How to respond to silent treatment?

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is giving me a silent treatment. It wouldn't be the first time. He has a tendency of getting mad over small, unrealistic things and not talking about it, just turning his head away leaving me wondering what the fuck I did or say wrong. I think I know why he's doing it now; well few weeks ago we had an argument about sex (he literally wants to have all the damn time, 24/7) and I told him that I want us to do some other activities as well, that pussy is not a supermarket, that I need a breather. He didn't say it but it was written on his face how offended he got. He just said "okay" and he really didn't initiate it for few days and we did some other activities those days. Few days ago I wanted to have sex and he rejected me. I tried couple of more times but he just brushed me away. I asked him if everything is okay and he said everything is great. Then the next day he rejected me again and I snapped. I asked him why and he just said "well, now you know how I felt. sucks, right?". I lost every interest of having sex with him right there and then and told him that I'm not going to put up with his childish behavior, that I won't bug him anymore and that the next time he's butthurt about something he should communicate it. It's been 4 days since then and now he is totally giving me the silent treatment. He acts uninterested, often doesn't pick up the phone, texts back late with one word responses, etc. Would text me a cute emoji from time to time, then go radio silent. He used to text me good morning every day, and today he didn't. Didn't heard from him all day. I think he wants me to chase after him, but no way in hell I'm doing that. I have no time nor energy for his stupid mind games. How should react to this?

Updates

+1 y

You guys misunderstood. I did not went all bitchy on him when I said my pussy is not a supermarket, it didn't happened just like that. Within first week we started having sex I noticed that that's the only thing he likes doing. I invite him for activities all the time (like going out, doing some sport, having dates, watching movies, etc.) and he says "okay" but always cancels last minute. And then I told him I can't do only sex all the time and that I doubt how serious he is about this relation

[SkyeMind]

I find silent treatment to show an inability to deal maturely. It's something I expect from my children, not my SO.
I think own time to think over things is a great thing (thus it should be communicated that time to think is wanted) but silent treatment is different. It's an immature way, and a will, to hurt the other person.
If you want to work on what you've got, you need to communicate.

I've been in your shoes, where sex 24/7 was all that mattered. And I'm a person that need conversation about everything else, have things to take care of, want to be doing things together (or not do anything but together).. We did not come to the same conclusion, he acted like a child, and I lost all attraction with time; thus ended it after 5 years.

I think you need to have a clear sit-down, allow each other to talk openly and honestly.

Sometimes, it's obvious how different we are and how far apart our needs are in our relationships. To want sex often is fine, but then you're not compatible if both don't have the same need.

I would talk about it with him and then examine what comes up.
Sometimes it's hard to realize that love is not always enough.

[SkyeMind]

Thank you for the MHO 😊

[debi2622]

He stated what he wanted. You stated that 24/7 is not what you want, that you want to have other activities to do too. Not that you were rejecting him or sex, but the frequency in which he wanted. Where you both erred is coming to a compromise right then and there about how often each week. He took what you said as a complete rejection of sex, which I don't think you meant. Now is sulking and making you 'pay' by rejecting your advances for sex and cutting communication. He is acting very immature about it. I would tell him that you both should have come to a compromise on sex frequency then, but you didn't, but would like to do that now. If he is mature he will respond. If not, that is your sign he is not mature enough to be in a relationship, as there will always be something that comes up that both need to be mature enough to discuss. If he can't be mature, there are other men out there that are. Find one of them.

[Anonymous]

When someone is giving you the silent treatment they want you to try to get their attention and they're usually doing it to get a reaction from you, or at least they want to give you the silent treatment for a little bit and then wait for you to try to talk to them again. The best way to handle it is to act like you're not bothered at all by it rather than getting angry and trying to get them to talk to you. If for example he goes silent on you and won't talk about whatever it is that has bothered him, instead of getting angry or frustrated by it, laugh to yourself at how silly he's acting. Learn to find it funny instead, and then go and do something else rather than waste time letting him annoy you. Wait for him to get back to you and when he does mock him for acting like a child. Whatever you do don't let him know that he's getting to you and don't try to fix it, instead make him feel like an idiot and let him fix the awkwardness he created.

