How to respond to silent treatment?

Question

I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is giving me a silent treatment. It wouldn't be the first time. He has a tendency of getting mad over small, unrealistic things and not talking about it, just turning his head away leaving me wondering what the fuck I did or say wrong. I think I know why he's doing it now; well few weeks ago we had an argument about sex (he literally wants to have all the damn time, 24/7) and I told him that I want us to do some other activities as well, that pussy is not a supermarket, that I need a breather. He didn't say it but it was written on his face how offended he got. He just said "okay" and he really didn't initiate it for few days and we did some other activities those days. Few days ago I wanted to have sex and he rejected me. I tried couple of more times but he just brushed me away. I asked him if everything is okay and he said everything is great. Then the next day he rejected me again and I snapped. I asked him why and he just said "well, now you know how I felt. sucks, right?". I lost every interest of having sex with him right there and then and told him that I'm not going to put up with his childish behavior, that I won't bug him anymore and that the next time he's butthurt about something he should communicate it. It's been 4 days since then and now he is totally giving me the silent treatment. He acts uninterested, often doesn't pick up the phone, texts back late with one word responses, etc. Would text me a cute emoji from time to time, then go radio silent. He used to text me good morning every day, and today he didn't. Didn't heard from him all day. I think he wants me to chase after him, but no way in hell I'm doing that. I have no time nor energy for his stupid mind games. How should react to this?

SkyeMind · Accepted Answer

I find silent treatment to show an inability to deal maturely. It's something I expect from my children, not my SO.
I think own time to think over things is a great thing (thus it should be communicated that time to think is wanted) but silent treatment is different. It's an immature way, and a will, to hurt the other person.
If you want to work on what you've got, you need to communicate.

I've been in your shoes, where sex 24/7 was all that mattered. And I'm a person that need conversation about everything else, have things to take care of, want to be doing things together (or not do anything but together).. We did not come to the same conclusion, he acted like a child, and I lost all attraction with time; thus ended it after 5 years.

I think you need to have a clear sit-down, allow each other to talk openly and honestly.

Sometimes, it's obvious how different we are and how far apart our needs are in our relationships. To want sex often is fine, but then you're not compatible if both don't have the same need.

I would talk about it with him and then examine what comes up.
Sometimes it's hard to realize that love is not always enough.

debi2622 · Accepted Answer

He stated what he wanted. You stated that 24/7 is not what you want, that you want to have other activities to do too. Not that you were rejecting him or sex, but the frequency in which he wanted. Where you both erred is coming to a compromise right then and there about how often each week. He took what you said as a complete rejection of sex, which I don't think you meant. Now is sulking and making you 'pay' by rejecting your advances for sex and cutting communication. He is acting very immature about it. I would tell him that you both should have come to a compromise on sex frequency then, but you didn't, but would like to do that now. If he is mature he will respond. If not, that is your sign he is not mature enough to be in a relationship, as there will always be something that comes up that both need to be mature enough to discuss. If he can't be mature, there are other men out there that are. Find one of them.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

When someone is giving you the silent treatment they want you to try to get their attention and they're usually doing it to get a reaction from you, or at least they want to give you the silent treatment for a little bit and then wait for you to try to talk to them again. The best way to handle it is to act like you're not bothered at all by it rather than getting angry and trying to get them to talk to you. If for example he goes silent on you and won't talk about whatever it is that has bothered him, instead of getting angry or frustrated by it, laugh to yourself at how silly he's acting. Learn to find it funny instead, and then go and do something else rather than waste time letting him annoy you. Wait for him to get back to you and when he does mock him for acting like a child. Whatever you do don't let him know that he's getting to you and don't try to fix it, instead make him feel like an idiot and let him fix the awkwardness he created.

Caaarl · Accepted Answer

You're not being a good girlfriend either. You hurt his feelings. Just because a guy had urges for sex that is too often for you. You get in an argument with him and say your pussy is not a super market? Why don't you be the bigger person this time apologize that you hurt his feelings. Just explain to him that sometimes he's going to have to take care of business on his own.

