Do nice GIRLS finish last?

[MzAsh]

Yep ;)

Nope

Only sometimes

Updates

+1 y

Thanks everyone!

In my experience, being TOO nice in the past has gotten me screwed over a lot. There's a fine line between being good and nice and being a pushover or doormat.

Men say they like nice girls, but they simply don't respect the ones who are too accommodating and bend over backwards for him when he doesn't deserve it.

It's fine to be nice, but most importantly: create proper boundaries and structure for the relationship so being taken advantage of won't become a problem.

[Kaazsz]

I’ve read some interesting stories from women. Especially if you’ve ever taken the time to read a real feminist forum full of feminists.

The stories of girls letting the guy their dating do insane things are endless. It seems to me like feminists are nothing but a huge group of girls with no self respect who let their boyfriend do anything he wants until it’s too late and she’s being beaten.

Some of the “little things” (or so she thought in the beginning) turn into these disasters of abuse and broken hearts. Mostly abuse and bad treatment though. But like when I read these stories, from the very first bad thing the guy does, I’m like “this is obviously someone you immediately break up with.” But it seems like, at least in feminist circles, that women are just really really good at letting a guy who is a complete piece of shit take control of their lives and do all kinds of creative abuses I had never even imagined. Granted the feminist just blame men and say we’re all evil. From my perspective it was her own fault from day 1 when he did that one weird thing... and yet you stayed with the guy.

I think a lot of the bad things guys do, is because girls just let them do it.

So yes, nice girls finishes last because if she won’t drop a guy ASAP because she thinks she can’t do any better, well, she’s fucked.

Is it the same for men? It just doesn’t feel so obvious to me when I read a guys horror story about a girl. Like I don’t draw the lines from the early offense to the terrible stuff that happens later on. But I’d like to now better about red flags and how to identify them in potential partners.

[Kaazsz]

Like one story I read I think on reddit, was a girl whose mother died or something. And her boyfriend was all upset cuz he wanted sex so he yelled at her. Hun, you break up with that guy right away. You don’t stick with him for 2 more years and he’s beating the shit out of you. No normal man will make you prioritize sex over your emotional well-being.

[Kaazsz]

Then again I’ve read stories of girls breaking up with a guy because his mother or his dog died, and his crying made them lose attraction.

Like those people are just scum. They are scum, and you delete them from your life and be glad you did!

[lernulo]

I prefer nice girls, when I arrive at home the last thing I want to see is a bitch demanding more things that my boss.
What I have seen with most nice girls is that they usually choose the bad guy, in fact most of nice girls prefer the bad guy, so he is a type of guy who will use and delete her.
If she has problems with boundary too, then we have a problem.
As a data, I have dated many nice girls and most of them rejected me for something stupid.
I dated some bold girls and the stepped forward.

So, my advices would be:

1. Adjust your radar, if you are a nice girl and are cool living like that, search for men who shares your mode of life.

2. Set real boundaries not make as most of the other girls who make imaginary boundaries based on I don't know which criteria. It was like if I had to guess always what it was on her mind, and believe me, Im not a person who goes cracking foreign limits, if she doesn't want something I respect it.

3. Don't be afraid to love, many bitches dont know how to make it, and yes, they get the man, just to divorce afterwards. If you get the good type of guy, and love him, and he loves you, you will be the first.

[Anonymous]

I would say, it depends on the guy (same about girls when guys finish last).

I had 2 friends that happened to both like the same guy (my friend) and they tried getting close to him and being nice to him and all that. Tried going through me but ended up making me look like a fool and therefore ruining our friendship. He enjoyed making fun of me but he never tried anything with them at all. He just told them how creepy they were.

If it had ended at that then I would be okay with it. But this dude had some sick obsession with me and would only talk about me with those girls. They ended up hating me and I was stuck with a guy who would not respect my personal space. He would get mad at me for telling him to stop and he removed me from social media a few times because I was "weird" but then he would try to kiss me and hug me out of nowhere.

