if she ever asked me to break off contact with some girl or unfriend another girl on facebook solely because she felt I was flirting and/or was possibly being or going to be unfaithful. I'd do it, but it would be a severe blow to our relationship because I trust her completely and I'd expect that same trust to be extended since I haven't given her reason to doubt me. I may seem like I flirt, but to me it's just being nice and there is never a universe where I'll act on niceness. Who knows? The same situation could apply here with your boyfriend, just a misconstrued situation of him being genuinely nice to a girl and not realizing how overboard he was taking it. Or, he really is flirting and trying to hide it. Really I don't know I can't make an accurate call here. I mean you know the guy better than I do. But either way, make sure you handle the situation maturely and with some tact if you want to keep your relationship with him going.
Yes, he does seem to be flirting. However I can tell this has created a strong sense of distrust in you.
Our validation won't provide too much security to what you feel right now.
The best approach I can give you is to have a talk about this with him objectively when emotions are dialed down a bit.
In a way he just seems to be giving a honest compliment but on the other hand it comes off as flirtatious.
Have a talk once about it and if he seems perfectly honest. Drop the thought completely, but if it happens again in the future. Don't be afraid to be stern.
If there's ever a next time, try not to overthink it too much and just confront him directly and make your limits known. Even though you feel insecure about it, don't let it get the better of you.
I think you were way out of line. Just complimenting someone he knew in high school is not a capital offense last time I checked. I think you owe an apology to both of them. What I'm seeing is pure jealousy and insecurity. You need to get with it or risk losing your guy if you keep this type of jealous behavior up.
It's fine to compliment someone, especially if it was simply to boost their self-confidence after having kids or something. However, he crossed the line when he used the word "sexy". Whether he was intentionally flirting, accidentally flirting, or not flirting at all, using that sort of language in reference to another woman when already taken is highly inappropriate, and I would say that you would be justified in being angry.
Is your relationship in jeopardy? No. Does it warrant a break up? No. Is your boyfriend a complete asshole? No. Would you have been justified in making him sleep on the couch for a night, had you decided to do so? Yes.
Have you ever seen someone who has had 3 children? They don't look as good as they once did because when you have 3 young children you don't get much sleep, free time, or time to get yourself made up for a night out if you could even find the strength for a night out anyway. Sometimes your husband may not tell you that you still look good. It is probably only a couple close friends. If it were me I'd be elated that someone still thought I looked good, even if a lie. Ha Ha But I wouldn't take it as flirting or anything else but a compliment, given what was said. So no, it did not deserve a night on the couch. Maybe for her since she was the one who made a big stink out of basically nothing.
The term sexy does not necessarily have to do with sex. "That Lamborghini is sexy!" or "those heels look sexy with that coat". It's just a word. It's just a synonym some people use for "Good" If you were in the car culture they use "that's just sick!" for it's a truly cool ride or" it looks good!" I think you guys take words too literally sometimes as I got no such meaning out of what he said and was not thinking he wanted to get in her pants.
@Allesana Those are incorrect usages of the word "sexy". Clearly he felt some sort of sexual attraction towards her (which inevitably happens at times), but directly telling her so in the way that he did was simply inappropriate.
Like I said, it doesn't call for drastic action. However, you have no boundaries if you think his behavior is 100% acceptable and doesn't warrant being upset at all whatsoever.
And I'm not even telling her to get upset. I'm telling her that it's OKAY to be upset. You won't even afford her that choice because you would rather weigh your own righteous judgement on someone else's relationship.
Any time someone sends a shit post to some girl on social media that had nothing to do with a former school mate's post, and looking for a fight because of jealousy and insecurity, I call that uncalled for. You call it anything you want. Or maybe you are the kind of guy that does the same stuff, tell girls on here that they are sexy if they ask you "how do I look?" You judge someone for just saying a tired mom, who probably felt post partum depression and could use a kind word, still looked sexy was inappropriate while excusing someone who shit posts some poor girl who had nothing to do with it. You don't think that is out of line? She doesn't own this guy, but she also seems to be the pants in the family, telling this guy to delete all his accounts. She's got him pussy whipped for sure. A person asks a question, I don't sugar coat anything. I give my honest opinion. So maybe you should take your "righteous" judgement and shove it up your ass because you don't know squat.
