Boyfriend didn't wish my mom a happy birthday? Should I be mad?

[Anonymous]

Mom's birthday is today! :)) We bought a cake and sang happy birthday. I got her a beautiful set of jewelery...

All is good :))

A little q: I told my long-distance boyfriend about my mom's birthday and that I'll be very happy if he called and wished her a happy birthday. He said "Sure, I will". It's 8 pm now and he didn't call

If he didn't, should I be angry?

P.S. he knows my mother when he met her last summer and always says he likes her alot.

Updates

+1 y

He always says he wants to make me happy and will do anything. This would make me happy. Mom is sick and I would love to see her happy. It means so much to me this silly phone call & he knows that.

Updates

+1 y

True Phoenix1991..the right word is disappointment not angry :) absolutely right...

Updates

+1 y

I am disappointed because I told my mother he'll call :/

Updates

+1 y

An upate for you guys: I texted him ast night as you all said..briefly..i said "you forgot about a little thing that means a lot t me"...he didn't reply until after 10 pm saying sorry he forgot and if she's awake he can call her..but that's bull**** it was

Updates

+1 y

10 pm! said ave a good day but if you truly care to make me happy as you always say..it was a little thing that takes 2 min out of your time..you would have set a reminder...anyway..he apologized many times...and I woke up to apology messages..

Updates

+1 y

ppl here telling me to ask him to wish her a belated birthday but I don't think so...because who wants to do smth and make his loved one happy he should use his brain himself...and maybe he doesn't wanna call..anyway I'm disappointed

[ArtistBboy]

Gonna be blunt and short:

- It's small "disappointments" like these that make men HIGHLY interested in "Giving up" and "moving on".. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience.. If I didn't do something "perfectly" and followed through on my "every word" then she'd get butt hurt..

It's a simple birthday for crying out loud.. They come every year. You'll see plenty more of them, just like he will, just like your mom. Unless your "looking" for a reason, like many bodacious babes "to filter out the surplus of hot guys roaming around in your life", then I suggest you DON'T find stupid reasons to instigate a potential argument.

Re: Updates - I hate to say it, but you are acting out of line. I can relate to the hurt your feeling, I can relate to all of what you've said.. Been there. The problem is that your turning this into a relationship problem. That's YOUR fault, not his. And as such, your risking the relationship (like I've said, time and time again)... Really, I seriously, honestly, intuitively think that you should accept his appollogy and just "pray" that he does something to make it up to you and your mom. Guys ARE very forgetful.. Is that right? No. Definitely not.. But your making this your own personal issue by taking it so personally.

~ ArtistBBoy

[Asker]

So, that's y I said "it would have made me happy but nevermind, it's ok". Although people here are telling me to tell him to wish my mum a belated birthday but I think I'll let go..what do you think?

[martyfellow]

That wasn't a small thing, or she wouldn't BE upset about it.

[ArtistBboy]

@Marty - By my standards, that's infinitely tiny compared to other things that could take a greater presence of an issue.

@QA - Do what makes your heart feel happy, that's what I say. Just make sure that you are conscientiously aware that you're putting an unnecessary strain on the relationship. You could easily "forgive and forget" or make a card and have him sign it, for your mom. Sure it doesn't hold the same meaning, but it's a way of compromising the hurt emotions and the task at hand.

[Brando]

I think you have a right to be upset at the situation. I'd let him know that he disappointed you by not calling your mom for her birthday. He could've gotten busy and forgot about it but still, a phone call wouldn't have taken that long. If you are going to talk to him sometime today, ask him if he's called her yet. Or you could say something like "So what did my mom say when you called?" as a way of asking if he has or not.

[Asker]

I live with my mother and I know that he didn't call her. I think he forgot and I trusted him that he will so I told my mother he'll call you on your birthday to make her happy. My bad..I guess I shouldn't have said anything...

[Brando]

Try calling him up and asking why he hasn't called yet.

[Asker]

I think it's embarrasing to take a "happy birthday" out of him. He promised...