Worst part, he used to be one of my closest friends. He knew almost everything about me... and my boyfriend. Because that was what we used to talk about. He would tell me about his girlfriends and I would talk about my boyfriend. But all of a sudden he started pretending my boyfriend didn't exist.

So I would say it might not be the norm for guys to be like this, but there's definitely some weirdos out there that won't even look at other girls because they want something they can't have.

(Side note: I had very few female friends and couldn't understand why. But people started saying I should stop trying to be his favorite so I guess people got jealous which sucked)

[Anonymous]

in my opinion yes nice girls get preyed on and treated like garbage. If you don't act slutty (not that I am fully against it but everything in moderation) if you don't show a lot of cleavage you fail to attract the one you want. But they'll spout off about how they don't want that they want someone to connect with. No they want someone who bares a lot of skin and is hot.
Girls be underhanded trying to manipulate a man into bedding her or dating her. I've seen it to such extremes. Lying, assaulting people, the worst but because they're not nice they can cover it up with a lie without a second thought. I don't know I sort of went off here.

[R_Cakes91]

@MzAsh I agree dude. I’m a naturally trusting/ accommodating person whose been screwed over, over and over again. There are people who will rip your heart out and play rugby with it if you show then that you care.

I had to start being more demanding with guys I date just so that they don’t fucking take advantage of me like that. However, I just started dating a very kind man who never makes me feel like a pushover.

You’ll find a good guy, you just gotta so your own thing for a while.

[MzAsh]

Exactly! There are definitely good men out there who won’t take advantage.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It's the same as guys - if they have to broadcast they are nice and thinks they should be rewarded with a relationship or sex, they aren't really nice.
I met someone like that and when I understood that, I walked away and never looked back.

[Josiee143]

I wish there was more nice guys. The ones I like end up being jerks

[nomazi]

Exactly; those types are usually the worse

[nomazi]

Worst*

[R_Cakes91]

This happened to me a couple years ago at work and I had to report him. He ended up losing his job because he was basically harassing me for months. He basically knew that I’m a really nice person so I think he thought I would just give in and give him what he wanted. It was crazy but I’m glad I don’t have to deal with it anymore.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@R_Cakes91 I'm sorry you had to go through that, I hope you are doing well now.

[R_Cakes91]

Yeah it’s kinda something that I can’t help but laugh at now. He was just a ridiculous person who thought way too highly of himself

[SueAnon84]

"It's the same as guys - if they have to broadcast they are nice and thinks they should be rewarded with a relationship or sex, they aren't really nice." I think it's because they feel that people aren't usually nice so if they go the "extra mile" then well yeah they would feel cheated/short changed if they didn't get what they think they deserve! It's just human nature!

[SueAnon84]

Deserved.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Wow, I didn't expect so many likes

[Apope16]

Yes. Nice girls finish last because they are the ones we marry. It may suck at first but in the end you win.

[coachTanthony]

Nice and needy do finish last!

[westwordbound]

Nice and needy aren’t always the same. While they often coexist they don’t always.

Surprised you would post something like that. You usually have better advice than that.

[coachTanthony]

@westwordbound Sorry to disappoint ! LOL

[RaindropSweetie]

As a nice girl... It depends. If a nice girl stays sheltered and marries the first nice guy she meets, and never steps out of line, then it would appear that she wins.

If a nice girl wants to experience life, meet many types of people, and date multiple people to try to find the best fit, she will meet plenty of people who will try to use her as a doormat. At some point they will wreck her or she will have to be less nice to deal with them.

Where you live also comes into play. Nice people in nice areas will fare much better than nice people in violent and impoverished areas where it's survival of the fittest.

[westwordbound]

True. Also nice people in conservative areas tend to do better because there are more traditional values to marry young.

