I have a friend (lets call them A) whos been in long committed relationship (I'm talking YEARS) & is even thinking of marrying their SO. A few months ago, A confessed that they've been feeling guilty over the past few months cause they caught feelings for me. A told me they loved me, but that A also loved their SO at same time. The reason for telling me was really noble; it was for me to decide if I wanted to still remain friends cause A knows I have a serious thing about commitment/loyalty & absolutely will not stand for cheating. I told them that of course I wanted to stay friends and that initial feelings aren't things you can control, it's whether you ACT on those feelings that defines you. A would NEVER act on their feelings while still in a relationship and I would never let them, so we're safe.
The problem is that over the past few months, the feelings on my end have changed. I don't know when it really started, but I know that I love A... I've always loved A, but now it's not in a friendship way.
A doesn't know anything. I can't say anything because I don't want to further confuse them. I know it would only bring stress & I don't want that. But right now, I'm at a loss cause the longer this goes on, it hurts. It hurts to hear A talk about their SO, whether it's good things or bad things (mostly been bad lately, but they're going through something as a couple). And it hurts more because A always talks to me about "oh in a different life", "oh if I wasn't in a relationship"... A's almost kissed me before, but stopped before it happened & i turned away on impulse as soon as I recognized what was happening. A talks about wanting to kiss me, but always expresses "no, I can't, i'm in a relationship".
All of that just hurts a lot.
I just want the pain to stop so I can keep my promise to always be there for A. A/the SO want me to help plan the wedding, & I don't know if I can now.
I guess the question is, what do I do, how do I stop hurting? How do I get over this?
The problem is that over the past few months, the feelings on my end have changed. I don't know when it really started, but I know that I love A... I've always loved A, but now it's not in a friendship way.
A doesn't know anything. I can't say anything because I don't want to further confuse them. I know it would only bring stress & I don't want that. But right now, I'm at a loss cause the longer this goes on, it hurts. It hurts to hear A talk about their SO, whether it's good things or bad things (mostly been bad lately, but they're going through something as a couple). And it hurts more because A always talks to me about "oh in a different life", "oh if I wasn't in a relationship"... A's almost kissed me before, but stopped before it happened & i turned away on impulse as soon as I recognized what was happening. A talks about wanting to kiss me, but always expresses "no, I can't, i'm in a relationship".
All of that just hurts a lot.
I just want the pain to stop so I can keep my promise to always be there for A. A/the SO want me to help plan the wedding, & I don't know if I can now.
I guess the question is, what do I do, how do I stop hurting? How do I get over this?
Most Helpful Opinions