[Brando]

From what you've said about him before, he gets busy at times. I'd give him a call about it, for your mother's sake

[Asker]

What should I say in the text message?

[Brando]

Just say something simple like, "Hey just reminding you about calling my mom. It would really finish her day out happy if you called and wished her happy birthday."

[Anonymous]

Hey Sally, sorry I missed this question. I was out with my mom and new step-dad to be all day yesterday so I didn't even get a chance to reply to all of the messages I have waiting for me. As of right now, I'm taking a break from GAG and I'll come back whenever, if ever, I want to. Just know I still <3 you.

Anyway, why are you asking us if we think you SHOULD be angry? Are you angry or aren't you? I know this is after the fact and your boyfriend clearly hasn't called, so it's probably best to forget about it. He is only a man, he makes mistakes. He forgets. I'm sure he knows your mom and obviously her birthday is a big deal. But birthdays aren't a big deal when you're older. Why pick ONE day to celebrate being alive? Shouldn't you be happy for each breath you take every single day of your life?

Anger is a secondary emotion anyway. It's easier to be angry than to realize WHY you're feeling angry. It's because you're disappointed in him. He let you down. But it was just a phonecall. I know your mom is sick, but hasn't he always supported you? Shouldn't the log-run count more than one tiny slip-up?

Just something to think about.

[Asker]

I'm not going to split up with him, Tia. It's just that I want him to call her since he'll be far away for a long time and I thought a birthday is a good ocassion that's all. & ys, he let me down.

[Opinion Owner]

I know you're not going to break up with him, that would be neurotic. But I'm just asking you to look at the bigger picture and let the little things slide. Tell him to call her and apologize for not calling and wish your mom a happy belated birthday.

[Asker]

I'm not asking him anything. He should use his brains for once. It should be something he wants to do, not like I'm forcing him to do it. So, if he phoned mom, that's great, if he didn't I'll let go.

[heavenonearth]

Happy Birthday to your mom :)

Yes, it's totally understandable that you're disappointed he didn't call to wish her. I'm sure you've done it already, but just text him remind him to do so, since I'm sure he didn't not call on purpose. Even if it's a belated happy birthday wish, it's better than nothing. Let him know you wish he would've remembered though, that way next time he'll hopefully make it a point not to forget. Don't worry, from what you say he sounds like an overall great guy, I'm sure he didn't mean to upset you.

[heavenonearth]

That's too bad :( He really should have called. Well, yeah I don't think you should have to be the one to keep telling him to call her. Maybe he'll take some initiative and call himself, perhaps apologize for not calling sooner. He knows he's upset you though, so hopefully next time he'll be more on top of things.

[Asker]

Thanks dear for the happy birthday wish :)

[Asker]

I don't think he'll call for a belated birthday wish. I don't think I should make him do that, what do you think?

[heavenonearth]

Of course :)

Yeah, he really should be doing that on his own, but perhaps you could hint at it? Hint that he can still wish her, only because it would mean a lot to your mom.

[Asker]

Nah..I don't think so..i won't force him to..if he wants to make me happy then he should do it. Plus honestly if he even called her for a belated birthday it won't make a difference to me ..mom is so sweet..i talked to her last night..she told me not to be upset of him and let go..

[heavenonearth]

Aww, well that's sweet of her. Well, if it's not going to bother her too much, then yeah, just leave it be. It's unfortunate he disappointed you though.

[Asker]

No, it won't bother her too much..so, I'll leave it as you say...but what makes me disappointed is knowing that it means a lot to ME and he messed up.

[heavenonearth]

We all make mistakes, but don't let him off easy. I think you've made sure he knows this meant a lot to you, so hopefully next time he'll try a bit harder. Accept his apology, and forgive him for this for now, because what's done is done. I'm sure he's realized he messed up, but perhaps he'll make it up to you somehow.

