Girlfriend is constantly sleeping and I think she's overworked. Please help?

[Anonymous]

i know she's been really tired the month because she works extremely bizarre hours at her job (waitress & bartender in the same place). for example... she could work 4pm-12am and then again 6am-2pm and this will happen many times a week. sometimes her boss calls her in after her 8 hours to work another x amount of hours for overtime and because nobody else really can (live in a very small town), she ends up having to 9.5 times out of 10

cuz of this she's really exhausted. like me, she's also in school doing her masters degree on top of all this work she has. at first she managed it very well but then her hours just kept increasing all the time and it's so hard to find jobs in our area, and we actually have to drive about 35 minutes to our university cuz rent is much cheaper & affordable where we live

every time i come home from my job or the gym or wherever, she's always sleeping. or if we have time to be with each other (watch tv/movies, play games, etc) she'll always end up falling asleep or barely able to keep herself awake by late afternoon or early evening

yesterday, since it was the weekend, i went to the gym in the morning and we were both awake. i was gone maybe 1.5hrs and when i came back she was back in bed sleeping again. later in the evening we were watching some new movie we found on tv and not even 20 minutes after watching she laid her head on my chest and immediately fell asleep

couple times before that she was very woozy and often would look stressed. she's been at work all day today and i can't imagine how badly she's gonna wanna sleep when she gets back at midnight (almost 6:30pm now)

no i'm not mad but im wondering what she should do. she obviously can't quit school and she needs to keep her job but her boss refuses to listen when she says she's being over worked and doesn't have much time for anything except work and school

[sawno]

I am glad you posted this, because i am currently in a burnout and if your girlfriend is currently not capable of feeling energetic after a good night sleep (Even more alarming if its 2 nights of good sleep) that means she is destroying her body! Stress and exhaustion go hand in hand, her sleeping a lot isn't problematic though as her body is doing its normal function and compensating for all the work she put in. But definitely help her keep an eye on how well that function remains working because if she isn't capable of balancing her workload with the amount of rest she has she has to STOP. And stopping is the only solution that can reverse this issue, if she refuses to stop eventually she would reach a point of total collapse that will take her months if not years to recover from (Currently 2,5 years in myself).

There honestly is only one thing she can do if it is to much for her, and that is sacrifice these things that ultimately do not mean as much as her health. She'd have to let some of it go. Because if she would not give them up, she will eventually be forced to by her own body.

[Anonymous]

I had a relationship with a workaholic.
It sucks.
She gave everything to her jobs and I just got the half asleep zombie of a girlfriend that was left over.
Then she started cheating with coworkers and just saying she has double shifts.
I would not want a girlfriend like that again.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I agree with other posters that she should talk to her boss, cut her hours down. I also agree that maybe something else could be going on with her or her body/health. My daughter attends college, works full-time, dances for a dance troupe so practice and two times a week and also teaches a dance class once a week with offers to teach other classes. Yet she manages to find time to do other things and isn't always falling asleep.
Sometimes we try to overextend ourselves. We have to listen to what our body may be telling to tell us and scale back a little.

[DorkVader]

You have to remember that we always have time and energy for our passions. Sounds like your daughter really cares about dance, and that's why she mas made it a priority. His girlfriend is working a soul sucking job. The two hardly compare. Also, good for your daughter finding her passion early on!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@DorkVader
My daughter also gets called in to her job a lot because she doesn't know how to say no.
She works for a Culver's and worked 24 hours in 2 days.
Still wasn't falling out. I agree dance is her passion and hopefully someday she can work doing what she loves, but right now she works a job that leaves her little time outside school and dance to do much else, because she lives alone and supports herself without the help of a boyfriend. So it's not all dance, all fun.

[DorkVader]

I wasn't downplaying your daughter's busy schedule or ability to work, I was suggesting that having something fulfilling to do with her time outside of work is motivational. I think OP's girlfriend is depressed on top of overworked. Nobody can sleep the clock around like a depressed person for real

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@DorkVader
On that I totally agree. But if she's in school is that not her passion? Don't people choose their major by what theiir pain is, what they want to be in life?
So, maybe there is other issues going on like you said

[DorkVader]

School isn't always about passion, sometimes it's a necessity. My cousin went to be a nutritionist. She attended school and struggled her way through 2 semesters of chemistry and biology. She made it with tutors and many many study sessions, but had she been trying to work, things wouldn't have worked out for her.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@DorkVader
But unfortunately some people do have to work as well as go to school to provide a living.

[DorkVader]

I'm worried her grades will slip! If this place isn't her future, she needs to stand up to her boss or find another job. In my state, you have to have something like 8-12 hours between shifts (I forget the actual number). She is pending too much time working, how is she getting her studying and papers and shit done? Something is off. I understand why she's so tired, just not why she is working herself to death

[jennifer_bloom]

If you plan on marrying this girl then she is worth the wait - once she graduates with her degree she can make enough that she can quit this job permanently.

[CandyCaneZoe]

She probably should stand up to her boss. If she's overworked because he cant' find anyone else to cover those shifts, it doesn't sound like he can afford to lose her. If she quit or got fired, that sounds like he'll have trouble finding someone else.

[Rob19777]

i stopped reading half way through. it's a real simple solution. she needs to talk to her boss and tell him or her she needs her hours to be cut down or cut back because of school and if he or she (her boss) doesn't let her then she needs to quit and find another job one that will accommodate her school schedule

[Stan83]

You can’t manage her life for her. Just try to be supportive and if she is asking for help, you will find solution with her. It’s only a period of your life, it will get better soon.

[OGxtra]

Does she really need to work so much? If it's possible to reduce her hours at all I believe it would benefit her health regardless of monetary loss ! Better to be happy and healthy rather than mad and wealthy !

[Walrus_au]

Support her, look for ways to help. This won't be permanent. Maybe have a gentle (not accusatory) chat to her about your concern for her, ask if there is something she can think of for you to help with.

[LuWe22]

Why does she need the job? Can't she find something else?

[AmeenKA]

Find her another job, or take her under your wing.

[jonesin4u]

Sure she ain't on drugs