Do nice people always finish last?

Question

Let's end the year with an interesting question:

I'm sure all of you have heard the old saying, "Nice guys/girls finish last." Not just in relationships, but the workplace, social media... why is that?

Ideally, we're raised to be good, thoughtful people. Yet along the way, those ideals seem to fall and it seems that if you're manipulative, lie, cheat, steal, or backstab others... you either get away with your actions, get promoted, get the girl or guy you wanted, or get attention and views.

Does that mean realistically it pays to be rude and manipulatively to get what you want in life? Or does it really benefit us to be decent human beings and work hard to attain what we want out of life?

Haha456 · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't necessarily say so. Unlike what society says, it actually takes social skills, charisma, a friendly personality to succeed in life. The secret to success in life is not being aggressive, hostile, backstabbing. The secret to success in life is knowing how to kiss ass, establishing cordial relationships with people, social skills, charisma. This is how you make connections. You're not gonna make connections by being unfriendly, aggressive, hostile, backstabbing. If people dont like you, you will not succeed. Bosses' promote those who they personally like, not people who does the job well, but they don't like.

However the opposite is true if you want to succeed in business. If you want to succeed in business, you're gonna need a bit of psychopathy. You might have to be cruel to your own workers in order to generate more profit. You lose money by being empathetic in business. Sometimes you might have to lie or fuck someone's life over to make a sale. I'm also gonna tell you that business people are some of the most evil, worst people on earth.

TenderFantasy · Accepted Answer

Sadly it seems like it. But then, I don't know where those bad people that take advantage or cheat their way to success store their conscience since it's definitely not at the forefront when they are committing such acts!

This is another big reason I stopped believing in God. He LETS too many bad things happen to innocent people or those who do NOT deserve it. Oh yeah he died for our sins? ! Then why aren't things BETTER in this world? ! More FAIR? ! Less cruel? ? ! A lot that did! And I don't care if people online or offline think badly of me because this is what I believe!

dynamicyandere · Accepted Answer

Earlier in my life I’ve been mistreated by people who took advantage of me being kind, accommodating, and ‘nice’.

Since then, I’ve learned how to set boundaries, enforce boundaries, be firm, be assertive, etc.

I’ve gotten into better relationships, it’s been easier landing jobs, and I’ve gotten multiple promotions at different companies.

Yet, I’m still gentlemanly. I open doors for complete strangers out of habit. I’m considerate of other’s feelings. I say please and thank you. I compliment others.

When nice guys or nice girls “finish last” it’s not because of them being nice per se. It’s because of something else: the lack of assertiveness and confidence and ability to be firm when you need to be.

You can be a confident and assertive lady or gentleman, and have lots of success in life.

So these people who blame their failure on being nice are wrong about that. Being nice isn’t the problem. It’s lack of confidence and assertiveness that’s the problem.

VanillaSalt · Accepted Answer

Kindness isn’t a metric for success. It’s a tool just like cruelty. You can use kindness or cruelty to be successful and the people that use them correctly are the most successful.

Success looks different for everyone. A woman that focuses on her career might see herself as successful while a man that’s uninterested in her career might see her as lacking based off what he defines success for her as even if he defines his own success as his career.

Success is what makes a woman drip through her panties for a man. Success is what makes a man desire you. If all you do is try and be what women want, if all you can say about yourself is your “nice”… you’re not gonna get far. Nice guys have this problem. Their not successful.

Kings. Be on your game and do you. If your not successful they won’t even look at you. If you are successful you won’t have to look for them. This goes for you queens out there too. If your not his kind of successful he’s not sticking around.

caring__1 · Answer

Nice people take the feelings of others into consideration, whereas there are many people who only focus on their own sense of entitlement. When selfish people push ahead, nice people generally just step aside, as they're more interested in how they achieve rather than how much they achieve. You may say that nice people finish last, but those who choose partners who feel they always must win will feel minimized by that superficial, self-centered partner. Quality will always endure longer and have more substance than quantity, yet our society seems to promote quantity over quality. Before choosing a partner, observe that person's patterns, and then choose wisely.

Summeroflove · Answer

It’s because there is a lot of bad people. Who use good people. People don’t have proper boundaries with people and get walked all over.

There is a way to be nice without being used and not allowing bad people into your life.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Not true. Confidence and determination gets what you want in life.

These are people who see where they want to be and will work to get there. These are people who won't allow obstacles or rejection to stop them.

Sometimes, especially from people who feel less fortunate; this can be perceived as being "disrespectful" or "unkind" or the so-called "bad boy".