[curiousty]

Good answer

[Caaarl]

You're not being a good girlfriend either. You hurt his feelings. Just because a guy had urges for sex that is too often for you. You get in an argument with him and say your pussy is not a super market? Why don't you be the bigger person this time apologize that you hurt his feelings. Just explain to him that sometimes he's going to have to take care of business on his own.

What he's doing is pretty petty but it doesn't seem like you are really trying to sympathize with him and all you think he's just a guy and wants sex to much.

[Ashlyn96]

He's being an immature pussy, to be blunt. I'd tell him up front, we need to discuss this and we can't do that if you're acting like a petty 5 year old. You need to communicate what you want from each other, respectfully. He wants more sex, you want more activities. So you should be able to compromise by going out more often (not 24/7 but at least a few times a month) and having more sex. (Again, not 24/7 or whenever he wants, but at least a couple times a week or whatever you can both agree on.) Also just wanna throw out there, it's totally okay for partners to not be interested in the same stuff, but there should be an effort to do those things with your partner sometimes, anyway. If someone can't make an effort to do something you enjoy (going out, for example) once in a while, why should you do it for them? (Having more sex, as another example.) Compromise and compassion is needed here, in my opinion. And maturity. Dear God, way more maturity on his part. If he won't talk to you and open up about what bothers him and possible solutions, then it's out of your hands and there's not much you can do but leave, since you can't find a common ground. Relationships can't be all about what ONE person wants. I have an ex who used to pull the silent treatment and then say, "You should know why I'm mad" when I asked him what was wrong. 4 years later, he still did it. If he can't communicate, then it's a waste of time in my opinion.

[tiiiiiiviiii]

Hi how are you

[crazy8000]

Seriously, you have a little to blame yourself with this!
First you negligate probably in a condescending way and also use the phrase supermarket, that phrase is most used to control and manipulate someone to do something.
(say you aren't in the mood if you aren't in the mood but count on he would also come with that if he isn't in the mood instead of letting you have sex because you are in the mood but not him, than you need to express yourself that better that you need more than just sex with next person in a positive way)

Than snap when you get treated in the same way you treat him also gives really bad signals.
You have never thought of that he is not in the mood because of how you have presented from the start and kept on going with the same attitude?
And that he did say that when you snapped because you did snap to state to you how it is the opposite way.

The best thing for you both is to be straight forward and lay out all cards and that you both need some time to think if you both is a good thing in the long run.

[SupernovaV10]

I've been in a relationship where I wanted sex everyday and she "allowed" sex only when she was in the mood which was once a month. The person with the lower sex drive usually decides when there is sex and that isn't fair. If your sex drive is once a week and his is daily, then meet in the middle for every other day. If he can't accept that and wants daily regardless of how you feel then he's just in it for pussy. I understand the feeling rejected part, I dealt with it for 2 years. It takes a toll. He went silent because he wants you to feel unwanted the way he has felt, but it should be communicated not play games. I would talk to him and try to find a middle ground with sex. This is an important topic for men since we are driven by our hormones more than women and you have to understand that or at least accept it and he must accept that women are driven by emotion. Men it's hormones first then sex, women it's emotions then hormones. Find a median that works for both of you. If you can't find one, find someone who will. This is about sex and nothing else.

[Xoxocutekitty]

I put a post on here about guys thinking they deserve sex whenever they want and I genuinely think that many guys feel entitled to sex whenever they please. I said going 3 days without sex and so many of them lost their shit, they didn't even think to consider that maybe a girl is on her period or has the fucking flu, they just lose their shit that she would withholding sex for three days like a manipulative bitch.(thiet words not mine). I also think that's why so many guys also don't believe rape is rape, because half of them feel entitled to sex they cannot imagine taking something they don't already consider "theirs". Newsflash simply because they can count the times they have respected their women doesn't mean you shouldn't respect their consent every time. This topic seriously depresses me

[zapbrannigan76]

It sounds like a pretty clear case of immaturity and a clear sign that perhaps you nd some time to think. Not saying to write the whole thing off, but he nds to learn to communicate better like an actual partner. The sooner the better. As far as the “me want sex all time”... that’s the unfortunate and ever present side of penis ownership. Regardless of age (not sure if it gets better or we learn to manage it better) it’s like a ringing in your ear or a piece of machinery running in the background that it’s just there and it’s always going “sex? How bout now? Now?” Til the end of time.