Seems most people in here disagree with you and that he was just being nice trying to cheer someone up. I also agree that the girlfriend was out of line in messaging the other girl who had nothing to do with it. So there is more positives that he wasn't doing wrong to your negative, so you have been short circuited. :)
@Allesana @TrixiePooch Yes, maybe it was inappropriate to message the other girl, rather than talking to her boyfriend directly first. However, her wrong doesn't excuse his (even more) wrong. She is still allowed to be upset.
Also, you don't know anything about their relationship dynamic. How do you know she is controlling him? Maybe he would have done the same thing if she flirted with another guy online. Maybe they mutually agreed to the boundaries in place. And THEY are the ones that get to decide what the boundaries for THEIR relationship are. Neither of you get to tell them they are right or wrong.
As I said, majority rules here and your views are in the minority saying he was wrong and wasn't flirting, just being nice. Maybe you are the one who doesn't understand relationships. They may get to decide but obviously haven't figured it out yet. One wants to wear the pants and tell her man who and who he cannot talk to. He would be smart to dump her because there are a lot of women who abuse men too. This one has anger management issues.
@TrixiePooch What majority rule makes it morally acceptable to impose your will on somebody else? If I recall correctly, in 1800, the majority of Americans approved of slavery. . .
Also, I don't sense anger in anything she has said--I sense hurt. Maybe she could have handled her feelings more maturely, but you don't get to tell her she isn't allowed to feel at all.
@TrixiePooch She requested that he delete his social media accounts, he agreed to do so of his own free will. Even if she posed an ultimatum (which she didn't), he still could have chosen to leave. She didn't "impose" anything on him.
"Requesting" is asking someone to do it. "Telling him" to do something is totally different. Are you that stupid or do you just like arguing until you have the last word?
@TrixiePooch Fine, she "told" him to delete his social media accounts. That doesn't change anything. She didn't force him to do anything. He CHOSE to comply. There was no mention of the barrel of a gun coming into contact with his head.
Again, are you still acting stupid? Do you even have a girlfriend at 17 and know how women think? Do you even know how guys in a relationship think? If they care about their relationship they want to keep the peace. So he sees she is pissed and so would agree to give in and keep the peace rather than telling her to piss off. Honestly, anyone sticking their nose into someone else's phones or invading their privacy deserves what they get. He is the one that should be pissed, not her. But, he is keeping the peace which certainly puts him in a better light than her. I'm also beginning to think you are her Alt account.
@TrixiePooch Again, CHOOOOOOOOOOOSING to delete his social media accounts, regardless of his reasoning, is not tantamount to force. It just isn't. Also, it was clearly stated that this comment was added to a public post. Meaning she never invaded his privacy on his devices or accounts. I'm willing to bet that it just popped up on her suggested feed.
You can forget about the alt account idea because this has never been about defending her. It was about putting your authoritarian attitude in check. It is not your business to tell someone else what requests they can or cannot make in their own god damn relationship. I couldn't just stand idly by.
this really all depends. yes it couldâve been flirting. but also they couldâve been likes high school best friends or something.
the reasonable thing to do here wouldnât be to make them unfriend each other or even to talk to her. who you need to talk to is your boyfriend and find out the reason he commented that. then act. if he has a reasonable excuse or apologizes i see no reason to break a 1 year relationship over SOMETHING THIS LITTLE i mean damn even if he was flirting as long as heâs sorry for it and still loves you, youâd be willing to cause heartbreak for both of you over 3 little sentences WTF youâd give up the love of your life over 3 SMALL SENTENCES WTF
I'm sorry, but if a significant other told me to unfriend ANYONE on social media platform, that's a red flag right there. A huge one. Caution, caution, caution. This post and its contents speaks more about the poster than her boyfriend. Thankfully, by the time most women reach their 30s, all that insecurity and paranoia tends to get left behind.