The "nice guy finishes last" perception is shared by people who exhibit the opposite attributes from above. They lack confidence and determination; they fear rejection. They don't know what they want or how to obtain it. They believe being nice entitles them with a favor in return. We hear it all the time on this stupid website... "I'm so nice to her but she likes this bad guy". Yeah, as if being nice means you deserve another person's affection.

A genuinely kind person can move mountains if he believes in himself, knows who he is and where he's going.

lightbulb27 · Answer

sorta kinda.

It's really about "energy" and inner strength!

Nice people will get "rolled over", passed over, devalued, won't get paid as much as they should since they don't argue for themselves for better pay and "play the games" that get to a higher level. You have to be your own advocate, sales person, advisor.. because no-one else is going to do it. And this is a world with a lot of selfish, emotionally broken and poorly trained human beings, some of which are by personality... will intentionally hurt others and enjoy doing so. They love to push others down... makes them feel good. Let's estimate that at 10% but seems to be rising, maybe 20%. Others are just selfish. Then there's those who are submissive to the others in power... and they will end up doing "bad" as well because they don't have the self esteem and inner strength to hold to their values. Think of the holocaust and how Jewish people killed their own as example. Humans haven't evolved at all... you can read about humans in history!

So yes... until you have high self esteem, but with compassion and empathy, there's trouble. "Nice" will mean "weak" and weak people can do fine, but will get screwed and will draw the opposite energy which will use them.

Finish last... I wouldn't say last, but who cares about last or first... they will suffer.

But that does not mean to be something you are not. Be what you are, be nice, be considerate, compassionate, with empathy... but with high self esteem to guard yourself against others that don't have your best interests in mind.

NamerOfStars · Answer

Emphatically. Many people- most people, really- have quite a lot invested in the notion of their own powerless. The reasoning behind it is very simple: many parts of life in the world as it stands suck, but fixing them requires struggle, sacrifice, and hard work. If, however, there's nothing that can be done about those things, then you don't have to feel like a piece of crap for not doing it.

There are those people who do not care to revolt, but there are none who do not care to have someone revolt for them. As Chesterton so eloquently put it (when discussing Poland, arguably the avatar of the idea): "These critics commonly say that they are irritated with this romantic type because it always fails; so they are naturally
even more irritated when it very frequently succeeds. People who are ready to shed tears of sympathy when the windmills overthrow Don Quixote are very angry indeed when Don Quixote really overthrows the windmills. People who are prepared to give a vain blessing to a forlorn hope are not unnaturally annoyed to find that the forlorn hope is comparatively hopeful and not entirely forlorn."

Tell people that they should be kind to others even in the face of suffering and hatred, and they'll praise your idealism (while mocking you behind your back). But do so and succeed, and they'll outright hate you, because you're making them look bad.

MCheetah · Answer

No. Half of them never finish at all, and 40% of them aren't nice, but instead "Nice." Maybe 10% finish last. OH WELL!

Yes, disrespectful people and assholes get what they want more in life. Cause most successful people are disrespectful assholes, and good people let them continue to be.

However, in a world with corrupt morals, like this one, the strongest thing you can be is true to yourself and speak the truth. If it was easy, everyone would be "a good person" and it wouldn't have any value; it'd be expected and taken for granted.

In life, it is better to be the "good man" (or woman), then the "important man" (or woman.) There's probably some crap like that in The Bible somewhere or something. John 4:20 or whatever...

As for me? I used to be good. But then I stopped being a bitch and letting people take advantage of me (most of the time.) I still do on rare occasions, because going to jail for knocking their teeth out, isn't worth it at this age in my life. The whole "pick your battles" and "don't sweat the small stuff" bullsh*t. I still truly believe I am a good man, though. A calm, gentle, or fully confident man? No, not even close. But a good one? Yeah.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Depends on the competition. Since western civilization has embraced capitalism and competitive culture, those who are willing to do anything to win are regarded as “winners”. Since “second place is really just the first loser” in cultures like ours, you don’t have to come in “last” to be a loser.
Everyone wants to be associated with the winner. There are a lot of people who will argue that point, but there isn’t a stitch of empirical evidence to the contrary. Literally everything wrong with our society today is a direct result of people’s need to associate with who wins over who’s right.
Ask anyone who’s never beat someone else out how many people flocked to be their friend, let alone business manager or god forbid a lover. That’s just not the society we’ve created.
Nice people might not finish last, but they definitely never finish first.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

The misconception here, is that in the modern world, things like self care, personal goals, vacations, home ownership, retirement, hobbies, luxury possessions, love, sex, wants and desires, etc. are not valued by peers.