[D_Bone_Steak]

He's acting really childish. Do you really want to 'make it work' with a guy that acts like my 7 year old tries to act?

I mean think about this...4 days now of silent treatment, you could've been enjoying that time with a man that's not behaving like that. Women giving these types of guys a chance is why natural selection hasn't done it's job yet.

[D_Bone_Steak]

After reading your update... I can't help but double down on what I've already said. I mean seriously, now it also sounds like you're good for one thing to him.

[jesshkah]

Yea you should absolutely not deal with this bullshit anymore lol. Dudes a joke. No 20-something man should be acting like this. If you have a problem, you talk about it and work through it. Not ignore each other and be petty. Don’t chase. Be upfront and call him out on his shit and say exactly what you have here. “Hey, you’re being a fucking child, I don’t have the time or energy to deal with your bullshit so you either man up and start acting mature or I’m going to find someone else who isn’t a 5 year old.”

I know it’s easier said than done to break up with someone like that, but either he changes and stops acting like this once you put your foot down, or you’ll deal with this the rest of your life.

[blkhermano]

You can send him a text letting him know you want to talk maturely about how you feel, what the relationship is looking like at the moment, and how you want things to improve. Also, be very willing to let him speak about the same topics.

He hasn't matured enough to see how that "eye for an eye" stunt is not relationship material. I understand at that age range the intense desire to want sex, but your SO is not a sex object you can just turn on like a machine whenever you want. He needs to understand that, or both of you will have problems.

A lot of people like to use the boyfriend/girlfriend as a glorified version of a friends with benefits. They want somebody they can have consistent sex with, so they agree to pin a title on a person for pretty much those means. Not understanding their is way more that goes into a relationship than sex. Sex has to be earned, otherwise it loses its value.

[Ellie-V]

Silent treatment means he wants attention. So you were right you should not have to chase him and he is playing games. And he’s being completely selfish. He wants you to cater to his needs, but when it comes to yours, he wants to be a child. You do have the right to say no. Nd if he can’t respect that then he just doesn’t respect you as a person. Period. Which is why he wants nothing from you but sex. I think you should leave him. If you don’t, you must not have that much respect for your own self. Cuz he will treat you the same and you will find yourself going in a circle. Why would you want to date a toddler? Seriously. I don't know how old your are, but you’re a grown ass woman. How much is it gonna take for you to understand your worth? You’re in a one sided relationship. Nd I don't know what he’s got going on but it doesn’t sound like he’s ready for a relationship himself. Why give him another second of your life when he does nothing but waste your time😐

[Figen]

Yeah I agree with runfast down below lol. If you communicated that your flowerpot just needed a rest as to do other things not that you were rejecting the idea of sex just need rest and there are plenty of other things to do with our time together and he seems uninterested and just wants sex only all the time than he is acting like a fuckboy and proceed accordingly to dump his ass lol. If I needed a break my so doesn't have a problem with that and vice versa. I certainly wouldn't reject him if he advanced on me lol. Pfft lawdy.

[orthomatic]

He's a man child. Guys like they often have many women they're talking to at one point of time, so it's easier for them to ignore the other. I'm not saying it's the only possibility, but if someone gets so "hurt" about you not wanting to have sex with him every day, that's just very wrong.
I'd say leave his ass, like, don't even give an explanation. Just break it off. You'll find someone waaaaaaay better. After all, a relationship isn't just about sex unless you both want it to be, which clearly isn't the case here.

[jimbojimbo]

Its sounds your boyfriend is just using you for sex. If someone just wants their own way all the time in a relationship, and doesn't respect your feelings, they are using you.