What he's doing is pretty petty but it doesn't seem like you are really trying to sympathize with him and all you think he's just a guy and wants sex to much.

Ashlyn96 · Answer

He's being an immature pussy, to be blunt. I'd tell him up front, we need to discuss this and we can't do that if you're acting like a petty 5 year old. You need to communicate what you want from each other, respectfully. He wants more sex, you want more activities. So you should be able to compromise by going out more often (not 24/7 but at least a few times a month) and having more sex. (Again, not 24/7 or whenever he wants, but at least a couple times a week or whatever you can both agree on.) Also just wanna throw out there, it's totally okay for partners to not be interested in the same stuff, but there should be an effort to do those things with your partner sometimes, anyway. If someone can't make an effort to do something you enjoy (going out, for example) once in a while, why should you do it for them? (Having more sex, as another example.) Compromise and compassion is needed here, in my opinion. And maturity. Dear God, way more maturity on his part. If he won't talk to you and open up about what bothers him and possible solutions, then it's out of your hands and there's not much you can do but leave, since you can't find a common ground. Relationships can't be all about what ONE person wants. I have an ex who used to pull the silent treatment and then say, "You should know why I'm mad" when I asked him what was wrong. 4 years later, he still did it. If he can't communicate, then it's a waste of time in my opinion.

crazy8000 · Answer

Seriously, you have a little to blame yourself with this!
First you negligate probably in a condescending way and also use the phrase supermarket, that phrase is most used to control and manipulate someone to do something.
(say you aren't in the mood if you aren't in the mood but count on he would also come with that if he isn't in the mood instead of letting you have sex because you are in the mood but not him, than you need to express yourself that better that you need more than just sex with next person in a positive way)

Than snap when you get treated in the same way you treat him also gives really bad signals.
You have never thought of that he is not in the mood because of how you have presented from the start and kept on going with the same attitude?
And that he did say that when you snapped because you did snap to state to you how it is the opposite way.

The best thing for you both is to be straight forward and lay out all cards and that you both need some time to think if you both is a good thing in the long run.

SupernovaV10 · Answer

I've been in a relationship where I wanted sex everyday and she "allowed" sex only when she was in the mood which was once a month. The person with the lower sex drive usually decides when there is sex and that isn't fair. If your sex drive is once a week and his is daily, then meet in the middle for every other day. If he can't accept that and wants daily regardless of how you feel then he's just in it for pussy. I understand the feeling rejected part, I dealt with it for 2 years. It takes a toll. He went silent because he wants you to feel unwanted the way he has felt, but it should be communicated not play games. I would talk to him and try to find a middle ground with sex. This is an important topic for men since we are driven by our hormones more than women and you have to understand that or at least accept it and he must accept that women are driven by emotion. Men it's hormones first then sex, women it's emotions then hormones. Find a median that works for both of you. If you can't find one, find someone who will. This is about sex and nothing else.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

I put a post on here about guys thinking they deserve sex whenever they want and I genuinely think that many guys feel entitled to sex whenever they please. I said going 3 days without sex and so many of them lost their shit, they didn't even think to consider that maybe a girl is on her period or has the fucking flu, they just lose their shit that she would withholding sex for three days like a manipulative bitch.(thiet words not mine). I also think that's why so many guys also don't believe rape is rape, because half of them feel entitled to sex they cannot imagine taking something they don't already consider "theirs". Newsflash simply because they can count the times they have respected their women doesn't mean you shouldn't respect their consent every time. This topic seriously depresses me

zapbrannigan76 · Answer

It sounds like a pretty clear case of immaturity and a clear sign that perhaps you nd some time to think. Not saying to write the whole thing off, but he nds to learn to communicate better like an actual partner. The sooner the better. As far as the “me want sex all time”... that’s the unfortunate and ever present side of penis ownership. Regardless of age (not sure if it gets better or we learn to manage it better) it’s like a ringing in your ear or a piece of machinery running in the background that it’s just there and it’s always going “sex? How bout now? Now?” Til the end of time.

jesshkah · Answer

Yea you should absolutely not deal with this bullshit anymore lol. Dudes a joke. No 20-something man should be acting like this. If you have a problem, you talk about it and work through it. Not ignore each other and be petty. Don’t chase. Be upfront and call him out on his shit and say exactly what you have here. “Hey, you’re being a fucking child, I don’t have the time or energy to deal with your bullshit so you either man up and start acting mature or I’m going to find someone else who isn’t a 5 year old.”