[Asker]

He keeps sending messages saying he feels very guilty and that he's so sorry. I said "It would have made me happy but nevermind, it' ok" . Well, I don't think he'll call or do anything to make it up..he'll just keep apologizing which is lame..but you said I should forgive and move on..

[heavenonearth]

Well, at least he's sorry about it. I'd reply to his texts and say something along the lines of "It's okay, just next time please don't forget about it". If he decides to make it up somehow with a call or something, great, but if not, I'd just move forward.

[Asker]

Thank you so much Nitya ..really :))

[heavenonearth]

It's no problem at all Sally =)

[Cool-Relax]

I think you're taking the whole "he wants to make me happy" idea a bit too far. Wanting to make you happy doesn't mean that he won't forget things. It was a simple mistake. If you take things like that so personally, your relationship won't last. He said that he was sorry and would call your mom, and that's really all he can do to make it up to you. What more are you looking for? Holding a grudge against him for this will only hurt your relationship.

[Asker]

Well, you're right. That's why today I said "It would have made me happy but nevermind, it's ok"

[OlderAndWiser]

Don't get concerned about "who is right and who is wrong." That doesn't matter. It's a compatibility issue. He isn't interested in these things but they are important to you. This is no different than "he likes country music and I can't stand country music."

Can you live with someone who neglects such details? If so, perhaps it is the price you pay, and remember that he makes compromises and pays a price to be in a relationship with you, too? You just need to ask yourself if you are willing to live with this the rest of your life (because expecting him to change would be stupid) or would you rather end it and look for someone else.

[The-Romanian]

I didn't even bother to read what others have posted on this just because of your updates.

Your problems always seems to stew into something like this from something so little, and petty.

- It's your mom, not his.

- You two a long distance, not local.

- He has things going on you don't know of, or he just didn't want to talk to her.

- You being his loved one doesn't mean to do things at the snap of a finger for him to keep you in a happy mood. Because from other questions of yours that you've sent me, it's normally things that start from your end, not his. You just escalate them to this point that you've harped on it as long as you do. And then you switch it around to where he needs to think he has done something drastically wrong, and needs to turn into some apologetic bullsh*t.

My serious question to you is, if you have this many petty problems. Why are you even in this relationship? It appears that you seriously knit-pick at any little thing. And then try to make him feel like he has done something wrong.

Or is that it? That you knit-pick purposely, to get him to where he feels like sh*t, and apologizes to you, thus making you feel like you're wanted and that the long distance relationship isn't a waste?

[Asker]

I'm not sick to do it on purpose :) but you've got a point. For the reasons you've said, yea it seems logic that he wouldn't call. BUT I didn't ask him to in the first place..I was just saying it's my mom's bd and he voluntairly said he wants to call to make me happy...i was happy and didn't even remind him because I thought he was honest that he'll calll. Why say he will if he didn't want to? that's the q...for the petty things, you're right..but it ain't one-sided..he makes a fight with me if

[Asker]

someone ommented"lol" on a fb status of mine. We don't have such fights when we're together but long distance is pressuring on the relationship. It' very difficult ..lots of misunderstandings and petty fights...Another thing, sure I want love not guilt..so I wouldn't twist things to make him feel guilty...I'll tell ya smth..at the beginning, if he did smth that really made me feel upset I didn't say anything but there would be resentment inside...the thing is now I say it out loud to him..

[The-Romanian]

He probably said it subconsciously. Without a thought, and it just came out with the conversation. He could've meant to tell her happy birthday from him. But "I'll call her" came out instead. People do do that. And then he just didn't feel like arguing about something so petty, and just did the apologetic route.

[Asker]

I didn't understand that. I take words seriously because when I say smth I really mean it. but you could be right really. I just thought he really really meant it...so, it's like telling someone I'll buy you a gift, I'll buy you a gift...then you don't...so, why y make that offer from the beginning? I do trust and believe in what people say

[The-Romanian]

You can't compare it like that. Because it's nothing like that. He probably thought of saying one thing, but what came out of his mouth was completely different and he didn't catch it. Just like when you type something, you're thinking one thing, but sometimes you end up typing something completely different and you don't catch it until you re-read it prior to sending or afterward.

