So I know the question might be shocking but it is something that I want to fix before things get worse. Every time me and my girlfriend argue, I always get angry and have the urge to beat her up just so I can shut her up and have her respect me. I know it’s a wrong thing to do but when it comes to the heat of the moment, I just don’t care what happens. I already slapped her once and I worry that it’ll only get worse from there. I don’t want us to reach to a point where it’ll cost my girlfriend her life and me being in jail. I truly love her but she always seems to want to get to my bad side for some reason. How can I learn to control myself?
I always get the urge to beat up my girlfriend when I’m mad?
Look dude, the issue is not your girlfriend “wanting to get to your bad side”, the problem is that you already have a bad side which is what you need to dig deep and find out what it is. She obviously says things that trigger your anger to a higher level and when she pushes your buttons, you get violent. I notice you say she shows no respect... but why is respect so important to you that you would get violent about it?
Now, I’d suggest you two take a break at least for a month or two. You my friend, you need to dig deep into your history, think about how you grew up, things you did but you were not fully satisfied in how they came out.. think how you can improve mistakes you’ve done in the past. Most importantly, try understanding what triggers your anger and where you started to learn to be that violent and angry.
1) don’t take her words and actions personal. 2) be impeccable with your words and actions. 3) always do your best. 4) don’t make assumptions. 5) if you feel frustrate, take a deep breath and walk away.
I suggest you read a book called: “The four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz
(I’m sure this book will help you), if that don’t work... well my dear psychological help is always a great option too. Good luck! 😊👍🏼
Buy a punching bag and hit all your aggression out of you when you're mad.
If you're about to hit your girlfriend, remember you love her and it's a weak thing to do for a man to hit a woman. A woman can't entirely defend herself as she isn't as physically strong.
Your girlfriend, if she insults you during an argument, need to be taught she has to be polite. Arguing with respect is important. There is no need to insult, for it only awakens bad feelings.
You two don’t need to be together then. You don’t need to be with anyone until you work out your anger issues. You hitting her is not going to make her respect you. Fear and respect are two different things. A real leader or man leads without people fearing him. They respect and admire him for being strong and benevolent simultaneously.
Respect is mutual. If you want respect you have to respect her too. You have to earn it. Hitting is not the way to earn respect. I wish you were my boyfriend because we both would have went to jail that night. Ain’t nobody going tos lap me and I don’t slap them back. You would never put your hands on me after that. Once we both got out, I’d throw you out and break up with you.
First of all, don’t blame your girlfriend. She isn’t the issue here. The issue is you and your anger, you’ve already hurt her once. You need help, because there’s no way it’s going to get better on it’s own.
Wife or girlfriend beaters eventually kill. People like you deserve the kind of hiding you meat out to the weak you attack. your not man but lunatic. i beat up a man like you many years ago. i was doing job at big house when I heard this commotion so I went to see. man had wife by throat. i said let her go. which he said mind your own business. i spoke to lady do you want me to intervene she nodded. so I walked across to him and kicked him in bollocks like bag of shit he went down. i hit him once on chin as I stood over him. she said he is always beating me up. we chatted lady and I. i had friend at docks. plan was to put him in shipping container bound for China with big bunch of bananas
I was regularly mentally abused by my ex, not hard enough to put me down as I'm a lump of a man, jabbing my chest, rutting with her forehead, pinching, I'd try to walkout and she'd stand in my way, hitting my chest "go on big man, go on big man BIG MAN BIG MAN, HIT ME BIG MAN, HIT ME, YOU FUCKING PUSSY HIT ME (pushes her forehead into my chin and rutts at me), BIG MAN BIG MAN BIG MAN". I'd punch a wall or a door to display strength when she would block my exit a goud my into hitting her, like a lot of her exs did. One day we were driving home (she was driving) and I had a day dream of grabbing steering wheel, killing us both just to not be stuck in that house with her. I left before she turned me into something I'm not, a woman can do this to you for years and she's strong willed or spirited , you lash out once and you're a wife beater for life, walk away
Look, I am going to say something you won't like but you need to listen up.
Break up with her. Leave her. It's for her own safety. If you truly love your girlfriend you will breakup with her now if you think that you will lose control and kill her or hurt her. You know deep down it is best for her to leave. I know this sucks dude... Honestly I was in your shoes once. I had urges to strangle people and kill myself. When you feel strong urges to hurt people you need to distance yourself from them, when you have urges to hurt yourself and they are hard to control you need to take yourself around people. Do what is best, let her go. Let her be with a guy who isn't a danger to her
I doubt it has anything to do with your girlfriend and most likely more so with your home growing up. Anyways, the key here is not to "control yourself" that's only treating a symptom... not the root of the problem itself. I would suggest going to go see a therapist and learning to talk things out with your girlfriend. In the meantime if you want to bring about a change in her, don't act so predictably, she knows what pisses you off so when you recognize what she's doing do something whacky. Like say "hey do you want to go grab some take-out tonight" something to throw her off.
If she doesn't respect you it's because you don't respect yourself enough to assert your boundaries on her as to what behaviour you accept from her. If she's winding you up on purpose, you princely probably settled. Leave her and go out and learn how to attract better girls that do respect you and you won't have constant fights and risk putting yourself in prison.
You need to place a safe guard in your mind. You let what she says in a heated argument get to you too much. Maybe its how she says hurtful things when mad or always needs the last word. But you don't want to hit her and that should be in your mind at those times.
I suggest you seek guidance on this one. Don't let it get to the point where you hurt a loved one.
I think it is unhealthy for you to be in a relationship. You say you want her to respect you, but it is disrespectful to slap/hit a woman. You didn't mention if you had even talked with her. Abuse is never an option. Verbal or physical. I agree with WhateverGirl2019.. take a break and get help.
Take a break from the relationship, and see a therapist. Usually abusers have some underlying psychological issue. Figure out what's going on in your own head before you become a danger to others.
why stop there? beat her family and everyone she knows. all of them are the cause of your stress. i like that you're working on her problems first before yours. it shows that you care about her.
You have to learn some combination of respecting her opinion and empathy for others. Your brain actually isn't done growing which will likely improve that ability in the new few years.
This situation doesn't get better, unless you take serious action and get professional help, the situation will get worse. No woman is any man's punchbag for anger management. You've done this once, you will do it again.
Join mma. They'll teach you to use your anger in the cage. As well as beating the crap out of you so you know to take it upto man like you next time you feel anger
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