Why doesn't my boyfriend want me to dress up for halloween?

Question

I told my boyfriend that my friends are going to go to the city and do Halloween there and going on a pub crawl and invited me
And told him what I was going to wear (below pics) - either one

Him - no you're not going, those are slutty outfits
Me - but it would be fun
Him - i know your friends, i bet they want to go to a club afterwards and drink a lot
Me - oh yeh maybe some of them
Him - i thought you're over it all since we are in a commited relationship?
Me - i am.. fine I won't go then
Him - im not being possessive, i won't stop you, but i just thought you're over partying and stuff now
Me - yeah i am. Dw.. I won't go then

yucychan · Accepted Answer

I don't think it's the dressing up for Halloween that he has an issue with. If you dressed up like Sponge-Bob and are going to a kid-friendly event, he couldn't be bothered.
It's the partying, drinking around, dressing in skimpy outfits, getting hit on by guys, possibly flirting with other guys, that he has an issue with.
Just curious, why aren't the both of you going to Halloween events together?

taylorw · Accepted Answer

had a few boyfriends like this, i totally get where they come from and you have to put yourself in his shoes but at the same time he needs to realize he is your boyfriend and you can wear whatever you want wherever you want, but at the same time you have to respect how he feels

Anonymous · Answer

1. I've seen way worse than these!!! Legit, if worn like the models, the most skin you're showing is three inches of thigh on the first one and the second is totally covered up---like, I could have worn that to my high school for Halloween (and that's saying a lot because they were strict AF about the dress code)
2. So if you've had this convo with your boyfriend prior to this one about you no longer partying or going out like that, and you told him you wouldn't do it, then sure, I can see him being a bit upset that now here you are...but if that convo has never happened, and you've never agreed to chill out, then I'd personally feel like this guy is trying to control me if it were me
3. Being in a committed relationship means you're essentially only wanting to be with that person physically/emotionally...but that doesn't mean you can't go out with friends or ever have a good platonic friendly time without your partner. That's crazy! The implication there is that he doesn't trust you to be able to go out...and not what cheat on him? If you've done it in the past, he probably has a right to worry, but if you've never done anything like that, then he has an issue with jealousy and being controlling of what you do.
4. It could be less about you and more about your friends because it sounds like even you admit they can be a bit crazy. He could genuinely be worried about you going out with them and in that case, kudos to him for caring especially if they are likely to get you into trouble

thatguyfromtoronto · Answer

I think girls and women have to understand, guys and men get hurt as well when you are dressing sexier out in public for other guys to gawk at you. Girls/women get mad if a guy looks at porn or eyes other women right? I know women and girls will say, that's different! I'm not going out to meet guys. But that's the thing, the way you dress can perceive you a certain way. If I went into a job interview wearing sweatpants, would that show the employer I'm interested in the job? Nope.

I don't know your boyfriend but I can understand his point of view, I would probably react the same way. I look at life differently, all my guy friends who distracted me in school or in life I have moved on from them. The most I would do is try to reason and say, okay you can go out but don't drink or go to some shady club with tons of horny guys eyeing girls.

Personally, I don't care about Halloween, I stopped caring about Halloween since Grade 6. I'll just watch Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm St indoors and give candy out to kids and that's it.

WhereIsMyMind · Answer

I can understand both sides. He doesn’t want his girlfriend dressing up in a provocative outfit which could attract unwanted drunken attention… and because he won’t be there to stop that from happening, that is gonna make him feel uneasy.

But at the same time, he shouldn’t say “you aren’t going”, as if he makes all the choices. It’s not right for him to dictate what you can and can’t do. I also think it’s wrong of him to suggest that you can’t go drinking with your friends occasionally, just because you are now in a committed relationship. So? Why’s that? You should still be able to enjoy yourself.

I think you should choose a more fitting outfit because Halloween is meant for scary costumes not slutty ones. But you shouldn’t be expected to be around him 24/7 just because you are now “in a committed relationship”. That’s stupid. So in my opinion, you need to explain all this to him and then go out with your friends.

