Why don't girls like nice guys, and how can I be less nice?
Lil' background: I'm a quiet, introverted nerd guy. Not the stereotypical variety: I dress normal, act normal, etc, even though I have a genius level IQ. Unfortunately, this allowed me excel in school without trying, even at the well-respected university I'm at now. I was also a late bloomer physically too, so needless to say, I've been at the bottom of the social ladder my whole life up until (and possibly through) this point.
Because of this, I find it almost impossible to be mean to girls. Guys, sure. In general I'm a nice person I'm not a total wimp.
My relationship history is basically rejection after rejection up until a few months ago. No need for details, but it's quite obvious to me I'm just not mean enough. "Mean" isn't a word people like to use for it, probably something more like "bad ass" or "bad boy" or "dangerous" or "mysterious" or "might try to f*** my sister when I'm out of town", but the idea is the same.
Just so we're clear, I'm not talking just about turned down date opportunities, those are expected and totally appropriate. What I'm referring to is that time period where you're first dating and you're basically scoping each other out for obvious things that would make the relationship not work. I f*** this up every single time. Most of these girls quickly move on to some other guy, often someone I know and someone I know is an awful person.
I think it could be because my affection for someone, which manifests itself as being nice to them, does not come across aggressive enough. It seems the successful formula is to treat her like shit and have sex with her whether she wants to or not, because if you treat her bad enough, she'll put out anyway and if you balance it just right, she'll keep coming back. I hate thinking of it that way, but my ladykiller friends do this all the time.
Then I think maybe I'm being overbearing, but ultimately I realize I'm not. I don't go saying "I love you", buy expensive gifts, talk about "our future" or any other creepy things I've been told some guys do. I think my dates have all gone pretty normally except for rarely leading to a second one.
Then I think maybe it's my confidence. I had issues with that in the past, but right now my life is going pretty well and I certainly feel pretty good about it and what I'm doing with it.
This applies to before the date, but sometimes I think I might come across as "too gay". I don't mean this in a derogatory sense to homosexual people, I'm open minded and have gay friends, it doesn't bother me when a dude hits on me, etc. But my interests don't include sports, I'm into Buddhism, yet not into shopping or shoes. I guess what I'm saying is that if I were to just list my interests out except for a few obviously masculine ones, you might have trouble telling if the typist was a girl or guy.
My questions are going to be in the comment section because I ran out of room.
Lil' background: I'm a quiet, introverted nerd guy. Not the stereotypical variety: I dress normal, act normal, etc, even though I have a genius level IQ. Unfortunately, this allowed me excel in school without trying, even at the well-respected university I'm at now. I was also a late bloomer physically too, so needless to say, I've been at the bottom of the social ladder my whole life up until (and possibly through) this point.
Because of this, I find it almost impossible to be mean to girls. Guys, sure. In general I'm a nice person I'm not a total wimp.
My relationship history is basically rejection after rejection up until a few months ago. No need for details, but it's quite obvious to me I'm just not mean enough. "Mean" isn't a word people like to use for it, probably something more like "bad ass" or "bad boy" or "dangerous" or "mysterious" or "might try to f*** my sister when I'm out of town", but the idea is the same.
Just so we're clear, I'm not talking just about turned down date opportunities, those are expected and totally appropriate. What I'm referring to is that time period where you're first dating and you're basically scoping each other out for obvious things that would make the relationship not work. I f*** this up every single time. Most of these girls quickly move on to some other guy, often someone I know and someone I know is an awful person.
I think it could be because my affection for someone, which manifests itself as being nice to them, does not come across aggressive enough. It seems the successful formula is to treat her like shit and have sex with her whether she wants to or not, because if you treat her bad enough, she'll put out anyway and if you balance it just right, she'll keep coming back. I hate thinking of it that way, but my ladykiller friends do this all the time.
Then I think maybe I'm being overbearing, but ultimately I realize I'm not. I don't go saying "I love you", buy expensive gifts, talk about "our future" or any other creepy things I've been told some guys do. I think my dates have all gone pretty normally except for rarely leading to a second one.
Then I think maybe it's my confidence. I had issues with that in the past, but right now my life is going pretty well and I certainly feel pretty good about it and what I'm doing with it.
This applies to before the date, but sometimes I think I might come across as "too gay". I don't mean this in a derogatory sense to homosexual people, I'm open minded and have gay friends, it doesn't bother me when a dude hits on me, etc. But my interests don't include sports, I'm into Buddhism, yet not into shopping or shoes. I guess what I'm saying is that if I were to just list my interests out except for a few obviously masculine ones, you might have trouble telling if the typist was a girl or guy.
My questions are going to be in the comment section because I ran out of room.
Updates
+1 y
Ladies: What's the real deal with not wanting to be with a nice guy, even if it isn't the fact that he's nice but something related to being nice? How can I be an asshole without being too much of an asshole? Guys: if you've experienced
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