I know it’s easier said than done to break up with someone like that, but either he changes and stops acting like this once you put your foot down, or you’ll deal with this the rest of your life.

blkhermano · Answer

You can send him a text letting him know you want to talk maturely about how you feel, what the relationship is looking like at the moment, and how you want things to improve. Also, be very willing to let him speak about the same topics.

He hasn't matured enough to see how that "eye for an eye" stunt is not relationship material. I understand at that age range the intense desire to want sex, but your SO is not a sex object you can just turn on like a machine whenever you want. He needs to understand that, or both of you will have problems.

A lot of people like to use the boyfriend/girlfriend as a glorified version of a friends with benefits. They want somebody they can have consistent sex with, so they agree to pin a title on a person for pretty much those means. Not understanding their is way more that goes into a relationship than sex. Sex has to be earned, otherwise it loses its value.

Ellie-V · Answer

Silent treatment means he wants attention. So you were right you should not have to chase him and he is playing games. And he’s being completely selfish. He wants you to cater to his needs, but when it comes to yours, he wants to be a child. You do have the right to say no. Nd if he can’t respect that then he just doesn’t respect you as a person. Period. Which is why he wants nothing from you but sex. I think you should leave him. If you don’t, you must not have that much respect for your own self. Cuz he will treat you the same and you will find yourself going in a circle. Why would you want to date a toddler? Seriously. I don't know how old your are, but you’re a grown ass woman. How much is it gonna take for you to understand your worth? You’re in a one sided relationship. Nd I don't know what he’s got going on but it doesn’t sound like he’s ready for a relationship himself. Why give him another second of your life when he does nothing but waste your time😐

Figen · Answer

Yeah I agree with runfast down below lol. If you communicated that your flowerpot just needed a rest as to do other things not that you were rejecting the idea of sex just need rest and there are plenty of other things to do with our time together and he seems uninterested and just wants sex only all the time than he is acting like a fuckboy and proceed accordingly to dump his ass lol. If I needed a break my so doesn't have a problem with that and vice versa. I certainly wouldn't reject him if he advanced on me lol. Pfft lawdy.

orthomatic · Answer

He's a man child. Guys like they often have many women they're talking to at one point of time, so it's easier for them to ignore the other. I'm not saying it's the only possibility, but if someone gets so "hurt" about you not wanting to have sex with him every day, that's just very wrong.
I'd say leave his ass, like, don't even give an explanation. Just break it off. You'll find someone waaaaaaay better. After all, a relationship isn't just about sex unless you both want it to be, which clearly isn't the case here.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

He's acting really childish. Do you really want to 'make it work' with a guy that acts like my 7 year old tries to act?

I mean think about this...4 days now of silent treatment, you could've been enjoying that time with a man that's not behaving like that. Women giving these types of guys a chance is why natural selection hasn't done it's job yet.

jimbojimbo · Answer

Its sounds your boyfriend is just using you for sex. If someone just wants their own way all the time in a relationship, and doesn't respect your feelings, they are using you.

I would suggest you dump him and move on. I wouldn't do anything. Just block him, ghost him. That will teach him a lesson, show him you are moving on with your life without him.