[Asker]

I don't think like that so I don't get it. When I say smth, I mean it. Why promise smth when you don't want to do it? It needs someone on the other side who don't take things seriously so wouldn't care if you did/didn't do it. But I do take things seriously.

[The-Romanian]

You don't think like what? It's not a matter about thinking a certain way. Just an error in things getting outputted differently than what was initially from the source.

You can't say you've never made even the mildest of errors. If you say you haven't, you're full of it. Because you say you "didn't" ask him to call your mom. But hinted at it.

And why are you on here asking people about how you should be feeling? You should know how/what to feel. It's your relationship. No one else's.

[Asker]

I feel upset about it BUT I'm asking Should I be? because if I'm exaggerating things I'd like people to tell me. that's all

[The-Romanian]

Well, imo, you are exaggerating this. You're angry because he didn't make a call. Just drop it. As it will only cause further problems.

[Asker]

Thanks anyway :)

[Hyleck]

Your boyfriend is long distance and has only met your mother a handful of times? It seems weird that you would force such a situation onto your boyfriend. He probably thought it was a little weird because it is.

It would be different if he came over on her birthday but to call? It's your mom's birthday, not yours.

[Asker]

I hoped he could do it himself as I did to his little bro...because I thought we were family..

[Undoubtable]

Strange of him to forget it, but I'd bet he's kicking himself for it. Sometimes, though, men screw up with very, very bad timing. I'll add my voice to the chorus and say that you shouldn't take it so personally, and you should tell him that you expect him to make a belated congratulation to your mother, with some serious groveling to boot.

[Asker]

well, I'm not asking for a belated bd congratulation. It should come out of him.

[Undoubtable]

If this sounds harsher than intended, I'm sorry, but make a note of it that it was your mother's birthday, not yours, so although she shouldn't have to pay for your boyfriend's lack of initiative, she shouldn't have to pay for your pride either.

[Asker]

Well, I asked him for a belated birthday. He was so mean to me but he called. He said some words that shouldn't have been said and now he's punishing me by silent treatment for pressuring and touching his pride. But, anyway, mom was happy to hear his voice. Yet, it's not fair at all to punish me with being like that...

[Undoubtable]

I'm glad she got called. But when you say he said words that shouldn't be said, was it to her or you? Also, how did HE end up angry?

[tyt_2012]

:D

Nah don`t be angry but it`s your right to be upset and dissapointed. I would be if my boyfriend did that.

Just ring him up and ask him why he hasn`t called and tell him that your mother was looking forward to it and that it would make her happy because she`s ill.

[Asker]

isn't it embarrasing to take "happy birthday" out of him

[tyt_2012]

No, it`s not! Just text him and ask him what's up, after all he said he would.

[Juliana7]

I agree with Phoenix1991, it's disappointing to know that even though he likes your mom, and even though he says he will do anything to make you happy...he actually didn't do a simple call when you asks him.

We don't know the reasons for his behaviour, but if nothing justifys it. I'd talk to him, and would let him know that it hurt me and I didn't expect such attitude.

Good luck.

[Asker]

Well, he's messed up at lots of things now "as he says" but still he said that sure he'll call as long as it makes me happy & that he's willing to do anything. You know, Juliana, worst thing that I told her he'll call you mother and she was happy. My bad..I trusted him

[Juliana7]

awww omg she kind of expected his call...this is sad.

you need to have a real discussion with him :(

[Asker]

I can text him now and remind him but that's too lame. He promised and I shouldn't be taking a "happy birthday" out of him...

[Juliana7]

agreed.

[Asker]

So, do you think I should remind him or not?

[Juliana7]

yes, I think you should.

[Asker]

What should I even say in the text message?

[Juliana7]

hi (name), it's about 8pm and it seems your forgot to call my mom.. (remember I asked you to call her right?)... Maybe you had a busy day, but it's important to me that you do it, you know how much my mom means to me, so please call her if you get this message today.