Nope I don't think you should worry, maybe he did liked her a bit more then you would like to think about but... it seems also a honest compliment first of all he would do it behind your back if he would flirt and second she really has 3 kids... if she looks amazing it's something. I do not think a guy would often flirt with a woman actually who has 3 kids that's a bad choice from 1000 reasons.
Maybe he thinks she looks physically good. Maybe they were good friends in highschool. I don't think he is interested in her just appreciates the person she is taking in consideration the kids and such.
That isn't flirting. He was giving a mother of 3 a compliment on how she looks and maintains her health. 3 kids is stressful and most deteriorate in terms of health and physical looks. He was just complimenting her. She said that was their only interaction. If they were properly flirting, it would be a bit more extensive. You definitely over reacted and there was no need to unfollow eachother. Especially since they knew eachother in highschool. Its just a bit petty.
5
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
My prediction, your relationship won't last.
You are extremely inflexible and what you did contacting her and then confronting him was you basically trying to control what he can and can't do which is a huge "no-no" when dating.
Maybe, he's a pushover and he'll always remain your thumb but chances of that happening are really low.
P. S : From the few snapshots you've shown, he wasn't flirting and was simply spreading positivity and you cut him off because of your insecurities.
I think you way overreacted! I have guys that are married that I went to high school with that give like words of encouragement on FB. They mean nothing by them, and I don't take them as anything more. That you went directly to her first was a bad no-no. He commented to her first, so he should have been the one you talked with about it. Instead you chose to confront her and blame her. Not good. I think you need to apologize to both of them for overreacting.
Not sure. I mean, he maybe just wanted to compliment her but instead of sexy he could have said "great, awesome" not sexy. I know myself and I know that I would be worried lol Imagine it vice versa. All guys would say that you're flirting with your high school friend.
I think he was just trying to be nice, but it does give me kinda weird vibes as well so I think it was fine for you to confront him. You'll probably want to have a discussion about what you are and aren't comfortable with just to ensure it doesn't happen again. I don't think you should be worried however
I think the first comment is fine, the second one borders on flirting but it's not THAT bad. From the way that both of them handled the situation, I think that you don't have anything to worry about. He apologize and did as you asked immediately, and she unfollowed him. I think unless you catch something else there's nothing more to worry about here.
You did an awfull thing. He told you that was just a compliment, and you freaked you and forced him to delete her. If that's not all, you even messaged her. What do you think, your boyfriend feels after that? If I were him, that would be a huge "run away" sign, because you do not trust him at all. Please, think about it for a moment.
And this is where they say social media ruins relationships. My ex was that insecure. She never trusted me. I never cheated or gave her a reason to worry, but she still just couldn't trust me when it came to women interacting with me. It was one of the many reasons why I had to break up with her. If you don't trust me, you can't love me completley.
Agree if they just nuts they are just nuts. But some guys/girls cause insecurity to occur when they behaviour is shitty. I remember one of my friends she did a lot for her ex in high school and to go online and see him commenting on other girls picture where it looks like they are in their bra and underwear. She never said anything to him but it basically add to her resentment and frustration towards him because he really was a piece of shit. I think if you act like a decent human being in the relationship it doesn't make someone feel that insecure so they don't freak out but if you constantly do shit and that makes them horrible all the time that stuff adds and which is why most people break off relationships. But again for all I know you could had just dated a nut bar or you did some questionable behaviour which added to her insecurity but just saying this so people can see. Your behaviour does add into whether or not a relationship will last or not.
Guys are allowed to compliment girls who are not their girlfriend/partner/wife, and you are allowed to compliment guys. True, it could spark something more, but you confronting the pair of them wouldn't stop that! If anything it would just cause a cheater to be more sneeky. The best thing is talk to him rationally and calmly. Let him feel secure in your relationship.
