The topic of men finishing has been a topic of debate for as long as I could remember. Lots of men bring up this topic, especially my male friends. But the same goes for women and it's way more common thank people think.
I've always been that nice girl in relationships, I go above and beyond to be loving and caring in a relationship. It's not always enough though. At the end of 2 previous relationships both men told me the exact same thing "haven't you ever though maybe you being too nice is the problem?". Which I never understood.
I think men view nice girls as plain and less challenging. Therefore we appear boring. Yet they run after women that play with their feelings, treat them like dirt and keep them wondering if they're loved or not. Yet they keep running after them while nice girls are left in the dust.
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+1 y
by the way this post isn't about me. I merely stated the experience I've had with this problem. Secondly, those 2 men were not bad guys with only good looks that treat women poorly. I merely stated what they have said to me. Furthermore they were not bad partners. This question is aimed at nice girls in general that are either not given a chance or left high and dry for the "bad girl" type. ✌
I disagree. I think that their is a trend of this to be sure, but I have never heard of a man saying he was breaking up with his girlfriend because she was too nice. Now its entirely possible that too nice meant you where unwilling to do something they wanted (or they assumed you wouldn't because you where the "good girl"), or it could be that they where not ready for a relationship (I find that most men who do not want a relationship generally go after the "bad girls", mainly because they seem like they are going to put out more then the nice girl (because when your not looking for something serious, sex is really all that your interested in)). I think many nice girls don't find a relationship because they are too passive i. e. women expect men to make the first move, do all the calling/texting/planning etc. in general, nice girls seem to be even more passive then the average woman i. e. their way of flirting is existing in the same room as him, maybe even daring to glance in his general vicinity. That most definitely is going to cause issues. I think also nice girls tend to gravitate towards assholes because nice guys also tend to be more cautious (and I think that its a small part of the issue with nice guys) because if he is looking for something meaningful then rejection by its nature is going to be a much more serious thing (a guy looking for sex won't care nearly as much because he had no serious intentions to begin with). So the nice girl is more likely to be approached by the asshole and she is less likely to signal strongly to a nice guy that she is interested thus magnifying the effect. Meanwhile the "bad girl" is far more out their with her flirting (in some cases you can't even call it flirting, its just blatant), and as such are more inclined towards her. Its also possible that its due to fear, mainly that she is the sweet girl and he doesn't want to "ruin" her. Though again, I disagree that men don't want nice girls, I think most do, its just under certain circumstances i. e. he wants a nice girl when he is looking for a relationship (and also its personality based). I personally have spent a long time looking for the nice girl because I can't stand the "bad girl"(entitled and "loose" to put it nicely).
Sadly many guys don't know what they want. We see many, too many guys complaining that all they want is a nice girl to have a relationship with. Those same guys will overlook a good girl for one they think that will bring more excitement to their lifes. In fact she will just bring drama and problems while the nice girl could give then an amazing adventure.
It's easy to confuse rush and excitement with love. Girls are to blame for this too. People tend to connect more or less with someone according to how that someone made them feel. And that feeling of adrenaline can be very enticing. Sadly what many people don't realize is that it fades with time. As time goes by that burning feeling goes away after that person is yours and you start to know them better. There is no more challenge, nothing more to discover and now the fire is out that person's flaws become notorious. And they are not nice...
Some discover too late what they actually want. That a nice girl will keep that fire burning and be a companion for life.
We shouldn’t base our way of thinking by these kind of experiences. The world Is not too dark or too white. If a man doesn’t see how valuable you are then he doesn’t deserve you anyway. It’s true that you see a lot of aweful bitches being chased by men everywhere but learn that usually the men who chase them aren’t really worthy, when they are attracting and valuable they turn out to be fuckboys, and they don’t want to settle down with a good girls ( unless they’re heartless jerks) so they date a bad girl because it’s easier to be a bad person with a bar person, and to cheat on her or they turn out to be plain, bland and lack self estime by loving being treated like dirt ( which is unattractive). Some women make the mistake to behave like the last man I stated, but men and women both want someone nice to settle with but not weak. You can be nice without being a doormat. You don’t want a bland, weak man who act like a doormat but you don’t want a selfish jerk. You want a guy who’s confidant, strong and seductive but with a sweet side. NSame with ( worthy men) they don’t want a bland, weak doormat girl, and they don’t want a selfish raging bitch. they want a confident, sexy woman with boundaries and who stand up for herself but who know when she have to be sweet.