The worst situation is when a nice guy or girl is raised by traditional parents but live in a progressive area. They are going to get wrecked when it comes to dating

[angecandy]

Use both your brain and your heart!!! If you are too nice and dosnt use your brain, you are gonna get hurt and taken advantage of by many. But if you are nice and also use your head and is smart and capable to see between nice people and fake people, the you won't get hurt a lot. Just because you are nice dosnt mean you have to be complitely blind, deaf and mute. And there are many kind of bitchy girls ( bitchy language but has a golden heart, bitchy behaviours and fighting people but doesn't play with men, bitchy bossy mafia who take what she wants and can't be controlled, bitchy who lays around, secretive bitchy who pretend to be nice...)

[ziggy3]

No girl ever finishes last. Nice or not, ugly or hot. A girl can easily have her pick of the 20-30 guys that throw themselves at her on dating sites, often times allowing them to find guys that are an 8-10 while being average themselves. Whereas a guy struggles to be one of those 30, often times having to lower their standards for a 2-4 while being average looking himself. The dating world is extremely lopsided in a womans favor. That's why you see many woman wanting polyamorous relationships but not men (unless they're a 10/10).

[VictorGarnetKnight]

True

[SirRexington]

Nice girls don't typically face this problem since men are the ones expected to do all the work. Women just have to sit by and wait for a man to pick them. Men like nice girls. No hassle, no nagging, no superiority complex and little to no bitching. Also they are less likely to cheat on you if they are a nice girl. So men often prefer these types of women.

[MzAsh]

Some men might say that but what they say and what they do are two very different things.

[SirRexington]

Men typically do what they say.

[MzAsh]

Not my observation.

[JustTheTrue]

Nice girls cheat too if the guy is really attractive lol, but yeah I agree we guys prefer nice girls than bitchy girls lol

[Bwyze]

Nice people sure do get the short end of the stick... but when they change... they're always the ones that seemingly more negative things are said about them especially if they have goals they are trying to chase... or if the niceness slides a little and they start acting just as ratchet of the rest of the worldly people... then what more stuff gets said... it's a never ending situation... people will speak from life to death about folks... sometimes you haftah do you... whatever makes you feel good inside do it... if it taps a membrane inside of your head to where it feels/seems like you're doing the right thing... you are there... remain nice... be genuine... even though there are sometimes you may have to show that bad side... make wolves back off

[Anonymous]

"The biggest variable between a bitch and a woman who is too nice is fear. The bitch shows that she’s not afraid to be without him."

I strongly disagree with that statement. Good men find niceness very attractive and endearing. It's what we fall in love with. Good men do not fall in love with bitches; weak men with no self respect end up with bitches.

If you want a weak man with no self respect, be a bitch. If you want a good man who respects himself and his woman, be very nice. Women who are nice end up with the best men.

[westwordbound]

Also men don’t have the same attraction to bitches as women do to assholes.

[Opinion Owner]

@westwordbound Very true

[RolandCuthbert]

Of course they do. She tries so hard to be with him and get her to notice her. She is so nice to him. But he is chasing some hot cheerleader so he can't see it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKBWdNeldXs

[Anonymous]

It’s a sad fact of life that being kind or “nice” can be a sign of weakness to many people. Some people realize not to take advantage of that. But sociopaths will try to exploit it (they are one out of 20 people)

While I do think nice girls have it tough. They absolutely do not have it nowhere near as bad as nice guys. A nice girl who is attractive is will be in high demand but she’s got to watch her back for douches who want one thing and one thing only. But she will definitely get plenty of dates

An attractive “nice guy” will always get exploited if he’s not careful. Women will still friend zone him no matter how good looking he is if he’s too nice. Many (if not most) will shamelessly take advantage of all free meals, favors, etc.

So nice girl finishes SECOND to last, but the nice guy unfortunately is at the bottom of the totem pole.

