I'm writing a romance novel. What are some arguments you would find interesting to be examined and resolved?

[AmandaYVR]

[SamIam96]

A few that come to mind.

• Past vs. present: one partner insists the other's past (ex: an old love, a criminalmistake, family feud) defines them; the other argues people change anddeserve a fresh start.
• Secrets vs. honesty: a withheld secret (health, child, identity, job) creates tension — is omission betrayal or a protective choice?
• Career vs. relationship: ambition pulls one away (relocation, long hours, risky opportunity); the other wants stability and togetherness.
• Duty vs. desire: family obligations or cultural expectations conflict with personal happiness (arranged match, succession, religious rules).
• Forgiveness vs. justice: after a wrongdoing (infidelity, betrayal, crime), should the relationship seek reconciliation or demand accountability and consequences?
• Independence vs. codependence: one character needs autonomy and growth; the other feels abandoned and demands closeness — balance of self and we.
• Truth vs. loyalty: choosing between telling a truth that hurts (exposing corruption, revealing identity) and protecting loved ones by staying silent.
• Fear of vulnerability vs. longing for intimacy: past trauma makes one emotionally closed-off; the other wants deeper connection and must decide how far to push.
• Trust vs. control: jealousy, surveillance, or rigid rules clash with the need to trust and allow freedom.
• Idealism vs. realism about love: one believes in soulmate fate and grand gestures; the other prefers practical, sustained partnership — which view sustains a relationship?
• Youthful impulsiveness vs. cautious planning: different life stages or temperaments lead to clashes about timing (kids, marriage, travel).
• Artistic freedom vs. commercial success: a creative partner wants authenticity; the other pressures for stability and mass appeal.
• Family approval vs. personal choice: disapproval from parents or social circle forces a choice between filial duty and the relationship.
• Social status vs. authenticity: one hides humble origins or past poverty to gain status; the other resents the performance and wants realness.
• Health vulnerability vs. caretaking: chronic illness or disability introduces power shifts and arguments about burden, identity, and sacrifice.
• Different moral codes: opposing ethical views (e. g., whistleblowing vs. protecting a company) put lovers on opposite sides of a conflict that tests their values.
• Timing mismatch: missed windows (one ready, one not) create pressure — wait, move on, or compromise?
• Privacy vs. transparency in the digital age: disputes over sharing relationship details, social media boundaries, or using each other’s devices.
• Parenthood choices: whether to have children, when, or how to raise them (adoption vs. biological, discipline, schooling).
• Cultural assimilation vs. heritage preservation: immigrant or bicultural partners argue over which traditions to keep and which to adapt.
• Pick one as the central conflict and layer others as secondary tensions (e. g., career vs. relationship + family approval + timing) to raise stakes and allow growth; resolve by making both characters change in believable, specific ways rather than by one simply conceding.
  
  

[SamIam96]

Thank you for the MHO

[worldscolide]

It depends on the genre..

For example I'm very into romantic fantasy (swords and sorcery types) and one of the things that I've not seen addressed very well is longevity issues. For example an elf human marriage.. How in the hell would they deal with one partner only being a blip in the others life span..

But again I have no idea what kind of fantasy you're writing.

[AmandaYVR]

Yeah, I don't write fantasy, I'm writing contemporary romance, but you make a good point, that genre would bring up some different issues.
There's only one requirement for romance, and that is that it has a HEA, Happily Ever After, or at least a HFN, Happy For Now, so people who like fantasy primarily may be okay with endings where the relationship doesn't last, but romance fans definitely want that, lol.

[worldscolide]

Same here. And if there are any explicit scenes in the book they can't be meaningless.

For example there is a genre called "romance for men" and if the characters don't at some point exchange the phrase "I love you" or something very similar, I lose interest. Not into meaningless stuff, not into men with multiple partners, or women with multiple partners. Or casual sex. I'd that makes sense.

[AmandaYVR]

There is? Holy cow. I've done so much research and learning about this and I've never heard of this genre. Wow wow wow.
Yeah, same, I like stories of depth of just two people.

