Am I stupid for being upset that my boyfriend didn't acknowledge my birthday?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. We've been long distance for the last year.

Last year, we were fighting a lot around the time of my birthday and he ignored it, no call, no text, no email, no card. We finally spoke again a week and a half later and he apologized, said he felt horrible for ignoring it. Still never did anything, just said happy belated birthday.

This year. We haven't been fighting or anything, things have been okay. A month before my birthday, he asks me what day it was again, to remind him. I keep mentioning it over time, talking about plans. So he definitely knew it was coming. We were texting like normal all the way through the day before my birthday and then my birthday hits. I get no text, no call, no email, no card, nothing. Again. I haven't heard from him since the day before my birthday (8 days ago).

Why would he do that again after what happened last year? I made it obvious that his ignoring it last year really hurt me.

Am I stupid for being hurt?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for answering. I was making sure I wasn't overreacting. I still haven't heard from him, yet I checked to see if he'd logged onto yahoo just to make sure he was okay. He is on. So I know he's okay at least. I probably won't be very nice when we do talk. Do you think this is a sign we should call it quits? I just feel like I don't matter at all.

Updates

+1 y

Finally heard from him last night. Apologized profusely, said things like "You're too good for me". I told him it felt like he was trying to get me mad so I'd ditch him. He said no, he said sorry some more. Once said "I don't deserve you as a friend." I didn't respond well to that one and he just kept saying sorry and he didn't mean to make it worse. We talked for a while after that. We're both going through a lot. I don't really know what I feel at this point. I didn't forgive him, I don't know

[Anonymous]

Because men like to push and see how far they can get. All guys do it, but him doing it on this occasion, is really almost unforgivable. He is being petty, and seeing what he can get away with, how you are going to react. there are a few ways you can deal with this, but an important question is, do you still love him as much as you did a year ago, or even at the beginning? Is it worth pursuing this if he has done it twice, even though he knows how much it means to you and how upset it would make you?

Me and my boyfriend had a fight last year about him thinking anniversaries are stupid, but he still took me to a restaraunt on the day, because he knew how important it was. I was really grateful when he did.

Are you grateful when he does things like that for you? Maybe he feels like there's no point

[why-makoto-kun]

Not all men do it, but you're right about the pushing. It's so hurtful and immature, selfish to the point of almost-sadism. Why Men Love Bitches, a book that had mostly bad points and a few good, discussed this phenomenon and I was like, "why do I want to date again?"

[datingadvice]

I would be mad too! I always get mad when boyfriends or guys I"m talking to forget my birthday. I think if they really cared they wouldn't forget. I know I'm really good at remembering dates so I've never forgotten a birthday or special day for someone but if I did I'd expect them to be mad at me too.

[datingadvice]

Maybe. You've told him once and he didn't change this time around. I'm not sure I would stay with him. Are there other doubts you are having about your relationship?

[Asker]

I'm tired of this kind of stuff, feeling like I don't matter. And the long distance thing is really taking its toll. I just can't imagine NOT being together, he's the only boyfriend who really seemed to care. But noe I just feel more like a chore for him than a pleasure.

[datingadvice]

I hear ya. I've been in your place. Long distance is hard. Message me and we can talk more :)

[Prof_Don]

Imo that is a flagrant 2 foul (nerdy NBA reference!) that your boyfriend committed...if he wants to keep you.

If he really cares about you, after being together for 2 years AND knowing how you felt last year about him forgetting...he should make sure that he knows your birthday (especially if he uses Facebook regularly).

I get maybe, MAYBE forgetting the day if he's extremely stressed or swamped with responsibilities. But over a whole week later of no response?

He may be emotionally checking out of this relationship, QA. There is imo no other explanation for this flagrant-2 level negligence.

[justrandomlymadethis]

No, you are not stupid for being hurt. How unthoughtful of him. You seriously need to have a talk with him, because he isn't appreciating you like he should.

[Prettygurl12]

My boyfriend keeps better track of when my birthday is than I do, so I'd say it's a red flag for you and you have every right to be upset.

[celestialdaeva]

No. You have every right to be hurt and down right pissed.

[Anonymous]

No your not. I would have been severely angry if my significant other "forgot" my birthday. Or an anniversary for that matter. It shows they never cared or payed attention to anything about you.

[why-makoto-kun]

He is being lazy and probably isn't into you. He may be acting like a jerk on purpose to get you to break up with him so that he doesn't feel like being "the bad guy."

I'm sorry. :( You're not stupid or overreacting in any sense at all.

[why-makoto-kun]

Girl, when a guy acts like a huge jerk for such a long time, then apologizes profusely, he will likely do it again IMO, and he's likely sorry for himself. When you have to point out that a guy did something that hurt you, then says dramatic things like "I don't deserve you as a friend," it sounds fake and forced. Seriously, even of he isn't a bad guy, he doesn't seem to like you very much and is way too inconsiderate/immature for a relationship IMO. I would cut my losses and run.

[why-makoto-kun]

When similar things have happened to me (guy being completely selfish, and 100% satisfied until I pointed out how wrong he was, he cried for himself, etc.), I let guilt and pity for him leave me unhappy and trying to work it out longer than I should have, but my feelings were way past gone o'clock. I have no more patience for being patronized and manipulated. So, I hope that gives you a better perspective on things. I hope that you do whatever makes you happy.

[Anonymous]

no you're not stupid. that's pretty messed up on his part.

[idontknow88]

Not that's perfectly reasonable. He should recognize that the one day a year you are supposed to feel special he should acknowledge it. You should ask if why he didn't talk to you.

[idontknow88]

I say you should confront him in a calm matter about where his head is at. And after that you can decide if you should stay together.

[jokersgirl]

No, you are not stupid. He sounds like a douche

[jokersgirl]

definitely call it quits

[Nathand]

no.

get him coal for his b-day.

[why-makoto-kun]

Hahaha! Love this!