Or could be absolute bitch for the way he treating you, I am sorry but I had sex with someone else last night, I have cheating on you for a while, just as revenge the way he has being treating you.

pookybear123 · Answer

My partner snapped at me once to “stop banging on about sex” when he was tired from work and worn out. it crushed me as for me I love sex, desire him soo much but he needed a deeper connection and just felt like that’s al I wanted from him. It took a real honest communication about the amount of sex and our expectations and also I needed to back off a little sexually. I can’t have it all my way and I need to also consider his feelings. Is tough sometimes for me but when we do have it I enjoy it more.

mayur955 · Answer

Seriously, noone can do sex all the time. He thinks this is only the enjoyment. Wait for some days & if he does same as he is doing now, then leave him. Sorry to say but if you go closer to him, your life will be difficult. You cannot do other activities as u said he is not interested.
A partner must be caring & I think he doesn't care about anything else. He just want sex.
Sorry to say but this type of behavior can't be changed. If he refused to leave u then be aggressive & next time, before being in a relationship, test that person first.

yasii · Answer

Lol what an idiot. Why would you even want to be with and immature pussy? Considering you are at least 25 and he is probably about the same, this behavious is nlt appropriate. I'd tell him he needs to start acting like an adult and adressing the things he doesn't like because I don't want to go out with an 5 year old. But make sure he realises that he can talk to you about anything that bothers him without you getting angry.

Nihal123Prefon · Answer

See if you want to make a relationship better then one should always vow... it's not always about the understandings that everybody says or mentions the greatest in relationships but it's the love and care you do to him... If u truly love someone then there shouldn't be any question that u should get same feelings back... If he is doing a revenge thing to you... let him do that but u should not overtake him with anger and disappointment.. rather show him how much u love him and want him... he will surely realize it... any day any moment... your ship will be out of waves then...

dmgstarfleet · Answer

Get dolled up, tell him you are going to a club to go dancing because you like to dance. If he asks who you are going with say you are going by yourself. Watch how fast he will begin talking. If not, leave and go to a Starbucks or something. Guarantee that will get him talking.
Interesting roll reversal. Usually its women that use this tactic (Silent treatment ). and its just as childish, frustrating and stupid when they do it.

hsshannah96 · Answer

I tend to give silent treatment until I’m over what I need to get over and then I move on. Depending what the conflict was I’ll talk to the guy but if they don’t respond to that I tend to just be annoyed. but later we work it out after the silent treatment if I do it then. (In those cases)

iamconfusion111 · Answer

Relationships shouldn't be only for sex, this is stupid. He's being childish and selfish. You're being awesome by trying to initiate something else other than just sex. You're trying to get him to do a lot of fun things couples enjoy, and I think you're right. He's being childish and stupid and he needs to stop being immature and let go. You're human too. You have your own limits.

bean911 · Answer

Well as a guy I would obviously feel offended if I was directly told like this.. but it's better to communicate this in a different way... As in rather than just stoping all of this at once n saying let's do other things.. u need to try create interest in other things u like to do with him... For example.. stay out and do what u guys want to do rather than telling him about doing the same thing when u r at home or bed... N slowly slowly each day he will understand what all u would love to do with him n he will love to enjoy with u

Anonymous · Answer

Be careful how you withhold sex. It’s completely fine to not have it if you are in not in the mood. But don’t EVER do that just to punish him. Instead tell him you are just not in the mood at the moment. Don’t ever use that “supermarket” line again. Don’t ever withhold sex because it gives you a sense of power. That’s only a temporary play and he will eventually walk if you over do it.

He’s angry and frustrated but doesn’t know how to express his negative emotions because men are taught that being too direct scares females. I’ve been there myself.

Tell him he is welcome to open up about what he is angry about and you will listen. Tell him you won’t punish him for being honest.

PeterB1517 · Answer

Just realize before you make radical judgments about what an asker' SO is (loser, asshole) and what should be done (break up), even with a detailed story like this, you're only getting a very partial, incomplete, and biased view. He is prob not treating you much different or worse than you treated him.

xbeckiee · Answer

Honestly, he sounds like a little bitch. A relationship will never work without communication. If he's not willing to do that and if he's not willing to put himself in your shoes and see where your coming from, then drop his ass. Believe me, you'll find a man who will treat you the way you should be treated.

worldscolide · Answer

I told my wife when we first started dating that i dont do the silent treatment, meaning both i won't give her the silent treatment and i will not accept it from her. I explained to her that if she did that she would be out on the streets on her ass in a heart beat because its incredibly childish to behave in that manor.