[worldscolide]

Romance for men is kind of like "swords sorcery and heros" with romance and a small amount of spice thrown in, told from the male point of view.

A lot of them follow the male hero fantasy. There are thousands upon thousands of them on Amazon Kindle.

Some times it involves monster girls.. (fantasy race and human male) like goblin girls, or elf maidens, or kitsune (female fox spirit with a human form) or neko girls (cat girls), the list goes on.

A good one, or rather my introduction to it was an author named Jaz Primo and his sunset vampire series. Where a female Vampire named Katrina rescues him as a child. And she protects his mom and him both from an abusive father. Later on he is a college professor and he falls in love with her. Unlike the evil blood sucking kind (she still sucks his blood, but with his consent only) and they aren't undead like like traditional vampires, she's still warm blooded, her heart still beats, just immortal, and very allergic to the sun. She wants to keep him human as long as possible because she gets to see the world through his eyes. It's literally the one of the only female Vampire human male romance type I have ever read that didn't turn into porn. There are two others that I have, that are similar. It's so freaking rare.

[AmandaYVR]

Yeah, fantasy romance is the hottest genre right now. It's really not my thing, I'm almost like an uber-realist. I just find the details of real life to be already chockablock of stuff to interpret and deconstruct.

One thing I don't understand is why females mostly want to read about a female protagonist.
I wanted to write a romance focusing on a male protagonist, and write from his POV. But I slowly decided through the course of writing that I found Third-Person Limited to be the one for me. And that allows me to have dual protagonists and go inside both of their heads.
But it's baffled me that women aren't more curious about the male POV.
It makes sense the romance geared toward men is primarily another genre like fantasy. I guess this means that men also want to read from a man's POV? Aren't people bored of their own? lol The world is so much about relatability now. At least, this is what I hear about the money producers behind projects that get made. They think it increases odds of success.

[worldscolide]

I actually prefer reading from both pov's, a lot of what I read feature both. That having been said, it's been my experience that men suck at writing women, and women aren't great at writing men.

There are a few outliers like a favorite author of mine Lindsay buroker, and one Erin Flynn. Both do really well with writing both.

[worldscolide]

Another favorite type of mine is the evil to good trope and the enemies to lovers trope.

[4ngelic]

random ideas, probably most of them are bad:

pregnancy related drama (like man or woman tricked the other into creating a baby, surprise baby/ies, in the delivery room 4 came out & they don't have money), horrible sh or suicide attempt after a fight/in front of partner, one partner is hellbent on believing their partner cheated on them when they really didn't, the guy who was once a great loving respectful person starts to become abusive and horrible for some unknown reason & the woman tries to figure out why and make him change, crazy stalker ex causes problems, parents oppose them dating/marrying and they have to decide if they should break up or not, child dies & they blame each other, one of the partners has a horrible secret but there's breadcrumbs and the other interprets them as cheating or not loving them, man doesn't show any emotions & woman believes he doesn't love her so she tries to break up but the guy actually really really loves her but he can't express affection well, guy is too possessive & jealous, man got really mad one time and lost it and beats up his girlfriend or was completely out of it (like high, psychotic episode or very drunk) and violently sa'd his partner but he would have rather died than do that if he was in his normal state - And he feels really really guilty and tries to fix up his partner and make it right, thinking the other cheated - they cheat only to learn that the other never cheated on them, woman hates herself and spirals into anorexia - the man can't get her to stop starving herself, man is quite hurtful to his girlfriend without realizing it causing her to spiral into self destructive behaviors and eventually suicide - she survives but he has to reckon with the fact that it's all his fault, man is secretely bi, one of them is secretely trans, interracial relationship but one is actually very racist, man is traditional and conservative & the woman is liberal and feminist, man blames woman for miscarriage, women is forced to cheat by a blackmailer or rapey boss - guy finds out she cheated but doesn't know/believe it's non consentual, one of them has a hidden dirty past

[WhitneySnow]

It always creates tension when the girl wants to balance her desire for a career and independence with her feelings for her love interest

[Anonymous]

Love ,
one sided love.
Girl choosing someone god from the start and having a better relationship, in place of going for the toxic guy.