I think appropriate response would have been to tell him about the issues you have with the chat and maybe ask him to unfollow her on Instagram. Very understandable. Now, some problems with your reaction are:
1. Confronting the lady to get info before talking to your boyfriend shows distrust. He may not tell you but any smart person knows it. Also, you probably snoop on his accounts but that's another matter
2. Asking him to unfollow a former classmate on other media goes overboard. She already told you she was married and in a relationship. Who else are you gonna ask him to unfollow? Anyone he clicks like on their picture? You're gonna wear him out eventually
This may be flirting, but don't harp on your boyfriend too much. Since they were not close friends, it's okay to cut them off I guess... But don't keep cutting him off from people and harping on him for girls he compliments. That can soon become a toxic relationship.
you talk to your boyfriend about it, not the lady he was flirting with. I don't know why women always go after the people their bfs are talking to instead of addressing the boyfriend. anyway, being this controlling is unsustainable. and you can't control a person to such a degree.
But why confront her at all? All she did was post a picture. He's the one who commented. And like... do you think demanding an answer will always get you the truth? Your boyfriend is following your command but is that even... good? I mean, do you think your relationship will survive if you police his behavior this way? And do you really think he won't find any other woman attractive now that he's with you?
All I got from this is that you are controlling and insecure. You made him unfriend her, you interrogated her and him all because you feel like it crossed the line when in actuality it was a harmless compliment. The only problem here is you and how you reacted.
My god you are both stupid and crazy. He was showing off to a girl who ignored him in highschool, now she is a single mother and he is higher value now. Granted he is immature. But you are looking at his texts , making copies and messaging this woman. You broke trust. You are the one who deserves to be dumped. Shame on you.
If you cannot flirt in a relationship, then that is an unhealthy relationship. He also did it publically, so either he is stupid or it meant nothing. She clearly has no trust to begine with. Stop being a white knight and defending her just because she is a woman.
Uh no. Nobody should be flirting. I would say the same if a girl was flirting.
You're saying if people can't flirt with other people in a relationship, then its unhealthy? I got news for you, most people dont want their partner flirting with other people. And no, It's unhealthy to flirt with other people when you're in a relationship. I dont flirt with other people because I'm loyal to my partner only. Unless you and your partner discussed it being okay, then dont do it.
Eh... I wasnât thinking much about it till I read the word âsexyâ. Yeah, itâs good you checked your dude. Maybe he didnât really see it as flirting but he kinda crossed a line.
I think he's just trying to compliment her so she feels good about herself after having kids, I wouldn't worry x
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
He complimented her but didn't do anything else. It doesn't seem like you need to worry about it. He is with you, not with her. Forcing him to delete her on his social media was likely an overreaction - a boyfriend / girlfriend should never tell you who not to be friends with.
I don't think he was flirting. He was complimenting what could have been a an old friend if he has never done anything to break your trust then he deserves your trust
I think he was just being nice. But youve known him for a year, whereas this is literally the only information we have. Is he not like this with everyone/all girls?
Making him break contact with an old friend was a bad move though. Because now his friends won't like you. They dont want you pulling him away from everyone just because your scared of him cheating.
If he is cheating on you. He dont love you, and he will find a way to escape your isolation.
Wow immediately talked to her about it. No he wasn't flirting with her. Plus she is a mother of three. That's a big nope for him. Personally I think u overreacted. Not being rude just being blunt. Was just a compliment.
I wouldn't be okay with my boyfriend calling another girl sexy and I know my boyfriend wouldn't like me calling another guy sexy. But everything else he said was just friendly.
Guys do this all the time when they see a pretty girl. Doesn't mean anything. Now if she had expressed interest back, that might have been a different story. But she didn't.
Tbh, he probly won't do it again, at least not for a while. I think you scared him straight.
Guys flirt out of reflex. Most of the time they don't really mean it. If the girl seems interested, which usually she isn't, one of two things happens. If he's a good guy and he's happy with his girlfriend (you), he just laughs it off and continues on with his day. If he isn't, he starts hitting on her for real. I don't know what would have happened if this girl had been into your boyfriend. She wasn't, so it's impossible to tell.
I'm sorry if this sounds complicated. Most of this is intuitive, and it's hard to put into words.
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