What was once seen as "expected compensation and basic needs ", is now seen as "self centered, manipulative, and greedy". So people have resorted to lying, cheating, or being assholes, just to get their basic needs and desires met.

Shitty wages, as well as demonizing emotions, biological needs, lust, and fun, is usually the root problem for this, so its not that nice guys finish last, it's that artifical competition comes from horrible social standards.

Purpleronnie · Answer

It’s a balance isn’t it , well that’s my view. You can have a strong morale compass and try to always do the “ right thing “ being kind and good as this has considerable reward however not always quantified but is this really what the world teaches us? We all appreciate how uneven things are and so can we really be blamed for wanting to bend things in our favour? After all does nice put food on the table? By evolution we adapt or die , the strongest survive etc hence the balance I believe. In this life we have to fight , get knocked down and then drag ourselves back up and keep fighting but all whilst keeping an eye on that compass making sure we don’t loose our path as At the end of our lives all we are is the sum of our actions. So in many way yes nice guys do finish last and maybe that’s the way it should be if by winning you have to lie , cheat and loose yourself along race to win !

ArtemisSilver · Answer

There are two kinds of nice. The meek and harmless nice who's nice because they're too weak or timid to be anything else, and the kind of nice that is a force withheld.

A person, particularly a man, should be capable of monsterous ferocity when justly provoked.

I for example am a cheerful muscular but chubby Dad who's usually very nice. The other day a neighbors dog whom we didn't know rushed my kids with unclear intent and I put it right in a gentle head lock. It calmed down thankfully but if it had tried to bite my kid there'd have been a crunch.

Be nice by choice not out of weakness.

Adaeva · Answer

Nice people are taken advantage of because, "He won't get mad." People don't attempt to take advantage of someone that will get angry.

Anonymous · Answer

The people I know who seem to get along are those who on the surface seem nice, but they're master manipulators.

I'm struggling right now with a narcissist guy that I work with. I have been nothing but nice and genuine with people I work with, but somehow he's managed to turn work colleagues against me with his smear campaign. His narcissist abuse cycles have affected me mentally and emotionally, but no one in work has any idea what he's put me through.

I can't sleep at night because I don't know how to deal with the situation. I'm an empath and just can't be mean or rude to people. Its not in my nature to be like that. But last night as I lay in bed I found myself wishing I was a narcissist 😕

Looksnicholas · Answer

Lol Peter Griffin meme, I don't think so, because it pays to look closer like that line or scene from American Psycho when he's peeing, to "look closer" says his bathroom photo picture of artwork inscription "look closer" I think it says 😁

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

Nice guys finish last in what? All these years, all the books i did read, psychology, philosophy, history, science and so much more, i do not get the statement 🤷‍♂️. Just my opinion, rude guys wins and nice guys loses, 🤣 what in the actual hell. Well! I lost a fight or two when i was a teen, lost a lot a games as a team (football ⚽) and basketball, lost tons of TDMs and so on. The worlds greatest winners in sport, life, business and so on and so on has lost so many times, does that mean they stopped being nice and changed to become rude to win? Once again! This statement is total BS, just my opinion

whirled_up_girl · Answer

It depends on the context. For instance at my job my colleagues will root for me and others who want to accomplish a career goal. They will put in a good word, have a celebration for an achievement if it’s for someone who is kind and respectful. If it’s someone rude or disrespectful, mostly radio silence.

SnowedIn · Answer

It's not universally true, no, but sometimes the nice people get beat down or shit on.

To your great question about whether it pays to be rude? Sometimes, objectively, yes. BUT, I'd still rather be a decent human than a rude or mean one. And if I have to finish last, so be it.

ChillaxingLove · Answer

You reap what you sow. That being said I don’t consider letting people walk all over you to be a kind hearted demeanor. There’s a difference between being polite and thoughtful and being a doormat and weak. I don’t care if your the president of the United States, you either respect me as a person or step off.

tfan1 · Answer

Unfortunately seems that way to me. I’ve been nice all my life. Call me a coward - I don’t like confrontations. Always been told it’s better to be a live chicken than a dead duck. I’m just not rude and aggressive or will break any law or rules.

aaron210419 · Answer

In this context you're referring to agreeable people. People that are more agreeable are taken advantage of because they usually avoid conflict and don't speak out for themselves. People that are more agreeable usually don't ask for raises at work, and they don't set solid boundaries in their relationships, romantic or otherwise.

XHopelessRomanticX · Answer

Being nice is not a bad thing, but being TOO nice is. It turns you into a pushover, or it ruins your ambition to participate in a competitive world.

Do nice people always finish last?

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