And I hope to talk to you about it later...''

I'd say something like that .

[Anonymous]

I think that you can't ask someone whether or not you should be angry. You either are, or you aren't.

If it were me, I would want to know why he didn't call. I'd be a little bit angry, but you've got to pick your battles in life and relationships, and I'm not sure that this is one that I would get too upset about.

[Asker]

You're right for sure. I'm not too upset but it's smth that would meant a lot for me and he knows that and he always says that he wants to make everything that'll make me happy.

[Opinion Owner]

I think that he messed up. People do that. You know that, I know that. I can tell from your other questions and answers that you're a reasonable person. I think that, if he does this kind of thing all the time, then it's something to talk to him about. But if this is atypical behavior, then I'd say to let it ride.

[Opinion Owner]

P.S. Happy birthday to your mom! Sounds like you gave her a great day. :)

[Asker]

You think I shouldn't even bring the subject and let go?

[Asker]

Thank you dear! you are so sweet :))

[Opinion Owner]

No, I do think that you should bring it up, but not in a confrontational way or anything.

[Asker]

I guess he forgot and wouldn't even bring the subject again. I am disappointed because I told my mother he'll call you :/

[Opinion Owner]

Man, I can see why you're let down though. Cause your mom thought he was going to call. It's definitely something that you should talk to him about. It's one thing if he didn't call you. But your mom... . I can really see where you're coming from here. Please update and let us know what happens.

[Asker]

I am truly disappointed. I trusted him and told my mother to make her happy. My bad I guess...I shouldn't have said anything...

[Opinion Owner]

Do you think that you can call him to remind him before it's too late?

[Asker]

I can but I won't...It's embarrasing to keep asking him for things..I'm not that type...and if he wants to do smth then he should do it. He promised too.

[Opinion Owner]

Understood. Are you happy in the relationship overall?

[Asker]

I love him very much and he's in love with me too. Although we're long-distanced but we're devoted and in love. So, what do you think I should do?

[Opinion Owner]

I think you should call him to gently remind him because your mom already thinks that he is going to call.

[Asker]

It's like taking a "happy birthday" out of him...

[moaterboat]

Until you talk to him and find out why he didn't call, don't be angry. He may have a legitimate reason, or he may have simply forgotten. If you haven't yet, go ahead and send him a quick text. It may be a little awkward, but in a relationship it is better to fail on the side of too much communication rather than too little.

[martyfellow]

There's no excuse for this, if he doesn't have 2 mnutes, and doesn't have a REALLY good reason like emergency appendectomy, apologies are not good enough.

I'd make a terrible girl friend.

[Asker]

hahahaha

[internet_guy]

he might be busy or something...just speak to him and tell to him you were expecting his call,

you need to know his side of the story too

[Asker]

Should I text him now and remind him to call? isn't it embarrasing?

[Phoenix1991]

no you should be disappointed, but not angry. If he doesn't call then talk to him about this next time you see him or hear from him that this hurt you.

[NerdInDenial]

He might have forgotten. It happens. You can either make it a big deal or ignore it and move on.

[Asker]

He always says he wants to make me happy and will do anything. This would make me happy.

[Yriuqni]

I feel the same .. even worse :) .. me and mother bought a Christmas gift for my boyfriend and he didn't even bother to say thanks .. tomorrow is Christmas , if he won't at least wish me anything .. I ll most probably have a huge fight about it :)

[Anonymous]

no ones perfect. he didn't make a happy birthday phone call to YOUR mom. that's fine. if it was HIS mom thts a diff story. but its not. you also don't know what he's up to because you're in a long distance relationship. hell just because happy he's still with you even after you get crazy he didn't say hppy birthday to YOUR mum.

[Cailleach]

It's your mother. He shouldn't have to wish her "Happy Birthday". And who cares? It's just a birthday. Get over it.

[In_Trance]

Aren't you a little old for this?

[bhall20]

That's weird.