How to respond to silent treatment?

I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is giving me a silent treatment. It wouldn't be the first time. He has a tendency of getting mad over small, unrealistic things and not talking about it, just turning his head away leaving me wondering what the fuck I did or say wrong. I think I know why he's doing it now; well few weeks ago we had an argument about sex (he literally wants to have all the damn time, 24/7) and I told him that I want us to do some other activities as well, that pussy is not a supermarket, that I need a breather. He didn't say it but it was written on his face how offended he got. He just said "okay" and he really didn't initiate it for few days and we did some other activities those days. Few days ago I wanted to have sex and he rejected me. I tried couple of more times but he just brushed me away. I asked him if everything is okay and he said everything is great. Then the next day he rejected me again and I snapped. I asked him why and he just said "well, now you know how I felt. sucks, right?". I lost every interest of having sex with him right there and then and told him that I'm not going to put up with his childish behavior, that I won't bug him anymore and that the next time he's butthurt about something he should communicate it. It's been 4 days since then and now he is totally giving me the silent treatment. He acts uninterested, often doesn't pick up the phone, texts back late with one word responses, etc. Would text me a cute emoji from time to time, then go radio silent. He used to text me good morning every day, and today he didn't. Didn't heard from him all day. I think he wants me to chase after him, but no way in hell I'm doing that. I have no time nor energy for his stupid mind games. How should react to this?
Updates:
You guys misunderstood. I did not went all bitchy on him when I said my pussy is not a supermarket, it didn't happened just like that. Within first week we started having sex I noticed that that's the only thing he likes doing. I invite him for activities all the time (like going out, doing some sport, having dates, watching movies, etc.) and he says "okay" but always cancels last minute. And then I told him I can't do only sex all the time and that I doubt how serious he is about this relation

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Most Helpful Guys

  • When someone is giving you the silent treatment they want you to try to get their attention and they're usually doing it to get a reaction from you, or at least they want to give you the silent treatment for a little bit and then wait for you to try to talk to them again. The best way to handle it is to act like you're not bothered at all by it rather than getting angry and trying to get them to talk to you. If for example he goes silent on you and won't talk about whatever it is that has bothered him, instead of getting angry or frustrated by it, laugh to yourself at how silly he's acting. Learn to find it funny instead, and then go and do something else rather than waste time letting him annoy you. Wait for him to get back to you and when he does mock him for acting like a child. Whatever you do don't let him know that he's getting to you and don't try to fix it, instead make him feel like an idiot and let him fix the awkwardness he created.

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  • You're not being a good girlfriend either. You hurt his feelings. Just because a guy had urges for sex that is too often for you. You get in an argument with him and say your pussy is not a super market? Why don't you be the bigger person this time apologize that you hurt his feelings. Just explain to him that sometimes he's going to have to take care of business on his own.

    What he's doing is pretty petty but it doesn't seem like you are really trying to sympathize with him and all you think he's just a guy and wants sex to much.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • He stated what he wanted. You stated that 24/7 is not what you want, that you want to have other activities to do too. Not that you were rejecting him or sex, but the frequency in which he wanted. Where you both erred is coming to a compromise right then and there about how often each week. He took what you said as a complete rejection of sex, which I don't think you meant. Now is sulking and making you 'pay' by rejecting your advances for sex and cutting communication. He is acting very immature about it. I would tell him that you both should have come to a compromise on sex frequency then, but you didn't, but would like to do that now. If he is mature he will respond. If not, that is your sign he is not mature enough to be in a relationship, as there will always be something that comes up that both need to be mature enough to discuss. If he can't be mature, there are other men out there that are. Find one of them.

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  • I find silent treatment to show an inability to deal maturely. It's something I expect from my children, not my SO.
    I think own time to think over things is a great thing (thus it should be communicated that time to think is wanted) but silent treatment is different. It's an immature way, and a will, to hurt the other person.
    If you want to work on what you've got, you need to communicate.

    I've been in your shoes, where sex 24/7 was all that mattered. And I'm a person that need conversation about everything else, have things to take care of, want to be doing things together (or not do anything but together).. We did not come to the same conclusion, he acted like a child, and I lost all attraction with time; thus ended it after 5 years.