If you really dont like it, break up with him. He obviously is not ready for a grown up relationship.

Jake2190 · Answer

Ask him what's wrong. If he tells you what's wrong but you arrogantly ignore it and think you're right than you're a pathetic child. If he refuses to tell you than you're not together with a man but a child who's looking for a mommy and not a wife. If one person is standing in the way of fairness becoming the norm than that's the person who should go be useless with the rest of the useless childish embarrassments of society.

pingu58 · Answer

Interesting. I raised a poll on labido mismatches on here and most people said its 50/50... Lower labido needs to step up occasionally and higher labido needs to understand and step back occasionally. You two really need to talk about this, or end it. His harboring resentment will make you resent him, and you really do not want to go there.

gauravseth · Answer

How clear it looks that he is just using you for his sexual needs and he only loves you for that. He won't like to go out in social gatherings with you nor would he go for dates or movies because that will just waste his time 😔... I know it will be hard but you have to be strong and forget him now

Myk13 · Answer

Sounds like his “all you can ride for free” ride is over and he doesn’t want to buy any tickets. Don’t belittle yourself by chasing after him. Sounds like you’ve done no wrong. If things remain this way. Learn something from it and move on. Life’s too short for games.

Filmbuffgamer · Answer

Sounds like the ship has sailed even if you guys still might be official. If not official, there's a high chance he's probably talking to someone who will give him what he wants in my opinion. Do not go begging. Right now it seems like he has lost his spark for you or is occupied with another and that is why he is not picking up or responding late with one word answers

TheOnlyAriii · Answer

Ask him how he felt when you spoke about the sex thing. Perhaps he got offended, feeling unwanted or brushed off, and I'm sure it wasn't your intention.

Be calm and take your time to explain how you feel about it.

Anonymous · Answer

Sorry I don't buy it. You've probably exaggerated his pestering you for sex. Wish we get to hear the other side of the story as well. My guess is you clearly said something that really hurt him that there was nothing else to debate hence the silent treatment. If he didn't like you, he wouldn't have agreed to doing other things together. I also think he's considering moving on but finding that difficult at the moment

Ambush102 · Answer

Okay honestly he sounds like a chick. I've never acted like that in my life. I mean I've had a girlfriend that never wants to have sex and we did it like 2 or 3 times a month. But I kinda just got used to it. Though she didn't act like she cared anyways. The point is he is childish. You should chase after him. Make him chase you.

blakemcmillan · Answer

I use to act like that he will grow out of it. If he doesn't give u sex do like my wife does and walk around naked, bend over infront of him for no reason. He will give in. For the games he's playing act like it doesn't even bother u, he will see that its not and it will eat him alive on the inside

Anonymous · Answer

Well if you really like him then you will need to chase him and say this same words” I am so sorry my love let’s not fight about stupid things anymore I understand your point and I hope you can understand mine also let’s start again please I love you” if he treats you bad after that leave him

anacafas89 · Answer

I think u are right and ur boyfriend dosen't love u and it's a child. He just want to have someone for have sex... I'm sorry but I think ur relationship dont go many far. U should ignore him completly if he have some another interest on u, he will chase u, if not forget him.

Cyber_Ghost · Answer

This dude is a real mind fuck. You can't see this? If a woman was to do to me the way this guy is doing unto you... I would tell her to stick that broomstick up her ass and suck it like a lollipop. I would be gone so fast her head would spin.

FýrdracaDócincel · Answer

Treat it like what it is.
A weak-as-fuck conflict tactic undeserving of respect or recognition.