[nomazi]

Nice guys and nice girls are at the bottom because people can see right through them and their ulterior motives. Real nice guys and girls always finish first

[Opinion Owner]

@nomazi not everybody can distinguish REAL nice guys/girls vs. fake ones. Even genuine nice people get screwed.

We learn to create boundaries. I know I have. But it just sucks that I have to be constantly paranoid when I meet a woman and I know she is testing me. When I hear her say “you are so nice or sweet” my blood pressure immediately rises. 9 out 10 times that’s a very bad sign. But every once in a blue moon it means she's genuinely romantically interested.

I dated a beautiful 21 yr old Pre med student a 3 years ago. Our first date was a workout at the gym. She was defensive and bitchy. She wouldn’t even give me a hug. When I texted her later she was at the gym. I had an extra protein shake in my car and I decided to give it to her no strings attached. When I showed up to give it to her I noticed her entire hardened image and facial expression suddenly soften. She texted me a message later that night saying “I’m going to throw you a bone” with a smiley face. We ended up dating for 9 months and she treated me very well. She cooked dinner, bought unexpected gifts and even treated me out for my bday. She loved getting in bed with me.

Now this all ended badly (she ghosted) BUT it was nice while it lasted. She didn’t take advantage of me financially either just because I was much older.

But she was a rare exception. Most girls will try to exploit in those situations.

[nomazi]

I say that, because it’s pretty easy to tell a fake nice guy from a real nice guy (from my POV).

There’s no need to be paranoid over such a phrase, so don’t assume. I’ve dealt with guys who automatically get defensive when I say anything like that and it’s a complete turn off.

If you’re too nice, you will 100% get screwed; that’s how it is. Those types tend to be the pushovers and doormats.
I agree, having boundaries is what we need. You have to test people these days, because people are manipulating and scheming.

[Opinion Owner]

@nomazi but how much shit can a guy take from a girl and not be considered a “doormat”?

In general we have to tolerate more emotional women and often do things for her that we would never do for a male buddy. Drawing that line is tough and feminism isn’t helping.

[nomazi]

Doing every thing she wants, treats you any type of way, obeys her every command (unless that’s some kink), and doesn’t stand up for yourself. That’s pretty much a doormat in my opinion.

What do you have to tolerate more with a woman than a man?

[Opinion Owner]

Also the paranoia those guys have is justified. Why are you saying that? Does it mean you are romantically interested or just see them as a “friend”. Most of the time it’s the latter. That’s just confirming his worst fear he’s friendzoned.

Yes I realize that’s sounds immature and ridiculous. But it’s often the truth. So just call him a good guy or gentlemen instead.

[Opinion Owner]

@nomazi so he has to distinguish between her teasing vs her insulting him.

[nomazi]

Because it’s the nice thing to say obviously. I’ve never called anyone a gentleman before under the age of 14, so I don’t say that to a guy.

And I t depends on the guy of corpse ; I say that to my friends and my boyfriends, so it isn’t some horrible thing to say to people.

[nomazi]

Yeap

[Opinion Owner]

@nomazi I’ve had ex gfs that called me “nice” all the time and wanted to jump on me in bed every chance they got. But I’ve also had horrible experiences of being friendzoned (unannounced) and the girl alwayS called me “nice” or “kind” in those scenarios. Every single time.

[nomazi]

And no I’m not trying to attack you. I’m just giving my view on the topic and trying to understand yours a bit

[nomazi]

So if you know there are girls who want that you called you nice, how can you say it gives you paranoia?

[Opinion Owner]

@nomazi thank you for trying to understand mine. As I’ve gotten older I’ve developed radar for the friend zone. I’ve had to call three girls on it in the last two years. They were trying to get me to do favors for them and there were signs. I just said “I don’t do the friendzone. Best of luck”. And then cut off all communication. I also had to friendzone two women myself. But I gave them the respect of being honest early.