The ugly guy winning for a change like Quasimodo.
Arguments i don't love you- I know but I do, I am waiting for you for a life time.
Argument P1 to be an active part of P2 no time to themselves. No private time.
Like a dog...
But P2 needs more space.
Argument religion Vs atheist when children are introduced.

Please I beg you don't put cheating, adultery, I just hate that shit. No romance with someone else.
You can show they get jealous of something.

[AviatorTom]

She wants to get a dog and he doesn't. Can lead to some interesting discussions.

He wants to have a threesome, she's not sure.

She just got a promotion but has to work closely with a handsome single guy. He's a little jealous.

[AmandaYVR]

I was going to do the dog topic! I even wrote a chapter about how they acquired the dog (a dramatic story), and a conflict they had over training/philosophies of discipline, and I do like those chapters, but I've got a word count issue and I decided I don't have room for a dog as well. (Plus, it limits me on schedules and being free to stay overnight elsewhere, etc.)
She has a cat, and so the topic of differences is discussed, and it is a point of tension, lol.
Alas, I cut it and put it as a possibility in a next book, if there is one on these characters, which is questionable.

Too early for threesomes. They have their hands full with each other lol.

Yep, I've got other platonic men in the mix.

Thanks, Tom!

[exitseven]

The guy is a real loner. He has been on his own most of his life and never had to be responsible to anyone other than himself. Then he finally finds love but his old life keeps getting in the way.

[AmandaYVR]

Ooh, I really like it. 👏🏻

When you say "keeps getting in the way" do you psychologically/mentally?

[exitseven]

I bet you didint think I had it in me.
He has trouble adjusting to a life where he suddenly has somebody that he is responsible to. He just cannpt take off for the weekend without telling anyone

[AngryCarl3]

I want her to decide what she really wants in a partner. Maybe make it a love triangle and she has to choose between two men. One a soy boy who her parents want her to marry. The other a Yeti who wants to whisk her away to the Himalayas.

[AmandaYVR]

No triangle, and she really wants him, but the Yeti-Himalayas story would certainly be new, lolol.

[AngryCarl3]

How about they fall out over politics? He is pro-life and she wants an abortion.

[Anpu23]

One of the biggest current misunderstandings in modern thought is the mismatch of emotional response. How different genders deal with emotional impact. If you want to explore a long standing mismatch and key source of frustration in modern dating that is a fascinating subject.

[AmandaYVR]

Very interesting.
Could you expand on that?

[Anpu23]

Sure start with my mytakes about toxic masculinity
Men's Emotions And Toxic Masculinity ↗
I am not broken. ↗
On Men’s emotions and toxic masculinity part 2: ↗

[Iron_Man]

There’s so many different debates and possibilities the ladies going out with their friends all girl groups while the boyfriend sit at home and the boyfriend doesn’t like it

[_Jenny_]

@AmandaYVR he doesn’t have a job and he can’t pay rent

[Anonymous]

I think something related to miscommunication or unresolved emotions

[AmandaYVR]

Right. What kind?

[Anonymous]

I like it when she is being dominant, in every possible way..

[AmandaYVR]

Yes, the topic of dominance is going to play an integral part of their story.

[AmandaYVR]

Well, not 'dominance' per se, as I would call it, but deconstructing powerplay.

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds interesting ;)

[beenherebefore]

Interracial or interfaith relationships.

[objective_calendar]

The "We were on a break" thing

[Marissa4]

I enjoy them. Or podcast to.

[FenixG45]

I have a doozy for you!

[AmandaYVR]

Hit me!

[FenixG45]

@AmandaYVR. NOT here. Signal, Telegram, TeleGuard

[MasterKS]

sexual conflicts.

[AmandaYVR]

Yes, I've got those. A large part of the story is based on those differences.