MrOracle · Answer

It's because groups of drunk girls wearing sexy clothes are going to be hit on non-stop by drunk and horny guys - and drunk girls don't have the same boundaries and decision-making skills that sober girls have.

It's one thing if he was invited along, but you going out drinking with other girls significantly increases your chances of bad things happening. And I don't just mean cheating - I mean fights, sexual assaults, etc. There's a reason this is single-person behavior.

Not that this is even the same, given how much more difficult it is (relatively) for guys to get girls than the opposite, but how would you like it if he was going to be drinking with the guys in bars around a bunch of single drunk girls while you stayed home? Probably not your first choice, right?

Makeuphoarder · Answer

Those are far from slutty. Barely showing any skin. If you want to go you go. He can't stop you. He needs to stop being insecure & trust you. Your friends can drink slot doesn't mean you have to. I can see why he doesn't want you being around your gfs.. especially if they're single but it's all about trust... he needs to let you have time with your friends but you need to be fair & not make him feel guilty if he wants to go out with his. Bottom line, do what you feel right. Consider his feelings & talk about it. Let him know how you feel instead of just saying ok, I won't go.

WitchsLove · Answer

uhm I think it is ok if you go. It only matters how you act.

If you want to go, go. Just keep in mind your boyfriend and should be ok.

I get why he is thinking like that, but I'm sure if u tell him u still want to go party with friends but of course that doesn't mean u will hook up with people, he will understand.

I mean... will you give up being u just for him?

As long as u dont do anything that disrespects u or him, it is more than okay.

It is okay to assert yourself in a relationship.

And I think that was just his 1st reaction.

Ayer93 · Answer

This is a subjective matter based on the trust in the relationship. If you trust your girlfriend enough to wear provocative clothing and drink while controlling herself (not flirting with guys) and brushing off guys, then it's completely fine. For me, I would always let my girlfriend do what she wants. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have to stop having fun and going out with friends. I wouldn't be in a relationship with a girl I know I can't trust or have any doubts about in the first place. All I would ask of her is to let me know when she's there and when she's leaving.

Pamina · Answer

Because he's extremely insecure about himself, he has trust issues, and is trying to be a controlling, possessive prick (because of his own insecurities). The question is, are you gonna let your boyfriend dictate what you do?

And apparently the answer is yes. And that's quite sad. But hey, whatever you think makes you happy. I just doubt that it will in the long run.

lilaqua · Answer

If someone is saying that to you then you've got a problem. It's blatant manipulation and could be an indicator of something worse. Possibly, the beginning of him isolating you from friends and family. Also fuck the overly jealous types. You need trust for a relationship to work.

Edanurus · Answer

Look I can see him being uncomfortable. I think it's bang out of order that he forbid you to go.

But the bit that really gets me is that, he is being possessive. Even without the "slutty" costume the issue here is "I thought you're over it now we are in a committed relationship?" So that means you can't go for a drink with your friends now? You just have to commit all your time to him and him alone? It sounds quite emotionally manipulative there.

I mean how can he say, no your not going. But I'm not stopping you from going? Over it? It's not like your going to a rave every night or anything it's going for drinks with some friends.

Lavinnykins · Answer

He's trying to control you and bend the way you think. I'd honestly recommend getting out of the relationship because it will start like this and then get worse. He should trust you enough to know you won't cheat when you're out and that doesn't mean that just because your friends drink, you will be too.

jimyee · Answer

Wow, he sounds like a dick. Those aren't even slutty outfits and why the hell can't you go and party on a holiday? It's not like you're partying everyday of the week, it's a special occassion. He's a total possessive control freak. Not to mention you should absolutely be able to go out with the girls and not ever get any shit for it.