Tell him "That's right, tail between your fucking legs" and then go about the rest of your day until he decides to be an adult.

melanieeeB · Answer

I personally would sit down with him and try to talk about the issue and try to find a solution, if he can't do that and keeps acting like a child I would be done with him

CheckPlease · Answer

Well time to break up. The dating games got to serious which damages a lot of couples. He also just showed how he really is and you dont want to give in and should not. So he shoved you away.

abreu789 · Answer

It sounds like your dating a boy not a man. If he is given you the silent treatment do to not having sex. Well it's time to move on and find a man, or a boy that wants to be a man. If your still with the guy and he is still acting this way, don't include him in couple things. Like getting food, or something, just say o I forgot to include you or just wasn't thinking. If he doesn't change his attitude, he just wants you for sex

andrew_smart · Answer

Engage in conversation with him.
Try and talk about what things you like.
And rejection is not always welcomed.
If you said no then try to explain him the reason.
If he's mature he'll understand and try to make it better or dicuss it.
If not then time to say goodbye

sapphire31 · Answer

Give him the silent treatment in return. It seems like he has no respect for you and takes you for granted, so give him some attitude to make him realize what he’s doing

CodyEC · Answer

You're at a good point as it is, in my opinion. If he truly is only interested in sex I wouldn't expect gratitude from anything else. From my experience as well, it isn't always a pleasing thing to hear any sentence start and end with "I don't want to... with you."

ChronicThinker · Answer

If anyone does that to me I flat out tell them that they better get used to being silent because I don't play that shit and will not chase them.

Anonymous · Answer

He is a bit immature. But I think you hurt his feelings. Write him that you are sorry if you offending him, that you’ll try to understand him better next time etc. But then do not chase him, cause I sense he will make you pay that for a loooong time.

babycakes_ · Answer

He sounds like a horny child who whines a lot when he doesn't get what we wants. Not worth your time love.

i_am_tbjxii · Answer

He needs to learn how to respect how you feel if he can't you need to leave his ass. I can see he is the controlling type.

Browneye57 · Answer

The silent treatment is childish - consider it a red flag, this may simply not be a match.  OTOH, you're a PITA. Consider just dumping him, try again.

Moonchild714 · Answer

I completely agree with debi2622. He sounds very immature. But give him one last chance to prove he's a grown man not a child.

lycan71 · Answer

Try not to worry have you tried talking to him if so and you still are getting the silent treatment don't worry show no concern as he's being an idiot by treating you like this x x x

runfastmcchunky · Answer

Sounds like he's not serious. That you're basically a booty call. Take away the one thing he wants and he throws a fit? Please. Ignore him back. Hell come crawling back if he wants too. Or he will move on.

Jener · Answer

Give him an ultimatum and try to talk, if he can't understand you then tell him to go fuck himself. But depending on how much you are pissed off just break up

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like someone I dated and unfortunately now have to live with. I think these people are extreme narcissists with huge personal problems. In the case of the person I know, they have a messed up family and childhood. However, that doesn't excuse this behaviour at all. I'm being forced through the silent treatment right now simply because I asked him to show me more respect by not insulting me in my face. The nerve...

Anonymous · Answer

He's dumb, but I wish my girlfriend would want sex... we hangout, go to movies, hike, travel locally, and I'm always put down with anything sexual. I'm constantly horny, but the rejection has always made me more aggressive and angry but it's still hasn't worked out for me.

Anonymous · Answer

It sounds like there are absolutely no other activities when you're together but having sex. If that's the case then it falls on both sides, he's immature and you enabled that action. But that's contingent on other unknowns like how long have you been a couple? But using what you posted, he is immature and you should not waste your time

Steve37 · Answer

Sounds like you are both acting like children. There's obvious incompatibilities between the two of you. Break up and move on with your lives.

sp33d · Answer

Hmm, call his bluff. He wants to have sex all the time? *challenge accepted* if he doesn't deliver, you can take an educated guess on the other things he'd supposedly do.

jakeofalltrades · Answer

I think its weird that woman think guys should be oaky when they are always rejecting sex with their boy friends, but when they guy does it they get all kinds of pissed

xxcypherxx · Answer

You sound fuckin arrogant. Do you want him to pursue you? Lol. You are doing the mindgame here. Seems like neither of you want each other

SalamanderHotdogs · Answer

It sounds like you two need counselling. Mainly him from the sound of it. You should not have to have sex if you don't want to. Either leave him or get professional help.

How to respond to silent treatment?

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