Nice girls don't "finish last," they just often get taken advantage of because on top of kindness, they also tend to be people pleasers and non-confrontational, which often comes with the area of being somewhat insecure.
Women in society are often more empathetic, that's just our nature. We care about not hurting other people's feelings and sometimes are even conditioned to be the nurturers. Unfortunately, the wrong people take advantage of that and exploit it because they suck.
As well, we also have to consider that some "nice girls" are total pushovers. Not saying you are, but like I said, being "very nice" often comes with the territory of being non confrontational and a pleaser who likely doesn't have the guts to speak out and tell people off when they need it.
Having someone who cares is great, but every relationship, platonic or not, needs someone who can be straight with you.
"Women in society are often more empathetic, that's just our nature. We care about not hurting other people's feelings and sometimes are even conditioned to be the nurturers."
Then why do so many people think most women are bitches?
Lolaaf peoples who claim women are bitches are just stupid narrow minded misogynistic men ( not all men lol) these kind of retards are usually broke ugly men who want a blond 20 years old girl to suck them for free without asking anything in return cause if she do she’s a gold digger and she should love an ugly older broke man for his personality 😂 magic of internet
Lolaaf or you see their YouTube channels like “ how to fuck the prettiest girls of your town and make them opening their legs for you ” ( the clickbait is a sexy victoria’s secret model) seriously they have these kind of clickbaits 😂 and then they go telling you that women shallow gold diggers and complain of why they can’t love a man for himself.
I totally feel you, I've been through the exact same and I tell myself I must be a bad person and I wasn't good enough so try harder to please them but it only makes the situation worse. I tolerate so much shit off men and I get nothing from it but once I finally snap at them they find it exciting and a testing to them. Men naturally like to hunt for a challenge and they only want love if its torture to them and keeps them running around in circles, if gives them some kind of thrill.
I'm gonna get hate for this but most men talk total bs about wanting a nice girl who has natural beauty and he could take home to meet his family its such a cliche. Men want someone mischievous.
I feel you too, because I too have done the same. Decided to be bitch and weirdly enough it worked, had it wrapped around my finger, but eventually it made the situation worse just as u stated I gave up trying to be that way.
You won't get hate from me, I agree with u, even though they state many times they want a nice girl, they actually want someone mischievous. ❤
It's so frustrating and I feel I've missed out on so much by not ever having a natural, healthy, real relationship with a man beside my father, he's the only man I can ever rely on and trust.
I've been told so many times by men who rejected me "your the type of girl I'd see myself with in 10 years" fuck 10 years I'm not waiting that long for you to decide I'm good enough or men just completely writing me off for no real reason besides "Alice is just... Alice and I'd never date her if she was the last woman on the planet" whilst I've been nothing but kind to them and I don't care what they say I know I'm not ugly like they tell me.
Than there complaining about how horrible there girlfriend is but she hot and good in bed so it all good till 10 years down the line she's in her 30s and took the makeup off and too busy for sex, then he'll divorce her and self pity himself for the mistakes he made when he was younger.
@Alice2398 This is a trip. You honestly sound like a MGTOW. Not saying what you’re saying is good or bad, I’m just liking the contrast of hearing this stuff from women for a change.
"I've been told so many times by men who rejected me "your the type of girl I'd see myself with in 10 years" fuck 10 years I'm not waiting that long for you to decide I'm good enough". Omg- that's SUCH bullshit! I'm totally with you on that.