    I think you need to have a clear sit-down, allow each other to talk openly and honestly.

    Sometimes, it's obvious how different we are and how far apart our needs are in our relationships. To want sex often is fine, but then you're not compatible if both don't have the same need.

    I would talk about it with him and then examine what comes up.
    Sometimes it's hard to realize that love is not always enough.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 75

  • He's acting really childish. Do you really want to 'make it work' with a guy that acts like my 7 year old tries to act?

    I mean think about this...4 days now of silent treatment, you could've been enjoying that time with a man that's not behaving like that. Women giving these types of guys a chance is why natural selection hasn't done it's job yet.

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    • After reading your update... I can't help but double down on what I've already said. I mean seriously, now it also sounds like you're good for one thing to him.

  • Get dolled up, tell him you are going to a club to go dancing because you like to dance. If he asks who you are going with say you are going by yourself. Watch how fast he will begin talking. If not, leave and go to a Starbucks or something. Guarantee that will get him talking.
    Interesting roll reversal. Usually its women that use this tactic (Silent treatment ). and its just as childish, frustrating and stupid when they do it.

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    • So fight one childish mind game with another? Great advice.

  • Seriously, you have a little to blame yourself with this!
    First you negligate probably in a condescending way and also use the phrase supermarket, that phrase is most used to control and manipulate someone to do something.
    (say you aren't in the mood if you aren't in the mood but count on he would also come with that if he isn't in the mood instead of letting you have sex because you are in the mood but not him, than you need to express yourself that better that you need more than just sex with next person in a positive way)

    Than snap when you get treated in the same way you treat him also gives really bad signals.
    You have never thought of that he is not in the mood because of how you have presented from the start and kept on going with the same attitude?
    And that he did say that when you snapped because you did snap to state to you how it is the opposite way.

    The best thing for you both is to be straight forward and lay out all cards and that you both need some time to think if you both is a good thing in the long run.

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  • I've been in a relationship where I wanted sex everyday and she "allowed" sex only when she was in the mood which was once a month. The person with the lower sex drive usually decides when there is sex and that isn't fair. If your sex drive is once a week and his is daily, then meet in the middle for every other day. If he can't accept that and wants daily regardless of how you feel then he's just in it for pussy. I understand the feeling rejected part, I dealt with it for 2 years. It takes a toll. He went silent because he wants you to feel unwanted the way he has felt, but it should be communicated not play games. I would talk to him and try to find a middle ground with sex. This is an important topic for men since we are driven by our hormones more than women and you have to understand that or at least accept it and he must accept that women are driven by emotion. Men it's hormones first then sex, women it's emotions then hormones. Find a median that works for both of you. If you can't find one, find someone who will. This is about sex and nothing else.

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  • Ask him what's wrong. If he tells you what's wrong but you arrogantly ignore it and think you're right than you're a pathetic child. If he refuses to tell you than you're not together with a man but a child who's looking for a mommy and not a wife. If one person is standing in the way of fairness becoming the norm than that's the person who should go be useless with the rest of the useless childish embarrassments of society.

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  • Just realize before you make radical judgments about what an asker' SO is (loser, asshole) and what should be done (break up), even with a detailed story like this, you're only getting a very partial, incomplete, and biased view. He is prob not treating you much different or worse than you treated him.

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  • This dude is a real mind fuck. You can't see this? If a woman was to do to me the way this guy is doing unto you... I would tell her to stick that broomstick up her ass and suck it like a lollipop. I would be gone so fast her head would spin.

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  • Interesting. I raised a poll on labido mismatches on here and most people said its 50/50... Lower labido needs to step up occasionally and higher labido needs to understand and step back occasionally. You two really need to talk about this, or end it. His harboring resentment will make you resent him, and you really do not want to go there.

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  • Sounds like his “all you can ride for free” ride is over and he doesn’t want to buy any tickets. Don’t belittle yourself by chasing after him. Sounds like you’ve done no wrong. If things remain this way. Learn something from it and move on. Life’s too short for games.

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  • Well time to break up. The dating games got to serious which damages a lot of couples. He also just showed how he really is and you dont want to give in and should not. So he shoved you away.