Drums93 · Answer

He definitely seems like the jealous type but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It shows he's looking after you and doesn't want other guys to be gawking at you. Admittedly he should try to be nicer about the situation. Instead outright saying "No", just say "I don't know babe. Dressed like that with all those guys out there?". Maybe see if he wants to come along and see if that'll change his tune.

slatyb · Answer

Tell him to get over it or just dump his controlling ass. Life doesn't end because you are in a relationship. If it's a hen party then he should just deal with it. If your friends are bringing their boyfriends then he can either go with you or let you go by yourself. You do not want to be married to this.

worldscolide · Answer

I get where he is coming from. Those outfits dont appear to be slutty in my opinion though. Think of it like this, would you be ok with him going out with his guy friends and doing a pub crawl, getting drunk with the possibility of drunk cheating? If you answered that you would not be ok with that, than you should not go either.

Aenetoo · Answer

He sounds a bit controlling. U just wanna have fun. But it sounds like he doesn't trust u around other men. I can understand the first costume. It's a bit too revealing and sexy. But red riding hood is fine, in my opinion. It's a holiday. You're supposed to have fun. Maybe a compromise? Dress up as red riding hood, and he can be the wolf. And u can hand out candy to the kiddies.

wadeabeee · Answer

He said go. Just go and it's not that he doesn't want you to dress up. He wants to go out with you instead, but if girls are going out clubbing then perhaps he doesn't want to tag along or he feels un invited. Go out if you want to!!! He legitimately said go out if you want to!!!

4pple · Answer

I doubt many people would feel comfortable with their girlfriend getting drunk, wearing slutty clothes, surrounded by irresponsible friends and equally drunk strangers. That's a drunk cheating scenario just waiting to happen

KhoryESM · Answer

So being in a committed relationship means your not allowed to have fun? I say go and have fun with your friends like my girlfriend drinks like sometimes only wine or something I think. She’s not a heavy drinker anyway and she has fun with her friends

Sixgun77 · Answer

If he's not going, then he may worried about:
You being in an unsafe area/situation
Other guys trying to steal you away while you're drunk
Maybe he doesn't trust your friends to steer you away from bad decisions.

It's important to point out that this doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't trust you, just that he's aware alcohol can sneak up on you (or your drink can be drugged like happened to me and my buddies boyfriend one night).

jellyroo · Answer

What kind of boring person thinks being in a relationship means you should give up on the every once in a while party?
Also, you should just be honest, not say it's fine when it doesn't seem like you are.

Also, slutty? What is this, a troll?

Anonymous · Answer

LOL, the guy has made the mistake of thinking you'd instinctively act more respectfully due to being in a relationship with him.

When will guys learn? Bet this question will bring out all the whiteknights...

http://i.imgur.com/8PsTGAg.gif

Clo917 · Answer

I wouldn't say either one of those are slutty, the second one is especially cute.

Relationships are about compromise, but I don't see an issue with going out and having some fun with your friends if you wanted to.

Gottabsavagee · Answer

Well he just cares about you. What’s wrong with that. I find it extremely hot and lovely.

Rambler221 · Answer

Yeaaah, they are kind of slutty, especially the first, and partying and getting drunk, by the sounds of it, does give way to sexual activity in your or his experience. I can understand why. Also, dressing up for Halloween is kind of something that children do?

littlelady96 · Answer

My boyfriend made me stop being friends which was my only friend, and we used to go out clubbing. His reason was, she was slutty and was going to encourage me to cheat on him. He manipulated me so much at the start, and 2 years later I’m only just realising how horrible he is. I literally have no one but him at this point.

SirRexington · Answer

Those costumes are quite modest compared to others.

And while I'd be worried about douchebags, I'd let you go if I felt your friends would be responsible. If not, I could see why he would be hesitant.

dreamstar72 · Answer

I love the outfits, kind of hard to pick one, but if I had pick one for my girlfriend it would be the bottom one if I was going with her. The bottom one if she was going alone would feel safer for her.

Guanfei · Answer

He's right. Stop with these slutty outfits trend. Halloween is spooky and scary, it's not the right day to show your ass, you have the whole year for it.