I think it's the same concept of girls being drawn to the "bad boy" types- they want someone edgy, exciting, fun, yet wild.
Whereas as "good girl" is seen as predictable and boring. I've had guys call or consider me a prude because I don't act, dress, or behave like I'm interested in sex 🙄
So by default a guy is going to go after a girl that's more challenging or wilder than a girl that has her life in order, or is more demure.
If it's any consolation, albeit small, the girl sometimes wins at the end! Guys come after us when they're ready to settle down and realize they want a stable, nice woman in their lives... after they've been with enough bad girls
The people who are the stable, nice, wanting to settle down whatever you want to call it always find eachother in the end. The 'nice' people just take longer, but find better longer lasting relationships.
bullshit. i'm a nice girl, but i can turn into bitch-mode when needed. i hope you don't let anyone use you as a doormat. if that's what you mean by "nice." a man that prefers an arrogant, stuck-up little girl is only attracted to the female version of himself.
@smg99 That going to depend on the guy. For me, one that just watches TV and is on social media all the time is boring. For others, one that doesn't talk much might fit that description.
Hmm interesting takes. Doesn’t social media if it affects one’s personality and perspective in reality, an interesting person? One can be passionate about their career and such experiences, but what if they give us patronizing advice on what we are doing with our lives’? At first they may be interesting but if every convo is on career it’s already killing me inside out.
As this works if both of you share career path overlaps. Then I suppose it’s difficult to walk the fine line.
Too naughty and we are viewed as irresponsible or risk taking. Too docile and career oriented is boring , too demanding and exacting plus career oriented is intimidating.” Lol no winners just chemistry ought to deal the cards :)
Eh, I like nice girls and I dislike girls who are not nice to me or play with my feelings because seriously who tf wants to spend most of their youth chasing after girls, I don't 😂. I'd rather spend my 20s getting a PhD then build a career from it. My romantic relationship should be a simple and effective support for the years I will spend in grad school training to master my craft (there's an alternative, that is to train like a monk, but I think the loneliness will crush me, so I prefer to have a stable relationship before going to grad school). Complex thoughts are for my work, simple thoughts and unambiguous moral principles are for my relationships. So I prefer girls who are straightforward, simple, nice, caring, loving, etc. and most importantly free of drama.
also, predictable = good (I like classical physics), boring = not a big issue, seriously how boring can a person be, as a kid I could entertain myself with math textbooks.
Wait I just have new flashbacks, yes it's entirely possible for a girl to be boring, though the term we use was `normie, NPC` they are not really gender specific, and these people are unironically nice too 🤔 What a dilemma.
"haven't you ever though maybe you being too nice is the problem?"... "... Yet they run after women that play with their feelings, treat them like dirt and keep them wondering if they're loved or not." ^^^... me Damn whatever guy has ever said that to a girl.
In High school I liked this girl who was pretty and sort of my girlfriend, but was not nice to other girls who talked to me, usually her period days ;) no offense, but thats no excuse. There are things girls just dont do no matter what. I did get angry with her several times, but didn't give up till the end. The problem is that there were other very sweet girls there that I wish I saw first. I just kick myself when I realize I could still be with one of them today.
I want a nice woman, not just a nice woman, but a really nice woman. She sees me, gives me a hug, doesn't let go, doesn't run away, doesn't stop talking to me and believes in Jesus :) .
While some boredom etc can set in, that's probably secondary. The primary issue is that a lot of us who are 'nice' put up with behavior that less 'nice' people would have dumped someone over within a month. So nice people are often just in relationships they really should have walked away from.
So my first suggestion is not to give less, but rather, to expect more back.
The secondary issue is 'boredom' but really being nice isn't actually a problem. What can be an issue is if you essentially lose your own uniqueness in trying to accommodate the other person. That can make you lose what they found attractive in the first place. So keep pu your own interests and be your own person. And when together, if you want to spoil them, go for it, but expect a lot back, and if they aren't willing, find a guy more like you who wants to give (and get) a lot out of a relationship.