I would suggest you dump him and move on. I wouldn't do anything. Just block him, ghost him. That will teach him a lesson, show him you are moving on with your life without him.

Or could be absolute bitch for the way he treating you, I am sorry but I had sex with someone else last night, I have cheating on you for a while, just as revenge the way he has being treating you.

[jimbojimbo]

Young lady, if he always cancels on you on the last minute you want to do other things with him, and just wants sex with you, He is using you. Its really that simple. Please accept that.

[jimbojimbo]

Please stop being so naive. Move on your only going to get seriously hurt.

[pookybear123]

My partner snapped at me once to “stop banging on about sex” when he was tired from work and worn out. it crushed me as for me I love sex, desire him soo much but he needed a deeper connection and just felt like that’s al I wanted from him. It took a real honest communication about the amount of sex and our expectations and also I needed to back off a little sexually. I can’t have it all my way and I need to also consider his feelings. Is tough sometimes for me but when we do have it I enjoy it more.

[ManFrom1982]

@pookybear123 Every eighteen year old guy reading you right now wants to friend you on FB to try and replace him now now now! :) Older guys are all too familiar with the fact that our T levels drop while women our age are hitting their peak drives and both genders are suddenly finding themselves on slightly different sides of the fence than they used to. I'm really really glad for you that you communicated with your man and worked something out, and much respect because compromising is so hard to do!

[Nihal123Prefon]

See if you want to make a relationship better then one should always vow... it's not always about the understandings that everybody says or mentions the greatest in relationships but it's the love and care you do to him... If u truly love someone then there shouldn't be any question that u should get same feelings back... If he is doing a revenge thing to you... let him do that but u should not overtake him with anger and disappointment.. rather show him how much u love him and want him... he will surely realize it... any day any moment... your ship will be out of waves then...

[mayur955]

Seriously, noone can do sex all the time. He thinks this is only the enjoyment. Wait for some days & if he does same as he is doing now, then leave him. Sorry to say but if you go closer to him, your life will be difficult. You cannot do other activities as u said he is not interested.
A partner must be caring & I think he doesn't care about anything else. He just want sex.
Sorry to say but this type of behavior can't be changed. If he refused to leave u then be aggressive & next time, before being in a relationship, test that person first.

[yasii]

Lol what an idiot. Why would you even want to be with and immature pussy? Considering you are at least 25 and he is probably about the same, this behavious is nlt appropriate. I'd tell him he needs to start acting like an adult and adressing the things he doesn't like because I don't want to go out with an 5 year old. But make sure he realises that he can talk to you about anything that bothers him without you getting angry.

[dmgstarfleet]

Get dolled up, tell him you are going to a club to go dancing because you like to dance. If he asks who you are going with say you are going by yourself. Watch how fast he will begin talking. If not, leave and go to a Starbucks or something. Guarantee that will get him talking.
Interesting roll reversal. Usually its women that use this tactic (Silent treatment ). and its just as childish, frustrating and stupid when they do it.

[Caaarl]

So fight one childish mind game with another? Great advice.

[hsshannah96]

I tend to give silent treatment until I’m over what I need to get over and then I move on. Depending what the conflict was I’ll talk to the guy but if they don’t respond to that I tend to just be annoyed. but later we work it out after the silent treatment if I do it then. (In those cases)

[iamconfusion111]

Relationships shouldn't be only for sex, this is stupid. He's being childish and selfish. You're being awesome by trying to initiate something else other than just sex. You're trying to get him to do a lot of fun things couples enjoy, and I think you're right. He's being childish and stupid and he needs to stop being immature and let go. You're human too. You have your own limits.

[bean911]

Well as a guy I would obviously feel offended if I was directly told like this.. but it's better to communicate this in a different way... As in rather than just stoping all of this at once n saying let's do other things.. u need to try create interest in other things u like to do with him... For example.. stay out and do what u guys want to do rather than telling him about doing the same thing when u r at home or bed... N slowly slowly each day he will understand what all u would love to do with him n he will love to enjoy with u