My boyfriend had pictures of other girls on his phone?

[Anonymous]

I’m new to the whole relationship thing, he is my first. We’ve been together for almost 11 months. Recently I was looking for a specific picture of me on my boyfriend’s phone and when I opened his gallery I found pictures of a lot of girls. Not nudes, but Instagram screenshots and Snapchat stories of just girls. I asked him about it and he lied and said those are from a guys group chat and those are the girls that his friends thought were hot and since it was WhatsApp it got saved. Few days later after we had an argument he admitted that he saved those pictures for himself and because he thought those girls were hot. This broke my heart because I wouldn’t have expected this from him at all. He is a guy who gets worried when another guy stares at me in public and would freak if he saw another guy’s pic in my phone. Me and him have a great relationship - we cook, clean and do a lot of stuff together and it’s a happy relationship. However, this has been really bothering me. I really thought he was the type of guy to have eyes only for one girl. I really do love him it this whole thing hurts like hell. I doubt he even loves me anymore.

[Cynicaldreamer]

So basically he has a gallery full of other random girls on his phone he thinks is hot of wishes he could be with?

Hmm. That's kind of like guys watching porn: it's normal... assuming he's not out there trying to sleep with those girls or talking to them... THEN I'd be upset.

But I understand why you're upset too, it makes you feel like you're not good enough or attractive to him.
Especially if he doesn't want other guys looking at you... hypocrite much? Sounds like he's insecure he's going to lose you...

Ask him what he finds attractive about those women or why he likes them. I mean if he rather date someone like them, then you should leave him!

[Asker]

Lmao if I talk to him about he shuts down. But thank you for your advice, it really helped me feel better considering I’ve been depressed about it

[Cynicaldreamer]

He shuts down? Pfft, what a jerk (no offense).

Ah, no problem; I really think he needs to open up to you about that... I mean that is really not fair to you that he oogles over random women without at least telling you why! It's like he's ashamed of it or hiding something from you.
You do deserve a guy that cares and loves you; keep that in mind.

[AustinMan]

Have you talked to him about it? If so, how'd that go? If not, I have some tips on how to do it that'll increase the odds of getting what you want.

[Asker]

He’s not really the talking type, he just said “I deleted them now, why are you still talking about it, I hate this” and tbh I just want closure on why he did what he did. And yes I’d love some tips

[AustinMan]

It's important that you not give up but that you not get frustrated. Stay calm, direct, and matter of fact. Here're some tips. It says talk about sex but the ideas work for all difficult situations.

How to Talk to Your SO About Sex ↗

[Asker]

Thank you so much!

[AustinMan]

It's my pleasure. Godspeed!! You're over reacting, IMHO, so try to calm down and let it go. It's not that much of a betrayal and it makes you look a bit insecure to react to strongly.

[Asker]

Yes I’m trying so hard to get over it but I really need to talk things through first I guess

[AustinMan]

So prepare yourself for any answer, get calm and ready, then talk to him and refuse to get all emotional and angry. It's really no big deal. I hear your pain but you're hurting things with him being so insecure.

[Asker]

I spoke and wrote him a long paragraph since I’m traveling for now. What he said was “ everything was going fun until you brought this up again, lmao I’m so sick of this” and then he just proceeded to fight with me and when I said all I wanted was an apology he said “fine sorry” and then I gave up on trying to make him realize how hurt I was by everything. I’m just numb.

[AustinMan]

I'm so sorry that your feelings are hurt. Why do you think it went down the way it did?

[Asker]

He’s a stubborn person

[AustinMan]

It looks like I forgot to include the link to the My Take I discussed so here it is.

How to Talk to Your SO About Sex ↗

[krishh0805]

Has he ever had sex with you?

[Asker]

Yes.