Iam guilty of this i admit. Dont know why but bad girls make me excited, i find them more interesting as well. My girlfriend treats everyone bad, she is cold to everyone, she hates animals, she never had a pet even as a little girl. She can be arrogant, self centered, lacks empathy and she is agrressive, she has trouble to control her emotions, she sometimes manipulates with me, the list goes on but she is also warm hearted with me, passionate, fierce-tempered, unruly, outspoken, honest, smug, very confident, loyal, she never follow any rules and she never hold back in anything, she is brave and she always does whatever she wants and she doesn't care what will people think. Everyone else saw he as a bad girl and trouble but for me she was that beautiful, amazing gothic girl and i could not help but falling for her.
Different men like different women. Your girlfriend sounds a lot like my best girl friend. And I wouldn't want her any other way. Just because your girlfriend doesn't fall under the category of "good" or "nice" girl doesn't mean that she isn't "good" for you.
Here's the thing: being nice to a guy is totally okay; there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. BUT you need to make sure he actually likes you. You need to make sure he's actually interested in you in that way. This is where a lot of girls go wrong. They think they can win a man's heart with kindness, when in reality it doesn't work that way. He'll like you as a person (if he's not annoyed), but that doesn't mean that is going to translate to him being interested in you. There has to already be an underlying attraction.
True, the same goes for if a guy is nice to a girl, buys her flowers and treats her like a queen, it won't automatically mean she must be interested in return.
I think the thing with nice girls is that it seems to be synonymous with prudes or lacking sexual drive and interest. Nice girls are about pleasing, yes, but they don't go after what they want and/or be aggressive about it. So it's everything from how they dress to how they initiate sex. It's never daring, or seductive or spontaneous. They are too concerned about how their SO feels to the point they don't go after what they want. Men get bored. Men want sexy, horny and seductive women who will go after what they want sometimes and take charge while they are at it.
Read the last line in the photo, and I'd say to every 'nice girl' out there to continue being nice. The reason is simple, if you look into the lives of 'bad couples' they're nothing like in the movies. If a person isn't affectionate to the other or doesn't appreciate their affection the ultimate end, i. e marriage, for them will never work out, or so I've seen as the primary reason of a divorce. So although people who are nice may struggle at times and feel like they're the problem, in the end they will end up with the right person and live out their life happily.
There is a difference between 'nice' and 'boring'. Its the same problem "nice guys" claim to face. Often, people who view being nice to be one of their defining traits rarely have anything exciting or unique to offer. That might not apply to you, I just know that that is the case for many people. I used ti view myself that way but ultimately came to the conclusion that I wasn't exciting to be around.
Very true, extroverts are seen as exciting and many times nice guy/girls are usually introverted. But we are just as much fun and exciting in other ways.
No. Passive girls are at a disadvantage, but still don’t necessarily finish last. Taking control of your own outcome is what gets you better outcomes. The girl who is active in their pursuit will simply have more attention than other women simply by literally standing in front of guys more often and engaging with them.
Being “nice” doesn’t necessarily mean you’re boring. But polite people will probably say you’re too “nice” as a nice way of saying that you’re boring. Don’t mistake that to mean you should be a bitch.
If you think about it for 5 seconds you see how nonsense it is to believe that. Why would I want women who treats me worse? I wouldn’t.
It’s not that “you’re nice and therefore you’re boring.”
It’s more likely that “you’re boring and therefore you’re nice.”
All the nice girls I found are not fit at all. I’m after a fit woman that can still play a sport still at the age of 50. All I have found are nice girls but there not active for me and I don’t want that. Yes they tick some of my boxes I look for but not all of them I don’t compromise at my age sorry as I’ve was never happy before because I did just that and was extremely bored with nice girls sorry to say it. I’m after one that can excite me
I can't say that I've personally noticed any correlation between fitness level and niceness but even if there is one, don't give up! Nice, fit girls DO exist. :-)
Yes I have found nice fit girls out there but they still have ex boyfriends still around them trying to get back with them all the time. As the guy is not over the relationship she had with him. My girlfriend now having the same problem with her ex who is still trying to get her back after she’s with me now.