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What Girls Said 31

  • He's being an immature pussy, to be blunt. I'd tell him up front, we need to discuss this and we can't do that if you're acting like a petty 5 year old. You need to communicate what you want from each other, respectfully. He wants more sex, you want more activities. So you should be able to compromise by going out more often (not 24/7 but at least a few times a month) and having more sex. (Again, not 24/7 or whenever he wants, but at least a couple times a week or whatever you can both agree on.) Also just wanna throw out there, it's totally okay for partners to not be interested in the same stuff, but there should be an effort to do those things with your partner sometimes, anyway. If someone can't make an effort to do something you enjoy (going out, for example) once in a while, why should you do it for them? (Having more sex, as another example.) Compromise and compassion is needed here, in my opinion. And maturity. Dear God, way more maturity on his part. If he won't talk to you and open up about what bothers him and possible solutions, then it's out of your hands and there's not much you can do but leave, since you can't find a common ground. Relationships can't be all about what ONE person wants. I have an ex who used to pull the silent treatment and then say, "You should know why I'm mad" when I asked him what was wrong. 4 years later, he still did it. If he can't communicate, then it's a waste of time in my opinion.

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  • Lol what an idiot. Why would you even want to be with and immature pussy? Considering you are at least 25 and he is probably about the same, this behavious is nlt appropriate. I'd tell him he needs to start acting like an adult and adressing the things he doesn't like because I don't want to go out with an 5 year old. But make sure he realises that he can talk to you about anything that bothers him without you getting angry.

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  • Relationships shouldn't be only for sex, this is stupid. He's being childish and selfish. You're being awesome by trying to initiate something else other than just sex. You're trying to get him to do a lot of fun things couples enjoy, and I think you're right. He's being childish and stupid and he needs to stop being immature and let go. You're human too. You have your own limits.

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  • Ask him how he felt when you spoke about the sex thing. Perhaps he got offended, feeling unwanted or brushed off, and I'm sure it wasn't your intention.

    Be calm and take your time to explain how you feel about it.

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  • I tend to give silent treatment until I’m over what I need to get over and then I move on. Depending what the conflict was I’ll talk to the guy but if they don’t respond to that I tend to just be annoyed. but later we work it out after the silent treatment if I do it then. (In those cases)

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  • Honestly, he sounds like a little bitch. A relationship will never work without communication. If he's not willing to do that and if he's not willing to put himself in your shoes and see where your coming from, then drop his ass. Believe me, you'll find a man who will treat you the way you should be treated.

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    • It's the same the other way around.
      She doesn't seem to want to do the same or accept to get the same treatment she gives to him.

    • Hi how are you

  • I personally would sit down with him and try to talk about the issue and try to find a solution, if he can't do that and keeps acting like a child I would be done with him

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  • I think u are right and ur boyfriend dosen't love u and it's a child. He just want to have someone for have sex... I'm sorry but I think ur relationship dont go many far. U should ignore him completly if he have some another interest on u, he will chase u, if not forget him.

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  • I put a post on here about guys thinking they deserve sex whenever they want and I genuinely think that many guys feel entitled to sex whenever they please. I said going 3 days without sex and so many of them lost their shit, they didn't even think to consider that maybe a girl is on her period or has the fucking flu, they just lose their shit that she would withholding sex for three days like a manipulative bitch.(thiet words not mine). I also think that's why so many guys also don't believe rape is rape, because half of them feel entitled to sex they cannot imagine taking something they don't already consider "theirs". Newsflash simply because they can count the times they have respected their women doesn't mean you shouldn't respect their consent every time. This topic seriously depresses me

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  • Yea you should absolutely not deal with this bullshit anymore lol. Dudes a joke. No 20-something man should be acting like this. If you have a problem, you talk about it and work through it. Not ignore each other and be petty. Don’t chase. Be upfront and call him out on his shit and say exactly what you have here. “Hey, you’re being a fucking child, I don’t have the time or energy to deal with your bullshit so you either man up and start acting mature or I’m going to find someone else who isn’t a 5 year old.”

    I know it’s easier said than done to break up with someone like that, but either he changes and stops acting like this once you put your foot down, or you’ll deal with this the rest of your life.

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