But when a girl (even women in their 30s) say “you are so nice” my stomach wrenches. I met up with an old flame and she said exactly this when we met up again. She was visiting my state, came over to my families house for a BBQ and then came home with me. On the ride back she made comments about how nice my family and I was. That made me angry but I bit my tongue. When we got to my place she said “where am
I sleeping”’. She dropped the axe right there and what I earlier confirmed.

She ended up sleeping in my bed but I didn’t try anything. But she took advantage of my families and my hospitality and under the guise she still liked me. She doesn’t. But of course she just had to call me “nice”.

[Opinion Owner]

*earlier suspected.

[nomazi]

Wait how is meeting up with an old flame taking advantage of you? Did you or her state you wanted to get back together or sleep with each other? It just sounds like she just wanted to get back in contact or touch with you.

The fact that you got angry from her complimenting you and your family is kinda scary. What would you rather her say?

[Opinion Owner]

@nomazi there is more context to the situation.

3 years ago we went on three dates. I know her through a group of friends. On the second date we made out and I got her shirt off. But she didn’t want to touch home plate and I respected that. But then she started acting flaky.

I ended up dating another girl for a year and I stopped contacting her. Then that ended a few months later we started chatting again. I told her I wasn’t “looking to pick up where I left off” but I didn’t want the friend one either. We did meet up again but she was acting different, less interested. I stopped contacting her.

Then I was back in my home state and she showed up by surprise. Her dog died and she was really upset and just wanted to travel. It was the 4th and I invited her to see my family. She’s a social butterfly type and got along with my family very well.

But after fireworks we were walking back and she made a comment to my brother and sister in law that “ do you mind if I crash on your sofa?” They didn’t say anything but I overheard it and I was really insulted. But I remember she had been drinking and could be ditzy. But as she saying this BECAUSE she didn’t want to go home with me? I had never been pushy around her. Ever. And this my family who were complete strangers to her. Then I asked my roommate who was with us to drive her car back to my place (20 miles away). I was going to give her a ride back in my car. She then sat in the passenger seat of her car while my roommate and I looked at her thinking “what are you doing? You aren’t you riding with Jason?”

[Opinion Owner]

She finally got in my car. When while she was riding with me she brought up the “nice” crap.

I wasn’t expecting to get laid that night. But she embarrassed me in front of my family. I don’t think she did it intentionally but subconsciously she just didn’t respect me and that “nice guy” comment was salt in the wound.

[nomazi]

How did she embarrass you?

[Opinion Owner]

@nomazi she suggested staying over my brother and sister in laws house who are virtual strangers. I would drive back to my house by myself. Embarrassed and rejected right in front of my family.

[Opinion Owner]

And not once did I hint around saying I was looking to get some that night. But she’s a year older than men. She damn well know enough that she made me look bad.

[nomazi]

So the only possible way that this could be insulting even the slightest bit is if she knew your relationship with your siblings.
It just sounds like you got upset for no reason at all

[Opinion Owner]

@nomazi I should of confronted her about it the next morning (calmly). I didn’t say anything that night because she has a few drinks. I mean she did hit me up out of nowhere in an completely different state. I was caught off guard.

Truth is I was just “checking the barometer” with her. Wanted to see if she will still interested and as it turns out 110% friend zoned.

She just came out for the experience of holiday. She sure as hell didn’t come to just see me.

I don’t expect sex from every girl I like, attraction isn’t a choice. But respect is. Her asking to stay over my brother and sister in laws place (who are complete strangers to her) was just disrespectful. She’s literally telling them that I’m a creep and doesn’t want to go home with me despite me NEVER doing anything and her hitting me up to begin with. She’s old enough to know better.

[nomazi]

No that was not disrespectful in the slightest. All she asked was if she could stay there. Nothing else. No “OMG he’s such a creep”. There isn’t nothing she should’ve know better. Geez you really don’t need to be looking for any type of relationship if you seriously thought that was disrespectful.

[nomazi]

Hun, you really need to stop looking for some hidden meaning behind every little statement, or you won’t have anyone for too long.

