How bad was it to pinch the waitress?

[martyfellow]

I'm a regular a local cafe and have kidded around with the waitresses for years. A couple of months ago I was there with some work friends and playfully pinched Kathin, the waitress.

My women friends are still mad about it even though Kaithin was only a little bothered...I could tell.

What is your opinion esp those of you who work as servers!

[Anonymous]

Where did you pinch her?

I don't know, it might be different in cafe but I work as a barmaid on weekends to pay for college and I get my butt slapped at least once a night, which is annoying, disrespectful and shows a lack of mannors, like really, would you guys like it if we were going around slapping your butts.

It used to really bother me, but I guess I grew indifferent to it. I think it's not that bad if some guy around 20 does it but a men well about 30 slaps my butt (I'm 21) it's just disgusting.

Either way it's never a nice thing to do.

This might be different though, if you knew her well but unless your female friends didn't know that, it is very well understandable that they were upset.

When a girl says she like her butt being slapped, she means by her boyfriend.

A friend of mine who's a pshology major say it's instinct for guys to touch a girls butt, but seriously we're not in stonge age anymore. Another friend said, it's a sign of insecurity and some kind of failed aproach. Either way it doesn't exactly speak for your maturity or self control

[martyfellow]

No, I can really be childish. Thanks for the response. I'm one of those that slap you too..

[Opinion Owner]

do you intend to keep doing it though? why?

[martyfellow]

pinched her on bottom, if that's what you mean!

[martyfellow]

It's a family tradition, anonymous! Msg me if you want to discuss this more.

[MeuAmor]

Um that's horrible.

I don't care how much of bffs you two supposedly are but being treated that way at work and especially in front of other people could ruin whatever friendship you had going because that's humiliating and demeaning.

I remember some guy did something like that to me in school and we were really cool (good friends) I never wanted to smack someone in my life but at that time in front of other people (I don't like making scenes) I just restrained myself and hit him in the face with a water bottle.

We don't talk anymore.

The best thing to do is apologize to her even if you think she was "only a little bothered" (to be honest she was probably holding herself back and keeping her composure being at work and all) if your women friends are mad about it - it's for a reason. They know better and they can put themselves in her shoes EASILY a skill you seem to lack.

[martyfellow]

Message received!

[ArabSweetie]

I see that its not the first time you pinch/slap asses lol (I read the answers) and I find it kinda funny, you seem to feel very concerned about this even if its not the first time you do it. Its a good thing to see that you care about it

Yes it is wrong. Its childish and immature, but I think you didn't mean to hurt or humiliate her so I think if you apologize everything is gonna be okay :)

If I was her, I would be mad and disapointed but you should really try to talk to her and say you're sorry.

Youre 30 now, you should stop acting this way lol but this is none of business.

[martyfellow]

Thx for your frank response sweetie!

[PatrickRory]

iv worked as a waiter before and although I'm a guy and haven't had my ass pinched but in my opinion what you did was pretty stupid...she probably thinks your a pig now and I think you should apologize to her and make her understand that you understand that it was wrong...if you do. I think it shows male chovonism and although you may not be so, what you did displayed that quality. Iv been grabbed before by drunk girls and it really feels like your being violated, that's probably what she felt.

[martyfellow]

Well, not quite, we're friends to an extent, I'm such a regular there. It's not like I was some drunk stranger.

[PatrickRory]

yeah, you knew her but still it doesn't make it right, it was a violation of her butt

[yengesi]

How bad was it?

On one hand, she's probably used to dealing with immature men with adolescent senses of humor, so it's just another data point among her overwhelming evidence that men are pigs.

On the other hand, significant changes in culture happen one person at a time, so you've missed an opportunity to make humanity better by helping eliminate a practice that demeans both women and men. Thanks for helping keep humanity slimy.

[martyfellow]

Hey, not bragging about it

[Iadoreyou87]

it doesn't matter how often you visit, she's working, you're a client, you were surrounded by your friends, that must have been completly humilliating for her, and she wasn't able to defent herself, if you're not clever enough to realize how WRONG was that then there's no much to say, and yes it was THAT bad...just because she's serving you does not give you right to treat her as less than you, wy didn't you try to do that with any of your work female friends, then?

[martyfellow]

Actually I do..but you're right, it was THAT bad.

[Oliviawinters]

That's completely inappropriate. It only shows her that you have little respect for her. How about you start having respect for women and don't treat them like objects. It's also immature and shows a lot about your character. You can't blame her for being mad!

[martyfellow]

I wouldn't argue with you Olivia...but was it THAT bad?

[Anonymous]

you shouldn't touch the waitresses , once a guy friend touched a hooters waitress she was obvivously a little weirded out .

and myself once I was walking beside this waitress I liked and it was tight so I sort of intentionally rubbed bums with her as I was walking by . she was sort of bothered but not very much , she doesn't seem to care anymore it wasn't a big deal I guess

[H0000]

i once had a guy customer pinched my cheek. I wasn't bothered. but you'd better not pinch the ass because I guess many women don't like it. play safe.

[martyfellow]

OUCH...

[CheeLii]

Where was the pinch exactly?

If it was like an arm or something, I would've just shrugged it off and laughed. If it was like on the butt or legs, I'd be pretty mad too.

[martyfellow]

On the bottom, naturally! How mad would you be? How would you respond if you had discretion to do whatever?

[CheeLii]

I would've have said anything, but is it crossing the line.

It's crossing relationship boundaries. Think of it this way, if you had a girlfriend and some guy pinched her butt, would you be angry?

[martyfellow]

some guy..but a friend, playfully, in this situation..is is that bad?

[CheeLii]

Personally, even if a boyfriend figure slapped my ass in front of his female co-workers I'd be pissed.

Look at it this way, in movies when you see guys slapping a girl's ass he is the "player" type, "drunk guy" type, "Perv" type. You'd never see a man with class or good rep to carry on in such a way

[cutestkathy]

Oh, I used to take that in good humor from guys I knew. She shouldn't be that upset about it!

Tell her to kiss your ass! Maybe she will.

[MikeVick4MVP]

i thought waitresses liked that stuff

my friend slept with a hooters waitress if it counts... I guess a lot of them are othered perhaps we shouldn't mes around with them anymore

[TsubasaCorrupted]

Don't touch the servers. It makes them feel uncomfortable as hell. We had at least two people a month at my old job that touched the waitresses and she got tired of it and called the police on them, and they were arrested for molestation.

[Anonymous]

very bad.

[martyfellow]

Yes, I agree What can I do to make up for it? Can you think of a way for her to get even?