1truekhaleesi · Answer

Your boyfriend won't "allow you?" Sounds like you have a third parent. Your boyfriend shouldn't dictate your life like that and you should go. It sounds like fun. Your boyfriend sounds insecure.

icedragoom · Answer

Okay go as little red Riding Hood but he just doesn't want other guys eyeing you he is the jealous type that just doesn't want you to get groped or grinded on buy some rando

pleasestopthis · Answer

Because probably a lot of guys will hit on you and there's alcohol involved. It's quite obvious.

Anonymous · Answer

He can't take the whore out of you. Smh.. He just doesn't understand. You need understanding guys who just wanna get you drunk then get you paid/laid - Like myself. $omeone who ju$t want$ to f$ck your gut deep. Especially if you look like the whore on that picture. Nah, he's a sap. Make up some shit. Tell him anything. But definitely go anyways.

Massageman · Answer

Maybe you could compromise on couple outfits that are more demure. There are plenty at Pinterest.

Northern_star · Answer

the number of simps per square meter is critical... the true answer: he loves you thats why he is posessive. if it was mutual you wouldn't seek attention of others by dressing slutty. period.

taleswapper · Answer

Sounds like the issue isn't the outfit, but that it's an excuse to drink. Alcohol is a toxin, and he probably thinks you're a lightweight. See if he'll tag along as the designated driver...

Grayout · Answer

Wtf? How's that slutty? Hardly any skin is showing. And, "you're not going" to, "I won't stop you" totally doesn't sound possessive with a dash of passive aggression. If he has problem trusting you with that, that needs to addressed and talked on

madhatters4 · Answer

i think he made it pretty clear. he feels the outfits are too revealing and "slutty"

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Awe he should allow you to go and as long as you two are faithful and love on another he needs to lighten up and let you go.

unkqty · Answer

he's afraid of losing you to a pirate, cowboy or guy in a fat ballerina suit.

blubblubblub · Answer

i think they look cool, not overly showy. i dont see why there'd be a problem

winterfox10 · Answer

Beautiful, drunk woman, advertising the goods in a room packed full of dunk, horny men. Woman loves the attention she gets, mistakes could be made/

kakaloo · Answer

He sounds jealous and as he does not trust you completely. Have you done anything to make him not trust you in the past? How long have you been together?

Prof_Don · Answer

It comes down to this: he doesn’t trust you to be faithful. Otherwise he would have no issue.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Give HIM a good outfit, too - and he will change his mind. :D

Anonymous · Answer

Well as a Scorpio female.. He's not the boss of me. I do what I want 😈 This question made me laugh a little bit though hehe

chrisbigman · Answer

He's probably thinking you're going to attract attention you don't want or attract more attention than you (or he) can handle.

betaTester · Answer

Because you already scare people with your natural look

vald9inches · Answer

he is very jealous insecure guy. soon he will tell you that you can't have guy friends or talk to your family

HereIbe · Answer

Are you in a relationship or do you want to go out and whore around with your girls like before you were in your relationship?

sailormanfl · Answer

Its not right for him to be like that u go and have fun

ryryryan · Answer

That's insecure but I guess cuz he doesn't want u looking all slutty for everyone else

scooogy · Answer

Maybe he thinks that the true horror is you without makeup :P j/k

anametouse · Answer

Naaahhhh that shit is controlling he is possessive. Go have fun with your friends lady fam

Nadim171 · Answer

Well because most guys are attracted to nurse outfits. So he may be jealous

BeyondPlusUltra · Answer

Suggest going somewhere with him if you wanna do costumes, do it together?

Pomatudo · Answer

Its very simple you know. He just does not want other guys looking at you.

rapfan107 · Answer

Maybe he thinks it's a bit sexy and revealing. Most girls dress like that in Halloween

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't trust any girl on Halloween the sluttiest if all holydays

Anonymous · Answer

He s protecting u from the multiple rape cases we hear after Halloween

Why doesn't my boyfriend want me to dress up for halloween?

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