The relationship which always been back and forth but the two people keep coming back to each other no matter what. is it good or bad?

[Anonymous]

hm hello there, i just want to ask for some opinion or some advice from you guys about my relationship :)
first of all, my relationship already like one year and a half. it goes like this, me and my boyfriend kinda fights a lot and yeah it really made me cry a lot :) but we love each other so much and im still coming back to him or he coming back to me no matter what happened.
and fyi, we've been broke up like i dont even know how many times but yeah we still getting back to each other just like i said we keep coming back. it's been back and forth and sometimes i feel like im really done and im so tired with all of these :( i just wants to be happy thats all, sometimes i think i should let him go for good and i should forget about him. but the other side of me wants to hold on, keep fighting till the end because i love him so so much :') and usually the arguments we had always because of misunderstood or ego or jealous and so on.
i just really want to stay with him no matter what but somehow sometimes i just feel so tired and i wanted to stop but i can't because i love him and still wanted to fight :') he really cares for me and i feel that, he protect me and he loves me so much :) he also overprotective and a jealous person. but our problem is, when we fight we easily let the emotions took over our actions and that's why we broke up :) not once and i don't remember how many times we've been getting back to each other.
i just want some advice from guys :) what should i do or what should we do for our relationship?

[winterfox10]

I have known so so so many people like you over the years, constantly fighting in their on/off relationships... let me tell you: not one of them is happy.

The fundamental problem in your relationship is that you guys can't communicate. You have passion for each other, and the fighting keeps that passion alive, and the relationship is always interesting (because you never REALLY know where things are at, or how long they will be there), but the instability is absolutely NOT healthy. You say that you love each other, but the truth is that you are in love with the IDEA of each other. You aren't coming back out of love, it's for the challenge, but being unable to set aside your ego and jealousy for your partner isn't love; it's controlling and unhealthy.

Once you get away from this guy and find someone who uplifts you, you will know what I mean. Please break up with him for good.

[Asker]

thanks for your advice and opinions :) there was long time ago when we broke up and he did so much things that unhealthy and bad for himself, such as drinking until he passed out and smoking. the broke up case affects his life so much until his friends cannot control him and his friends asked him to get me back for his own good. this is also one ofof the problem, and when he drunk he went to my house and asked so many questions about why i left him and that's where i hugged him and he got me back.

[Asker]

and he already had a plan for our future together, he wants me and only me.

[winterfox10]

But he is emotionally unstable, and manipulating you...

[winterfox10]

That's the way these people work, they make you think you are the best thing to happen to them, and then they break you down.

[Asker]

what do you mean by manipulating me?

[Asker]

but it really can seem that he really cares and love me, he often cried for me too and he talked a good things about me around his family.

[winterfox10]

That's what all the tears and the antics were about... He's guilting you into doing what he wants you to do. Even if the emotion is real, he isn't expressing it in a healthy way. He is convicting you by showing you that if he doesn't have you, he can't keep his life together. It's all a load of BS. He held it together before you showed up, he'll hold it together when you leave.

[Asker]

but i promise him that i will always stay and dont let him go, and he does promising the same thing too. he often asked me if i still love him or not, and if im gonna stay with him till forever or not.

[winterfox10]

Oh the joys of young love... you have your heart made up, even though your brain has enough doubts to have asked this question. I'm not going to try to convince you, life experience will soon show you the truth of my words.

[Asker]

i broke up with him :') pls give me some motivation to be happy without him

[winterfox10]

From that pain you are feeling now, you'll be able to know what a great stable guy should feel like! You'll find him soon, best of luck!

[Asker]

tqvm

[madhatters4]

the fact that it is full of conflict, jealousy, controlling natures and what not is not healthy. so not this doesn't really seem like a good situation

[Asker]

thanks for your opinion :') yeah it really not a good situation but we keep fighting for each other and doesn't want to let go. it really made me thinking hard.

[madhatters4]

it's fine to fight for each other but you have to be able to learn how not to fight with each other or at least have productive arguments that lead to resolutions.

[boggboss]

Shows a inability to move on if u truly cared for each other u would make the positive and needed change to ensure u worked out at the moment u are wasting each others time

[Asker]

thanks for your opinion :) but what if he doesn't want to let me go?

[stormbreaker06]

its unhealthy.