[Opinion Owner]

@nomazi alright I get it you have to chill out. But you got to understand I’ve had some real bad experiences before. Girls said and did things I just blew it off thinking it was no big deal. I was wrong. One instance I was cheated on, another instance I was used as a “placeholder” and She ran over with other guy w/o saying a word to me (After 3 months of dating) and last instance I was ghosted after 9 months of dating. In all those scenarios there were slights/signs like I mentioned above. But I told myself just to not care about it.

I never said a thing to this chic by the way. But I do know if she ever hits me up again I’m going to turn her down. And she will when she gets back in the country from her work assignment.

[nomazi]

Okay then

[sapphireruby]

I hope not
I think there is a fine line between being nice and being a pushover. Its not vary nice to yourself to let him cross you boundaries and disrespect you. Its also not vary nice for the guy ether because if he dose it again to a more assertive women he could get hit or worse.
I'm not always the best at asserting my self especially around people I don't know vary well, but I'm working it. Being a dormant is not nice, its just being an object.

[nomazi]

If you have to say you are nice, then you aren’t as nice as you think you are.
If you are nice, being too nice isn’t a good thing either; there has to be a balance. Being a push over, or bending over backwards for any and everyone isn’t good. Standing up for yourself, knowing when to say no, knowing when to give up (especially in toxic relationships), etc; that’s what will make you finish first.

[ColtonJHopkins]

Depends on the reason. If they are nice just because they are looking for approval and sort of expecting something in return for it then yes they do. But if they are that way because they are just genuinely a good person then they absolutely do not finish last.

[SpiderLady]

I actually have to agree. I've gotten into a lot of shit being the "nice" girl. I've always thought being pleasant, polite and proper was how you got people to like you. WRONG. Humans are greedy, we can't help but take shit for granted. That includes someone's kindness.

No, that doesn't mean you have to be a complete shitbag. You can still be a decent person and give where it's deserved, but you shouldn't let people walk all over you.

[stardust101]

I think girls that are too nice have no boundaries so that’s why people take advantage of them. And you’re right. It has everything to do with fear... speaking up. Once she lets go of the fear though, she’s then powerful and people will take her seriously. I don’t like bitches. I can detect a bitch from a mile away. I stay away from her as much as possible but I’m not afraid to deal with her when need be. I just prefer not to, I find that it’s wasted energy I can use elsewhere.

[DizzyDesii]

Nahh... The guys usually turn us into a freak in the sheets although we stay a lady in the streets. But sadly its easy to be taken advantage of if too nice. So get you a somewhat submissive man so that u can be nice without someone trying to run/control you

[allmeAMwhoIAM]

Yes I agree.. being nice all the time is a good sing that there is probably some kind of control issues in the relationship... nothing wrong with being nice as much as pos.. I do believe what energy u admit is often the same energy you receive in life so I always try to be positive.. Although a butt kisser is usually just that !.. FAKE.. and if there is one thing I dislike the most about a person it wld be that... u have to love yourself enough to drop the fear or worries and leave the person or.. like I say just be u... if yr honestly being you and someone doesn't like it they don't have to be around and there prob within is just that there problem!!!

[Sufferesin2000]

Awwww your are soo sweet 😘 i will never mistreat a nice girl nice girl like that. Inn fact ill be so happy to know you you love me😊 and me too ofcourse. I just can't be mean to girls i laugh when mean girs are mean to me and nice girls o my their presence cures my depression instantly i rarely curse , get mad etcetera. Those guys are full on narcissists , my heart would be overwhelmed to have you😊. Im sorry you went trough this.

[elite665]

I should hav hit only sometimes it’s the same for guys for me I finished last (kinda) only this year getting a established relationship but that’s because I was too nice I kept rejecting girl I did not 100% love cause I do not want to use them.
I mean everyone is nice to certain people it’s when you become so nice you do nothing wrong you are faces with a problem