I chase a woman who has self-worth and doesn't let a guy into her heart easily, the chase is fun, it gets better the longer it goes, especially when things are slowly escalating, maybe the "too nice" you're talking about is letting them in easily? Because whether is it sexual or not, it kinda lowers the value of the prize they've been chasing.
Nice girls don't always let a guy in easily. Most of the time they just treat their partner very well. Plus in MY opinion nice girls often have a wall up more from the beginning then slowly let it down. But furthermore I fully understand your point of view.
I understand, in my opinion, a guy who has this attitude to think a woman is "too nice" is not a good partner and you're lucky to have found out sooner to let them out of your love life, what's exactly the point behind it? Other than being rude? He's wasting a chance of a lifetime for no sane reason.
I agree. I don't understand the point behind it. The same applies to girls that do this to nice guys. This is why most of us learn the hard. Most of the time people regret not giving a nice person a chance.
A lesson usually learnt too late, sadly :/ I hope you never run across some other guy like that, if you're a nice girl, never change for anyone ^_^ And make sure to dodge the bad ones haha
both sexes in general are fucking retarded and sabotage their own lives by seeking thrills rather than truth. even in relationships, thrill me or i'm gone! i've never met someone who i thought truly loved the person they were with.
nice girls are turned off by nice guys, at least more so than the other way around. This is why things like the PUA community exist; because the isolation can change people. This is not to say women don't get dating advice though, it's just much less needed it seems. I guess guys want to understand how to get with girls and stop being invisible/repulsive to them. And girls mostly seem to want to understand how to find the right guy, and/or get their guy to stay/behave better.
Nice guys want a home. Nice girls want a shelter. Any nice person can be a faithful, loving home. Not every nice person can also look like a strong, sturdy, large, pristine, weather resistant, well located shelter which shields and protects its souls from preditors
Being a nice girl is a good thing. That doesn't mean they are boring. Being boring just means they aren't interested in the same kinds of activities/hobbies that their guy is. They just need to find someone that has more in common than just physical attraction. They need more than that for a relationship to work and last.
Girls don't have to be nice though. In fact the threshold for them coming off as creepy is very high compared to guys. Their mistakes are much more forgiveable.
It's just if your guy is messing up, tell him. If he does it again, stop doing whatever little thing you usually do that gives him comfort until he straightens up. Let him feel your absence/seriousness that way. It's really how a lot of people any sex/gender learn.
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Anonymous
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+1 y
Nice girls are unicorns. Most females who think they are nice do the same shit as all the others. They try to change a guy, they are insecure and make that his problem and try to stop his natural fantasy, they segregate him from his friends (especially female ones), they play games and put us through shit test constantly, to appease their insecurities.
A “nice girl” who finishes last needs to break away from these common female things if they want a better outcome.
I like sweet girls. I think girls like guys that are confident and dicks are normally over confident. As for the guys, most of us like the sweet girls. And others.. i can't comment on those guys because I do not understand what they are after.
I am a nerd and I do come to this site either because I am lonely or for lustfull purposes. But we can't form a complete picture from the headline of a article. There are more to use.
I basically did form a picture with my statment. I like guys that are dicks and im a bitch because i can be due to the way i look and present myself, i think its pretty clear
Maybe we shouldn't box our selfs in. Maybe we shouldn't write our preferred partner’s specs in black and white. I have been attracted to girls that should be totally wrong for me. Like the movie title goes.. whatever works
Nice girls only finish last when they enter the wrong race Nice girls should live in a traditional life style, where they get married early and abstain from sex until then
You also can't race with the wrong co-driver. If he wants to drive fast and take short cuts, and you want to follow the rules and have a fair race its going to end up in a crash
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